42. Bay
FORTY-TWO
bay
The bitter smells of antiseptics, along with the undertones of artificial cleaning products, make my stomach twist painfully as I pace the hallway of Dad’s hospital room. The disconcerting beeping of machines, the bustle of hospital staff, and the staleness of the vibe here only drives in how fucking stupid I am.
I’ll never forgive myself for this.
At no time will this ever be okay.
I was in the middle of fucking two guys while my dad was slumped down in his La-Z-Boy chair where Levi found him. And he hasn’t taken his eyes off me since arriving here, nor has he said a word but what room he was in.
I must have the look and smell of sex on me, because his green eyes bore into me with so much animosity that I might need a bed here from him stabbing me with them.
It also doesn’t help that all three boys accompanied me here like a damn squad of bodyguards.
“Why don’t you sit down?” Reeve issues out softly along the other side of the wall, facing Levi, but not daring to cause a scene here.
He wouldn’t.
Reeve would never bring about any more stress during a time like this. He’s stayed quiet thus far, but I’ve been going back and forth down this hallway for what seems to be forever while the doctors and nurses set Dad up.
“Mae and Ellie could use a snack,” Reeve continues when I don’t reply, purposely drawing me to the other side of my family that needs me.
They’re probably scared and worried while I selfishly think of myself.
Pivoting without a word, I stride to the waiting area, where Torin and Cairo stoically stand guard like I need them to. Ellie and Mae are playing on a tablet, from who fucking knows where or who, as I hunch down in front of their chairs and attempt to put a happy face on.
“Hey, what are you guys doing?”
Ellie is the first one to acknowledge me, cobalt eyes fastening on to me with sudden anxiety. “Is Dad okay?”
I bob my head, over and over and over again, because he has to be. The man has no other option. “Yeah, they’re getting him settled into a room.” I point at the tablet in Mae’s tiny hands. “Where did you get that?”
Ellie’s cheeks pinken before she leans over her lap. “The man in the leather jacket.”
Cairo.
I could go the rest of the day without another surprise. Why he randomly shows acts of kindness out of nowhere is still a mystery to me, but that stupid asshole cares. He cares about kids, at least.
“Cool,” I quip, needing to move, because the idea of sitting and waiting is going to drive me insane. “You hungry?”
Mae’s head shoots up like a rocket. “I’m hungry!”
My lips crack into an immediate smile through a shitty situation at her loud-ass voice. “Alright, big mouth. Wanna go the cafeteria?”
“Yeah.” She places the tablet onto the seat beside her and begins to slide off, but my hands land on her little knees, and I stare back at matching blues and sweet freckles.
“Daddy is gonna be here for a while,” I tell them both, but keep my focus on Mae so she understands. “It’s just gonna be us girls for a little while.”
“Girls’ night?” she asks me with raised brows, excitement trimming around her tone.
“Sure, absolutely,” I agree. “Girls’ night. We’ll watch movies and get pizza. And we’ll make sure the house is clean for when Dad comes home.”
“How long?” Ellie asks, her voice alluding to the fact that she’s not as naive as Mae. That she understands it’s serious with the ambulance that arrived and Levi bringing them here.
“I’m not sure yet,” I reply. “But I’ll ask the doctor, okay?”
“Can I get cake?” Mae asks. “Do they have cake?”
“I—”
“We’ll take them.” My neck cranes upward to find Cairo next to Ellie’s chair, peering down at me with nothing in his stare. “You should be here when the doctor comes.”
I’m struck stupid by him being anything but an asshole to me.
“I’ll take them,” adds another male voice with so much irritation in his tone, that I knew it was going to be a long night before, but now… “This is South Shore business. We take care of our own.”
A large body steps between me and the man whose attitude problem gives me whiplash when Levi comes into full view. His massive shoulders hold no room for argument, and I’d love to see how we spin this because his reasoning for being here—there is none.
“I think you resigned from that position,” Torin retorts, stepping in on Cairo’s side. “Besides, it’ll be good for us to get to know them better, since the princess of South Shore has become well acquainted with us.”
“Are you now?” Levi emits solemnly, and I’m surprised he didn’t lunge in response to that. “Well, we can talk about that arrangement outside after the girls eat.” He turns to Ellie. “Juice and Rod are right down the hallway waiting for you. I’ll be there soon.”
“Levi,” I warn, because this ploy aside, I don’t need this right now, and the girls don’t either.
My best friend turns his body and extends a hand to help me to my feet when Juice and Hot Rod come into view. Standing farther back on the other side of the hall, where a nurse’s station is set up, quietly watching the scene.
I hesitate, because I can feel three other pairs of eyes on me. Torin and Reeve aren’t going to like me taking his so-called kindness.
“How’s your dad?” Levi asks me with his arm still outstretched. As if he didn’t beat me to the hospital.
“Why do you care?” I mutter, finally take his hand because being hunched down all night isn’t going to help. “And why are you here?”
“I like your dad,” he deadpans, and in his green eyes, he’s just as anxious as I am. And as much as I want to comfort him, we’re not together .
“We’re…broken up, Levi. You don’t need to be here.”
He drops his hand when I’ve fully risen to stand. “And you expect me to leave you and your sisters with these three fucks?”
“You did before.”
“Juicy!” Mae exclaims behind him. “We’re having girls’ night!”
Looking around Levi, Juice smiles and purposely bumps into Torin’s shoulder while reaching for her hand. “Girls’ night? Can I come?”
“Nooo,” Mae laughs, bouncing up on the balls of her heels. “It’s girls’ nights. You’re a boy.”
“But he can come too, right, Bay?” Ellie asks from a few feet away. “He brings the giant cookie from the pizza place.”
“Ellie, you usin’ me for my baked goods?” Juice teases her with narrowed eyes. “I thought I taught you not to tell people why you’re using them for things.”
“Juice,” I scold. “Don’t be teachin’ them anything .”
“Can we get cake?” Mae asks again before glancing over at Torin. “Will you get me cake?”
Torin glances down at her, and I swear to God, I want to hate him. I loathe how good he is with my sisters. That he wants to be nice and kind to them.
That he gives a fuck.
That he gives a shit about me. That I have to work through this webbed situation with them and give them my trust.
You were okay with it when they were fucking you.
My nostrils flare at the thought of what happened outside of my cock fest to land me here.
“I can,” Torin replies, bringing his attention back to me. “If it’s okay with your sister.”
And now we’re respectful as fuck and asking for my permission.
I nod so that Mae doesn’t harass me about it again, and Juice rises to his full height, silently challenging Torin to fuck off.
“You two go,” Levi says to both Juice and Torin, saving me the anxiety that’s creeping through my veins. “And bring them back here when you’re done. No need to throw any more stress on Astor.”
“Will do,” Juice sing-songs, grabbing Mae’s hand and taking both the girls with Torin in tow.
I’m surprised Cairo doesn’t go with him. He just stands there like him and Levi are about to have a word shootout here in the hospital.
“So what’s this arrangement?” Levi presses, still standing at my side. “I have a feeling that I’m going to want to kill you at the end of it, Black.”
Cairo remains stoic, those dark ebbs and the thick strands of hairs sweeping across one side of his face as he says, “Probably.”
Not helping.
Not helping at all.
“You gonna run a crew with just one word? Or do you speak fluent asshole to get the job done?”
“The latter,” Cairo replies. “However, you should be talking to your girl about?—”
“I’m talking to you ,” Levi barks back through his teeth. “You just claimed her…so are you doing it to piss me off, or am I going to have surprise visits with you sneaking into South Shore?”
“Where’s the fun in telling you all that?”
He’s been hanging out with Reeve too long.
“None,” Levi emits. “So, that means you shouldn’t be surprised when you find a bullet through your head.”
“Levi…” I utter. “Please, stop.”
I don’t know why he’s starting this right now, or why he just won’t talk to me in private about it.
Men.
Men and their pride and need to piss over their territory.
Cairo averts his gaze, as if too bored, or that it’d take up too much of his energy when he slowly brings it back to us. “She’s ours.”
My brows snap together because ours is plural that can mean more than one person, but not him.
Never him.
Never Cairo Black, because even his voice drips arrogance.
While Torin is a petty dickhead, he knows his match. Cairo keeps that shit under lock and key.
“Levi,” I mutter softly. “We’re in a hospital and Dad’s really sick.”
He ignores me, eyes still pinned on Cairo. “Tryin’ to convert her over to Emilio Wildes’s cause, huh?”
Cairo’s shadowed features twist. “Convert her over? Isn’t that what you’re trying to do?”
“I warned her away.”
“Which means you were so pussy-whipped that you just let her walk all over you. I know we haven’t tried to take South Shore in a while, but don’t tell me your weaknesses, or I might take advantage of them.”
“Keep your Frank Sinatra ass in Wharf Bay,” Levi grounds out. “You got bigger fish to fry with Matteo De Leon and his attempts to take your daddy’s Titan seat. You better hope he kills you if he beats you, because I’ll do it myself if that motherfucker ends up at the table.”
The corner of Cairo’s lips lifts into a ghost of a smirk before disappearing just as quickly. “Noted. Anything else?”
“Yeah, leave. Before I make you a patient here.”
“Bay Astor?” My neck snaps to a middle-aged nurse in lavender scrubs, and my heart sinks. I’m here because of Dad, not because of Cairo Black and his rivalry with our town.
I step toward her, and she motions for me to follow, bringing me into the room I was pacing only a few moments ago, and into the ear-piercing sound of beeping monitors and cleaning products.
“Your father is doing okay,” she tells me within the privacy of the room, closing the door behind her as I just stare blankly at Dad.
He’s sleeping, tucked in under a thick white blanket and in a blue hospital gown. He looks small and fragile, not the big guy who could put food away like nothing. He used to use me as a weight when I was a kid, and before the stroke, we used to arm wrestle, just so he could show me that he wasn’t an old man.
“We have him on thrombolytic,” she continues softly. “It’s a drug that breaks up blood clots. The doctors did some tests on him to see what may have caused the second stroke…I heard he had one recently?”
“Yes,” I croak out. “Is he…” My jaw aches as I force it for the millionth time not to tremble because I will not cry.
“We expect him to make a full recovery, but it takes time. This set him back, and these things are hard to determine with so many factors in play.”
“How long are you keeping him?”
“A few days for right now. We’ll see how he’s doing when he wakes up. Does your mother—” I shake my head, shoving back thoughts of her and her selfish suicide. I can’t feel sorry for her when she left us all behind.
I feel sorry for my sisters.
“I’ll be taking care of him,” I promise, not to her, but to myself. I got too deep into this double agent bullshit that I haven’t been working with Dad that much. I’ve neglected some of his therapy. Even though someone still comes to the house to do it, I still wanted him to have a little more to bring that competitive side out.
“The doctor will be coming in shortly to discuss everything with you.”
I glance over my shoulder to give her a reassuring grin of appreciation and silent get the hell out so I can get my fucking head on straight.
She takes the hint, quietly leaving the room when I glance at the dry-erase board and see that her name is Marsha.
Like the Brady Bunch.
I never watched it much, but all I can think of is a perfect family, two parents, and a bunch of hippie kids.
I stand at Dad’s bedside, words clogged in my throat as I stare at him. We have a lot of unspoken business. The whole Emilio Wildes thing, questions about my real mother and what kind of person she was. Am I like her, was she like Emilio or was she kind?
“You can’t…” I twist my head back and forth, because if Dad dies on me, I’ll be crushed. I won’t be able to survive it. “It’s not an option. Do you hear me, Dad, not an option. You will get out of this room, we’ll work on your speech and walking, and you will be on your feet again, wreaking havoc at the docks. I’m not doing this alone. You owe me.”
He owes me jack shit but a reason why he still hasn’t told me about Emilio. I can understand wanting to protect me from him, the man’s a fucking clown, but to learn like this…I was completely blindsided.
“Mae’s downstairs eating cake…probably has two pieces,” I tell Dad. “It’s late, and she’s going to be up for hours.”
Machines bleep back at me, taunting how he can’t speak to me, that this happened, and we may not be fully out of the woods yet.
“Listen, I can’t be held responsible for sugar rushes when you’re not home. I only have one set of eyes, and you know that Ellie gets cookies down for her since she can reach.”
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
“You know the food sucks here, right? You might want to work on waking up so we can get you home.”
Beep.
Beep.
Beep.
“And I’m going to have to hold off on school to make sure?—”
“You’re not skipping school,” Levi’s voice retorts back, shoving himself into the conversation he and I are always arguing about. “You’ve barely been lately.”
“Leave it alone, ass clown.” Levi rounds the other side of Dad’s bed and slowly takes a seat in the brown leather chair. “You done with your stare-down with Cairo Black yet?”
Levi folds his tatted hands over his flat stomach and slices his contemplative green gaze to me. “For now. He’s a smart motherfucker.”
“What do you mean?”
“He hasn’t involved himself with you.” My brows clash together. “He has enough on his plate, and he prioritizes himself.”
I shrug, because I have enough on mine with Torin and Reeve, and I’ve barely scratched the surface with Emilio yet—my real mission.
“We need to shake things up a little bit.”
Mindlessly, I shake my head. There’s already been enough shaking and jiving around here. “No. I can’t do it anymore.”
“Emilio needs a push.”
“You need a push,” I snap back, stealing a glance back at Dad helpless in his bed. “This is definitely not the time for a conversation like?—”
“Focus, Bay,” he says, his voice low and soft. I hadn’t realized that he rose from his chair. Nor that he was on his way over to my side of the bed before his bulky arms around my body, turning me to pull me into a bear hug. “Focus.”
“I can’t.” My words break, on the verge of a sob, and this is the worst fucking time to have a breakdown. Clenching my eyes closed, I say, “He needs me.”
“I know,” he whispers in my hair. “But I’m not leaving you alone anymore.”
My eyes peel open before I slowly pry myself from his body. “What do you mean?”
“It means you can’t handle those pricks and Roger’s health at the same time. We’re gonna need to be there. Me, Juice, Hot Rod?—”
“That’s gonna blow our cover.”
“I’m close as fuck with your dad,” he opposes as I peer up at him. “Family first. Everything else second.”
“But—”
“Shut up, Astor.” My lips comply without being asked twice. I just rest my cheek back against Levi’s chest with Dad’s machines filling in the space.
I’m not sure how long we stand there together, but it’s the most at peace I’ve felt since we fake broke up and all this shit changed.
How I’ve changed.
I don’t know how I’m going to tell Levi that I’m kinda dating Reeve and Torin kinda came with the package, but I’ll save it for another day.
I have to.
I’m officially taking the pussy route here and I don’t care.
“That Stanton fuck is waiting for you across the hall. Get rid of him.”
I roll my eyes behind my eyelids, but gradually break away from my bestie.
He might not be a fan of it, but I’m glad Reeve’s here.