Chapter 44
CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
Having Raven in my house feels like being in a cage with a wild animal.
She’s unpredictable, her moods swinging from one end of the spectrum to the other.
I never know what she’s going to do next.
But there’s an odd sense of familiarity in it.
All my animals were like this until they realized I was there to help them.
There’s one thing I won’t back down on, though. I’m going to take care of that damn hand. And I’m going to feed her more so she gains some damn weight.
Okay, so two things.
After Raven’s shower, I knock on the spare bedroom door. There’s a long period of time where I don’t think she’s going to answer, but then I hear her feet on the other side, and it sends an odd relief soaring through me.
The door rips open. “What?”
I hold out a roll of tape. “For your thumb.” Internally, I’m crossing my fingers that she lets me treat it. I don’t want to get pushy with her right now. I will, but it’ll set us back a few steps.
I hold my breath.
Raven huffs, and then there’s an awkward silence. I sense movement as she reaches for my hand.
I pull it back toward my stomach. “Let me show you.” I swallow. “You’re gonna want to wrap it well enough to restrict movement but not so tight that you cut off blood flow.”
There’s a pause, then Raven steps away from the door. I’m not sure if that’s a yes, so I step inside slowly.
Nothing comes hurtling at my head. But I hear Buddy’s heavy breathing.
“Is she on the bed?”
There’s a startled pause, and then Raven says, “Uh, no.”
I’m blind, but I’m not stupid. Raven is a shit liar. It almost makes me want to smile.
No. No smiling. Raven will probably smack it off my face.
And now I’m hard.
“Can I have your hand?”
Silence.
I know this is pushing it for the first night, but knowing she’s in pain and I’m not doing anything to help will bother me more than anything else.
Suddenly, Raven’s right next to me. I hold my breath.
Raven stands there, stiff. I’m pretty sure she’s staring daggers at me, but I can smell her—the Fiji shampoo I got for her wrapping both of us up in a glorious, warm fog.
I wish I could see her wet hair. I know she’s in my clothes too.
I gave her a smaller pair of sweatpants and a shirt so she could wash her clothes.
And the knowledge of that kicks in some caveman part of my brain.
Raven is in my clothes. It feels vulnerable, and I guarantee this is the only concept of vulnerability I’ll get.
“Where’s Axel?”
Immediately, I stiffen. Axel. The thought of what he did to her makes anger heat my veins. “Who the fuck knows?” I bark, sharper than I intend. Then, I suck in a breath, softening my voice. “Sorry. I don’t know. He can go fuck himself.”
There’s another silence. It stretches on so long that I just know she’s watching me. I can feel her gaze on my face. Does she like what she sees?
My cheeks heat.
Shit, she’ll notice. My hands start sweating.
Then, there’s movement, and Raven’s hands are on mine. Her touch sends a jolt of awareness through me, and I struggle to keep my face neutral.
She did it. She trusted me.
I stamp down the way my chest is trying to puff up, then slowly, gently orient my hands on hers till I find her injured one. I can’t see very well, so I accidentally grab beyond her wrist. Sliding my hand down to the joint of her thumb, I can feel the hot swelling. It’s puffy and firm.
“Gonna move it.”
Raven doesn’t respond, but she doesn’t pull away either.
Thrills run up my arms. She’s letting me touch her.
Gently, I maneuver her thumb upwards. It moves.
When I try to press it down into her palm, she hisses, and both hands are on me.
She tries to rip the injured one from my grip, and I feel an uneven prickling of nails.
Some are longer than others. I want to snatch her fingers up and pull them to my face to see what the hell is wrong with her nails.
I could force it easily, but in a monumental effort, I keep my hands steady. Instead, I ask, “Any numbness?”
There’s a movement. I think Raven is shaking her head, and then she says, “No.”
She probably ripped a tendon. There’s not a ton to do about that without surgery, but at least it moves.
“Okay, I’m gonna wrap it.” I tuck her thumb up to the side of her index finger and begin wrapping.
I try not to get distracted by everything that is Raven.
I can hear her soft breaths, and I can almost feel her concentration rolling across my skin.
It’s a heady feeling, and my hands are sweating more now than before.
I shouldn't let this get to me. Raven doesn’t see me as more than my brother. I look just like the person who hurt her, and with how defensive and angry she is, she’ll probably never be able to get past that.
Suddenly, it’s like a stone sinks in my stomach, weighing me back down to earth. All good feelings are gone, and a coldness creeps through me.
As soon as I’m done wrapping, I let her go. “There’s food in the fridge.”
Raven says nothing. Just waits for me to leave the room. Doing so feels like ripping off velcro.
After I leave her and Buddy alone, I putter around my room. I feel… oddly empty. It’s like I can feel all of Raven’s wild, angry, terrified energy through the wall. She’s like a jolt of adrenaline, all bundled up into a small, angry body.
I don’t sleep a wink. I keep thinking she’s going to come out and need something. Every creak of the floor and hum of the heater has me sitting upright.
I’m up early. I want to make breakfast, but I don’t want everything to be cold by the time she gets up. But what time will she get up?
I shouldn’t care. I should protect myself from more pain.
I’m prepping an egg bake when I hear a car door shut outside. Then another. I peek out the window and see… Who is that? I squint hard at the fuzzy, moving shapes. Is that… Axel? And who the hell is he with? It looks like a woman. They’re walking up to my front door.
Oh no. Oh no. Not while Raven’s here! What is Axel thinking?
I should have been suspicious when he stopped blowing up my phone yesterday. I should have known something was coming.
Darting to the door, I open it before they can knock and wake Raven up.
“You don’t need me to hold your hand.” I can hear the smile in Mom’s voice.
Mom. He brought Mom?
I snap my glare at Axel, and he just laughs softly. “Of course I do, Mom. Thanks for dropping me off.”
“Oh, well, of course. Hey, Gage.” There’s a pause. “Where are your glasses?”
For a second, I can’t answer because I’m thinking about decking Axel right in front of Mom.
“Broke them,” I grit.
“Oh, well, that’s a shame. They’re so expensive.” I can picture Mom’s concerned look and the furrow between her brows.
“It’s okay.” It’s anything but okay. I’m blind with one of the hottest women I’ve ever met in my house. And she hates me. Nothing is okay.
“Okay, well, I love you boys. You can always stay with me if you need to, Axel.”
“Nah, Gage said I could stay here. You know, it’s a twin thing.” Axel takes the opportunity to step up into my house.
Mom laughs softly. “You two were always inseparable. Anyway, call if you need anything.”
“Love you!” Axel’s chipper as he shuts the door.
I open my mouth, but he just snarks. “Don’t hit me yet, brother; she can still hear it.”
“What are you doing?” I hiss.
“Waterline break. My basement flooded.” He moves into the kitchen.
“The fuck it did.” I chase after him.
“You would have known had you answered your goddamn phone. Oh, are these muffins?”
“You can’t stay here!”
“Ow, fuck, they’re hot!” He hisses.
“Get out.” There’s a deep anger settling into my soul. I just got Raven to trust me. At least enough not to stab me with any of my kitchen knives. And now he wants to come back and ruin that? Typical fucking Axel.
I hear Axel chewing on the hot muffins, and rage floods my system. “She’s scared of you.” He better burn the roof of his mouth.
“Us,” he corrects. “She’s scared of us. And she won’t trust me if I’m not here.”
White hot rage sends a shock of anger right through my system. I stalk up to where Axel is, shoving him back into the counter.
“Oh yeah, hit me! That solves everything.” Axel’s laughing.
I shove him again.
“You’re just like Dad, you know that?” Axel’s laughter has turned to anger. “Using your fists to run from your feelings.”
Suddenly, everything is hot. I want to punch him. Scream at him that I’m nothing like our Dad and I never will be. And it’s that anger that lets the next words slip out of my mouth, “And you’re exactly like Rich,” I sneer, “whoring it up with anyone who will give you the time of day.”
As soon as the words are out, I regret them. Axel’s face turns so still that he looks like a statue. He barely even breathes, and it makes my stomach turn.
Then, he punches me.
“Don’t ever call me that.” Axel hits me again as I stagger back. “I swear to god, I’ll beat your ass so hard Dad’s beatings will look like child’s play.”
Throwing my hands up to protect my face, I sneer, “Look who’s acting like Dad now.”
Axel lunges forward, and then there’s a scrabble of nails on the hardwood, and suddenly, Buddy barks between us.
I should register that Buddy is out, but I don’t.
The hatred is running hot through my veins, and I can’t fucking stop it.
“I don’t give a fuck what you think. But if Raven doesn’t want to talk to you, she doesn’t have to.
You have to earn that, and if she tells you to go fuck yourself with a pinecone, I expect you to ask her how big and for how long. ”
It takes me too long to realize that Axel isn’t hitting me anymore. I focus on the sounds around me and hear a soft breath.
I turn to see a blur of movement in the hallway, and then it’s gone.