28. Hayat
Chapter Twenty-Eight
Hayat
At some point, Uncle Shane left the studio, leaving Poppy and me sitting in the rolly chairs. All my crying, something I wasn’t used to doing, had left me with a stuffy nose and a pulsing sinus headache. Poppy sat with his chair rolled close enough to mine to hold my hand.
Sometimes, that was all I needed. Big, bald, scary Jesse Thornton to sit in silence and hold my hand for me to know that the world hadn’t ended—even if it felt like it had. We were still there. His warm fingers wrapped around mine. I could hear his even breathing. See the shift of the shades of brown in his eyes.
My uncles Luca and Lyric had that same gene. Both sets of Luca’s twins had it too, all of the boys. But Lyric had two sets of twins as well, and only one pair of them shared that same gene. To strangers, it could be a little creepy at first. Like watching a person’s eyes turn all demonic in an episode of Supernatural, depending on their mood.
But I loved the change. When I was a little girl, I would lie on his chest for hours, watching his eyes change shades of brown, trying to decipher what each one of them meant. It took a long time for me to figure it out, but now I was confident in what each color signified. Right then, they were telling me he was holding back his anger. He was sad for me, but he loved me.
I wished with all my heart he was my biological grandfather, so that I might have something of him living inside me. But he and Gammy had adopted my mom when they got married, so the only thing I had that belonged to him was a piece of his heart hidden safely inside my own.
“Is it wrong that I love all three of them?” I finally asked, not because I needed to fill the silence, but because I wanted his opinion.
Still holding my hand, he turned so he was facing me more. “Some people are going to tell you it’s wrong, Hayat. But those people aren’t anyone who matters. These boys, do they treat you well?”
“Sparks and Jamie are intense, but they make me feel like I’m the only person in the world good enough to belong to them. They can calm me with a smile or a simple brush of their fingers down my cheek. When I’m not with them, they worry nonstop.”
Poppy nodded as I spoke, his lips slightly tipping up at the edges. “And the other one, Ky?”
“He told me he loves me, Poppy,” I admitted. “But…I don’t think he understands what that word means. Because he hasn’t done anything to actually show me. Sparks and Jamie, they haven’t said the words yet, but I can feel it. Like an electrical current just beneath my skin.”
“But you love him, this Ky?”
My stomach did a somersault. “Yes. As much as I don’t want to, I love him.”
“That fast?”
Despite my swollen eyes and red, snotty nose, I smirked at my grandfather. “Really, Poppy? How many times have you told Evan and me about how you walked into Aunt Emmie’s office, saw Gammy sitting across from her, and were gone for her?”
“True,” he agreed. “And then I saw Lana and Lucy, and I knew those girls were meant to be my family too. Lana was too old to adopt, but Lucy became my baby the moment I put that ring on Layla’s hand.”
“And then you had to have the demon twins?” I lightly teased.
My uncles had given my grandparents ulcers, I was sure of it, but when they weren’t causing mayhem, they were great guys. Just like Poppy, the man who didn’t care what I did—as long as it didn’t get me thrown in jail or dead, and even then, the jail part was negotiable. All he wanted was for me to be happy.
For a hot minute, I had been.
Maybe I could be with Jamie and Sparks, but would something always feel like it was missing?
I thought I’d found my band, something that had always seemed to be absent inside me, like an organ that hadn’t been strong enough to fully develop yet. Auditioning for Autumn’s Slumber had been the Miracle-Gro that I’d needed, and I’d finally found the place I’d thought I was meant to be.
Then came Jamie and Sparks—and Ky.
That was when my hot minute turned to ashes, and I’d been floundering ever since. Even when Jamie took me from Abi’s house, back to my guys, nothing had gone right since. Because of Ky.
I shouldn’t have felt greedy. Having Jamie and Sparks—if they still wanted me—should have been enough for me. I’d find another band. It wouldn’t be the perfect fit like Autumn’s Slumber, but I’d make do. And I’d have two of the three rockers who possessed my heart.
It was more than poor Abi had. Her maybe-husband was dead at the hands of his sister, and she was likely pregnant. Not that she’d told me yet, but we were both keeping secrets from each other left and right. Keeping things from my bestie was why I was having such bad karma, or why fate had a hair stuck up her ass and was being such a bitch to me. Karma and fate needed to get laid and leave me the fuck alone. I didn’t actively go out and screw around with their existence. They needed to show the same courtesy, damn it.
Two taps on the studio door were all the warning we got before it opened. Aunt Emmie walked in, but she barely cleared the doorway before Jamie was rushing past her and lifting me into his arms. Instinctively, my legs wrapped around him, and I buried my face in his thick, blond hair that hung around his shoulder, hiding my swollen eyes and red nose from him.
Sparks came up behind me, his hands rubbing up and down my spine in firm strokes, attempting to melt away the tension that was causing my body to ache. Lifting an arm, I reached for him, pulling him closer so I was hugging them both.
Fresh tears filled my eyes, but I kept my face hidden in Jamie’s hair so it didn’t upset my guys. Sparks did not do well with tears. He got this look in his eyes that reminded me of something I’d seen in Sammy’s. A little touch of insanity, a huge dose of blood lust. It was scary and kind of hot when I saw it in Sparks’s brown eyes. But I didn’t want to be the reason he went around stabbing people.
“Boys, I expect you to take her home—her parents’ house,” Poppy clarified. “She doesn’t want to be around Ky. And I think she needs a day or two to think about what she really wants.”
“She wants us,” Jamie told him, not sounding the least bit intimidated by my grandfather. Which was kind of hot. Jesse Thornton could be scary as fuck at times. Jamie talking back to him could have got him a beatdown.
“She wants you and… Are you Sparks?” Poppy asked.
“Yes, sir,” Sparks muttered respectfully, making me smile despite the tears that kept flowing.
“That your legal name?” Poppy questioned.
“Jess,” Aunt Emmie cut in. “Let’s talk later.”
Oh shit. That meant she knew exactly who Sparks had been before he’d joined the band. She knew, but she wasn’t going to stop representing him and Autumn’s Slumber. Fuck, I loved her. After her own screwed-up childhood, she had empathy for others and believed in second chances. For the most part, at least.
But it made me curious about Jamie and what she’d learned about him. He hadn’t told me much about his past, but I didn’t need to know. Not his or Sparks’s or Ky’s.
What mattered was the men they were now.
Even if Ky was a jerkface prick.
“Lucy and Harris are expecting her home. They’re both at work, but they are aware that Hayat isn’t feeling the best, so they will be home this afternoon,” Poppy announced. “And I’ll be stopping by later tonight to make sure she’s there. Until she’s certain about what she wants—and who she wants—you will let her have time to think.”
“She can think at our place,” Jamie argued, not backing down. I snuggled closer, needing his pit bull cuddles and the feeling of being utterly safe in his arms. Not just safe in the from danger kind of way. But safe in that I knew my heart was protected with this man. “She has her own room. If she’s mad at Ky, we won’t let him in there.”
“Jamie, I want to go to my parents’ place,” I told him quietly, and I felt him turn to stone. “I’m sorry. But Ky… I just need a little distance from him until I’ve thought about a few things.”
“Do they have a spare room Sparks and I can bunk in?” Jamie asked hopefully. “I don’t want to be so far from you, Hellion.”
“I’ll make sure Lucy and Harris let you two visit often,” Poppy promised, his tone firm but reasonable. “Hayat’s tired. You two boys take her home.”
“Yes, sir,” Sparks said again, grumbling under his breath, “Wait until I get my hands on Ky.”
“Play nice, boys,” Aunt Emmie warned, but in that sweet tone that said she was only saying the words for whatever legal reasons. What she really meant was Whatever you do, don’t leave any evidence behind. And if you decide not to kill him, don’t leave any marks that can easily be seen . “I’ll be in touch. Take good care of our girl.”