15. Chapter 15
”Idon”t know what to do.” My tone is hushed, but the room is large and I feel like my every word is echoing, magnified for everyone in the neighborhood to hear.
”Is everything okay?” Dominika asks, her voice rife with concern even through the phone.
”Yes.. yes,” I say quickly. ”I don”t mean to worry you… I just…”
”Spit it out. You are worrying me,” she says.
”Okay well, this is going to sound silly, but… everything is going really well for the most part. He”s lavished more gifts on Yara than any girl could ever use, the mansion is gorgeous, he seems nice….”
”Have you slept with him yet?” She interrupts me, clearly wanting to cut straight to the chase.
I laugh. ”Yes, Dominika. And that was great, too. Best of my life, even.”
”So what”s the problem?” Confusion is palpable in her tone. ”You”re calling me to complain because you”ve found a wealthy American who can rescue you from all your problems over here, who lavishes you with attention, has an amazing cock, a gorgeous mansion, who accepts and spoils your daughter with gifts… I”m really concerned that you”re going to overdose on good things, Alina! Should I call the police?”
I smirk as I take in her words. She”s right. How am I being such a stress cadet over all of these positives?
”Haha okay, I know I sound silly.” I pause and bite my lower lip. ”I”m guess I”m just… not used to this.”
”Well, that”s understandable,” she replies. ”Luchenko may have money, but thoughtfulness is not his strong suit.”
Again, Dominika is the queen of understatements.
She continues. ”He uses his finances as a weapon rather than something that can make people”s lives better. That”s what you grew to expect. And then after all the housing and food uncertainty… give yourself a break, Alina. For God”s sake, you”re hard on yourself. Let yourself feel comfortable with the idea that things can be good.”
I sigh. ”You”re right. I”m always waiting for the other shoe to drop. The entire way over here I worried that I was forgetting something, as if I couldn”t drive down to the store to get a toothbrush or something. And then I had a minor panic attack coming through immigration. And then meeting Gerald… the blood was rushing so hard in my ears I thought I was going to pass out.”
”But you”re safe now, Alina. Yara”s safe. You”re further from my diabolical brother-in-law than you”ve ever been. This is your chance to make a life for yourself, and for your daughter. A life that you”ve worked so hard for and that you”ve always dreamed of.”
I frown. ”But I feel so selfish, Nika. Maybe I should have kept us back there and just tried to do more of what I was doing. Picked up another job so we could stay somewhere nicer in a few months when I saved up enough money.”
I feel myself spiraling as I consider all the what-if”s.
”Alina? Listen to me,” Dominika”s voice is firm, as if she can see my mental state unraveling through the phone.
She knows me too well.
”I know this acceptance of people showing you kindness and generosity doesn”t come easily to you. But I want you to remember, you”re a great mother. And an equally wonderful friend and general human being. This is your time.”
She pauses, as if trying to find the right words.
”Now, it”s your turn to relax and enjoy the ride. Things can only go up from here.”
I thank her and we hang up, agreeing to talk again soon. Pondering her words, I wonder if she”s right.
Or if she just wants me to be happy so badly that she has blinders on, too.
That”s the problem with being let down over and over again. At the first sense of opportunity for real happiness, you either jump into it while ignoring every possible red flag.
Or, perhaps worse, you start to conjure up red flags where there are none, robbing yourself of the potential for any actual joy.
Fuck, I hate being a human sometimes.
One thing is clear. Right now, good things are happening.
And I”m determined, for Yara”s sake, to keep this string of good luck going for as long as it possibly can.
At the first sign of trouble, I”m out.
But for now, we get to enjoy everything positive that being with Gerald, and that being in America, can possibly bring.