Chapter 65
CHAPTER SIXTY-FIVE
I never thought sadness and pride and jealousy could mix together until right fucking now.
Gage is happy. I can hear it in his voice. And not just the happiness he gets from winning an argument. This seems real. Peaceful. Like he's in love.
Awww. It’s so cute I could puke.
I stalk back to my bedroom, shutting the door. I never thought I could feel such blinding jealousy.
Gage has always had everything I want.
Suddenly, my chest is tight, and it feels like my heart is going to beat out of it. Pain lances through me, making me catch my breath as I bend over.
I’ll never know what it’s like to feel love like that.
It’s hard to catch a breath.
I’ll never know love like that because I’m literally unable to put down the act. I winked at Raven in the hallway—winked—and I’m not even sure why I did it. Maybe I didn’t want her to see the pain on my face as she passed.
I’ve gotta get out of here. It’s too painful to keep watching these two have something that I want.
I spin around, thinking about grabbing my things, but everything here is Gage’s.
Right. ‘Cause I didn’t belong here in the first place. I forced my way in like I do with everything in my life.
This is what I get. I deserve this.
Even as I nod to myself, the pain in my chest remains.
I’ll go. Disappear. Start my life over where no one knows me as ‘the player,’ and maybe down the road, I can change. Find some inkling of the same thing that Gage and Raven have.
My body physically reacts to the thought of leaving the two of them, rooting me to the spot. I fucking love my brother, even though sometimes, I fucking hate him. And Raven… I’m obsessed. I want to harness some of the strength she has and learn how to have it myself.
One more day. I just want one more day.
No.
I can’t watch them on their little date as they fall in love. My stomach twists at the thought.
I want that to be me.
Maybe it can be. A voice whispers.
No. It can’t.
One time. Just once. Then you can leave and never see them again.
What in the fuck? How can that be possible?
Switch places with Gage.
Fuck. My stomach twists as the thought takes root. That’s horrible. It would be so wrong. Plus, he’d never allow that. I shake my head, moving toward the door.
He doesn’t have to allow it. You’re identical. Figure out a way to get him out of the house. Tell him Mom’s hurt, and he has to go right away.
No! I hit my hands against my head, even as the plan sinks its claws into my chest.
Take it. Take one night where you feel love. Then you can disappear, and they’ll move on with their happy little lives.
I fight with the thought, pacing back and forth, back and forth.
No, I won’t.
Yes, I will.
Fuck! I rip at my hair. But the longer I think about it, the more I know I won’t be able to resist.
I can’t stop myself. I’ll take one date. One time where I feel something other than hatred. And then I’ll go.