22. Hayat
Chapter Twenty-Two
Hayat
In the mood Jamie was in, I didn’t think it was the best time to introduce him to any of my family yet, especially not to Abi. Thankfully, she’d gone back to her room after Maddie left, resting with an ice pack on her face.
“Abi, babe, how are you feeling?” I asked quietly, tucking the blanket up around her.
“I’ve been better,” she mumbled, keeping her eyes closed.
“I need to take care of something with the band. The guys need me, and I—”
“Oh my God, Hayat!” She lifted her head to glare at me. I winced when I saw how swollen her face was. “Don’t you dare let all this bullshit with Ali from last night, and me in general, fuck up what you have going with Autumn’s Slumber. Go, or I’m going to kick your ass.”
Promising I’d check in with her later, I left as quickly as I could get Jamie out the door. I could hear movement in the spare room where Evan was, and since Bentley and Sixx were both in there with him, I didn’t want to chance all the testosterone setting off anyone’s temper. My brother tried to be a peacekeeper, but rarely did situations end the way he hoped. His kind heart wasn’t mangled by anger and distrust like everyone else’s was.
Jamie drove us back to Carver Towers. No sooner had we walked into the penthouse than Ky was on me, with Sparks only a few feet behind him. I didn’t have time to process the emotions that crossed Ky’s handsome face or the guilt that attempted to bombard me. Grasping my waist, he lifted me. Automatically, my legs wrapped around his waist. Gray storm-cloud eyes scanned my face for a count of five seconds before he was pressing me up against the nearest wall.
My ass was still stinging from the spanking Jamie had given me earlier, but that wasn’t the only reason I moaned when Ky thrust his lower half against mine. Whimpering, I let my head fall back against the wall as he lost control, rubbing his length against me through our clothes.
“You ever pull shit like this again, and—” His jaw clenched, cutting off his words.
I gulped at the unfinished threat. “Wh-what?” I whispered. “Will you end this?”
“Fuck you, Hayat!” he snarled. “You’re the one acting like this isn’t what you want. If we’re going to be together, then that means you don’t go silent on us. Especially when you get into trouble. You are ours to protect, in all ways, and from the way you just ignored us, it’s obvious you don’t trust us to do our jobs of taking care of you. If this isn’t what you want, if you can’t handle this relationship, then say it now. Put us all out of our misery, and let’s end it here and now.”
“That’s not what I want!” I cried. “Last night wasn’t about me trusting you. It was about me protecting you. Things got crazy way too fast for me to think clearly. My priority was to get my brother and Ali out of that hellhole and home safe. I didn’t realize what I was walking into.”
“You should have called us. Told us where you were going and why. We would have helped you. Last night would have ended a hell of a lot more peacefully if you had just paused long enough to reach out to us. But you didn’t even think about us. Are we even a priority to you? Or just some fucking afterthought?”
I pressed against his chest, but he only pushed his lower body into me harder, trapping me in place. “That’s not fair. I’m not used to having a boyfriend—or whatever this is. I’ve always taken care of shit myself. Or with Abi. Whatever type of girls you’re used to, they aren’t me. I can take care of myself.”
“And you did such a spectacular job of that last night, huh?” he snapped.
“That was uncharted territory for all of us. But you weren’t some afterthought. I was scared, Ky! I didn’t know what was going to happen, but what I did know was that I didn’t want any of it to affect you three.” Tears filled my eyes and I tried so hard to hold them back, but he was so angry and I was so tired. And scared. I didn’t want to lose him. These guys had changed my life in a way I still didn’t fully understand, but what I did know was that I didn’t want what we had to end. “I’m sorry you got pulled into Ali and Sixx’s bullshit. All I wanted was to get my family out of there, safe and whole, without putting anyone else at risk.”
He dropped his forehead to mine, a tortured groan rumbling out of his chest. “This doesn’t happen again, Hayat. Something happens, you call us. You’re scared, you call us. One of your friends or family runs into trouble, you do not fucking go running off to save the day, putting yourself at risk for who the fuck knows what kind of dangers. You call us, trust us. We take care of your every need, in every way.”
“O-okay,” I choked out.
“But if you go silent on us again, blocking us out like we are nothing to you, then I’m going to take that as you telling us that this thing with us isn’t worth your time.”
“Ky,” I whimpered, a lump filling my throat as the reality of what he was saying caused my heart to clench. I felt like he’d slapped me—and not the fun kind Jamie gave me earlier.
Was that how he thought a relationship worked?
A few small fuckups and game over. Nice knowing you, but I’m done. No do-overs. Not a second—or third—chance.
There wasn’t a rule book for this kind of situationship. Or at least, not one I’d been given. Fuck’s sake, I’d never had one boyfriend, let alone three. What did he expect?
I’d been scared, worried, and not thinking straight. I would own that. But trusting him and the others hadn’t been the issue. They wanted to protect me, and I was trying to protect them. How was I to know that they were already being dragged into the same bullshit?
I’d never been in any type of relationship before, so this was all new territory for me. I’d been misguided in how I’d attempted to protect the guys who meant everything to me. But it wasn’t done with malicious intent. My friends and family had been in trouble, and my instincts had kicked in to help them. I wasn’t used to asking for help, damn it. I was the one Abi, Ali, and Evan came to when they needed it.
Now, however, I did have a trust issue.
With Ky.
He wasn’t all in. That much was clear.
If he were, then he wouldn’t have so callously given me that threat—or ultimatum.
As much as I wanted to be with these guys, I wasn’t going to become that girl. The one who was always worried that her boyfriend already had one foot out the door, just waiting for her to mess up, no matter how big or small.
“I’m serious, Hayat.” Lifting his head, he locked his gaze with mine, his jaw so tight the muscles in his neck were twitching. He was pissed, but so was I.
“Let’s get a few things straight,” I gritted out between clenched teeth, my tone chilly enough to cause Jamie to stiffen where he stood nearby. From the corner of my eye, I saw him shift closer, but I kept my focus on Ky. “I’ve known you all of a few weeks. We’ve texted, fooled around a little, and now you expect me to trust you wholeheartedly?”
He opened his mouth, but I lifted my hand, cutting him off. “I’m not saying I don’t trust you. Because I do. Or rather, I did. I trust Jamie and Sparks. But you? After what you just said to me, holding this relationship over my head to control me? I’d be an idiot to trust you, Ky.”
His storm-cloud gray eyes widened, his throat working convulsively as if he had something stuck in it. “All of this may not be new to you, but it sure as fuck is to me. I’ve never been in a relationship before with one guy, let alone three. I’m going to make mistakes. We’ve had maybe five minutes to get to know one another. What I do know about you, that information can’t even fill a Post-it. And now you’re throwing out threats that the next time I mess up, you’re going to end everything with us?”
“That’s not what I meant—”
“It sure as hell sounded like it,” I snapped, pushing at his chest, trying to put distance between us. But he only shifted, tightening his hold so I couldn’t move away. “I don’t do well with ultimatums, Ky. I’m all in with this thing between us. Or I was, until you started trying to intimidate me by placing a proverbial anvil over my head and this relationship.”
“Hayat—”
“Just stop. You want me to trust you? Earn it. Fucking me and then texting me a few times a day doesn’t give you any type of authority over me. For me, as of this moment, you and I don’t have anything going on but sex and being in the same band.” I pushed at his chest again, hard, but he remained unmoved. Growling my frustration, I struggled against his hold. “Let me go, Ky. I’m done with your bullshit.”
“What the fuck is your problem, man?” Jamie demanded, grabbing Ky’s arm. “You’re making her think we don’t want her. She’s already about to kick your ass and leave. If you think I’m going to lose her over your issues, then you’re dead wrong. You want out, there’s the door. Get your shit and get the fuck out. Or we’ll go. Sparks and I have plenty of money. We can get our own place and take care of Hayat without any problem.”
Surprise jolted through Ky. “You’d leave Autumn’s Slumber for her?”
“Without hesitation. I’ll give up you and the band, but I’ll never let Hayat go.”
“Ky, stop acting like an asshole,” Sparks snapped. “You’re not going to talk to her like that. I’m not going to let you treat her like this. She was scared last night, with good reason. And we have done nothing to show her how much we care about her, what she means to us. There hasn’t been time to prove anything to her. If you keep running your mouth, then she’s not going to give any of us a chance. I’m with Jamie on this. Hayat means more than the band. And if you’d stop letting those voices whisper doubts in your ear, you’d realize that you’re about to ruin everything.”
Jamie and Sparks were both causing butterflies to flutter in my stomach. They cared about me. More than their friendship with Ky. More than Autumn’s Slumber. It was a soothing balm to all the bullshit Ky threw at me.
“It came out wrong!” Ky yelled, his fingers biting into me, as if he was scared to let me go. His breathing picked up, making his chest lift and fall rapidly as the air whooshed out of his mouth, almost as if he was close to a panic attack. “Fucking hell, girl, I love you! And you broke my heart last night. Even as we were scrambling to deal with all that shit, you were ripping me apart. You weren’t the only one scared over the warehouse craziness. All of us were. Because we didn’t know what was going on with you. For all we knew, you could have been dead.”
His confession made me dizzy.
Love?
Ky loved me?
Did Jamie and Sparks feel the same way?
Love was a big word. One that held so many levels of power. All my life, I’d been surrounded by people who loved me, but this was a different type of L word. This one was the kind that turned me into a we .
These three guys had been in my life for all of a quick minute, but suddenly, I was looking at what we were to one another through different eyes. Not just as the drummer for their band. Or the girl they fooled around with a few times. Or even as their friend.
Love changed everything.
“Ky,” I breathed, a piece of my heart breaking while simultaneously being healed. I was so damn confused by everything I was feeling at that moment. Elated that Ky loved me. Afraid that he would break up with me. In hindsight, I did realize that I’d been hiding. It wasn’t all about protecting my guys. I’d been independent all my life. If something needed to be handled, I handled it. Although, often enough Abi, and at times Maddie, was in on it, I was the one who got things done, who protected my baby brother, Ali, and the rest of our group. “I—”
“Don’t say anything,” he interrupted, some of his angry fire burning down to banked embers. His throat bobbed as he swallowed convulsively a few times. “I’m not even sure I’d believe you, even though I can see it in your eyes, Hellion. That’s a conversation for another time, when our emotions aren’t working against us and I might say even more things that I’ll regret later.”
I was so conflicted, it took me a moment to realize Sparks had ripped Ky away from me. He had a bruise along his jaw, and I immediately let out a cry of distress. “Sparks, are you okay?”
A few of my tears snuck out, but I didn’t care. All the conflicting emotions swirling around in my head and chest were put on pause as I focused on Sparks. He was stiff as a statue, his dark eyes dull brown and not the warm melted chocolate that I loved so much. “Who did this to you?”
He gave me a tight smile, only to wince when it pulled at the sore muscles on his jaw. “This? It’s nothing, goddess. Some families hug each other in greeting. Others punch each other in the face when they see them.”
That was when I saw the scraped knuckles on his right hand. “Did you punch him back?”
“Broke the fucker’s nose,” Ky grunted, dropping down on the short end of the sectional, combing his fingers through his hair in frustration as he propped his elbows on his knees and squeezed the back of his neck with both hands. “Nothing the bastard didn’t deserve.”
Skimming my thumb over the raw flesh, I lifted Sparks’s hand to my mouth, kissing the swollen, distressed tissue. “I’m so sorry you were pulled into my family’s shit. Everything moved so fast last night that I didn’t know which way was up. We didn’t know what was actually going on or why my brother and the others were at the fight club until after Abi and I got out of there. Then once things calmed down, I was scared to pull you three into the mess. I mean, Samara Vitucci was already there, and that was bad enough. I didn’t know you were connected to the PCC. My only thought was to protect you three from…all of it.”
With his free hand, he combed his fingers through my hair, tightened his hold at the roots, and pulled my head back enough that our gazes caught. “The only thing you need to be sorry for is not telling us what was going on to begin with. It turns my stomach to think of you in that warehouse with no one to protect you from the monsters that inhabit that cesspool.”
Lowering his head, he gently brushed his lips over mine. I leaned into him, kissing him back, but it only lasted a few moments before he pulled back, concern darkening his brown eyes. “Are you okay, goddess? Did anyone hurt you?”
“I’m fine. My friend Abi took an elbow to the face, and then there was Sixx. But his injuries were only from nearly beating some perv to death.” I stroked the backs of my fingers over the angry bruise on his jaw. “This needs ice. And I should put some ointment and bandages on this hand.”
“No, babe. I’m fine. Honest. This isn’t my first time scuffling with my brother.” Tenderly, he pulled me against his chest. When he kissed my forehead, I heard his deep inhale, and most of the tension released from his body. “I’m so damn glad you’re okay.”
His gentleness after the extreme reactions of both Jamie and Ky left me trembling. Of the three of them, Sparks should have been the one most upset with me. It was my fault he had been thrown back into a life he must have struggled to get out of and put behind him. Jamie had hinted that Sparks—once upon a time Ignado Guerrero—had helped lead the PCC. I couldn’t picture the man I knew being a part of a cartel. He might look all grumpy and tough on the outside, but he’d given me his soft, loving side repeatedly.
Shaking away the thoughts, I leaned against Sparks. He ran his fingers from my cheek down my throat, my sides, then around to my front. Teasing my belly button, he slipped his fingertips into the top of my sweats. “We have a surprise for you. It was Jamie’s idea, but we’ve all been working on it this week. That was why we were running late last night, putting the finishing touches on everything.”
“A surprise?” I repeated eagerly, allowing excitement to push away the hurt Ky had inflicted, the fear that still lingered, and all my doubts about where our relationship might be going. “Can I see?”
Jamie laughed and took one of my hands, pulling me away from Sparks, which caused the other guy to grumble unhappily. “Come on, Hellion.”
They both linked their fingers through mine as we walked toward a closed bedroom door. Unable to help myself, I glanced over my shoulder to see if Ky was following. When I saw him a few steps behind, a little of my uncertainty about the two of us eased.
His stormy gray eyes softened on me when he caught me looking his way. Remorse filled his gaze. I hoped he was regretting his initial reaction when I’d arrived. He needed to suffer. To feel guilty. He wasn’t going to walk all over me or verbally threaten me. I was not some fragile little flower who was going to sit back and wait for permission to speak—or to go out with my friends—from the big, strong man.
Fuck that, and fuck him.
If we were going to make this work between the four of us, we all had to trust one another. But he and I were walking a very fine line at the moment.
Their penthouse took up the entire top floor of Carver Towers. The sliding blinds that hid the pool directly above the living area were in place, blocking out the glow of the pool lights that had felt so seductive the first time I’d visited the apartment. The penthouse was over three-thousand square feet, and the kitchen and living room had an open floor plan, but all the bedrooms were spread out. Jamie’s and Sparks’s were on the other side of the apartment from the one he and Sparks guided me toward.
Jamie opened the door, and Sparks covered my eyes, the two of them making me giggle at how they were acting. Feeling the heat of Sparks’s body at my back, I slowly walked toward Jamie’s voice. “Just a few more steps forward,” he said seriously. “Wait…right…there. Perfect. Ready?”
“Yes!” I laughed. “Show me.”
Sparks kissed my neck just below my ear before dropping his hands. “Welcome home, goddess.”
Blinking open my eyes, I rapidly glanced around, unsure where to look first. The gigantic bed in the center of the room was hard not to focus on. It was as if they had welded two king-sized beds together, but even with how large it was, there was plenty of room for everything else. Like the entertainment center against the far wall that was stocked with game systems for the seventy-five-inch flat-screen mounted to the wall.
A custom-made comforter was already on the bed, a blend of Autumn’s Slumber’s signature colors with skulls that had drumsticks for their crossbones. Eight pillows in matching cases were across the head of the bed, along with an array of fuzzy and decorative pillows. A soft, fluffy beanbag chair was near the entertainment center, along with shaggy rugs that decorated the floor. There were pictures on the walls, all of them photos of both my grandfathers playing onstage, some with their bands, but most of them on their own. Each of them brought a smile to my face, my heart squeezing in a way it never had before.
“You needed your own space here, Hellion. Somewhere that is just for you,” Jamie explained. “I thought the photos of Devlin Cutter and Jesse Thornton would make it feel more like home.”
“It’s beautiful,” I murmured, fighting a fresh wave of emotion. “And I love the pictures.”
“This is your room, goddess. One we hope you’ll use more often than not.” Sparks crossed to the bed and sat before flopping back on the mattress and stretching out his long limbs. With a wicked grin, he turned onto his side, propping his head up on one hand. “But we also hope you’ll be up for sharing the bed.”
Strong arms wrapped around me from behind, fingers rubbing low across my belly while Ky pressed his hardness into me. Goose bumps popped up along my entire body, and I half melted into him. But I couldn’t seem to help hiding a part of my emotions deep inside myself. Unsure of him, but too weak to deny how much I wanted him.
Until he’d said those horrible things to me, I had been sure I was falling for him. And the reality of it was, I probably still was. But that didn’t mean I wanted to. Jamie and Sparks had shown me how good we could be together. All Ky had done was prove that I’d been smart to keep as far away as possible from any relationship.
“Maybe we should christen the bed,” Ky murmured, nuzzling my hair aside so he could kiss my shoulder. Clit throbbing, I squirmed against him, hating my instant reaction to him. But just because I was hesitant to have an emotional relationship with this man didn’t mean I had to give up a physical one. I could have sex with him and keep my heart out of the equation. “Make sure we all fit comfortably.”
“I second that,” Jamie said, walking toward me with a smirk on his handsome face. I loved that smirk just as much as that dominating side of him. When he spanked me earlier, I’d been overwhelmed by the intense burn of his large hands landing slaps on my ass cheeks. But damn if it hadn’t gotten me wet. With each spank, my inner walls had quivered, convulsed, gripped at nothing in desperation to be filled by his huge cock. “That is, if Hayat is up for it. How are you doing, Hellion?”
I returned his grin. “I won’t be sitting comfortably for a few days, but I’m not going to deny that it was a warranted punishment. I don’t break easily, Jamie.”
“You spanked her?” Ky demanded, rubbing a hand over one of my stinging cheeks.
“Told you I would,” he said with a shrug, already reaching for the hem of my hoodie. “Come here, baby. Let me unwrap you. Show Sparks and Ky the glow of that pretty pink ass I gave you.”