12. Ellie
It’s been a week now since the proposal, and it’s been total chaos ever since. Even though the wedding is going to be low-key, with only a small group of people attending, there’s still a lot of planning to be done.
And the most confusing, overwhelming part is not being able to tell what’s real and what’s just for show. By default, I tell myself to think of it as part of the performance, but sometimes, when Cedrick touches my shoulder or laughs at my jokes, I think I see something more below the surface.
“Ellie? What do you think?” my sister-in-law Liza asks, showing me one of the bouquets in a row of flower arrangements we can choose from. Liza is helping with the flowers, Vivi is helping with the menu, and Bella is helping with the dress.
There are so many relatives and sisters-in-law to remember that it’s a strange adjustment, especially since it was just me and my mom growing up. But having three other American Black women as my new sisters, even if it’s just on paper, certainly makes the adjustment easier.
Even if it feels like I’m tricking them.
“Oh, yeah, this one’s really pretty. I love it. Let’s do that one.”
“Good, that’s my favorite, too.”
Liza and I pick out a bunch of other things throughout the day, like a band, DJ, cocktails, and about a thousand other tiny details that I never even thought about, much less thought I would have to choose.
Liza puts her arm around me at the last stop of the day, the cake store. “You nervous?”
I smile at Liza. “A little, yeah. Can you tell?”
“Not one bit,” she says, winking at me. “But it’s normal to be nervous. I know I was.”
“It just kind of doesn’t feel real. I mean, I’m getting married? It’s such a big contrast to how my life was not that long ago. Things have changed so fast.”
“But for the better, right?”
I pause longer than I’d like. “I think so. But it’s been such a whirlwind, I’ve barely had time to think about it.”
“The nerves will go away,” Liza says. She has a piece of cake in her hand, and she nudges it toward my mouth.
“God, this is delicious. Lemon and… what is that?”
“Ginger. I think they copied it from my bakery, actually.” Liza laughs a little. “Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.”
In two days, I’ll be eating this cake for real with a group of people I barely know, except for Dr. Myrna Shane, my mentor. And we’ll be toasting my marriage.
Two days. Two days.
After that, I will officially be Mrs. Vanecourt. For a year, at least.
I peekout of the window at Cedrick’s family all seated on either side of the aisle, and suddenly it’s hard to breathe. The venue is absolutely stunning, flowers everywhere, every detail planned to perfection despite the short amount of time we had.
It feels completely irrational to be nervous and yet I am. I close the curtains and walk back to the mirror, admiring myself.
The stylists did an amazing job with my hair, which is in a nice updo, with a dainty veil flowing behind me. My dress is simple but elegant. Mermaid style, with lace details and an open back. It’s gorgeous, and it makes me sad that it’ll only get worn once.
A knock sounds at the door, and in walks Liza.
“Oh my goodness, look at you!” She’s beaming, and her upbeat energy makes it hard not to feel instantly happier.
“You like?” I ask, spinning around in a circle for her.
“Are you kidding? You look like a damn queen!”
I giggle, my nerves slowly leaving me.
“Thanks. Just a princess, though.” We both shake our heads. “Cedrick hasn’t seen me yet.”
“The way it should be. His jaw is going to drop when you come down that aisle.”
“The aisle… Oh, God, I had a dream last night that I tripped. What if I trip?”
“Oh, come on, you’re not going to trip. That’s just your brain trying to fuck with you.”
“I had another dream the night before where I was walking down the aisle, and I just kept walking and walking, and it never got any closer.”
“Oh, my God, I’ve had nightmares like that before. But seriously, you’re freaking out over nothing. Neither of those things are going to happen.”
I sigh. “I know, I know.”
Another knock sounds at the door, and the rest of my soon-to-be sisters-in-law spill in.
“Are you ready? You look amazing!” Bella says.
“Thank you! Is it already time?”
“You’ve got a couple of minutes,” Vivienne says, shooting me a reassuring smile. “Cedrick is already out there.”
My stomach drops at hearing that. I make my way back to the window, but Vivienne grabs my arm before I can reach it.
“Uh-uh! No peeking!”
“But…”
“No! I’ll guard the window if I have to!”
I can tell she’s serious, so I sigh and back away.
“Trust me, you’ll thank me later,” she says.
I take a deep breath, willing my heart to slow its beating down.
“Okay, it’s time! Bella, you’re up first. Then Vivienne, then me,” Liza announces.
“Then you,” Bella says, shooting me a wink.
I smile at her and take the bouquet she hands me. The three of them grab their own bouquets, open the door, and walk out into the hall. I follow them until we reach the back door.
The music starts up outside, and Bella slips out. After a moment, Vivienne follows her.
“You’ve got this,” Liza says before walking out.
I close my eyes and count to five. At three, I put my hand on the door. At five, I open it.
I pause once before walking down the short steps and down the aisle. As I walk, I do my best to ignore the fact that everyone is watching me. I’m not used to being the center of attention like this.
When I see Cedrick, a calmness settles over me. For some reason, looking at him makes all the nerves go away. Instead, I just feel excited. Excited for this journey we’re about to embark on and all the happiness it could bring me.
Somehow, in all of this wedding madness, I forgot that I’m doing this for me. I’m going to have a baby, and that baby is going to have an amazing father and a huge family that loves them. There’s really no reason to be nervous.
A smile spreads across my face, and Cedrick’s face lights up upon seeing it. I find myself walking just a little faster, and my heart is beating like crazy from the excitement.
I know this is just a contract marriage, but the look on Cedrick’s face almost makes me forget it for a second. All of this just feels so real.
Once I arrive at the altar, Liza takes my bouquet, and Cedrick reaches out his hand, helping me up the steps. The music stops, and the wedding officiant begins speaking.
I don’t hear a word he says. All I can do is stare at Cedrick and try to remember to breathe.
“Cedrick, do you take Eleanora as your wife?”
“I do.”
“And Eleanora, do you take Cedrick as your husband?”
“I do.”
“Then I hereby pronounce you husband and wife. Cedrick, you may now kiss your bride.”
Cheering ensues, but it all fades away as Cedrick leans in and places his lips on mine. I lean into it, my hand making its way to rest on his chest. He places his hand on the back of my neck, pulling me closer.
I don’t want it to end. I know it’s not real, and yet I can’t pull away. Our lips move faster, and soon enough, I’m breathless.
We should stop. People are watching.
But maybe just a few more seconds won’t hurt.
He tastes so good, so familiar, like I’ve kissed him a million times before. I can’t get enough of that taste.
Finally, I force myself to pull away. Cedrick’s deep blue eyes appear brighter, almost like they’re sparkling. The cheering registers again, and I realize it never stopped.
Cedrick and I just stare at each other.
“What do you say, Mrs. Vanecourt? Are you ready to head to our reception?”
I smile, secretly enjoying the way that sounds leaving his mouth.
“I’m ready.”
And I am. Ready to go to the reception and celebrate. Ready to start this next phase of my life. And above all, ready to embrace the unknown.