30. Hayat
Chapter Thirty
Hayat
I didn’t remember when Sparks and Jamie left, but when I woke up, I reached out blindly for either of them and was disappointed when I came up empty. Swallowing roughly around the dryness in my throat, I scrubbed a fist against a gritty eye before glancing at the digital clock on the bedside table.
9:45 a.m.
Blowing out a sigh, wondering how much trouble I was in and how many people I’d worried, I got out of bed and quickly hurried to the bathroom. My bladder was screaming after sleeping for so long. Once I was finished, I washed my hands, brushed my teeth, and took a long, hot shower.
Hair still damp, I walked into the kitchen at ten minutes to eleven to find my parents sitting at the kitchen island. Large cups of coffee sat in front of them, their faces grim as they watched me walk barefoot to the kitchen and pull out the container of orange juice. There wasn’t much left in it, so I unscrewed the cap and took a swig from the bottle.
Any other time, Mom would have chastised me for not using a glass, but her brown eyes only softened as she sat back in her chair and waited. When Evan and I got into trouble, sometimes our parents yelled, but sometimes they remained quiet.
I would have preferred the yelling.
Ducking my head, I crossed to the island, keeping to the side they weren’t seated on, needing my space. Needing… Fuck, I wasn’t sure what I needed. To erase everything that had happened the day before? To go back to right before Maddie hugged Ky—when she kissed him, almost on the lips, leaving a smear of her dark rose lipstick on his skin.
When the guys had been jealous of my talking and teasing with the guards in the garage, I’d been a little annoyed. But I soon realized what they must have been feeling when I saw Maddie with Ky. My friend, my stepcousin, the girl I loved and considered part of my inner circle, had sliced her sharp nails down my heart.
Not that she knew that. The guys and I hadn’t gone public with our relationship yet. But it still felt like a betrayal. For both her and Ky. How could he let her touch him like that? So casually, like there was something between them that was definitely not friendship.
And then she started with her little jabs, nit-picking, teasing. At least, to an outsider, that was what it must have looked like. But I’d seen the glint in her eyes, the irritation, the spitefulness that felt like she was digging her nails deeper into my heart, wanting to rip it apart.
But why?
What had I done to cause her to treat me like I was her enemy?
Then came the big plan to promote Autumn’s Slumber—or rather, promote Ky. All while she told me that I was going to hurt the band because I was already so popular. Havoc would bring Autumn’s Slumber down. Ruin them.
Which was the last thing I wanted.
They might have felt like the band that was meant for me, but I wouldn’t do anything to mess up their future. Not when they had so much talent, with or without me. Those three brought magic to the stage when they performed, and I wouldn’t be the reason they didn’t succeed.
Tipping the bottle back, I drained the last of the juice in three big gulps. Then because I wasn’t feeling much like a lady, I used the back of my hand to wipe my mouth and finally looked at my dad. “A few things happened yesterday, and I’m dealing with them.”
His aquamarine eyes darkened. “Sweetheart—”
I held up my hand, stopping him. “Maddie is right. I’m not the right fit for Autumn’s Slumber. Please, reach out to Atticus, if you haven’t already. He had some sick talent, and if I hadn’t been trying to show off, he would have won the audition.”
“Is that what the guys in the band want?” Dad asked.
I shrugged. “Some of them do, some of them don’t. In the end, it’s what needs to happen. I’m not going to chase after anything or anyone who doesn’t value me. Ky made his opinion obvious.”
Ky who holds our relationship over my head.
Unable to tell him that part, I went to the sink to rinse the bottle and tossed it in the recycling bin.
“Maddie isn’t Autumn’s Slumber’s content creator,” Mom spoke up. “Trinity and Jarrett are putting her back in therapy.”
“I hope she gets whatever help she needs. But that has no bearing on whether I’m the band’s drummer or not.” Looking at her over my shoulder, I let her see how deep my pain went and saw tears fill her brown eyes. “To be honest, Mom, I have about five things I care about in the world right now, and I’m sorry, but Maddie isn’t on my list. That probably sounds selfish of me. She went through something that nearly took her from us because of her mental health. And I was right beside her back then. But now, I’m going to put myself first.”
“That doesn’t make you selfish, Hayat,” Dad said in that deep, reassuring tone of his. “You’re allowed to prioritize yourself. Maddie is Trinity’s responsibility. But you’re mine. And what you want, what will make you happy, is my only goal. Tell me what you want me to do, honey.”
Pulling my thick, wet hair over my shoulder, I turned away from them. “I want you to hire Atticus for the band. That’s it. That’s all I want or need.”
Walking out of the kitchen, I heard both my parents blow out heavy sighs, but I had no words of comfort or reassurance. I didn’t even know what my own plans were now, but I’d figure it out. Karma and fate had knocked me on my ass for a minute, but I’d get back up, dust myself off, and move on.
Without Autumn’s Slumber.
But would I be doing it without Sparks, Jamie, and Ky?
I didn’t have the answer to that yet.