3. Hayat
Chapter Three
Hayat
Hitting replay on my laptop, I watched one of the many videos that I’d been able to find of Autumn’s Slumber online. It wasn’t the first time I’d watched the same clip—it wasn’t even the tenth. Each time, I told myself that I was only going to focus on the drummer or the bassist or even the other guitarist. But no matter how hard I tried to keep my attention on just one of them, the three remaining members of the band kept tugging my attention away.
Sparks’s fingers were magic on the guitar, never missing a chord as Ky sang the cover song with such emotion, it caused goose bumps to pop up along my arms. His voice was ethereal in a way I’d never heard before. Ky brought the music alive, creating a story with each different octave of his magnetic voice. But Jamie and Sparks, they added to the ambience and created an entirely new experience that I wanted to get lost in. Over. And over. And over.
With the masks taking up the majority of their faces, and paint covering the rest of it, I couldn’t see a single feature—except their lips as they formed each word. Ky’s teeth were starkly white against the dark tones of the paint. Across his chin and down his neck, one color smeared into another, giving the impression of the changing leaves during fall, just like the other two did. From there, the paint was arranged in varying patterns of handprints that covered every inch of exposed skin so that not even a birthmark could be detected beneath.
But I sure as fuck could see the hard ridges of Ky’s abs. Jamie’s ripped chest. Sparks’s defined arms.
From the furious way the other two band members of Autumn’s Slumber had been whispering to Ky about me after Dad asked if I could help the guys out, I knew they didn’t want me. Some guys were just ignorant assholes when it came to girls playing drums. I’d been dealing with it all my life, which was why I’d kept my real identity so secret when I’d started my Havoc personality for my followers.
Havoc started when I was fifteen and just playing around with social media platforms. I’d been committed from the beginning to hiding my true identity. It wasn’t about getting followers or clicks. All I’d wanted was somewhere to share my talent, and if people liked it, great. If not, they could keep scrolling. I didn’t even tell anyone but my best friend Abi at first, not wanting anyone in my family to share my videos.
But within a year, my following went from five to five hundred thousand, and then in the span of another three months, I was in the millions. Sponsors started reaching out, and because I’d been a minor at the time, I’d had to let my parents know for legal purposes.
I had thick skin, and it was hard as hell to hurt my feelings. But I was definitely easy to anger. I wasn’t sure what I was feeling after the snide way the guitarist, Sparks, had looked over at me while he was grumbling something to the bassist, Jamie. All I’d heard was that I wouldn’t bring them the right kind of attention.
He would have no doubt laughed his ass off if I’d told him I didn’t want to bring them any attention. At least not with my name—or the drama that the tabloids tended to make up about me. Eighty percent of the shit they printed about me was fake news. That left twenty percent of my…antics that were somewhat of the truth. But that was only when I was with Abi, and sometimes with Maddie.
My best friend was in Creswell Springs at Trinity University for the spring term, and considering how obsessed she’d become with her history professor, I wasn’t confident she would come home for more than a few days for the summer break. Which meant I was going to be mostly bored, but at least I could work on more content for Havoc.
I definitely would not in a million years consider auditioning for Autumn’s Slumber. They didn’t want me, and I wasn’t the type of person to force my presence on people who didn’t want me around.
But…
If I just went to prove a point, there was nothing wrong with that.
It would simply be me showing them what they were going to miss out on with the most badass drummer in the world playing with their band. And then once I blew their minds, I’d smile and tell them to fuck off. Because who wanted to play with a bunch of stupid, stinky boys anyway?
Me.
I totally wanted to play with those three stupid, stinky—definitely not the three hottest male specimens I’d ever meet, but talented-as-fuck—boys.
Yeah, that was exactly what they were.
Fuck boys.
And I kinda wanted to fuck them.
All of them.
One at a time. Have them share me. Do dirty, filthy things to my body.
We could just play around for a little while.
While I was their drummer.
Playing with a band was what I’d always planned on doing eventually. I hadn’t been in a rush, though, wanting to wait for the perfect sound and members I could mesh well with.
For those few precious moments I’d played onstage with Autumn’s Slumber, I’d felt the connection. The awe. That spark of rightness. This was supposed to be my band.
And they had to be jerks with that whole “no girls allowed” mentality.
This had to be some kind of karma for one of the many, many mistakes I’d made over the last twenty years. Too bad for karma, I wasn’t one to sit around and let her have a few laughs at my expense.
I had Nate keep me up-to-date on the details of the open audition for Autumn’s Slumber’s drummer. He kept First Bass running seamlessly so Dad didn’t worry himself into an early grave. I didn’t know how Nate could work as a manager and still tend bar in the VIP on his own without giving himself an ulcer. After watching how stressed it made my dad at times, I’d decided from a young age I didn’t want to follow in his footsteps.
Pop-Pop and Poppy made it easy to choose a career path. Devlin Cutter and Jesse Thornton weren’t just rock legends—they were two of the most famous drummers in history. I didn’t want to siphon off their names. I just wanted them to teach me everything they knew. Which they’d done, starting from the moment I’d first picked up a pair of drumsticks.
Now, I was teaching them a few skills I’d picked up or taught myself.
With Nate’s help, I had my name on the list for the auditions, but clearly as an alias. I’d convinced him to talk my dad into doing the auditions blind by putting up a screen, so the drummer auditioning would be unseen and anyone judging could only choose off talent alone. But even with that going for me, I still decided to disguise myself. Dramatic, sure, but then again, it was what those three assholes were expecting because they thought I was so full of drama.
For hours every day, I worked on the mashup of songs I planned on performing for the audition. I watched every video I could find of Autumn’s Slumber online, picking the cover songs they favored to give me a starting point of what sound they were going for the most often. They needed to know the wide range I offered, so I mixed six songs together, recording each play-through, not only to see where I needed to focus on changing anything to make my performance better, but so I could use the content later for my Havoc platforms.
A text was already waiting for me when I woke up the morning of the auditions.
Abi: You’re going to kill it tonight. Love you hard.
Grinning at my best friend’s words, I rolled out of bed and took a long shower. The audition wasn’t until later that evening, but I needed a little help with my disguise. Throwing everything I needed into a gym bag, I slung it over my shoulder as I left my bedroom, my hair still damp.
Evan was in the kitchen with Mom when I got downstairs. Snatching the bagel he’d just spread cream cheese over, I took a hungry bite and danced out of his reach when he tried to swat at me. He was six foot ten at seventeen, and he still hadn’t stopped growing. With another year of high school to go, he was already being scouted by college basketball coaches. He hadn’t even hinted where he wanted to end up, but I knew my brother had talent on the court.
Mom took one look at me, and her brown eyes narrowed. “Where are you going so early?”
Her suspiciousness was fair. Early mornings and I didn’t get along—at all. But today was important, and I wasn’t about to let my love-hate relationship with the sunrise mess with my big “fuck you” to the guys of Autumn’s Slumber. “I’m meeting one of the cousins.”
“Will this meet-up potentially require bail money?” she asked curiously, her nails tapping on the counter beside the toaster where she was making Evan a second bagel.
I answered with a shrug as I took another bite of my breakfast.
“Fuck’s sake,” she groaned, pointing a butter knife covered in cream cheese at me. “I don’t know what you’re up to, Hayat, but if I have to bail you out of jail tonight, I’m going to be pissed.”
“This cousin is the least likely person to help me cause enough mayhem to end up incarcerated,” I soothed.
Arella was lower on the list of my cousins who I would end up in a cell with. She had her family to think about, all those kids she and Jordan Moreitti were constantly working on creating. Not to mention, Jordan always had at least two bodyguards with his wife if she left their mega-mansion. She might not be the last name on the list, though. There was always that odd chance that she and I might need legal representation. But that was only if we were out in public together. Which wasn’t part of the plan, so Mom didn’t need to worry.
Much.
“Mm-hm,” she hummed, unconvinced. “Are you planning on coming home tonight?”
Chewing my bagel, I considered her question. With all the money I earned from sponsors as Havoc, I could have easily afforded to purchase my own place. But I was waiting to see what Abi decided she was going to do after college. Maybe we could buy a place close to each other and live the sweet life of raising our kids—and tormenting them—together like Mom and Aunt Kin had done with us.
Leasing an apartment, however, sounded more and more appealing every day.
Maddie had her own place. Maybe I’d check out available residences close to her later.
But I knew I wouldn’t. It was just a thought that randomly filtered through my mind whenever Mom went all mom on me. I loved our family dynamic, and I knew I wouldn’t make it two days without being able to soak up the love that filled this house. The truth was, I had to be around people all the time. It energized me. There wasn’t a single part of my DNA that was introverted.
“I don’t know yet,” I finally answered my mom, bending to kiss her cheek. “Love you.”
“Try to stay out of trouble,” Mom called after me.
I smirked at her over my shoulder as I opened the door to the garage. “Can’t make any promises. Later, Ev.”
He glowered at me because I was still eating his bagel, but he blew me a kiss like he always did from the time Poppy and I taught him how to do it when he was seven months old. My giant of a brother looked intimidating as hell, but he was one of the gentlest people I’d ever known. His mop of brown curls and deep dimples made him look more like an adorable puppy to me than the supposedly hot basketball player I’d heard countless girls describe him as.