23. Shilo
Shilo
“ S eriously, what the fuck is wrong with you?! A house party?”
My sister’s angry voice makes me wince, too loud for my pounding head and aching neck. I squint at her from the hospital bed, my face feeling like someone took a sledgehammer to it. Across the room, Declan stands stiffly in his suit, shifting uncomfortably.
“I thought you were smarter than this, Shilo,” Paige hisses, hands on her hips. If I could glare, I would, but my bruised eyes hurt too much. Also, I can’t breathe through my nose, and I have a concussion, which sucks.
“What did I do wrong? Those homophobic assholes started it, not me.” Luckily, my nose has been numb since the doctor reset the bone, but there’s packing inside my nostrils to help the fracture heal.
Ugh, I wish Ryann were here. He’s making an important speech tonight, though, and I don’t want to jeopardize his job. It’s important to him.
I just wish I were, too.
She rubs her forehead, exhaling sharply. “Mom and Dad are gonna flip their shit when they find out. They don’t pay all that tuition money for you to get drunk at parties.”
“ Party,” I correct, groaning when I sit up to reach for my shoes. “One party. You know, for my birthday?”
Her eyes soften slightly, guilt flickering across her face as she comes around the bed to help me. “You’re right, Iggs, I’m sorry. I just couldn’t believe it when your friends told me that you got into a fight. That’s not like you.”
I didn’t exactly get into a fight but I don’t bother correcting her because what’s the point?
Declan clears his throat, breaking the tension. “If you ask me, those guys deserved whatever your friends did. And with the ID Tina got, I’m sure the cops will find at least one of them.”
Oh yeah, and that had been exhausting—giving statements to the police while the doctor waited for my nose to numb up. What a great birthday this has been.
If this is what twenty-two feels like, I don’t know why Taylor Swift wrote a whole song about it. This frickin blows .
Once the doctor discharges me, Declan and Paige help me to the car. I grimace at my reflection in the window—the bloodstained crop top, the mascara streaks down my cheeks, the swollen, bruised face. I should have stayed home. Should probably stay home every night from now on, just to make sure this never happens again. And this outfit is stupid. I don’t even know why I let KC convince me to wear it.
As they drive away, I rest my head on the seat and pull out my phone to check my messages, swiping away the apologies from my friends to read the texts from Ryann.
Ry:
Declan and your sister just left, claiming a family emergency. Is everything alright?
Shilo, pick up the phone.
I need to hear from you.
There are two missed calls as well, but I clear those away, blinking back tears.
I don’t want to worry him, and I don’t want to ruin his night. But God, I really wish he was here to hold me right now. I feel so stupid, so worthless. I wish I were just…someone else. Someone not me.
Actually. You know what? No.
The thought slams to a halt as KC’s words from earlier echo in my head, making my chest ache.
So, should I stop smiling? Should Tina stop wearing skirts?
The fight wasn’t my fault. I shouldn’t be punished for just existing . I’m not the one with the problem—that asshole was. Everyone who ever made me feel this way in high school was the frickin problem!
The car slows as we pull up to the house, and Paige gets out to help me from the backseat.
“You don’t need to come in with me,” I mumble, ducking my head. “Sorry I ruined your night.”
She huffs, throwing an arm around my shoulders as we climb the porch steps, leaving Declan waiting in the car. “You didn’t ruin anything, Iggy. I’m just glad something worse didn’t happen.”
I guess she’s right. But what did happen still hurts.
Worst. Birthday. Ever.
Thankfully, the house is dark when we step inside, and Paige pulls me toward the stairs.
“I’ll help you wash your face, get you all set before I go—“
“What in God’s name are you wearing?”
We freeze in place, my stomach dropping as my eyes dart toward the dining room. Dad sits at the table with a cup of coffee, his wide gaze taking in the bloodstained crop top and tight pants. My blood runs cold when my sister quickly steps in front of me.
“Dad, we thought you had work tonight,” she says, her voice shaking.
“Got off early to surprise my son for his birthday, but apparently, he’s been out doing God knows what.” He stands abruptly, the harsh scrape of the chair against the floor making me flinch. Fear anchors me to the spot as he steps closer, my pulse racing. Logically, I know Dad’s never laid a hand on us, but the memory of those guys at the party has my nervous system in overdrive, every instinct screaming at me to brace for impact.
He stops in front of Paige, his furious gaze narrowing on me over her shoulder. “Is that makeup on your face, boy?”
“Mark, why are you yelling?” Mom hurries down the hall, gasping audibly when she takes in my battered face. “Sweetheart, what happened to you?!”
She rushes forward, her hands reaching out to touch my face, but I wince, the numbness starting to fade and the pain setting in.
“Some guy beat him up for what he was wearing,” Paige explains, glaring at our dad, whose lips curl back.
“What did you expect? He looks like a fuckin’ queer!”
“ Mark,” Mom scolds sharply, but the rest of her words are drowned out by the heat rising in my chest.
“Because I am queer!“ I shout before I can stop myself.
Dad’s features twist with anger, red like a cherry about to pop. “What did you just say?”
My throat tightens, and swallowing hurts thanks to the splint in my nose, but I force myself to stand taller. My shoulders square as I step out from behind Paige. “Dad, I’m gay. I’ve always been gay, and I didn’t deserve to get my nose broken just for walking by. I didn’t do anything wrong.”
A heavy silence follows, the atmosphere shifting as I watch my dad’s expression morph from stunned outrage to disgust.
Shame has me opening my mouth to apologize, to take it all back, but he speaks before I can get the chance.
“Get out of my house,” he says quietly, so low I almost think I misheard him.
“B-but Dad—“
“I said get out! “ he roars, the sheer force of it making us all jump. “I will not tolerate this under my own damn roof.”
He storms off through the house, his footsteps echoing like thunder. Mom and Paige chase after him, but I don’t follow. I can’t.
My legs feel like they’re made of lead, rooted to the spot as stinging tears spill over my already raw cheeks. Choked noises claw their way up my throat, a desperate, ugly sound I can’t control.
He…kicked me out. My own father kicked me out.
I’m homeless. Where am I supposed to go? How will I finish school? What am I supposed to do?
“Igs, hey.” Paige’s arms wrap around me, careful not to press against my battered nose. “Shh, it’s alright. He just needs some time to process. It’ll be fine.”
“ It’s not fine, “ I wail into her shoulder, my chest heaving as it feels like it’s collapsing inward. “He hates me.”
Mom joins us, pressing a tender kiss to my temple. “Oh, my sweet boy, your father does not hate you. He’s stubborn and set in his ways, but he loves you. He’ll come around, I promise.”
But her words don’t halt the sobs wracking my body. It probably isn’t good for the concussion, but I can’t seem to stop. They hold me tightly, Mom wiping my face with gentle hands while my sister tries to console me.
A knock at the front door finally pulls us from the moment, and I look up to see Declan awkwardly standing on the porch, his brows furrowed with concern.
“Everything alright?”
“It will be,” Paige answers firmly before glancing at me. “Can Shilo stay with us at your condo tonight?”
He nods immediately. “Of course.”
“But I don’t want to,” I whisper, my lip trembling. Declan’s condo isn’t the place I want to be. I want to be at his brother’s. With Ryann. But I don’t have a key, Ryann’s busy, and I refuse to jeopardize his career by calling him.
“It’s just for the night,” Paige growls, stomping up the stairs to grab some things from my room. “Until Dad gets his head out of his ass!”
Mom takes my hands, her eyes soft. “You don’t have to go anywhere.”
“But Dad said—“
“I know what he said,” she cuts me off, gently pushing strands of hair from my face. “I will never put my children on the streets, and your father can answer to me if he has a problem with that.”
“This is his house, though,” I mumble.
“Oh, I dare him to kick me out. He wouldn’t have the balls.”
Her eyes flash, and despite everything, I choke out a laugh—only to immediately wince when my head throbs in protest.
“I think… maybe I should go. Give him some space.”
“He’ll come around.” She presses a kiss to my cheek just as Paige reappears, my duffel bag slung over her shoulder. I follow her out, but turn back to Mom in the doorway before stepping off the porch.
“Tell Dad I love him,” I say, swallowing hard. “And… thanks for coming home on my birthday.”
Her smile is sad but warm as she pulls me in for one last hug. “I’m so proud of you, Shilo. Just want you to know. We’ve raised a fine young man.”
“Thanks, Mom. Love you.”
Sliding back into Declan’s car, I take one last look at the house before it fades into the distance. The pain in my head mixes with a heavy numbness, tears threatening to spill as panic claws at my thoughts.
Paige says everything will be okay tomorrow, but what if it’s not? What if my dad never wants to see me again, all because of something I can’t change?
Closing my eyes, I let the hum of the engine lull me to sleep, even though my heart aches for something else. Someone else.
I wish it were Ryann’s arms instead.