Chapter 4
Sebastian
I liked the way Devon drove. Yeah, it was a strange observation, but it was true.
San Francisco traffic was always kind of a bitch to deal with, but Devon easily navigated his big truck along the narrow, crowded streets.
He didn’t curse or mumble shit under his breath if someone cut him off, and he never once reached for his cell phone to play around with it.
Like Rick always had.
The two men were complete opposites and the more time I spent with Devon, the more I wondered what the hell had ever attracted me to Rick in the first place. Devon was kind, patient, and unbelievably aware of things.
Like when he’d helped me down my steps.
Rick would have been waiting in his car, honking for me the whole time.
Admittedly, I’d almost backed out of this whole pretend-date thing as I’d been putting away the flowers he’d brought me, but now I was glad I hadn’t.
I knew it wasn’t a real date and he was only doing all of this out of the kindness of his heart, but what was the harm in pretending it was an actual date?
I couldn’t even remember the last time I’d actually been on one, so why not indulge a little?
It wasn’t like Devon would try to take advantage of the situation.
“Your brother is really sweet,” I said as I glanced at Devon. He had one hand on the steering wheel and the other resting on the console between us. I couldn’t help but wonder what his strong fingers would feel like wrapped around mine. “He’s the same guy from TV, isn’t he?” I asked carefully.
Devon looked at me briefly, then nodded. “Yeah, he is.”
I hadn’t made the connection upon first meeting Ethan, but as I’d sat in the truck waiting for Devon, my brain had started to connect the dots.
Ethan had been all over the news a couple years earlier when he’d testified against his abusive ex.
The ex, who’d been a cop, had been well-known himself because he’d once stopped a man from detonating a bomb at some kind of political thing in Washington, D.C. He’d been considered a hero.
Until the truth about what he’d done to Ethan and several others had come out.
“He’s a really brave man,” I said.
“That he is,” Devon said. “That he is.”
There was a beat of silence between us before Devon said, “Will you tell me about the accident that Ethan was talking about?”
I opened my mouth to give him the standard reply, then snapped it shut again. Something about telling Devon the same lie I’d been forced to tell everyone else felt wrong.
“It wasn’t an accident,” I heard myself admit.
“But Ethan said—”
“Rick had me tell people I fell down the stairs.”
“Rick?” Devon said, his voice thickening with anger. “Did he hurt you?”
“No,” I responded quickly. I was shocked when Devon suddenly pulled his truck over to the side of the road.
He ignored the cars that honked at him as they passed.
He put the truck in park and undid his seatbelt.
I felt his fingers on my chin a moment later.
“Tell me the truth, Bastian,” he urged. “If he laid a hand on you—”
I didn’t know what possessed me to do it, but instead of responding with words, I lunged forward as much as I could, given the seatbelt I was still wearing, and crushed my mouth to his.
Devon was still mid-sentence, so I felt the little rush of air escape his mouth as our lips came into contact.
I hoped, prayed, for him to kiss me back, but his mouth was stiff against mine and I quickly pulled back in horror.
“Oh God, I’m sorry,” I nearly shouted. “I don’t know why I did that.”
Well, okay, yeah, I did. Devon’s growly protectiveness had sent my brain cells into overdrive. And all the cells down south had responded before I could stop myself.
“Sebastian—”
“Maybe you should take me home,” I said. “Or to the event, I guess.”
“Sebastian—”
“Please don’t make me walk, Devon,” I whispered.
The idea of trying to navigate the dark streets scared the shit out of me and all the lust I’d been feeling evaporated.
There were plenty of people out and about, but who knew which ones were just random people enjoying the evening and which ones were on the hunt for their next victim.
“Hey,” Devon said, then he was taking my chin in hand again. But I refused to lift my eyes this time.
“Look at me,” he softly commanded.
God help me, I couldn’t resist the gentle order.
“I would never do that to you,” Devon said firmly. “Don’t put me in the same category as that asshole.”
“I’m sorry,” I said, because in my panicked and humiliated state, I had been comparing him to Rick who wouldn’t have hesitated to order me out of the car if I’d pissed him off, no matter how scared he knew I was.
“Tell me what happened,” Devon said. His fingers were warm and gentle on my chin.
“Rick wasn’t the one who hurt me. But I was on my way to meet him when it happened, and he didn’t want people to find that part out, so he told me to say I’d fallen down the stairs. I… I did it because I didn’t want to upset him.”
God, how foolish did that make me sound?
“How did it really happen?”
“I was walking to this apartment that Rick’s company kept for clients visiting from out of town… his firm does publicity for the dance company I belonged to. There were plenty of people out and about, so I wasn’t really paying attention to any one thing, you know?”
Devon nodded in understanding.
“I went down the alley next to the apartment building. Rick was supposed to meet me at the side entrance so he could let me in. He didn’t want the doorman to see me. A couple of guys followed me into the alley. They… they wanted my wallet. One of them had a gun. I just…”
Panic caused the breath to catch in my lungs.
“Breathe, baby,” Devon whispered as his fingers slid from my chin to the back of my neck. He massaged me gently as I forced myself to draw in several long, slow breaths.
“I froze,” I admitted, my voice sounding strangled. “They took the bag I was carrying but they wanted my phone and wallet. I… I couldn’t move. Not even to get them out of my pocket. Even when one of the guys put his gun to my head, I couldn’t do anything. I was such a fucking coward—”
“No,” Devon interjected. “Your mind and body were in survival mode, Bastian.”
I fought back the tears that were threatening.
“They hit me and then took my wallet and cell phone. There were these cement blocks stacked near the side door… I guess for some kind of construction project in the building or something. One of the guys pushed me and my foot got stuck between some pipes on the ground. My lower leg twisted and my knee hit one of the blocks. Rick found me a few minutes later and took me to the hospital. My knee was shattered and my ACL was torn.”
“So the cops never looked for the men who hurt you?”
I shook my head. “Rick told me I needed to lie about what happened. I didn’t want to get Rick in trouble with his company, but I was also afraid the guys would come after me.
They had my wallet so they knew where I lived.
I ended up moving to a new apartment a few weeks after I got home from the hospital, but I was still so scared. ”
“Is that why you moved out of the city?” Devon asked.
I nodded. “The doctors said I could dance again at some point, but not professionally. I knew my career was over and I was too afraid to leave my apartment… I moved to your neighborhood so I could clear my head and figure out what to do next.”
“I’m sorry, Sebastian,” Devon began, but he stopped when I pulled free of his too-comforting touch.
I knew he had to think I was a complete and utter fool for not reporting the incident just so I could protect a man who didn’t really want me.
Not to mention what a coward I was for not having the strength to fight back against the men who’d mugged me.
“Can you take me to the fundraiser now, Devon? Or wait with me until I can call for a taxi or something?” I was facing forward again because I didn’t want to risk looking at Devon and seeing the pity in his eyes.
Not to mention the fact that my cheeks were still burning over the unwanted kiss I’d laid on him.
So much for not having a shitty Valentine’s Day, Sebastian.
The truck began moving again, but I didn’t pay attention to our surroundings.
I’d told Devon as we’d been leaving his house where the event was being held, but he clearly didn’t need directions because within fifteen minutes, he was pulling into the swanky establishment’s parking lot. A valet opened my door for me.
I turned to thank Devon for the ride but when I saw him talking to the valet attendant on his side, I cut my losses and quickly climbed out of the truck.
My knee buckled beneath me when I stepped onto the ground, but I managed to hang on to Devon’s truck to keep from falling into a heap in front of the valet who was still holding my door.
I knew there was no way the ibuprofen I’d taken was going to get me through the night, no matter how short and simple I kept my performance, so I began searching through my bag for the bottle of prescription painkillers my doctor had given me.
I was in the process of downing the second one when I felt a hand close around my elbow.
“Sorry about that. I had to explain to the guy that the transmission sticks sometimes.”
Devon’s voice washed over me like the sweetest of balms and I momentarily forgot all about the pain in my knee.
He’d stayed.
On the heels of that observation came the humiliation of knowing why he’d stayed.
“Don’t feel sorry for me,” I blurted without thinking. “Everybody feels sorry for me—”
I gasped when Devon’s mouth slashed over mine, cutting off the rest of my words.
It took me about three seconds to get past my shock, then I was hungrily kissing him back.
Devon’s tongue tangled with mine as I felt his arm wrap around my waist. His other was cradling the back of my head.
I couldn’t have said how long we stood there for as Devon consumed my mouth, but when he finally released me, I heard my name being called.
But not by Devon.
It took several beats for the fog of desire to lift. I turned to see Rick and his husband staring at me and Devon as we continued to be wrapped around each other like vines.
I was dimly aware of Devon releasing me.
“Sebastian,” Rick said coolly, his voice tinged with what sounded like irritation. “You remember my husband, Darren, right?”
“Yes, of course,” I somehow managed to say. I reached out my hand to shake Darren’s. “It’s nice to see you again.”
My heart hurt at how content Darren looked with his husband on his arm. I’d wanted to be him once. But now the idea of being the one on Rick’s arm just made me physically ill.
“Hi, I’m Devon Rhodes,” Devon said as he reached out to shake Darren’s hand. “I’m Sebastian’s boyfriend.”
I wasn’t sure who was more surprised at Devon’s words, me or Rick. Rick obviously knew the lie for what it was, since he’d been there this afternoon when Devon and I had met for the first time.
But my former lover kept his mouth shut because calling Devon out on the lie would have meant exposing himself.
Darren and Devon exchanged pleasantries, then Devon looked pointedly at Rick. “Dick, isn’t it?” he asked easily as he jutted out his hand.
“Rick,” Rick returned, his eyes blazing with anger. I watched the two men shake but it wasn’t until Rick winced that I knew the gesture was anything but friendly.
I stood there, stupidly silent, as the men chatted.
My mind was still on the kiss Devon had laid on me.
I hadn’t been paying attention to our surroundings just before he’d kissed me, but what if he had?
And what if he’d seen Rick and Darren approaching and had used the opportunity to try and help me get a little bit of revenge against my ex by trying to make him jealous?
Even if that was the case, shouldn’t I be grateful? One of the biggest reasons I hadn’t wanted to come tonight was because of seeing my ex with his husband. So even if it was a little petty, what was wrong with reminding my ex what he’d given up?
I tried to tell myself there was nothing wrong with it, but as Devon’s warm fingers closed around mine so he could lead me inside the hotel as he and Darren continued to chat, I realized everything was wrong with it.
Partly because I didn’t give a shit about Rick or what he thought anymore.
And more importantly, because I wanted it all to be real.
The hand holding, the kiss, the date… Devon.
But I knew deep in my heart it was nothing more than pretend, and fuck if that didn’t somehow manage to hurt even more than the night two random thugs had destroyed my life.