Chapter 29
Keepingmy promise to Tessa comes at a cost, but one I’m more than willing to pay.
Monday morning I enter the weight room about quarter to seven, like I do six days a week, that is the last normal thing about the day.
“Shaw, get your ass in my office,” Coach shouts as I’m putting my stuff in my locker.
Kendall “Ken Doll” Walker, one of our starting wide receivers, slams his locker shut right next to me, making me jump. “He’s had a bug up his ass since he stormed in here this morning. I don’t envy you, man.”
“I’ve been expecting something like this. I’ll manage,” I tell him and close my locker.
I stroll into Greer’s office as if I’ve done nothing wrong, which I haven’t, but I know he probably doesn’t see it that way. There were half dozen missed calls and an equal number of texts on my phone when I turned it back on this morning, and every single one of them were from him.
“What the fuck did you think you were doing turning off your phone yesterday?” Spittle flies from his mouth as he yells at me.
I cross my arms, and widen my stance. It’s admittedly a somewhat aggressive posture. The muscles in my arms bulge and stretch my T-shirt. Yesterday, I came to a decision about what is important to me, and what isn’t. I’ve made my peace with walking away from football if necessary.
After my father put me in the hospital I accepted that any chance I had at a career in football was over. That same night I thought I lost the woman I love forever. Losing her was worse than losing football. Now I’ve got both back in my life, and if I have to choose between them, I already know which one I can’t live without. It’s no contest. I’ll choose Tessa every single time.
“Well,” he demands, “I’m waiting.”
I shrug one shoulder. “I was enjoying my day off. You know, the one you are obligated to give me according to NCAA rules?”
His jaw clenches and the muscle tics over the joint. “I went to bat for you to get you here. The least you could do is show some gratitude.”
I slam my hands down on his desk and lean close to his face. “I was grateful when I thought I was coming here to work with the coach I knew at Ocean Bluff High. That man I respected. He had morals and standards. I’m not sure who you are, but I don’t respect you enough to show you gratitude. I’m sure as fuck not going to sacrifice my relationship to save your ass.”
He lifts himself to standing and matches my stance. Coach Greer is still an imposing man. He might be in his fifties, but he could knock most men on their ass. Not me, but most men haven’t gone to battle with crime lords. I’m not the same kid he coached years ago, and that miscalculation will be his downfall.
“You want to get technical about the rules?” he sneers. “There’s nothing that says I have to put you on the field. No pro team is going to want you, and you won’t get a spot in the draft if you don’t get any playtime.”
I stand up straight. “Then I guess I’ll leave here with an education, but at least I’ll still have Tessa.”
He shakes his head. “You’re only twenty-one. You don’t know what you want.”
Done with this conversation, I turn to go back to the locker room. Before I walk out I say over my shoulder, “Tell yourself that if it makes you feel better, but I made my peace with losing football back in high school.”
* * *
Greer followedthrough with his threat. Here we are a month into the season, and I’ve been riding the bench. It’s like a game of chicken, except I have no plans of swerving. I don’t care if I run headfirst into the consequences.
Coach, on the other hand, grows more disgruntled every game that passes. He’s approaching his breaking point, because the school still wants to use me, and so far I haven’t helped them fill the stadium with horny women. Not to mention the fact that my replacement can’t hit the broadside of a barn, let alone land a pass without any pressure. Thankfully our defense is amazingly talented, or every game would end in a blowout.
As it is now, the Cascade U Rams are fighting to even have a chance at a wildcard spot going into bowl season. If Coach Greer would pull his head out of his ass and put me in starting tonight, we could still turn the season around. That would mean he’d have to admit defeat in this game he’s playing with me though, and that he can’t do. He claims he’ll lose his job if I don’t pretend to be single, but by benching me the team’s record is so bad that he might lose it anyway.
I haven’t made many friends on the team thanks to my bench warming status, so I am usually one of the few left at the hotel when we’re away for a game. Not that I’d be trying to hang out with the others anyway, my days of picking up randoms is far behind me.
We’ve been on the road a lot for the last month. Every other weekend I’m sharing a room with a teammate instead of Tessa, and I’m getting nothing from it. If I had another way to pay for college without going into massive debt I’d quit now and be done with it. If I’m not going to have a shot to play pro ball at least I could be with Tess every weekend.
This weekend though is going to be a rare break in the tedium of this season. We’re heading south to play against the Playa Pacifica University Jaguars, which means I get to skip the hotel and stay with my friends. Shane and I still aren”t talking as much as we used to so I”m bunking with Sin and Raven. The best part is that Sin is surprising his wife by flying down Tessa.
We won”t have a lot of time, maybe just enough to have dinner, but it”ll be nice to see a friendly face for a change. Too bad I didn”t let them know farther in advance, Sin didn”t even tell the rest of the gang because they all have plans to go up to Shane”s cabin for the weekend. Sin and Raven decided to skip it, since it doesn”t bring back the best memories for them. I haven”t been there since that weekend either so I”m not sad to be left out of this particular trip.
What I don”t do is ask Coach for permission to stay somewhere other than the hotel. If he even thinks I want to do something he”s going to say no. It”s much easier to sneak out after everyone goes out for the night. I don’t have to worry about my roommate ratting me out, because I’m staying with the one guy on the team I’ve actually formed any kind of friendship with, even if it is only at practice.
Kendall and I get off the private plane the team charters to away games, and start grabbing our bags to get on the bus for the hotel. He slides in next to me in the front of the bus. He’s the only other guy on the team who doesn’t like to party. Like me he’s got a steady girlfriend, but unlike me he wasn’t asked to lie about her existence.
He’s stiff as he sits down. “I really wish Coach would get over whatever this bug is that crawled up his ass. If Jefferson throws me another pass like last week I’m going to be in traction.”
When Nate Jefferson, the sophomore who is standing in as QB right now, manages to actually find a receiver, he always seems to land it in the hands of a guy in the middle of the most heat. Last week that honor fell to Ken Doll, who is definitely not feeling like his usual perfectly coiffed self.
“That seems really unlikely, considering what he wants is for me to break up with my girlfriend,” I reply.
“I thought he just wanted you to appear single in public,” Kendall says.
“Yeah that”s what he said, but then he did everything he could to keep us apart during training camp. If all he cared about is my public image, why would he go to such lengths to make sure I didn”t have any time with her?”
Kendall winces as the bus lurches into gear. It”s a state of the art bus, but it”s still carrying thousands of pounds of equipment and athletes. Nothing carrying this load is going to give the smoothest ride. Kendall isn”t the only one in pain either. The entire team is worse for wear thanks to how much harder they are having to work just to maintain their mediocre record.
“Well while the two of you are seeing whose dick is bigger, the rest of us are suffering, man. I am not telling you to break up with your girlfriend. You know I would not tell you to do that. Gina and I both love Tess. But is there any way you can make him think that you are complying with what he said?”
“I”m going to let this pass because you don”t know what she and I have been through, but I need you to hear me when I tell you that there is no way I am ever going to deny who she is to me. I have fought too hard to get her back. The last thing I am going to do is pretend we aren”t together. I”m not going to let some chick hang all over me like I”m single. I”m not going to flirt with the fans. I”m still not out of the doghouse for the shit that I put her through the last couple of years, I”m not adding to it.”
He nods his head. “Yeah, I get it. Playing college ball can fuck with your relationship. I had to jump through some hoops to get my girl back too. For the record, I think what you”re being asked to do is bullshit. The rest of the team isn”t treating you like you”re a teammate, so you don”t owe them anything.”
He holds his fist out to me and I bump it with mine. “I”m just watching my back right now, because I highly doubt that sitting on the bench is the extent of what Greer has planned.”
Kendall looks out the window as we pull away from the airport and start to move into the glittering downtown of Playa Pacifica. “This is your hometown? Damn bro, you”ve been holding out on us.”
I chuckle darkly. “Hardly. I”m from a broke down trailer park about twenty-five minutes south. Trust me you”re not missing anything. Playa looks nice, but there”s a lot of darkness that can be hid in the light. Things might not be going the way I had planned with football, but I”m not sad to have left this place.”
“Don”t you have any friends here? Are they coming to the game?”
“Fuck no. They don”t need to wait in a long ass line just to watch me sit on a wooden bench. Most of my crew are up in a cabin in the mountains. One of my best friends is gonna swing by and pick me up tonight. I”m going to crash at their house tonight.”
“Coach will be pissed if he finds out you left,” Kendall warns.
I roll my eyes. “Well, I suppose he can add it to that growing list of his. I swear I can”t even see the guy that I respected back in high school. It”s like aliens have taken over his body. He”s the reason that I came to Cascade U, and now I wish I had taken an offer anywhere else. Tessa had her heart set on Seattle, but I”m pretty sure anywhere but Playa would”ve been fine with her.”
His forehead creases. “How could you hate a place this beautiful?”
I look out the window, and all I see is the warehouse fire from last year, Jesse being shot in the head, the moment I thought Tessa was dead, and the look on her face when I realized how badly I have let her down over and over again. I turn away from the window. “I don”t think we”re seeing the same things, man.”
When we get to the hotel, everybody gets off the bus and the assistant coach starts handing out key cards. Kendall and I are sharing a room again, because the rest of the team thinks we’re boring. Which basically means we won”t let them bring random girls to hook up with in the room. They like to call us the married guys, like that”s an insult. I”d be married right now if I thought Tessa would say yes.
Speaking of Tessa, my phone rings as Kendall and I are taking the elevator up to our room. There are a couple of kids on the elevator, and they’ve pushed every button on the panel. It wouldn’t be a big deal if we were staying at a generic chain, but thanks to one of the boosters we’re staying on the top floor of a boutique hotel. It’s that guy Nelson Jones, the one who handed me his card at the dinner. I guess he really is a huge fan and supporter of the team.
“Hey, Vixen,” I greet her. Might as well settle in, we have tons of time to talk as the elevator stops and opens at each floor. The little assholes get off on the second floor, and Kendall and I still have to ride up thirty-eight more floors with the doors opening on each floor.
“Raven and Sin just picked me up from the airport. Is it weird that I”m really excited to see you, because I just saw you this morning?”
I smile, even though she can”t see me. It”s nice that she is finally able to admit any kind of feelings for me now without putting her guard up. “It”s not weird. We”ve been apart too much, and it”s only the start of the season.”
She groans. “I don”t know how I”m ever going to do this if you go pro.”
I sigh. “I don”t see that happening if I never get on the field.”
I can feel the heaviness on the other end of the line. “Baby, do not take that on your shoulders,” I tell her.
“But you would be playing right now if it weren”t for me,” she argues.
“No, I would be playing right now if my coach and the athletic director weren”t a bunch of dicks. I owe the team my dedication and loyalty. I do not owe them my personal life. As long as I represent the team with professionalism, they can go fuck off.”
I can hear her exhale into the phone. “Spit it out, Vixen.”
“I”m sure they think that they”ve got a case to make you do this considering technically we are stepsiblings,” she reminds me, as if I have forgotten.
“One, we didn”t grow up together. Two, we were already together when our parents came back married. And three, neither of our parents did much parenting, so I don”t see how it”s anyone”s fucking business.”
“No one is going to know any of that. All they’re going to see is that your mom is married to my dad. No justifying that we try and do is going to change their mind, because they”re not even going to let us argue our side.”
“You’d think the number of people I”ve killed would be more of a sticking point than the fact that I sleep with my stepsister,” I joke to lighten the mood.
“Graveyard humor, awesome,” she mutters, but I can hear Sin laughing in the background.
“At least someone appreciates my humor,” I fire back.
“I don”t think that”s as good of an argument as you think it is. He”s more deranged than you are. Also, your body count, and I mean that in the six-feet-under kind of way, isn”t a matter of public record.”
“We aren”t married yet, so neither is our relationship,” I point out.
“He makes an excellent point,” I hear Sin shout from the background.
“Not all of us celebrate getting our driver’s license by running straight to the courthouse to get hitched,” I say back, knowing he is listening.
“Not everyone can be as cool as Raven and I. We”ve learned to accept it, you should too,” he yells back.
“Would the two of you like to talk amongst yourselves?” Tessa asks. I can hear the teasing tone of her voice, and realize that Sin was doing what I hadn”t been able to do, which is pull her out of her darkening mood.
In the past, I would have been very territorial over anyone who was able to make her feel better, because that”s my job, but since that night at the restaurant with the four of us, I feel okay when he”s able to make her feel better.
“What time is the game tomorrow?” Tessa asks.
“Why? I won”t be playing.”
“I go to all your home games, I”m not going to miss this one. Sooner or later he”s going to put you on the field.” Tessa has always had faith in me even when I don”t have it in myself.
“I don”t think Coach has missed that you”re at most of our games either,” I say.
She gasps. “Oh my God, I didn”t even think about that. Should I not go? Really if you have to pretend that we aren”t together, I”ll understand.”
“Well, I fucking won’t,” Sin snaps.
“See Tessa, that is a normal reaction. For the record, I can”t do that. I will not deny you, not even to get on the field. Take that option out of your mind. I”m not doing it.”
“But you could lose football.” This is not the first time we”ve had this argument. It”s not even the tenth.
“And if I lose football I do. I”m okay with losing football. Even if you think you”re fine with it now, I will not be okay with doing anything that demeans our relationship.”
“I really love you, you know that,” she admits, much easier than she used to.
“I know.” And I did know now. “I really fucking love you right back.”
“I know,” she says, and I think she”s starting to believe it.
When the doors finally open to our floor the first thing we notice is the noise.
“What the fuck? How the hell am I going to get any sleep with this shit going on?” Kendall asks.
“What is that?” Tessa asks.
“Apparently, the team is throwing a rager on our floor. I can’t believe Coach is allowing this shit, let alone the night before a game,” I grumble.
“Greer isn’t at the hotel,” I hear Sin say.
“What do you mean?” I ask.
“Make an appearance, and slip out. I’ve got some shit to tell you,” Sin says, having taken the phone from Tessa.
“Do you have room for my friend Kendall?”
“Is he going to hit on my wife?” Sin asks, totally not joking.
“No way. His girlfriend would have his balls,” I tell him.
“Then meet us around the corner from your hotel in thirty minutes, and be discreet,” he warns.
I hang up, and we step out into the hallway. There are a few guys sitting in the lounge area on the floor, but all of the second string are drunk off their asses.
Kendall shakes his head. “We haven’t even taken the field yet and we’ve already lost.”
We both make our way over to the starters and take a seat.
“Hey, Ford,” one of the guys greets me. He waves to the chaos surrounding us. “We haven’t been very fair to you. Coach made it seem like our losing streak was because you weren’t being a team player, but this shit doesn’t make any sense. These aren’t even cheerleaders. I think they’re strippers some business guy from Playa sent over to welcome us. Those dumbasses,” he points to our drunk teammates, “are too stupid to realize this is just a pleasant way of sabotaging us.”
“We’re just waiting for them to drink themselves to sleep, then we’ll kick out all the ladies,” another one of the guys says.
“Well, good luck to you. I’ve got friends in town, and they flew in my girl, so I’m going to dip out of here. Kendall’s going to come with, so he doesn’t get in trouble with his girl when we get back,” I tell them.
We both hand off our key cards to the other guys. “You guys should make use of the room though. Just because we’re old and married like you guys like to say, doesn’t mean you shouldn’t enjoy.”
“Just go for one of the cheerleaders on the floor below, and not one of these ladies,” Kendall advises. “They’re not here for you, but because they’ve been paid. Don’t forget that. If you’re going to end up with a baby mama, she should at least think you’re amazing for a few minutes without being paid to like you.”
Before I stand up, one of the women, stripped down to a bra and micro mini-skirt straddles my lap. I don’t even think before I react. I stand up, dumping her on the carpet on her ass.
“Ow,” she whines. “What the hell? You looked lonely, so I was coming over to say hi.”
“Yeah? Well consent goes both ways, sweetheart. Don’t fucking touch me,” I growl.
“Ken Doll, let’s get out of here,” I snap.
We slip back through the crowd. Most of the guys are too drunk to notice, and the starting line is heading for the floor below to start a different kind of party. Not my scene, but a smarter choice than this one. One thing I know, things like this always come back to bite you in the ass. These guys are going to be dealing with the decisions they make tonight for years to come.