Chapter Ninety. Sarah Lynn
CHAPTER NINETY
SARAH LYNN
The house is an icebox. Our breath shows in little clouds as we move from room to room. Mom sent Kayden to the garage to flip the breaker, and we can hear him through the wall, tripping over boxes in the dark.
Mom perches on the edge of the sofa, arms wrapped tight around herself, eyes somewhere far off. I take a seat beside her, the silence between us sharper than the cold.
Finally, I can’t take it anymore. “I know you want what’s best for me, Mom,” I say, and my voice sounds too loud in the frozen quiet, echoing off the tile and the high ceiling. She doesn’t move, acts as if I haven’t spoken at all.
Suddenly I remember being three, maybe four. Mom had me at some kind of event, adults in suits and dresses, perfume thick in the air. I stared down at my pink cupcake dress and the sparkly shoes with the plastic jewel on the buckle, holding her hand tight.
Say hello to the nice man, Sarah Lynn, Mom said.
But I didn’t know the man, so I ducked behind her legs, shaking my head. Her hand slipped from mine. She angled her body away. I tugged at her dress, desperate, but it was like I’d turned invisible.
Then a grandmotherly woman bent down. Aren’t you a little doll? What’s your name, sweetheart?
I told her, smiling my best smile.
That’s when Mom’s hand found mine again.
Now I look at her, here beside me, and I remember that she was once a little girl too, desperate to be seen. I reach over and take her hand. She looks down at it, startled.
“Thanks for everything you’ve done to make sure my life is easier than yours was,” I say.
Her face turns toward me.
“But you have to let me live it my way.”
She scoffs, her eyes flicking to the top of my head. “When you were a baby,” she says softly, “I always said you had the most perfectly shaped head.”
The corner of her mouth twitches, almost a smile. And I laugh. For the first time in forever, it feels like we’re seeing each other.
“Shit,” Kayden says, from somewhere in the garage, followed by a crash. Then, with a pop, the house comes alive—the lights blaze on, the heater groans, the security alarm chimes, and every digital clock blinks 12:00 in unison. Like the whole world has started over fresh.