Chapter 40 Boundaries Laid Out #2
We’re chatting about my ideas for new expansions when Keaton’s phone buzzes in his pocket. The sound makes me flinch, even though I don’t mean to.
“Can you do me a favor, beautiful?”
I glance up at him, but he’s not paying me any attention, his gaze watching the ducks swim through the pond.
“I don’t want to let your hand go. Can you grab my phone out of my pocket and read that to me?” he asks.
My mouth opens and closes, surprised by how casually he asks. He never hid his phone from me before, but he’s never asked me to read his messages either.
I fish his phone out, pausing when I see his background. A photo of me, glancing over my shoulder and sticking out my tongue. He snapped it on one of our coffee dates, but I never expected it to be his wallpaper. Warm butterflies flutter in my stomach.
“Bear says you all have a new artist that came in looking for a job and wants to know if you want him to hire them because their portfolio is fucking amazing. He said he had him do one on a regular client, and they were so impressed they left him a hundred-dollar tip,” I read off.
“Thanks. It’s nothing that can’t wait.”
My hands tremble as I lock the phone and slip it back into his pocket. A lump rises in my throat, making it hard to swallow, and my eyes sting with tears.
Keaton pulls us to a stop and turns me towards him, grasping my chin between his fingers and lifting my face. He watches the tear fall down my cheek with sadness before leaning down to kiss it away.
That single gesture steals my heart. There’s so much remorse, pain, and sorrow in his kiss. He’s trying so hard to mend what he broke, and it hurts him to see me hurting.
“I hate this,” I whisper.
His body trembles in front of mine. “Can I hold you?”
Keaton wraps his arms around me when I nod, and I bury myself in his chest, anchoring my arms behind his back.
He holds me tightly, our bodies trembling together, as we process that we hit another trigger of mine.
Keaton keeps me anchored to him, both of us seeking comfort in each other, and the longer I’m snug against him, the more peace spreads through my soul.
It’s strange, finding comfort in the arms of the person who hurt me most.
“Thank you for the patience you have with me,” I murmur against his chest. “And for being here to comfort me when I run into a trigger. I’m sorry.”
“Don’t you dare fucking apologize, beautiful girl,” he says. “I’m the reason you’re going through them. I want to be here for you as much as you’ll let me.”
I nod and let silence settle between us again. My thoughts drift back to his phone, curiosity gnawing at me.
Keeping my arms wrapped around him, I lean my head back and peer up at him. “You never found your old phone?”
He shakes his head with a grimace. “No. I lost it at Rianna’s, but I actually believe she stole it out of my car that day.”
I grit my teeth and close my eyes, locking away the feelings her name stirs up. I refuse to let it ruin the progress we’ve made today.
“Why, though?”
He shrugs. “I’m assuming to stir up shit when it’s convenient for her.”
I stay quiet, just nodding and resting my head against his chest.
My emotions are running low, so I press a gentle kiss to his chest. My heart softens when I feel him shiver beneath my lips.
“Take me home?” I ask.
I hold his hand all the way back to the car, through the drive home, and as he walks me to my door. It’s my silent way of telling him we’re okay. My triggers won’t win. I still want this, even if the road is bumpy.
“Can I give you a hug?” he asks when I finally release his hand.
“I’d like that.”
When he pulls away and shoves his hands in his pockets, he asks, “Are you up for another date?”
I sigh and lean against the porch railing. “This date hit a rough patch at the end, but I think we made it through, don’t you?”
Keaton nods. “You’re so fucking strong.”
“I didn’t really have a choice. I’m not saying that to make you feel bad. It’s just the truth. I had to find my strength or let my trauma win, and you know me, I don’t stay down for long.”
“You’ve always had a core made of steel, beautiful. It’s something I’d always admired about you.”
“We’ve got a long road ahead,” I tell him.
“Yeah.”
“Do you have it in you to stick this out? It won’t be easy. We’ll probably have more bad days than good at first, as we work through all the damage. I can’t go further if you’re not willing to put in the work.”
Determination etches his face as he lifts his chin.
“I have it in me. I want this. I want you. I want us. I understand that the relationship we had is dead. There’s no way to revive that.
If you choose to bless me with another chance, what we’ll be building will be brand new.
Whatever pits lie ahead on our road, I’ll rest my body over them so that you can walk safely across.
I’ll do what I can to minimize any pain you face in the future.
Whatever work I have to put in, Charlie, I’m here to do it.
I’m not going anywhere. I’m not running. ”
I search his face, needing to see the truth in his eyes.
When I find it, I nod. “Okay. We need more boundaries. No labels. I’m not ready.
But exclusivity is non-negotiable, Keaton.
If I even suspect otherwise, I’m gone for good.
I won’t do this again. I’m giving you this chance, so please don’t mess it up.
I don’t know if I’ll ever be okay with you having female friends again, but if that ever changes, we’ll have to talk about it. Really talk.”
“I don’t want one again, Char. I’m fine with exclusivity because I don’t want anyone else, just you.”
“About Alek. He’s my best friend, but I’ll step back if I need to. He’ll understand.”
“Fuck that,” Keaton spits out, shocking the crap out of me.
“What?”
Keaton steps closer to me. “Answer me this. Do you love him?”
“No, of course not. Not like you’re asking. I love him just as I do Amelia and Kayla. As a friend.”
“Are you still attracted to him?”
“No. That burned out as fast as it started.”
Keaton shrugs. “Then why the hell do you need to step back from your friendship with him? I trust you, Charlie.”
“It’s just…as much as I’ll miss his friendship, it feels disrespectful to you.”
“Isn’t that for me to decide, though?”
“You don’t find it disrespectful to you?”
“Why would I? He’s not a threat to us because you’ve said he isn’t.
You didn’t become friends with him or sleep with him until after we split up.
Charlie, he helped you through some of your darker times.
I’m always going to be thankful to him for that.
” He runs his fingers over my face. “How about I make you a deal? If there’s ever a time your friendship with him makes me uncomfortable, I’ll tell you about it and we’ll go from there. ”
I know what it’s like to have choices taken away in a relationship, and I refuse to do that to him. So I’ll trust him on this.
“Okay.”
He smiles, kisses me on my nose, and steps away. “Now, about that date.”
I laugh, feeling lighter than I have in ages, despite the heavy talk. “Think you can top this date?”
Keaton smirks, and the look in his eyes sends a jolt straight through me. He knows exactly what he’s doing.
“Oh, baby. I’ll always top,” he says with a wink.
“We’ll see about that,” I toss over my shoulder as I slip inside. “Call me.”
Those baby steps are turning into leaps, and I’m finally ready to take them.
Whatever comes next, we’ll face it together. The road won’t be easy. There will be sharp turns and white-knuckle moments. But when I close my eyes, I can see how bright our future could be. That’s what I’m fighting for. That’s why I’m risking my heart.
Nothing in life is guaranteed, but if I can look back and say I lived fully with the people I love, I’ll know it was all worth it.
The betrayal. The heartache. The pain.
But most of all, I’ll know the fight was worth it.