Emotional Masochist, Indeed
Charlie | The Past
Keaton jolts upright so violently he yanks free from Rianna, sending her sprawling to the floor. For a split second, the absurdity of it all claws a laugh out of me. Until I notice Keaton, bare and reckless, no condom in sight.
That's when the first crack appears in the ice surrounding me.
"Charlie," he chokes out, his horror-filled eyes growing wet.
Holding up a hand, I roll my eyes. "Save me the tears, asshole.
Don't pretend you feel bad about cheating on me now.
" I shake my head with a caustic laugh that makes him flinch.
"You act like this surprises me. It was only a matter of time, Keaton.
You're so goddamn blind to her that me..
.the person you've been with for eight years doesn't matter. "
"Don't say that. You matter. You're the only one that matters."
Amelia laughs. "Dude. The fact that you're standing in front of her with your dick still hanging out from fucking that skank ass over there, I'd say you're full of shit."
He shoots Amelia an angry glare after pulling up his jeans. "Not your business."
"Oh, but it is," I snap. "She's my best friend." I cock my head. "Funny enough, I'm not going to fuck her, though."
Watching his eyes shatter does nothing to ease the ache twisting inside me. Unlike him, I choose not to lash out for the sake of pain, no matter how my soul claws at my ribcage, crying for vengeance. I won’t become that person.
"You definitely should, Char. I'd have you forgetting this douchebag's name in a heartbeat. I'll eat that pussy so good, baby," Amelia croons, and I can't stop the laughter when I glance over and see her licking her lips.
The color drains from Keaton's face at her words, the thought more than he can handle.
Yeah. Welcome to my world, bud.
A flash of red catches my eye, and I whip my head around. Rianna is finally picking herself up from the floor, her earlier triumph wiped clean. She’s lost her shine now that I refused to give her the meltdown she craved.
"He's all yours. I don't want him anymore."
Lies.
Stupid fucking heart.
"No, I'm not. I'm not hers, Charlie. I'm yours. Have been since we were five," he says.
I watch his tears streak down, remembering when seeing this boy cry would have shattered me. He only ever wept when something gnawed at his soul. Or so I thought. Turns out, I never really knew him at all. Our whole story was a lie.
We’re not Charlie and Keaton anymore. Not Char and Kea. Not butterfly and her keeper. Those names belong to ghosts.
Now, we’re nothing but broken dreams and memories reduced to ash.
"I hate you," I whisper as another crack appears in the ice that's been protecting me.
Keaton falls to his knees, and I watch dispassionately as his shoulders shake with his silent sobs. Rianna shuffles to his side and runs her fingers through his hair.
Why is he acting like he's the one with a broken heart? I wasn't the one caught having sex with someone who isn't my long-term boyfriend. I'm not the one who broke promises and told lies.
Strictly platonic.
Another crack in the ice and a warm tendril brushes against my skin, coaxing me out to feel the pain.
I glance at Amelia, my desperation so raw it's almost a plea she reads before I can form words.
Just a few minutes longer.
They don't get the pleasure of seeing me break.
And I will. I’ll splinter into a million irretrievable shards, never fitting the same way again.
Sometimes, even strong people break, and the broken find strength.
It’s time to end this for good.
Rianna’s fingers are still tangled in his hair, and the fact that he lets her makes my teeth clench with rage.
Oh, fuck this.
I storm over without thinking, seize a fistful of her hair, and swing my other hand into her face. Rianna crumples to the ground, sobbing and clutching her nose as blood seeps between her fingers. Her cries fill the room, breaking up the tense silence.
A twisted smile tugs at my lips as I watch bright red drops slip between her fingers.
Her hands are out of his hair now.
"The least you could do is look at me, coward," I snap at the top of his head.
Huh. Looks like someone else’s light just went out. Poor, poor Keaton Carr.
"Just in case it wasn't already clear, we're over.
Eight years together and sixteen years of friendship.
..gone. I warned you about her, Keaton, even when I still didn't trust her shitty sob story.
It didn't matter to you. I didn't matter.
I was so deeply in love with you. It's funny how quickly that leaves. "
"No," he whispers, his voice cracked and broken.
I smile at him sadly. "Yes. My heart is empty right now.
I hope it was worth it. You didn't just destroy our relationship.
" I smack a palm against my chest. "Me, Keaton.
You fucking annihilated me. But you don't get to see that.
I'll leave, erase you from my life, heal, and move forward.
You, though," I pause, reaching to cup his cold cheek.
"You get to live knowing you broke us. For her.
For someone you called a platonic friend.
I hope it eats at you every day, wondering where I am, what I'm doing.
" My fingers drift to his chin, and I grasp it tightly as I lean closer and whisper, "Who I'm doing," before letting go and wiping my hand against my leg.
"Stay with her, Keaton. She obviously means more to you.
I'm going to pack my things. At least respect me that much.
Give me time, then do whatever you want. "
I take them both in one last time and toss a grenade to further damage their little world.
"You might want to get an STD test done, Carr.
At David's party two weeks ago, she had a train run on her by six other dudes, and a few of them went unprotected.
I overheard Jacob Williams bitching to one of the other dudes about getting tested because there was a milky discharge coming from his peen, and his nuts were swollen.
Just in case you didn't pay attention in health class, those are all symptoms of chlamydia. "
His eyes widen in horror as he whips his head toward her. Her face turns crimson, her ugly eyes brimming with guilt.
Ah, the consequences of your actions.
Satisfaction never tasted so sweet.
It’s the truth, too. There’s nothing wrong with sleeping around, but the smart move is to use protection or get tested first. Keaton’s about to learn that lesson the hard way if Jacob was telling the truth.
I can’t stay here another second.
My steps toward the door are shaky, my body trembling, but before I collapse, Amelia is there, her arm steady around my waist.
"Just a few minutes longer, Char," she whispers. "I've got you."
The pool house door clicks shut behind us, and only then do I double over and vomit.
"G-g-get me home," I stammer, teeth chattering.
We're almost out the side gate when David comes strutting up to us and blocks our way.
"Move."
Amelia’s bark jolts me so hard I nearly stumble. I’ve never heard her sound like that.
David steps up to me and reaches out to cup my cheek.
"I know you think I'm an asshole, Char. I normally am, but I wasn't intentionally being one this time.
You needed to know, and you'd only believe it if you saw it.
I'm sorry that you're in pain. I'd never want that for you, but you deserve better.
You deserve to be put first, and as long as she is around, you'd never have that. "
"Oh, how selfless of you. You were just doing it out of the kindness of your black heart, huh?" Amelia snarls.
"No, Mel. Not out of the kindness of my heart, but for the kindness in hers. That nasty bitch in there will never let him go, and Charlie would never make her because she wouldn't hurt Keaton that way." He shrugs. "This was the only way."
He leans in, pressing warm lips to my forehead. If I hadn’t been watching Amelia, I would have missed the flicker of pain in her eyes.
Turns out my ex isn’t the only one hiding secrets.
"Find peace, Charlie."
"Let's go," Amelia growls.
She grabs my hand and pulls us through the gate just as the pool house door bursts open and Keaton rushes out, screaming my name.
When David steps in front of him to bar him from reaching me, I turn away.
Too little, too late, my dragon boy.
This is one memory I never want to hold close.
This is one story that I should have closed the book on.
Emotional masochist, indeed.