Chapter 81
CHAPTER EIGHTY-ONE
I was a coward and ran. Not away, but to the store. I don’t know how to deal with death. Especially the death of an asshole like Rich. I figured maybe they needed a little space?
I stare at the flower section. Rich was awful, but I’m sure his death means something to the twins, especially to their mom.
I pick out a dozen red roses for her, then put them back. Is that too romantic? What if they remind her of him?
I work myself into a mess over the flowers, not sure which ones to get. And deep down, the fear that I’m not needed anymore beats a steady pulse in my brain.
Not needed. Not wanted. No longer useful.
I’m sure they found the glasses by now.
I’m not sure which flowers I end up picking. Somehow, I end up back in the car, staring at the dash. Old habits scream at me to run. To leave before they can reject me.
But then I remember Gage’s gentle touches. Axel’s controlled power. The way that they both made me feel safe for the first time in… forever.
I can’t run. I won’t leave them alone right now.
So I drive back to the house, sucking in breath after breath, trying to collect myself. I know this is the right choice. I feel it deep down in my bones.
Doesn’t stop me from shaking a little.
When I step back into the house with my flowers, the door opens while I’m pushing it. I bump into someone – Axel – as he tries to leave.
Axel fixes me with a wild look, and suddenly, his hand is around my throat, and he’s spinning me, shoving me backwards. His hand comes between my head and the wall, and then he’s pushing me into it, demanding, “Where the hell did you go?”
“I–” The flowers are getting crushed, but Axel just presses me in harder. Then Gage appears, hair messy and a panicked look in his eyes.
“Get off me!” I try to push Axel’s hand away enough to breathe. He’s strong. He isn’t hurting me, but spots are starting to form in my vision.
“You can’t run from us.” Axel’s voice is panicked.
I try to argue, but I can’t breathe.
Then, Axel smashes his lips into mine. He kisses me in a crushing, brutal way, pressing into me until all I can focus on is him. Axel. The smell of mint and the feel of his strong body up against me. For a second, I relax into him.
“Let go of her.”
There’s a flash of movement, and then Axel is ripped off me. I suck in a breath. There’s an immediate emptiness.
“Raven! No one’s going to hurt you.” Gage is right there, eyes wild. He’s so close that I can feel his breath on my skin while he holds Axel back.
I slide along the wall, getting out of Axel’s reach. Once I’ve stepped into the living room and neither of them gets any closer, I feel the wash of adrenaline sweep over me.
I glance back at the back door, then force myself to take a breath.
“Princess.” Gage’s voice is sad. I snap my gaze up, realizing both he and Axel watched me look at the back door. Gage is sad, and Axel is…afraid. Buddy is standing there, looking conflicted.
“Are you okay?” Gage asks.
No? And shouldn’t I be asking them that question?
“Raven,” Axel’s fists are clenched, but Gage no longer has to hold him back. “Fuck, I’m sorry. You scared me, and I freaked out.”
Wait. That came from Axel? It sounds like something Gage would say.
I look between the two men. Did I mix them up?
“Please don’t run.” It’s Axel. Again. He’s asking nicely?
His eyes are tense, and his whole body is vibrating. “Fuck, you scared me so bad.”
“Both of us.” Gage runs a hand through his hair. His sleeve is covered in dried, flaky blood.
“Are you okay?” I ask, suddenly sucking in a breath. Blood. Gage is bloody.
I dart forward, examining his arm.
“I’m fine.” Gage grabs my exploring hands, gripping them tightly. “Are you okay? Where did you go?”
I suck in a breath. “I went to get flowers…” I glance around, seeing the crushed bouquet on the floor.
“Flowers?” Gage frowns.
“Yeah, for… ‘cause of Rich…”
There’s a pregnant pause, and then suddenly, Axel reaches out and grabs me. He pulls me to him in a crushing hug, squeezing the breath out of me. “Fuck, Raven.”
Did I do something wrong? Oh my god, I did something wrong.
Then Gage is there, also wrapping us in his arms while Buddy shuffles around the three of us, prodding us with her nose and trying to get in the middle. It feels…complete. Whole. We stand there for a while, and then Axel’s deep voice says, “That’s not why you ran, is it?”
I wince, pulling away. Of course, he can see right through me, and he can’t even see. I’m officially the world’s most transparent person. My cheeks burn.
“I, uh…”
“I have something to show you.” Axel steps back. I can’t even look at him. If he’s giving me an out and not forcing me to answer the question, I’ll take it.
“Do you have your keys?” he asks as he steps out the front door.
“Yeah.” We’re leaving? But my face is on fire, and walking outside helps cool it.
Outside, Axel waits for me to catch up, then his hand is around my elbow. He pulls me to him, muttering in a low voice, “Get in the car, Raven.”
“Where are we going?”
“You don’t want to watch me embarrass myself?” He’s so close we barely have an inch between us. I glance back to see Gage in the doorway. Buddy stands there, tail wagging and mouth breathing.
“Where?” I ask again.
“Car, little bird. You want to ruin the surprise?”
Axel starts herding me back towards the car, and I let him. When I drop into the driver’s seat, Axel rushes around the front of the car like he’s afraid I’ll bolt. Then he gets in. “Seatbelt.”
I huff, pulling it over my body.
Axel nods and then directs me to put the car in reverse.
I do, then he gives me directions through town.
It’s not lost on me that the last time he did this, he tricked me into coming to Gage’s house.
The longer we go, the more tense I get. We pass familiar spots until, finally, we pull up in front of my studio apartment. Then, Axel slows the car and parks.
Is he… leaving me? Dropping me back off? Kicking me out? Pain and betrayal cut through my chest. “What…”
Axel shifts in his seat. “I had a whole thing planned.” He thrums his finger against the center console. “It was embarrassing. A Gage thing.”
He’s so uncomfortable, it makes me curious. I watch the tense lines of his body, and his jaw clenches.
“Don’t run, Raven.” Axel’s voice catches. “You’ll break his heart.”
My chest physically aches. So he’s not going to let me get out of this conversation.
Axel clears his throat. “Don’t make fun of me.
I’m going to do this my way.” He sucks in a deep breath.
“I’m finding myself again in you. I don’t know how the fuck you do it, but you’re everything I’ll never be.
You’re kind and smart and fucking brave.
I need you to teach me to be fucking brave.
” His voice cracks, and he clears his throat.
“We bought this place for you to make it into a bookstore or whatever else you want. Gage knows. If you leave, he’ll never recover. ”
His words hit me in a wave. A multitude of emotions wash over me all at once. I don’t know which one to address. The biggest one I feel is… relief. Axel does care. As much as he tries to pretend he doesn’t, he does care. And he’ll say it even when he knows I’m leaving.
The thought makes me want to cry. Relief of my own fills me. If they really want me to stay, maybe I don’t have to leave.
I open my mouth, and Axel looks scared. Honest-to-god fear lines his whole body.
I smile softly. I just ask, “What was the other way?”
“What?” Axel looks my way, the whites of his eyes still visible.
“Gage’s way?”
Axel snorts, his face getting pink. “A poem.”
I try to picture Axel reading a poem, getting stiff with all the emotions, and a chuckle escapes me.
“Oh, you think that’s funny?” Axel’s whole face is rosy.
I don’t think it’s funny. I think it’s sweet, but all the stress is rolling over me, and I can’t keep from laughing. “It’s sweet.”
Axel looks disgusted. “Yeah, well. You owe me five packs of cinnamon gum.”
I arch an eyebrow.
“Poems are expensive these days.”
“I’m not paying you if I don’t get to see it.”
Axel crosses his arms. “I already threw it away.” His eyes shift.
“No you didn’t. Let me see it.”
“Not a chance in hell, little bird. What’s your answer?”
I get stiff again. “My answer?”
“Are you gonna break my brother’s heart or not?”
There’s a silence where I can see he’s asking for more than just Gage. Axel is nervous. His fingers flutter on the console, and I can see tiny beads of sweat on his forehead. I don’t think I’ve ever seen him like this. He’s waiting for my answer. Waiting, not demanding. Not locking me in a room.
I swallow, then reach my hand over to cover his, squeezing once. “I can’t work in a store while freezing my nuts off.”
Axel blinks, then looks at me with an odd confusion.
“Does the heat work?” I ask.
There’s a flash of something in his gaze. I think it’s hope before he stifles it under a smirk. “And what if it does?”
“Good.” I lean back. “‘Cause all I can pay with is in poems, and a certain someone refuses to give me the one I’m owed.”
“Fuck, Raven.” Axel’s tone is earnest, with so much relief in it that it makes my throat tighten. He lets his head fall back against the seat, releasing a breath. Then, he starts laughing, dropping his head to his hands.
I lightly slap his shoulder. “You said you’d embarrass yourself. You didn’t even cry.”
Axel just laughs more and pulls something out from under the seat. “Guess I won’t have to use these.”
Handcuffs. He has handcuffs.
This time, I punch him hard.
Axel leans over like I shot him, grasping his arm. “Jesus, woman!” But he’s grinning.
“Be glad it wasn’t the glasses this time.” I stifle a smile at his antics.
Axel shoots me a look. “If it means I get to keep you, you can break my glasses all you want.”