Chapter 50
CHAPTER FIFTY
The music pounds against my chest, and the lights flash. I lean into the sticky bar at Trick or Treat, staring blankly at my empty drink.
I was fine until I saw the hickey on Gage’s neck.
The bartender pours me another shot, and I take it before it stops moving across the counter.
I’m mad. I’m more than mad. I’m murderous. Even though I have no right to be. I dug my grave while Gage swept in and wooed her off her feet.
Raven. Wooed. I didn’t think that was possible. It shouldn’t have been possible.
She’s faking it. I grip my drink so hard my fingers ache.
So what if she’s faking it, Axel? She hates you so much that she’ll actually fall in love with him just to spite you.
Raven and I have the same hate burning in our bones. I know for a fact she’d rather love my brother than ever fall for my advances.
I pound a drink, embracing the burning sting as it goes down. I revel in it. But as soon as the sting is there, it’s gone. This is where Raven came after I got her fired. I came here to feel something. Anything. Even if it’s guilt.
Someone slides up next to me, talking between song sets. “Burrito night is weird for a club, yeah?”
I glance over to see a pretty blonde woman in her thirties motioning at a menu.
I didn’t even know they had menus here. I think I recognize the woman from around, but I’m not sure.
She’s probably one of the ones I left hanging just because it’s fun to watch them get frantic.
She has to be desperate if she’s at a strip club.
The woman eyes me up and down with a hungry look. Like she’s hungry for the kind of meat that doesn’t come on a menu.
My body has no reaction. I look away.
“Bad day?” she yells over the music and waves the bartender over.
I go back to staring at the wall.
“Is it a woman?”
I blink slowly. The woman beside me is pretty with petite features and blue eyes. Something I’d normally like. But there’s no interest. She just looks like another wall decoration.
I think I’m drunk already.
“That bad, huh?” The woman takes her shot.
I frown. What is she talking about? All I can think about is Raven. At home with my brother. The pretty sounds coming out of her lips as my brother fucks her.
Gage was always the better one between us. He always got good grades, always loved Mom, was polite to Rich, and saved animals. He never seemed to get angry like I did.
The alcohol rolls in my head, making my thoughts jumbled and emotional.
I’m not sure why I’m so angry. I can’t stop.
But I can cover it up well. Boy, can I cover it up.
A smile here, a flirt there. And people fall for it.
They love it. They walk away, never knowing the real me.
I get all the pussy I want, and I go home alone.
And I have risky sex, too. I get high off the danger—the possibility of an STD, the possibility of a pregnancy, the handprints, the ropes, the blood.
And yet, it all feels the same at the end of the day. Adrenaline, orgasm, crash.
Hate.
Hate, hate, hate.
Sex means nothing to me, and yet, I hate myself enough to keep doing it.
I used to think that was the life. But at some point, it gets boring. Surely there’s more, right?
No, it didn’t just randomly get this way. This fucking bullshit started after Raven walked into my life, all soulful eyes and fucking burning hate.
She hates just like me. Only she doesn’t hide it.
I curl my lip, gripping my shot glass.
“Well, my day’s been shit, so I'll drink with you.” The woman lifts her drink to me in a cheers.
I forgot she was there. I look at her closely. She doesn't look like she hates. She looks soft. Tired. A little dead inside.
Nothing like a good pity-fuck to get me to hate myself even more.
The concept has a tiny thrill running through me. But just as soon as it’s there, it’s gone again.
And that pisses me off.
So, I go through the motions out of spite. The woman is eager to take my advances. By the end of the night, I’m blackout drunk, and I don’t care. I’ve decided I’m going home with the woman. We make it to the parking lot, the bitter cold rushing in around me, sobering me slightly.
“Where are you parked?” the woman asks.
Annoyance fills me. Raven wouldn’t ask that. She’d just snatch the keys from me and push me into the passenger seat. This bitch doesn’t even know I can’t drive.
“I’m blind.” The words come out deadpan. Technically, I can still see, but I’m so fucking tired of explaining that.
“Whatever.” She laughs like I told a joke. When I don’t laugh with her, she sobers a bit. “Well, I can drive.”
“Good.” I just march after her.
The woman’s car smells off. Not bad, just off. Just like old cloth seats and I don’t like it.
“Do you want to go to a hotel or…”
No. I don’t want to go to a hotel.
For some reason, I find myself rattling off the address to Raven’s place.
It would be funny, right? Going to Raven’s place. Fucking another woman at Raven’s place.
I feel the car stop before I realize we’ve gotten there. The woman pulls up to the front instead of around to the back, but she’s stopped the car before I can tell her that. I feel like I’m wrapped up in a fog.
There’s a knocking at my door, and I shake myself out of it, trying to pull the door open. It won’t move. Why won’t it move?
Oh yeah. I have to push.
I chuckle to myself as I step out of the car.
The woman grabs my arm. “Careful.”
Careful? I’m fine. I’m fucking fine. I shake her off.
“You got something.”
I blink, focusing so the two women merge into one. She’s bending down on Raven’s doorstep and brings up a… present? It’s a wrapped square with a package of animal crackers on top.
I frown.
The woman hands me the things, and I see a letter on top. A letter addressed to Celeste.
“Who’s Celeste?” There’s a cautious tone in her voice.
Rage washes over me, and my vision blacks out. Max. It’s from fucking Max.
He’s still after her?
Hate, hate, hate. It makes my blood so hot I feel like I could burn down the world. Burn Max down, using only matches. I’ll melt his skin off his body one match at a time. How long will it take? Not long enough.
“Are… you okay?” I barely register the woman’s tone.
“Take me home,” I demand.
“I–”
“Take me fucking home!” I fling the passenger door open and jump inside.
The drive to Gage’s house is silent, except where I bark directions. Nothing is going right. Nothing is going fucking right.
When we get there, the woman insists on grabbing my arm again. I’m not sure why, because I can walk by myself.
I trip over something and fall in slow motion, but I don’t drop the present.
“Get… up.”
Somehow, we make it to the steps. I’m not sure how. Then, there’s an awful banging. The woman is knocking.
I try to shake the woman off, and then the door opens. Gage is there, with Raven behind him.
“Hey, brother,” I sneer, handing over the items.
Then, I puke into the bushes.