The Consequences of Betrayal
Keaton | The Past
I toss the tennis ball skyward, my hand poised for the sharp sting as it slaps back into my palm. Each bounce fills the silence while I wait for my mom to pick up.
Today, my STD test results are due, and though I hate to admit it, I crave my mother’s steady hand to anchor me when they arrive.
"Keaton, is everything okay? Is it Charlie?"
"Ma?"
It's the wobble in my voice that alerts her. "What is it, hun?"
Man up, Keaton. You screwed this up, so stand on your own two feet and stop reaching for someone to steady you.
"Nothing. Just wanted to call and see how you and dad are doing."
From the few seconds of silence before she answers, she knows that I just lied to her, but she won't call me out on it, which I'm thankful for.
"Dad and Martin are gone fishing. Truth?"
"Yeah, always," I reply, grabbing the ball when it drops and squeezing it tightly.
"I don't think they know how to deal with their anger and disappointment. Your dad has been struggling, trying to figure out where we went wrong."
I flare my nostrils, wind up, and hurl the ball. It slams the wall with a thunderous crack, dropping to the floor and leaving a jagged dent in the sheetrock.
"No. None of this is on you two. It's not on anyone else either. You all taught me better. I'm the one who lost my way somewhere. The fault lies at only my feet."
"And Rianna," mom mutters, shocking me with the unfamiliar, nasty tone.
"And her, but ma, I'm the one who cheated. I'm the one who was in a relationship with Charlie."
"Why did you do it, son? Were you and Charlie having issues? Fighting? Sex? I'm just trying to understand."
I blow out a breath and yank my fingers through my hair, hating the lost tone in my mother's voice.
"Hell, Mom. So am I. Nothing was going on between me and Charlie.
We were as happy as always. No fighting and um.
..yeah." I rub the back of my neck. "Our.
..um...sex life is—was great. Everything was perfect. "
But is that what happened? Did it become too perfect?
No. Fuck that. There's no way that is the excuse I'm going with. I need to figure out the true reason, not one I grasp because it's convenient.
Perfect was never our story. Ours was a love that sparked and burned, tangled with laughter, arguments over nothing, and dreams spun late into the night. We loved each other fiercely, almost to the point of obsession.
So, why then did I cheat on her?
Where is shit so twisted in my head that I risked the one thing that means the world to me?
"Ma, I'm lost. I don't know where to go from here.
All I want to do is fix this. I need to show Charlie how sorry I am, but I don't even know where to start.
" Rolling my head, I stare at the only picture of Charlie left.
I never found my phone, so I ended up getting a new one.
The backup on my old phone was off, so none of my photos synced.
Losing all the memories that were so important to me of our life together has even more hate accumulating inside me. "I fucked up, mom."
"Yeah, Keaton, you did. Until you can figure out why, you'll never even begin to repair the damage you've inflicted on Charlie.
That's where you start, son. You've got to find the point of no return and go from there.
Walk through each step you took and analyze it.
Tear it apart and make a note of every interaction, every word, every touch—no matter how innocent you believed them to be.
Because somewhere in all those interactions, the first boundary was crossed. "
"The tipping point was the moment I became friends with Rianna when I found her attractive," I finally admit.
My throat scorches as the confession leaves my lips.
"Then you need to determine why you did that.
I'm assuming she's not the first girl you've found attractive outside of Charlie.
" When I don't answer, she sighs. "Keaton, it's normal to find other people appealing.
It's part of human nature. How you choose to handle that is where the problems arise. "
"You've been attracted to other men besides Dad?"
It’s almost impossible to picture, given how my parents are together. They’ve always been my blueprint for love with Charlie. Maybe that’s part of it. Did I crush myself under the weight of trying to match my dad’s devotion?
Mom snorts. "Of course. And so has your father.
But that's all it should ever be. An acknowledgment in passing.
You never bring it into your life any further because it can lead to temptation.
That's like being on a diet and sitting in front of a delicious taco.
Your mouth will water as your body begs for just one taste until it's finally too much.
You give in to the demand it's made of you and satisfy the lust, only to realize after the first bite what a cruel choice you've made.
Now, your body is going to either crave more or it's going to rebel so hard that just the thought of another bite has you hugging the toilet to puke up the foul ingredients.
But by then, the damage is already done.
Your diet is over, and you have to start a new one.
Why would you ever want to do that to yourself?
Tell me, son. Are you craving another bite, or is your body rebelling? "
"I'm hugging the toilet, ma."
"Good. Now, answer me. Was she the first person you've been attracted to outside of Charlie?"
"No."
Shame drags me under, suffocating me in its heaviness, and I struggle to break the surface.
"And what did you do when that happened?"
"I walked away."
"You walked away." I can hear the satisfying smile in her voice. "So, why couldn't you this time? What made her different? Figure that out and you've got another place to start."
"I'm sorry I let you all down, Mom."
"I know you are, my boy. Have you gotten counseling yet?"
The longer I stare at Charlie’s photo, the tighter my chest constricts. I want to turn it over, hide her smile, but leaving it out feels like the penance I deserve.
"Not yet. It's on my list of things I've been building to do."
"What's on your list?"
I grab the notebook I bought specifically for tracking my progress.
Flipping through the pages, I find my list. "Counseling, no contact with Rianna—which I started when Charlie caught us—complete transparency with Charlie anytime she needs it.
Those were recommended in the articles you sent.
There are more things I want to do for her, but I'm scared, Mom.
How do I prove I love her when my actions say otherwise? "
"I won't lie to you, Keaton. You've got a lot of work cut out for you, and it will be harder than anything you've ever had to do.
No matter what you're doing on your end, Charlie will work on healing herself.
I don't know what that's going to entail, but you have to accept whatever it is as long as it's not harmful to her.
You betrayed her in one of the most horrible ways possible, and the damage that has been caused is more than just your relationship, son.
It's inside her now. Every time she glances in the mirror, she's going to look for flaws, she's going to question everything she's loved about herself, and she's constantly going to compare herself to Rianna.
Your betrayal has probably shaken her confidence, which is something we both know our girl never really struggled with. "
Every truth she speaks lands like a spike in my heart, branding me for what I’ve done to Charlie.
I’m realizing now my betrayal is so much more than just sex. Sex that I barely even fucking remember. The lead-up, the fallout, the heartbreak...those are burned into me forever.
By betraying her, I shattered everything she trusted—herself, me, our love, our future.
My stomach churns violently. "Can you help me find a good one, Mom?
Maybe a counselor who specializes in this?
I don't know what the hell I'm doing. I've got insurance through work, but even if it's not covered, I'll pay what's needed.
As long as they're the best because that's what it's going to take to help me get to the bone of my cheating. "
"No,” mom states bluntly. “You made this mess, it's on you to clean up.
I'll be here for you, but I'm not going to do any more of the legwork.” She sighs.
“Just do some research. The internet will be your best friend.
It'll lead you in the direction you need to go.
You need to continue working on your list and what I said about your point of no return and your steps from that moment forward.
I'm here whenever you want to chat, son, but you'll never learn from this if you're expecting me to clean up after you. "
"Thanks for not giving up on me, despite how disappointed you are in me."
"I never will, Keaton. No matter how much I disagree with your choices, I'll always be beside you, even if I have to push you in the right direction."
She must sense my loneliness, filling the silence with gentle chatter I gratefully let wash over me.
But then the call I've been waiting for while simultaneously dreading beeps in, and my hands grow clammy. "Mom. I've got a call coming in that I've been waiting for. I love you."
"I love you too, Keaton," she says softly, like she understands the reason for the tightness in my voice.
Mom knows everything, so I wouldn't doubt it.
I brace myself, breath held tight, and answer. After confirming who I am, the results come in a flat, uncaring voice, as if karma hasn’t just come to collect on my butterfly’s behalf.
"Mr. Carr, we need you to come into the clinic so we can come up with your treatment plan and the doctor can go over questions you have."
The rest of the call blurs away. Staring at the date and time scrawled in my notebook, I know this isn’t just a nightmare I can wake from.
This is real life.
Mine and Charlie's.
And in this reality, I’m sinking beneath the weight of my own betrayal.
One stupid choice that I wish I'd never made.
One choice that I'd take back in a second if life handed out do-overs.
One reckless, ugly choice that left my butterfly’s heart in ruins and me marked by a disease I can’t ignore.
"How the hell did I ruin mine and Charlie's lives so completely?" I whisper to an empty room.
Fucking Chlamydia.