Chapter 36 Just Coffee
Just Coffee
Charlie
Present Day
I never grasped the true magic of cutting all ties with the one who shattered my heart until I finally did it.
Our goodbye that day felt almost as painful as the night I caught him with Rianna.
We understood there were no guarantees that love would return if we found each other again.
He knew my healing could mean letting him go completely.
Still, Keaton showed me he wasn't going to be selfish anymore and promised to put me first, just as I was.
I’m not sure why his question sent me spiraling, but it forced me to see that just the idea of dating him still triggered something raw in me. Clearly, I had more healing to do.
It’s been six months since I’ve heard or seen Keaton. Even our mutual friends have kept us separate. He’s kept my request for no contact, and I appreciate him so much for it.
The healing I’ve accomplished has surprised me.
Truthfully, it wasn’t something I expected to happen.
Not to the extent that I have. When I say I’m happy, I can say it with honesty.
Therapy has helped me so much. I’ve learned how to better manage my triggers when they sneak up and how to refocus my anger when it slithers through my veins like a toxin ready to destroy me.
With every bit of anger from my memories, Rebecca, my therapist, told me to find one thing in my memories that has brought me pleasure.
Once my anger fades, I dissect what about that memory made me angry, then try to work through the negative emotion.
None of the ones with Keaton and Rianna will ever make me happy, but I’ve gotten to where I refuse to allow them to cause me more pain than they already have.
Rebecca taught me how to build a cage in my mind where those go.
I’m the only one with the key to the lock.
I control when they come out so that I can work through them at a pace I’m comfortable with.
The relief I felt when they were locked in that proverbial cage nearly sent me into a state of bliss.
I know everything is in my head. Still, after my last talk with Keaton, I was desperate for something more solid to help my healing. Amelia and Alek gave me support, but I realized I needed a different kind of help to truly mend.
Rebecca also gave me some online resources she thought might help me along my journey.
I was hesitant about connecting with strangers, but I discovered a large online support group in a few of the forums she recommended.
Realizing just how common infidelity is devastated me all over again.
Knowing that so many others are feeling and experiencing the same pain reveals how cruel people can be.
Infidelity is so hard for me to understand because I can't imagine causing someone that level of pain. To deliberately make choices that would devastate someone I love...even the thought is unbearable. That’s the part of Keaton’s cheating that has been hardest for me to let go.
I recommended the forums and Rebecca to Kayla during one of our conversations.
She was struggling particularly hard that day, and I wanted her to find some sort of peace for the pain that threaded through each word she spoke.
Kayla told me two months ago that she started using both, and I was so happy for her.
When she made her first post in the forum for betrayed partners, I could tell the number of members that rallied behind her was shocking for her.
I felt the same way after I made my first post in the group, but once I started getting responses, I felt sort of… lighter.
My friendship with Kayla has deepened, too.
We found each other at just the right moment, both craving someone who truly understood.
Now, our bond is as strong as the one I share with Amelia.
And with Kayla comes Ryder, a bonus burst of sunshine.
His laughter is infectious, his energy impossible to resist. I admire Kayla and Brock for working so hard to protect that light in him, doing everything they can to keep their struggles from dimming his world.
I know it was rough the first couple of weeks after Kayla called off the wedding and asked Brock to move out. Thankfully, Ryder is still young, so while he knows Brock isn’t there every day, he doesn’t fully understand what’s going on.
I think Kayla enjoys having Amelia in her circle. Amelia has been sharing that lovable dark side with her, and it’s brought a lot of bright smiles to Kayla’s face when her days are a bit bleak.
It doesn’t hide the sadness in Amelia’s eyes and the way it makes her shoulders droop under the weight of it, though.
When Amelia’s stepmom called to say she was in the hospital, I nearly lost my mind. Learning she’d just walked in on David tangled up with Lacey Ashton sent me into a fresh wave of fury. I was ready to storm over there and unleash a wrath neither of them would forget.
I knew Amelia and David had been sort of seeing each other. She kept to herself how serious it actually was until she broke down to me in that hospital bed. It probably wouldn’t do to have me and him in the same room right now, that’s for sure. My ass would end up in jail.
Not that I wouldn’t risk prison for my girl, but I’d much rather see David gone for good.
Still, that wouldn’t help my case against Rianna, who’s been relentless with her revenge porn and stalking.
Her fixation began a couple of months ago.
Maybe because she couldn’t get Keaton’s attention, she turned her focus to me instead.
Silly girl obviously doesn’t know I don’t go looking for him to fix my problems anymore. As much as I feel he should be dealing with her, I also don’t want to break the no-contact with him just yet.
Besides, what exactly could he do that my lawyer and the cops weren’t doing already?
It’s all petty nonsense that isn’t hurting me physically, so for now, I’m happy to deny her the attention she craves. I just document her antics and pass them along to my lawyer.
I’m pulled from my thoughts when my phone alerts me to a new message.
I finally set down the towel I’d been refolding endlessly and reach for my phone on the side table. With the couch buried under folded clothes, I perch on the coffee table’s edge instead.
The phone trembles in my hand when I see the familiar name and number on my screen.
Butterflies erupt in my stomach, and I can’t tell if they’re a good sign or a warning.
A soft laugh breezes past my lips when I read his message.
KEATON
Hi, Charlie. This is Keaton. I don’t know if you remember me, but we met at the bar a while back. I was wondering if I could take you out to dinner?
I read the message again and again, a small smile tugging at my lips. The butterflies multiply when I realize he’s slipped back into the playful role play we once started.
Somehow, that brings a strange kind of comfort.
I exit the thread, unsure if I want to reply. I pause to sort my emotions about him reaching out. Has he tried before? Until two weeks ago, I’d blocked him everywhere, because otherwise I’d keep looking over my shoulder.
Two weeks ago, Keaton drifted into my thoughts, and for the first time, it didn’t hurt. Realizing my progress made me want to test my boundaries. I’m proud I checked his profiles only once since then, and I saw he’s been changing and healing, too.
Still, tonight’s message caught me off guard. I’m not upset he reached out. If I’m honest, I doubt I’d have had the courage to do it myself. The sting of his betrayal has faded, but new emotions have quietly taken its place.
Fear is one of them.
I put Kayla and Amelia on a conference call and wait for them to answer as I nibble on the tip of my finger.
When they’re both on the line, I blurt out, “Keaton messaged me asking for a date.”
“How does that make you feel?” Kayla asks.
“Excited. Scared. Happy. Sad.” I blow out a breath. “You all remember how he pretended we were each meeting the other for the first time that one night at the bar?”
Amelia was there, but I’d told Kayla about it during one of our many talks.
“I remember. I could tell you were curious about the new person he was becoming then,” Amelia says.
“It was a unique concept, for sure. I was staring into the face of someone I’d loved for so long, but he was such a stranger to me.”
“Do you want to get to know this new version?” Kayla asks.
I nibble on my lip as I think about all the things I’ve learned over the past six months.
“I thought I wanted to back then. I was so sure I was healing enough to do that. When he asked me out at Grinders and I actually had to make a choice, I finally understood just how much healing I still had to do. The thought of going out on a date with him then—the thought of making myself vulnerable to him again—sent me into such a negative spin that I knew I was far from ready for that. If the person who promised to love me forever could destroy me, how could I trust that a stranger wouldn’t do the same?
It took that day for me to understand that I wasn’t going to heal properly as long as he was still in my life.
Because as long as he was there, even in the background, I was always going to have that piece of myself that was hopelessly in love with him, wanting to put his feelings ahead of my own. ”
“And where are you at now? Are you truly in a place where you can accept that invitation without it sending you into a negative headspace?” Amelia inquires.
“I think I’m ready. I don’t know exactly what, but friendship feels like a safe place to begin. I want to meet the man he’s become, not the boy who once broke me. I used to wonder who we’d be if we met later in life. Maybe this is my chance to find out.”
“I understand what you’re saying,” Kayla agrees.
“This is your chance to find out who you both are as more mature adults. Adults who have been through some shit. I think this could be the opportunity to see just how strong your feelings for each other are. Going into this slowly and setting boundaries early leaves you with less of a risk than if you jumped straight back into a relationship.”
I’m curious how much of this she’s taking into her own relationship with Brock.
“I hear what you’re thinking,” she says softly. “I’m doing the same with Brock. I promise.”
Amelia snorts. “Not me. The only friendly thing you’ll see me do with David is make him choke on the eggplant I bought yesterday. I’d like him to know what it’s like to choke on his bullshit.” Her voice goes quiet until she mutters, “Limp dick, hemorrhoid-looking, stanky cooch fucker.”
Kayla and I dissolve into laughter, giggling until tears stream down our faces.
“Tell us how you really feel,” I quip.
Amelia laughs, and though there’s a shadow of sadness in her voice, it’s the purest sound I’ve heard from her since she left the hospital.
“So, does this mean you’re going to go out on a date with Kea?” Amelia sobers, clearly trying to take the focus off her.
“As friends,” I insist, a giddy thrill bubbling up at the idea.
“You know your limits now, Char. You’ve learned where your boundaries need to be, and you’ve come to terms with who the fuck Charlie Henderson is without Keaton Carr.
You know what you deserve, and you know how to demand it.
So, go forth, our best bitch, and show that man what he’s been missing out on,” Amelia orders.
After we get off the phone, I text Keaton back before I lose my nerve.
ME
What if I’m not ready for more than friendship?
His response comes only seconds later.
KEATON
I’ll take whatever you’re comfortable w/giving.
ME
I don’t want to give you hope that there will ever be anything more. For now, I’d like to be friends and get to know you more. How about a coffee date? In public?
KEATON
Yes.
My heart flutters, picking up on the eagerness packed into that single word.
We pick a date and time to meet at the new coffee shop, a few blocks from Grinders. For the first time in nearly two years, hope stirs in me. It feels like I’m finally moving in the right direction.
I have no idea where my future is headed or who will be part of it, but it’s brighter than it was over a year ago, and for the first time, I’m genuinely excited.