Chapter 36
“ I t was an accident,” Harper started.
Joni shook her head. “I was the reason she was in the accident. I texted her to tell her I was running late. She was reading the text when… when it happened. The police told me. Luke knows.”
“Joni,” Harper laid a hand on her arm. “It wasn’t your fault.”
“If I had just waited. I knew she always checked her phone while driving. I should have known not to text her.”
Harper shook her head. “Karen was running late, too. You couldn’t have known that. You didn’t make her pick up her phone. You didn’t make her car drift into the other lane. You’re not responsible.”
“Two little words. ‘Running late.’ They seemed so important at the time.”
“Between you and Luke and your misplaced sense of responsibility…” Harper shook her head.
“Neither one of you is to blame. Neither one of you is responsible. It was a terrible accident. Nothing you did or didn’t do caused it.
You have to understand that. And blaming yourselves isn’t helping anyone.
Is that what Karen would have wanted? The two people who loved her most in this world wasting the rest of their lives blaming themselves for her death? ”
Joni shook her head, brushing an imaginary speck of dust off the album in her lap.
“Blame doesn’t heal anything. Acceptance and gratitude do.”
“How can I be grateful that my daughter is dead?”
“You can be grateful that she lived.”
Joni nodded slowly. “It makes sense, but how? How do you stop thinking about the loss?”
“It’s not easy, but what’s the alternative?”
Joni glanced around the room. “Point taken. ”
“Joni, there’s no amount of grief and guilt in the world that will change the past. What matters is what you do now,” Harper said, stirring sugar into her coffee.
“So what does ‘now’ mean for you two?” Joni asked. “Does Luke know you know?”
Harper shook her head. “It’s not a conversation we can have while he’s gone. I don’t know what it means for him, for us, for me. He tells me he can’t love me. I didn’t understand why before. Now that I have a name for it, for her, I don’t know if I can live in her shadow,” Harper said.
“Is that what we’ve been doing?”
“Maybe you’ve been living in the shadow of her death.”
“It’s amazing how much can change in a morning.” Joni sighed and picked up a coffee mug. “I just don’t know how to let go of the guilt.”
“Well, maybe you can start by letting the Garrisons back in?”
They started with breakfast at the diner with Charlie and Claire. And it gave Harper hope to see slates wiped clean and what was once a strong friendship begin to rebuild.
She wondered what Luke would think if he could see his parents talking about chickens with his mother-in-law and for once was glad he wasn’t present.
Joni might be ready for a fresh start, but there was no telling what Luke would be ready for.
She decided to put it out of her mind. There was no point in worrying about what she couldn’t control. She was relieved to head back to the office on Monday and distract herself with work rather than all the reasons she shouldn’t panic about what Karen and Joni meant to her future with Luke.
She was plowing her way through her to do list when her desk phone rang .
“You’d better send another crew over here ‘cause I’m about to walk off the job,” Frank bellowed through the phone.
“What’s your problem now, Frank?” Harper asked, rolling her eyes.
“My problem? My problem is this idiot lackey didn’t bother showing up to work today, and now I’m down a pair of hands for drywall.”
“Does you calling him an ‘idiot lackey’ have anything to do with him not showing up?” she asked mildly.
“Just get an extra pair of hands down here now,” he growled and disconnected.
Harper sighed and hung up. She brought up the week’s schedule on her computer.
Every crew was swamped. They had managed to hit critical points in several projects at once, and while that was good for the bottom line, it made the logistics tricky.
She dialed a few of the foremen and got the answer she knew they would give. “Can’t spare anyone until next week.”
She scrubbed her hands over her face. Well hopefully Frank wasn’t going to be too picky about what pair of hands showed up.
She hopped out of the car at the job site. Frank was overseeing the addition of an in-law suite on the back of a cute little bungalow for the Delanos. Garrison had built the home ten years earlier, and now that Mr. Delano’s mother was getting a little lonely, they wanted her closer.
Harper had looked up the plans before she left the office. The addition was going to be a large bedroom with a sunny sitting area and bathroom and good-sized walk-in closet. There was even a private back porch accessed through a set of French doors.
She tugged her ponytail through the back of a Garrison baseball hat and grimly set her shoulders. Time to deal with Frank.
“What the hell are you doing here?” he demanded from where he was wielding a pencil over a sheet of drywall on sawhorses.
“Nice to see you, too, Frank. I’m your extra hands. And before you start complaining,” she held up said hands as a warning, “I’m literally all you’ve got. None of the other crews can spare anyone.”
Frank swore colorfully and rolled his eyes heavenward. “Why me?”
Harper ignored him and looked around the framed-out addition. The insulation was in, and the cathedral ceiling was, thankfully, already dry-walled. New windows had been installed, making the whole space feel bright and airy.
“This is really good work, Frank,” Harper said, poking her head into the bathroom.
“Of course it’s good work. I did it. Why does everyone always act so surprised?” he grumbled.
Harper hid her smile.
“Well, if you’re the best I’m going to get, we might as well get started,” he sighed. “How much can you lift?”
It turned out it wasn’t much, but it was enough to help Frank tackle the walls. Harper was sweating in minutes.
“Bet you’re missing your desk now, huh?” he snickered as Harper huffed and puffed trying to hold an eight-foot sheet in place.
“Can you screw a little faster?” she gasped.
“That’s what she said,” Frank said, nimbly moving the screw gun around the sheet.
“I’m sorry. Was that a joke you just made?”
“Oh, now don’t go getting your undies in a bunch over a ‘that’s what she said’ joke. If you can’t take a joke, you shouldn’t be on a job site.”
Harper snorted and stepped back from the wall. “I’m not offended. I’ve just never heard you do anything but whine and complain. A ‘that’s what she said’ joke is pretty impressive. ”
The rest of the morning passed in a blur of insults and heavy lifting.
Frank showed Harper how to cut drywall using a T-square, her foot, and a utility knife.
“Not bad,” he said, rubbing his grizzled red beard as Harper triumphantly snapped a sheet in half.
“Let’s put this up, and then you can take me to lunch. ”
They finished up that afternoon. Harper dumped the dustpan in the garbage bag. “If you’re good to go, I’m going to head out. I have some stuff to catch up on at the office.”
Frank nodded. “I guess you did okay today.”
“I’ll take that as the glowing compliment you meant it to be.”
“I heard you talked to Joni Whitwood this weekend.”
“Did you also hear what I had for breakfast?” Harper rolled her eyes. “Yes. I ran into Joni, and we talked.”
“How is she?”
Harper tried to gauge from his expression what his interest in the topic was but came up empty.
“She’s doing okay.” She slung her bag over her shoulder.
“She’s had a rough time. Her and Luke.”
Harper nodded.
“It looks like Luke’s starting to do better what with you and all. It’d be nice if the same could be said for Joni.”
“Do you know her?”
He looked at the toes of his boots. “I used to. A long time ago.”
She waited for him to continue, but he went back to checking the lid of the drywall mud.
“Will you need help tomorrow?” Harper finally asked, digging her keys out of her bag.
“I’ve got the mudding covered. You can go back to sitting on your ass behind a desk.” The rudeness was there, but it sounded softer somehow.
“You’re welcome, Frank. I’m happy I could help, too,” she quipped on her way out the door.