Chapter 28
CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
The plate hits me with a crack, food flinging onto me. For a second, all I can do is sit there.
Did she really just throw her sandwich at me? Disbelief runs through me, and I stare at her. I have pesto on my face. The oily splotches smear on my glasses. Little chunks of pine nuts and mushy spinach are also in my hair.
Then, reality hits. All I can picture is throwing her over my knee and spanking some respect into her.
Raven moves before I do. She jumps on the bed, trying to use it to get around me. I dart toward her, grabbing her before she can get out the door.
“Help!” she screams.
There’s a glancing blow to my head, and I laugh, lifting her up and throwing her on the bed. “Oh, you’ve done it now.”
I drop down on top of the struggling blur of movement. This close, I see Raven’s face, and for a second, it’s twisted in hate.
“I’ll teach you some respect,” I say playfully as I try to pin her arms down. We fight for a second, and then I get her small body restrained under me.
Instantly, Raven’s eyes widen, the whites showing, and her body stills. She stops fighting, and her body is like stone. She looks through me like I’m not even there. Slowly, the look fades from fear to glassy. Her body relaxes, and her eyelids drop, but she’s still not looking at me.
The look is haunting. It’s like she’s there, but she’s not. It’s a familiar look.
That look. It’s like she’s seeing everything and nothing.
My stomach twists, and I let her go.
“Raven?” I back off the bed. My stomach doesn’t feel right.
Suddenly, I’m a child again.
“What’s wrong?”
Gage’s voice sounds like it’s coming from behind a shower curtain.
My knee is jostled, and I blink. We’re in the car going to school.
“What’s going on?” Gage whispers.
What’s wrong? Nothing’s wrong. I was just thinking about… nothing. My mind was finally a blank wall.
“Nothing.” I fold my arms and look out the window. The outside moves by in flashes of dirty white. It snowed last night, on Halloween, and the snow is dirty from the roads.
And now I can’t stop thinking. About last night. About how Rich and I had a special night. About how he told me how much more mature I am than Gage. My body hurts today, but Gage wouldn’t understand. No one would.
I blink back into the present, realizing I’ve been staring at the bed. Raven has now backed to the far edge of the bed, legs curled up to her chest.
Raven looks just like I felt.
The rage that starts to wash over me comes in a warm tingle. That rage that I try so hard to keep down every year. The rage I try to drink and fuck away. The rage that makes me murderous.
I open my mouth to demand who the fuck hurt her, but then snap it closed.
I have the foresight to snatch the plate off the floor and stalk from the room. I make it to the top of the stairs, where I catch a glimpse of the attic landing. It looks just like the one at Rich’s house.
Suddenly, I just stand there and stare. All the emotions are roaring around in my head. They all scream for attention, the betrayal, numbness, and fucking sadness like a smothering blanket I’m stuck under, unable to move.
It takes me a long time to snap out of it. When I do, it’s because I hear a soft thump from the room behind me.
Then, the rage starts roaring up again.
Someone made Raven feel like this, too.
And suddenly, all the emotions have a place to go. Someone fucked with Raven. So I’ll fuck with them.
For a second, a wild idea fills my mind.
I could find them. Could hunt them down and make them pay.
I feel elated at the idea. I could kill them for her.
I’m not a kid anymore. I could make it right.
She could be my girl for real. Like, I could date her and get to know her and fucking do all the nice things for her.
Then, I hear Rich’s voice. “You’re my boy. I love you.”
Suddenly, I feel sick. The nausea rolls through me, and I dart to the bathroom just in time. Then, I hurl into the toilet. I wretch, getting everything in my stomach out. Then, I drop my head on the toilet seat.
What am I thinking? I can’t love anyone. I’m not built for that shit. That was always Gage’s job. Why the hell am I over here acting like Gage?
My heart twists, but I force myself to flush the toilet. Look at Axel, playing Captain Save-a-Hoe. Fucking can-get-whatever-pussy-he-wants Axel over here simping for someone he hasn’t even fucked.
I wash the food from my face.
Raven will never fuck me. Plus, I think I just entered a game that is so far out of my league. I just need to let her go.
My skin prickles, and for some reason, I fucking hate that idea.
Fuck. No, I’m not going to get attached. What’s the rule? Never fuck the same girl twice.
But I haven’t fucked her yet, so I’m not breaking the rule…
Fuck. I splash my face, then rip the hand towel away and dry my face. It’s scratchy and smells stale.
I can’t just leave Raven like this.
I could go to her apartment and lock the door since I left it unlocked when I carted her out. Maybe while I’m there, I can see what I can find, and if there’s nothing there, then there’s nothing there, and we call it quits.
Yeah. I owe it to her to at least keep her stuff safe.
I straighten, smelling like a mix of lavender soap, stale towel, and pesto.
This doesn’t mean anything. Just a decent thing to do after keeping a stubborn woman warm.
Fuck, if this woman won’t be the death of me. I won’t allow her to be. I can’t.