4. Ryann
Ryann
“ O ur interview is here.”
Declan’s grating voice snaps me out of my concentration, grinding on my already frayed nerves. I shoot him a glare over the dual monitors I’ve been glued to for hours. Christ, I’ve got a headache.
“So go do it. I’m busy.”
More than busy. Absolutely swamped , drowning in spreadsheets and endless conference calls. We soft-launched our secret project today, and there are way too many bugs for my liking. Add to that the fact that I’m hungover as hell, and it’s a recipe for disaster.
“Nuh-uh, nope.” Dec drops into the chair across from me, the 3D model of Seattle I’ve been working on hovering behind him like a holographic shadow. “You’ve been sitting there so long you’re growing roots. Plus, we both promised Paige we’d meet her brother, remember?”
How could I forget? They roped me into this last week during lunch, when my dear fraternal twin’s girlfriend used those big brown eyes to guilt us into hiring her little brother.
“He really needs this,” she’d said. “Not just for college. He’s always been unique, super shy. He was severely bullied in high school.”
And somehow, the fact that he’s newly out of the closet got brought up, Paige no doubt mentioning it as a way to sway me.
“His first time with a guy didn’t go well... it ruined all the progress he made in therapy. Maybe having a gay influence would help?”
She said that to me , like I’m some shining beacon of queer mentorship. I’d scoffed at the thought. Me? Maybe as a cautionary tale of what not to do. Definitely not a positive influence.
“Paige is on her way up with him,” Declan continues, smirking at the murderous expression I’m sure is on my face. “If you don’t leave this office right now, I’ll have IT lock you out of your computer.”
He would, too. It wouldn’t be the first time. Bastard.
Growling in frustration, I save my work and push out of my chair, trailing after him toward the conference room.
“Is an interview even necessary if we’re just going to hire him anyway?”
Dec sighs, running a hand through his tawny curls. “Formalities. It looks good on paper in case Dad audits me, you know?”
Grinding my teeth, I glance down at the resume waiting on the table between us, shoving away my guilt.
Shilo Reed, age twenty-one.
Junior at UDub, Computer Engineering program. Perfect GPA. No work experience, but volunteered at the local humane society as a teen, with references to back it up. Honestly, his resume is almost identical to Paige’s when we hired her five years ago.
The conference room doors open, and a flash of purple hair catches my eye. As I lift my head, all the blood drains from my face.
And rushes to my fucking dick.
Because the Uber driver from months ago—the one who’s been haunting my subconscious—has just walked into my conference room like a waking nightmare.
He hasn’t even looked at us yet, his light blue eyes fixed on the potted plants lining the shelf as his fists work nervously in his pockets.
Fists that had gripped my couch when I’d fingered his tight ass.
Faded purple strands fall over his brow, wavy locks that I know feel like silk—because my hands were tangled in them just weeks ago. His teeth sink into that bottom lip I kissed, and I have to shift in my seat, struggling to keep the raging hard-on in my pants under control.
Jesus Christ.
The whole experience had been disappointing, a sexual encounter that I should have forgotten by now, and yet nearly every night when I dream, it’s about a pretty boy with cracked porcelain skin.
A broken, blue-eyed doll.
Declan kicks my leg under the table, throwing me a perplexed look as the silence stretches on. I quickly clear my throat.
“Shilo Reed?”
He freezes, his face going impossibly pale. Those wide, terrified eyes meet mine, and Paige’s words from last week hit me like a gut punch:
“ He’s always been unique, super shy.”
Declan glances between us, confusion etched across his face. “Please, take a seat. We’re excited to meet you.”
Shilo’s complexion turns sallow—almost green—and before either of us can say another word, he fucking bolts . Spins on his heel and slams through the doors like he’s on fire, leaving behind a flurry of shouts from Paige.
“What the fuck just happened?” Declan mutters.
For a beat, we just stare at each other, stunned, before scrambling out of our seats to chase after him into the lounge. At first, he’s nowhere in sight, but Paige’s frantic voice directs us around the corner to the bathrooms, where she’s pleading softly through the door.
“Shilo, please, come out. It’s okay. Nobody’s upset with you.”
She turns when she sees us, her tear-filled eyes swimming with guilt. “I’m so sorry. He has horrible social anxiety. I thought if I stayed, he’d be fine.”
“Hey, shh, it’s okay.” Declan leans down, pressing a comforting kiss to her nose and gently wiping away her tears. “Is he alright?”
“I don’t know, I think he’s in there throwing up. I just... I don’t know what to do anymore. Everything’s been a mess for him since August.”
Her words snap my spine straight, a cold wave of dread curling in my stomach.
“What happened in August?” I ask, my frown deepening.
She sniffles, glaring at her feet. “That whole thing I told you about during lunch, remember? His first time with a guy. His first time ever , really. I think it messed him up.”
The ground shifts beneath me, my head swimming.
No, it couldn’t be... could it?
“What happened?” My voice is tight, and Declan throws me a sideways glance as Paige shakes her head.
“I don’t know exactly. He wouldn’t tell me all the details, just that the guy was an asshole. Treated him like shit afterward. Someone he picked up while driving for Uber.”
The breath leaves my lungs as hazy memories from that night filter through my head.
Shilo’s nervous tics. Fidgeting with his clothes, avoiding my gaze. His embarrassment when he came too quickly, the way he’d wanted to keep his shirt on. That sweet, nervous flush on his cheeks.
And my fucking irritation at not being able to fit inside him. Jesus Christ.
I thought it had all been an act. I thought he’d been just another hookup.
I was so very, very wrong.
It was me.
I’m the one who broke the doll.
“I’ll go in and talk to him,” Declan says, reaching for the door handle, but my hand stops him quickly.
“No. I’ll do it.”
Two sets of eyes snap toward me, and I vaguely register the differences between Shilo’s appearance and his sister’s as she blinks in surprise.
“No offense, Ry,” Paige begins, curling her lips, “but... you?”
She’s got a point. I’m the last person Shilo should be around. All I ever do is drag people down into my darkness, and he’s already had a taste of that. But I need answers. Closure, or whatever the hell you want to call it.
Lifting a brow, I look between my brother and his girlfriend. “Isn’t this what you wanted from me? A ‘gay influence ,’ you said?”
Declan makes a small noise, throwing me a knowing look, but Paige’s expression softens. “Yeah, you’re right. Okay. We’ll stay out here.”
Fighting back a heavy sigh, I give her a tight smile before pushing open the bathroom door. My ears are immediately assaulted by the sound of someone puking their guts out.
Guilt and shame swell in my chest as I lean against the row of black marble sinks, waiting for him to finish. It takes a while—his breathing ragged as he coughs and gags—but finally, the choking noises subside, leaving an uncomfortable silence.
“Shilo,” I say quietly.
There’s a whimper, followed by the scrape of a lock sliding back. The stall door creaks open a sliver, just enough for him to peek out. The moment he spots me, he slams it shut again.
How very fitting.
Trying again, this time more forcefully, I speak his name louder. “Shilo.”
He squeaks in response, then cracks the door open, a strained smile plastered on his face.
“Oh, Mr. Callahan, I didn’t see you there.” His voice is rough, no doubt from all the puking. Avoiding eye contact, he steps up to the sink to wash his hands.
“Mr. Callahan is my father,” I grit out, watching him closely. “You can call me Ryann.”
Something in my tone makes him freeze. His shoulders stiffen under that oversized shirt he’s wearing, looking thinner than he did two months ago.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” My words come out harsher than I intend, but I don’t care. I feel duped.
“Hm?” He shuts off the water, carefully drying his fingers, giving me a glimpse of chipped, purple nails. “Tell you what?”
What is it with people who like purple making it their entire personality?
“Why didn’t you tell me that you’re a virgin.”
Well, close to it . Not that we did a whole lot, but...we did enough.
Shilo freezes again, his eyes widening, then narrowing as he pats his pockets like he’s forgotten something. “I, uh, think I hear my phone.”
With a frown, I take in the bright red flush on his neck. “I don’t hear anything.”
“Nope, that’s definitely a phone call. I need to take it.” He pulls his phone out before pressing it to his ear. “Hello? Oh, yes, I can talk right now. Sorry, Mr. Callahan, but this call is very important. I have to go!”
“Shilo, you didn’t even unlock your screen,” I call after him, scrubbing a hand over my stubbled cheek with a sigh as the bathroom door swings shut behind him.
Well, that definitely could’ve gone better.
Taking a moment to collect myself, I step out to find Declan and Paige by the elevator. Their attention shifts to me.
“What happened?” Paige asks, her voice tinged with worry.
“He ran out to take a call,” I lie, and her brows shoot up.
“It could be Dad checking on the interview. I’ll go find him.”
She takes a step forward, but pauses, tossing Declan a worried glance over her shoulder.
“Don’t look at me like that,” he laughs, giving her an utterly unprofessional swat on the ass. “We’re still going to hire your brother. Don’t worry.”
We’re what?!
Her shoulders relax, a warm smile lighting up her face as she steps into the elevator. The second the doors close, Declan turns on me.
“What did you do?” he demands, pinning me against the wall by my shoulders, and I bare my teeth at him.
“ Me ?”
“Yeah, Ry. You. What did you do to that boy?”
“What makes you think I did anything?”
He scoffs, smacking the side of my head. “Because I know you, asshole. We shared a womb.”
“Yes, and I wish I’d eaten you.” Pushing him off me, I let out a breath as I pinch the bridge of my nose. “I didn’t know who he was, alright? I thought...he seemed like he just wanted to fuck.”
“ You fucked him?!” His voice jumps five whole octaves. “Oh, my god. Paige is going to kill me. First, she’s going to kill you, and then she’s going to kill me because I’ll have to avenge your death.”
Dec starts to pace, pulling at his curls, and I roll my eyes before grabbing his wrist. “Calm down. We didn’t fuck.” Well... “Not really.”
“Not really?” He blinks, eyes bouncing between mine. “What does that mean, not really? Either you fucked him, or you didn’t.”
“We...” I wince, dropping my gaze when the memories hit me all over again. “I tried to, but...well, he’s small, and I’m a fairly large guy...”
He nearly chokes, looking completely petrified as he grips my shirt. “Did you force yourself on him? Is that why he’s all fucked up?”
“ What!?” It’s my turn to shout, shoving him so hard that he nearly flips over a nearby chair. “Stop acting the maggot! Do you really think I’m capable of such a thing, Dec? Christ.”
Declan holds up his hands, his suit now disheveled from our scuffle. “Alright, yeah, I’m sorry. That was too far. But seriously, Ryann, what did you do? Because Paige made it sound horrible.”
Because it was horrible, wasn’t it? I used Shilo for my own pleasure and then tossed him out like nothing. I took what should’ve been a sweet experience and turned it ugly. Twisted.
I broke something precious that wasn’t mine to break.
“Whatever it was,” my brother starts, studying me as I fight my own thoughts, “whatever happened, you need to fix it. Because Shilo’s starting with us on Monday.”
My head snaps up quickly. “What the fuck? Are you serious? You really think that’s a good idea?”
“We promised Paige we’d help him, didn’t we?”
“Aye, but—“
“No buts,” he cuts me off with a pointed look. “We promised her, Ry. And Callahan men keep their promises.”
“Don’t quote Dad at me, asshole.”
Heaving a sigh, I glare at the ceiling, knowing this can only end in disaster. I may be a lot of things, but I’ve always prided myself on not sleeping with employees—with one very regrettable exception downstairs. Unlike my father and brother, who have no qualms dipping their toes into the proverbial pond.
Not only will I be Shilo’s boss, but we’ll be working together, practically on top of each other—and not in the fun way. I’ll have to interact with him constantly, twenty-five hours a week, five hours a day. Someone I’ve shared an orgasm with. Someone I’m pretty sure I traumatized.
How the fuck are we supposed to work together?
Declan slaps my shoulder, a smirk tugging at the corners of his lips before he heads back to his office. “Monday morning, brother. Be prepared.”
Shilo’s blue eyes flash in my mind—the way they dimmed when I left him half-naked on my couch, and the shame that’s always simmering beneath my skin rises, tightening its grip.
There’s no way this won’t end with one of us in pieces.