The Letter
Hello, my pretty little butterfly.
Do you remember that sun-drenched day at the treehouse when we were eight?
You twirled in a frilly white dress scattered with blue daisies, your golden curls tumbling down your back, crowned with wildflowers my mom wove just for you.
Barefoot as always, your toes were painted the same blue as the daisies, a tiny detail that made you even more enchanting.
Your mama brushed a little makeup on your cheeks, and though it looked out of place, it still made my palms sweat.
I never understood why you were so dressed up that day, but seeing you like that filled me with a wild, secret joy.
You were the most beautiful thing my young eyes had ever seen.
The way you smiled at me sent my heart into a dizzy spin.
Back then, I didn’t know what it meant, but now, all these years later, I do.
Do you remember what we did that day, butterfly?
We were getting married, or at least pretending to. My mama squeezed me into that scratchy suit, and I grumbled until you grabbed my hand and pulled me up into our treehouse chapel.
You and our mamas had transformed the treehouse into something magical. Twinkling lights dangled from every corner, and flowers crowded every surface, their sweet scent making my nose twitch.
When you whispered that it was our wedding day, I thought happiness had reached its peak. Even at eight, I knew I was yours, and you were mine.
I always pictured us having a real wedding someday. I imagined you gliding down the aisle on your daddy’s arm, radiant in white, and us promising forever. I thought we’d grow old together, our skin wrinkled and our hair turned silver.
Back then, I was so damn sure nothing in the world could ever pull us apart.
I never imagined I’d be foolish enough to risk losing you.
From the moment you looked at me with those clear, icy blue eyes, I made it my mission to protect you from everything.
I wanted to shield you from every hurt the world could throw your way.
Neither of us could have guessed that I’d be the one you needed protection from most.
Every morning, I wake to empty arms that once held you close, and I wonder how I let us end up here. How I could have been so blind, letting someone else come between us. I hope one day I can find the answer for both of us.
I'm sorry, Charlie. I know they're just words that don't really mean anything coming from me, but I'll never stop saying them.
My words aren't shit right now. I don't know if they ever will be again, to be honest. After what I did, I'll never blame you.
The only thing I can do is prove to you, through my actions, that my words are true.
Every day, I discover new depths to the pain I’ve caused you, and each day it gets harder to bear. You are a beautiful beacon of light, and if you weren’t as fiercely strong as you are, I might have snuffed it out.
I am so proud of you, pretty girl. You haven’t let my mistakes change the heart of who you are.
You know the only thing I've ever wanted for you?
Your happiness.
I still want that for you, even if it isn’t with me.
Does Alek make you happy, Charlie? Will you be able to smile, laugh, or love with him?
I know you might not want to hear it, but if you give Alek a real chance, I think he could make you happy.
He’s a good guy, and if I had to pick anyone to help you move on, it would be him.
He’s cared about you for a long time, but he respected you enough to keep his distance.
It was only when I failed you that he finally stepped in.
I can’t even blame him, Charlie, because you are truly spectacular.
I know, baby. If you’re so incredible, why did I betray you? I wish I had a clear answer, because you deserve one more than anyone. I just don’t—not yet.
I won't stop working or digging until I find the reason for what I did. Lionel says we're making good progress, so hopefully, I'll have answers soon.
Fuck. This letter is a mess, just like my thoughts. I’m not sure I’ll write again after this, but I needed to get it all out. Maybe these letters aren’t helping either of us, and for that, I’m sorry. It’s time I stop being selfish.
It’s okay to move on, butterfly. It’s okay to find happiness beyond me, to rediscover love, laughter, and reasons to smile. I took those from you in a selfish way, and all I want now is for you to reclaim them.
I don’t know if you know, but someone sent me a picture of you and Alek kissing.
It hurt—God, it hurt—but here’s the surprising part: I was happy for you.
Happy that I hadn’t broken you so much that you couldn’t let someone else in.
Even as I fought back my own anger, seeing that joy on your face was bittersweet.
I love you, Charlie. Fuck, I love you so much. And because I do, I’m giving you the space you’ve asked for. You deserve to live your life without me lingering in the background. I’ll keep working on myself and searching for the answers I owe us both.
Find your happiness, Charlie. Find your smile, your joy, your laughter. Keep seeing beauty in the world and sharing your light with everyone around you. Sing off-key, tell silly jokes that make you giggle, dance in the rain. Go on dates, chase wild passion, and above all, find love, butterfly.
Love deeply and be wildly happy. That’s all I wish for you in this world.
Maybe one day I’ll be worthy of your light again. If not, I’ll hold tight to the memories of the brightness you brought into my life.
Forever your dragon,
Keaton