Chapter 30
CHAPTER THIRTY
It’s a shit-ass day. I do everything right; I present all my arguments in a clear and compelling way.
I outmaster the defense. But as the day goes on, my client gets more and more pale.
She keeps glancing at the defendant. She can’t keep her eyes off him, and I know what’s coming. I try everything I can to avoid it.
But by the end of the day, she tells me she wants to drop the case. And for a second, all I can see is my mom.
My hands shake. She wants to drop it after everything he did?
But my client is almost frantic about it, and I’m paid to serve my client, not take a personal side in cases.
When I walk out of the courthouse, my vision tunnels. Just get to the car. Just get to the car, tell Mom everything went well, and get home. Don’t think about anything else.
Like the fact that Raven is with my brother. When I’d shuffle papers, I imagined I could smell her. Even though I knew it was just in my head, I’d still look up and around the room every once in a while just to make sure she wasn’t there.
Because she’s with my brother.
That thought makes another wave of rage rip through me.
Of course, she’s with my brother. That’s where they always go.
Everything is spiraling. I get in my car, and it takes everything I have not to slam the door.
“Hey, honey, how’d it go?” Mom asks in that kind voice of hers. It makes my eyes prickle unexpectedly.
Damn Mom and her compassion. I don’t need compassion. I need berating. I failed. I failed my case, and Raven played me. For a second there, I thought Raven really hated Axel. And yet, here we fucking are.
The drive home is a blur, but it’s not because I can’t see. All those emotions that I typically ball up so tightly are trying to break free.
Once I get home, I thank Mom for the ride and practically fall out of the car.
When I push open the front door, Buddy is there on the other side, sniffing to greet me.
She jumps up and down like a puppy, and I admire her soft gray color.
Fuck, it’s good to see again. Buddy’s paws thud on the floor, and her nails make little clicks.
I wonder what color Raven’s eyes are? It was dark when I dropped her off that one night. I remember the silence from her side of the car. Only it wasn’t pure silence. She sucked in quick, tiny breaths.
I wonder what she sounds like when she isn’t afraid.
I jerk those thoughts to a halt.
I don’t care about Raven. She fucked with me, then fucked with my brother. That’s unforgivable.
Buddy looks past me, out into the front yard.
“What?” I turn, looking outside. There’s no one there.
I try to shut the door, but she just stands stiffly, her tail up and wagging slightly.
“It’s just me.” I gently move my dog enough to shut the door. Buddy hangs her head and lets her tail drop.
I crouch down to check on her. It’s so unusual for her to act like this. Is she feeling okay?
Buddy snuffles at my bag, sniffing my papers, and her tail starts wagging again.
Is she… Did she think Raven was coming?
I stand up quickly, some part of me upset. But just as quickly as I think that, I realize I’ve also been catching whiffs of Raven all day, like some kind of goddamn addict.
Fucking hell.
This is obsessive. I’m done thinking about her. About what she’s doing. About the possibility that she might be fucking my brother…
Fucking Christ! I let Buddy out the back door to do her business. I see that the sunflower seeds I’ve set out are gone. I refill the tray and check the quarters.
They’re still there.
I sigh.
Poe, the raven I nursed back to health so many years ago, still returns to my mom’s house every once in a while.
Mom says she doesn’t come around a lot, but I wish she could find me again.
She was always the most gentle soul—with me anyway.
She’d never come around anyone else. Looking into her eyes, I knew she could understand far more than I had originally thought.
Because I was fourteen and dumb, I brought her shiny things, only realizing later that ravens like them because they think we like them.
She brought me a thimble once, and I still have it.
I think about throwing it away. What does it matter anymore? Why the hell do I even bother?
Like a robot, I feed Buddy, who wolfs down her food quickly.
“No, eat slow!” I roll my eyes. Can’t get this dog to slow down to save my life. I wonder if Raven’s ever had a dog? She has had to. Buddy loves her.
A knock at my door interrupts my plans, and Buddy and I turn to the door. The knock is violent, and I rush to open it.
Axel pushes his way inside, breathing heavily.
“What?” I step back, taking him in. His face is red, and his fists are bunched at his sides.
“She had no food.”
“What?”
Axel storms into my living room, throwing up his hands. “She had no food! No food, no money, and someone named Max who’s sending her love letters?”
My first instinct is to punch Axel. He’s been fucking Raven. But something isn’t right. I notice something’s off about his hair. “Slow down. Why do you smell like pesto?” And how the fuck did he get here? Did he drive while blind?
“Raven!” Axel turns on me. “He’s fucking stalking her.”
Unease rips through me. “Who?”
“Fucking Max! Are you listening?”
I haven’t seen Axel this upset since Mom announced she was marrying Rich. Since then, he’s shut down and put on a mask. He tries to act unbothered, but he’s my twin. I know him. And now he’s really upset.
Slowly, Axel’s words sink in. Raven’s being stalked?
“Who’s Max?” I ask, my voice dropping.
Axel stalks back and forth, ripping out his hair. “I think he’s Raven’s ex.”
Raven has an ex? Well, of course she does. She’s hot and smart, so why wouldn’t she?
“How do you know?” I ask.
“Because he sent her a letter!” Axel reaches into his pocket, shoving a piece of paper at me.
I scan it, a sense of dread filling me. “Did you ask Raven about it?”
“No, I just found it at her place.”
“Then why didn’t you ask her about it?”
“Because she’s at my place!”
Those words send a bolt of white-hot rage through me, and I remember how I was picturing ripping Axel’s head off all day. I can’t help the next words, but they sneer out of me, “Oh, right. Because you’re fucking her.”
“What?” Axel stops, frowns, then throws his hands up. “No.”
I snort.
He continues to keep up his farce with a scowl.
“Sure.” I shake my head, the day overflowing. “Sure you aren’t. Because you’ve never fucked my girl before.” I don’t mean to say it, but it comes out. And now that it’s out in the open, I can’t take it back.
Axel freezes. He stares at me, and neither of us says anything. Buddy moves up to nuzzle Axel, and almost robotically, he reaches down to pet her.
The room is quiet, and horror starts to creep through me. I just showed my cards and embarrassed myself.
“Listen, man.” Axel’s jaw twitches. “Back then, I wasn’t trying to… I know you really liked Jess–”
“Doesn’t matter.” I wave him off. Because it doesn’t. And the pity that’s lacing his tone? I can’t stop the shame from heating my cheeks, and I don’t know why. I’m not the one who did anything wrong.
Buddy continues to beg for pets, and Axel bends down to pet her. He sucks in a few breaths, visibly calming.
It’s then that Buddy pukes all over his pants and shoes.
For a second, I just stare.
Axel scrambles back, holding up his hands. “What the…”
I try to hold the laugh in, but I can’t. Axel’s pants are covered in slime and softened kibble. Buddy’s a real one, even if I know it’s just her inability to eat slowly.
“Goddamn it, dude.” Axel’s moaning, but his voice has less of the panic that it had earlier. He starts stripping, peeling off the wet clothes.
“No, don’t–”
Too late. Fucking hell, Axel’s bringing his clothes back to my washroom. He’s going to drip vomit all over my house.
Once Axel leaves the room, I feel like I can breathe again, and I think about what he said.
First of all, he’s not fucking Raven.
What the hell? I can’t unpack all of that right now because I’m not entirely sure I believe him. Axel fucks any and every willing woman. The only thing that makes me think he might be slightly telling the truth is that Raven seems to hate his guts.
Also, Raven’s being stalked?
It seems like a wild fucking story. She’s being stalked, and she doesn’t have any money. Although, that part might be true. She didn’t pack lunch, and she did ask for an advance.
Fuck. The teeny, tiny part of me that still feels things cringes.
Axel comes back into the room, clothed in my pants.
“Why did you come here?” I ask, a little lost. Axel hasn’t come to me for help in…
years. Since we were kids. Part of me misses it, and part of me remembers that even though I see the best in people, they don’t always have my best interests in mind.
Axel included. If he’s here, he wants something from me, and I’m sure there’s nothing in it for me.
Axel runs a hand down his face. “I don’t know, man. I guess I wanted…” he pauses for so long I’m not sure he’s going to finish what he was saying. Finally, his words come out soft, “I just wanted advice.”
I swallow.
“Listen.” Axel shakes his hands out. “I think… I don’t know, man; there’s something different about her.”
I register the vulnerability in his voice and eye him up and down. Is he manipulating me? Since when does Axel like anyone? Like… anyone? I’ve been convinced for a while that he doesn’t even like me. That thought makes an uncomfortable lump form in my throat, and I clear it.
“Please.” Axel looks at me. “I’m coming to you as a brother. You’re always the smarter one.”
I stare at him. He meets my gaze straight on, and for the life of me, all I can picture is little Axel. The one I’d do anything to cover for. The one I still do anything to cover for.
Only now, he wants my… He wants Raven.
And there’s the catch. Once again, it’s all about Axel, leaving Gage in the dust.
I cross my arms. Axel knows I’m a sucker for helping. He always pretended he didn’t see me leave leftovers in the fridge for Mom to eat. I knew he did, though, because he’d always save a few bites, too, and put them in when he thought I wasn’t looking.
I clench my jaw, and then the soft word that comes out of my mouth surprises me. “No.”
“No?” Axel blinks at me.
“No,” I say with more confidence. Axel looks crushed for a second, but for once, I don’t care. I’m done letting Axel get all the things that I want.
It’s not that I want Raven. Why would I want the devil in disguise, even if she’s witty and smart and smells like heaven? No, it’s just ‘cause I want to stop being a doormat to everything my brother wants.
“No.”
I turn on my heel and walk away.
If he wants Raven, he can get her fair and square. But for once in my life, I’m not fucking helping.