Chapter 34 – Maura
MAURA
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
The small electronic noises seep into my consciousness like the world's gentlest alarm clock. My eyelids feel impossibly heavy as I flit them open, taking in the room around me.
The real I'm lying is unfamiliar. The monitor beeps and the antiseptic hospital smell are not. My heart has put me back in the hospital, but not one I know. The staff and rooms are completely alien to me.
In my peripheral vision, something shifts. Someone’s sitting next to me, a black blur against the white walls. The same person is holding my hand. James. His grip tightens and he leans forward, his face close to mine.
“You’re awake.” His voice sounds hoarse and groggy. It matches the rest of him, still wearing the clothes from our hike, dirt still dusted across his face and nose. He looks like he spent the whole night awake. It's possible that he did.
“Hi,” I whisper. It's the loudest I'm capable of being at the moment.
James releases my hands and grabs the electronic pager attached to my bed. “I'm calling the doctor,” he explains. He doesn't have to; I spent enough time in hospitals to know what it is.
“What happened?” I ask, but he shakes his head.
“They'll explain when they get here. They said you could have ice chips, if you want.”
I nod eagerly. I'm suddenly aware of how parched my mouth feels.
James walks out of the room, returning quickly with a small plastic cup. He places a small piece in my mouth, accurately guessing that I don't have the strength to lift my arms yet. I close my lips around the ice and let it melt on my tongue.
A tall, dark-haired man in a white coat enters, closing the door behind him.
“It's good to see you awake,” he says in a deep voice. “I’m Dr. Dimakos. I’ve been treating you for the past thirty-six hours.”
I glance over at James. Has he really not left to change clothes for that long?
“How much do you remember from yesterday?” the doctor asks.
“I remember going to the quarry.” I bite my lip, trying to think back. “That's the last thing I remember, looking at stones.”
“You passed out on the walk back,” he explains. “You had a cardiac episode, similar to the ones you’ve had before.”
My eyes start back to James. There's no surprise in his expression.
He knows.
Shit.
“I assume you know the risk of taking that hike,” Dr. Dimakos says sternly. “With your underlying condition, you can't afford to be so careless. Especially not now. Your blood work told us that you’re pregnant.”
“I’m pregnant? Really?” I echo. “Are you sure?”
The sternness in his expression lightens. “Yes. The hormone levels in your test were confirmed to be elevated.”
It takes another minute to sink in. Then joy and hope ripple from my damaged heart through my chest, my limbs, then shining from my fingers and toes. We did it. After everything, my baby’s finally, miraculously here.
Of course, I knew this was a possibility.
I'm at the right part of my cycle. I've just been so busy with the gallery show and travel, I wasn't thinking as much about trying to conceive.
Plus, I think a part of me was afraid to hope again.
It was better to distract myself than to dream about a baby that might never come.
But it has come. It’s here.
My hands move automatically to my stomach. Through the thin hospital gown, it feels the same as it always does. It's far too early for me to show, but part of me still expected for my body to be different somehow. Changed.
“I spoke with your doctor back in Toronto,” Dr. Dimakos continues.
“I know you discussed a possible pregnancy with him in the past, so forgive me if I'm repeating him. Your condition makes this pregnancy high risk. Not only is there increased risk for your baby, there’s increased risk for you. That means any unnecessary stress and exertion could be dangerous, for both of you.”
Guilt swells through me. I might have been willing to risk my own health on that hike, but I never would have risked my baby’s. I didn't think, and it might've cost me everything.
“I know,” I murmur.
The doctor nods. “I don't think bedrest will be necessary, but you need to avoid any stressors. Even if everything goes perfectly, there's a high chance that this will be your first and only pregnancy.”
My teeth sink into my lower lip. I've heard this before, from Dr. Markovic, but it feels more real while I'm actually carrying a baby. If I can’t keep this one, I might not get another.
My fingers tighten on my stomach instinctively, and I tear them away, like that small pressure might make the difference.
“Does Dr. Markovic wants to change my medication?” I ask dully.
“He doesn't think it's necessary. Some of the medicines carry a small risk, but it's low compared to the risk of stopping treatment.”
“How long do you want me to stay?” I ask. “James has a meeting in Athens in a few—”
“It’s canceled.” His voice snaps through the air like a whip. “It doesn’t matter.”
My heart clenches. If it weren't for his tone, they would be the words of a thoughtful and caring husband. I know better. James is furious with me.
“We hope to release you in the next few days,” Dr. Dimakos says. “For now, we want to monitor you and make sure you're stable. If there are no incident in the next twenty-four hours, I'm comfortable letting you go back to your villa, with medical supervision.”
“No,” James says firmly. “She'll stay here. I don't want her away from the clinic, in case something happens.”
“I understand,” the doctor says.
The pit in my stomach only grows. James is looking for a way to put distance between us. He'll have to return to the villa eventually, which means he can leave me here, as far away from him as he can safely bear.
“Do you have any other questions?” the doctor asks.
I shake my head. “No. Thank you for all you've done.”
The door clicks shut behind as he exits, leaving me alone with James. For a long moment, my husband stares silently down at his folded hands. Then, after what feels like an eternity, he finally turns to me. Fatigue lines his face as he stares at me, his eyes the iciest blue.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he croaks. “Why did I have to learn vital facts about my wife from complete strangers?”
Tears prick at my eyes. I never expected him to find out like this. He must have been terrified, seeing me collapse, then learning the truth while I was unconscious. “I’m sorry.”
“Then explain,” he snaps. “Tell me why, Maura. I deserve that much at least.”
My mind swirls with guilt and fear. He could end this marriage right now if he wanted to. He's well within the grace period granted by our contract. He deserves to know the truth. I just hope it's enough to make him stay with me and our baby.
I stare down at my hands, gathering myself.
“My entire life, I've been the sick girl. The one who never had time for anything fun because she always had to go to the doctor. Nobody ever saw my mind or my heart. I was just a body—a failing one.” My voice almost breaks, and I take a second to swallow. “I just wanted one relationship that wasn’t defined by pity or risk assessment.”
“Because you were afraid I’d decline.” His voice is icy cold.
“Yes. And if you did, I’d—I’d never get a chance to be a mother.”
My throat feels almost as raw as my heart.
James rolls his jaw in frustration. “It’s wrong, Maura. You shouldn’t have kept it from me. You shouldn’t have let me enter an agreement without disclosing the full risk profile.”
My jaw drops. “Excuse me?”
It feels like he’s slapped me. Our marriage might've started with a contract, but I always thought James saw me as more than just an asset. I thought we were partners in this strange, archaic alliance. Apparently not.
He sighs and runs a hand through his dusty hair. “I just mean I would have structured the whole thing differently. I could have made sure you were protected.”
Tears burn in my eyes. He’s trying to cover for himself, but I know his first reaction was the true one. That’s what he really thinks.
I was a bad investment.
When he married a woman with a heart defect, he tied himself to a faulty asset. Someone he could be forced to care for during her decline, or worse—someone who might die before he gets the son he needs. If that happens, there’s no Pages-Sequel merge. He entered into this whole marriage for nothing.
“Right,” I say dully. “You should have done your due diligence on me.”
A muscle jumps in his jaw. “That’s not what I meant.”
“You don’t have to be nice to me. I’m in the wrong here. I’m the one who kept the full risk profile secret,” I sneer. “I deserve this, don’t I?”
“Jesus, no.” He slumps in his chair. “Maura, I’m exhausted, and so are you. Now is not the time for this conversation.”
“No,” I mutter. “You wouldn’t want to accidentally say something you mean.”
His lips part, but he says nothing. I sigh.
“I’m tired, James. I should get some rest, and you should go back to the villa and get cleaned up. Have some dinner and take a break.”
“Is that what you want?” His eyes fix tight on mine.
I nod. “It is.”
He sucks in his lips. “Fine. I’ll come back later.”
He shoves out of his chair and strides over to the door. After he opens it, he hesitates inside the frame. I hear him mutter a curse before he walks out into the hallway, leaving me alone with my thoughts.