Chapter 15 #2
“It was an expression. You’re so fucking dramatic. Of course, I can go out. I just don’t go out with them . They give me money, and I amuse myself.”
“Well, Mac gave me money.”
“What did you do with it?”
I don’t want to admit what happened, but when he raises one eyebrow, I sigh. “I didn’t spend it. I gave it back to him.”
“What the fuck? Wes !”
I hold up my hand. “I didn’t need it. He gives me far too much already.”
“There’s no such thing as being paid too much,” he says simply.
“That’s what you really think?”
“It’s what I know . What did he say when you gave him the money back? I wish I’d been a fly on the wall for that little revelation.”
“He was surprised, and I think he was a bit bothered.” It’s such a relief to talk about this with him.
“I bet.” He gives a short laugh. “But then I think you’ve come as a surprise all round.”
“How? I mean, I?—”
We both look up as the door opens, and I blink as Brandon enters the room. He briefly looks at Julian and then turns to me. “Hello,” he says.
I nod. “Evening,” I say warily.
He comes nearer, and up close, he’s even more stunning—like he rolled off a production line for perfect people. “You’re with Cormac, aren’t you?” he says. Even his voice is lovely, husky and very posh.
“Who?” I say blankly. “Oh. Sorry, you mean Mac. Yes, I am. Why?”
He stares at me. “You call him Mac?”
“Erm, yes.”
A beat of silence drops until Julian stirs. “Can we help you?” he asks, his tone in no way promising help.
I nudge him. “Sorry,” I tell Brandon. “My name’s Wes. And you’re Brandon, right?”
He doesn’t respond to my introduction. Instead, he narrows his eyes and takes a slow step toward me, his broad shoulders tense under the fine fabric of his suit coat. “How is Cormac?” he asks in that same low, husky voice.
He’s rather intense, and I’m not sure how to respond. “You were just talking to him,” I finally say. “Why didn’t you ask him yourself?”
He shrugs. “He’d never admit if anything was wrong.” There’s a wealth of knowledge in that statement. I swallow hard and he steps closer. “I just want to know that he’s okay. Last time I saw him, he wasn’t sleeping.”
He raises his chin and gives me a cool stare, as though he’s communicating something more than simple concern for Mac. That ominous icy chill I’d felt earlier tingles down my spine.
“And when was that?” I ask.
“When I last saw him?”
I nod.
“Last year.”
Before I can acknowledge any feeling of relief at this news, Brandon adds, “In our flat.”
My breath freezes in my lungs, and I reach unsteadily for the counter. In our flat. What did that mean? Does he mean the flat that I’m currently living in, and if so?—
“What are you talking about?” Julian slices sharply through my panic spiral.
Brandon spreads his hands. “I’m asking after Cormac, because I once had an arrangement with him. We had a flat together, and the last time I saw him, he wasn’t doing very well. Insomnia, you know.” He glances at me with his cool blue eyes.
“An arrangement ?” My voice catches embarrassingly, and I have to stop and clear my throat. “You had an arrangement with Mac?”
“Yes, he kept me for a year.”
The words are like a blow. “A year?” I echo.
“You didn’t know? Our arrangement only ended in January.”
My head reels. I can’t drag in enough air somehow, and my heart hurts like he just reached into my chest and squeezed it in his bare hands.
Because I feel like a fucking idiot. I thought I was special because Mac kept me after one night.
I thought Mac felt different about me because he’d had me stay in that flat he’d secured just for me.
And he’d spent days, weeks, and months seeing me and only me.
Oh god. I’d actually thought we’d had a future.
I’m not special at all though, am I? I’m simply the boy who came after Brandon.
“Does he talk about me?” Brandon says urgently, putting a hand on my arm.
I shake it off. “No. He never mentioned you.”
His shoulders sag and his gaze darts about the room, lost. Then he refocuses on me, and incredibly, he smiles. “Maybe because he can’t.” He clasps my arm again. “Do you think he misses me too much?”
I stare at him in disbelief. “ What ?”
“He was so good to me. We were so good together. He must miss me.”
He steps even closer, and I can smell his cologne and a trace of sweat. “Don’t get attached to him,” he says urgently. “Don’t ever do that.”
Julian steps between us and pushes him back. “Well, goodbye,” he says brightly. “You’ve said your piece. Now, you can go away and wank over the thought of Mac.”
“ Julian ,” I protest.
He shakes his head. “He’s just shit-stirring.”
But I’m not sure he is. The yearning on his face is so avid that it makes me feel queasy. “I’m sorry,” I say.
Brandon steps away and straightens his jacket. “I shouldn’t have spoken with you.”
“You think ?” Julian says incredulously.
I put my hand on his shoulder to calm Julian, then I turn to Brandon and say, “Thank you for the warning.”
Brandon frowns. “I’m sorry for you.”
“Why?” I say wearily. I’m not sure how much more of this stranger’s honesty I can take.
“Because he’s getting ready to finish with you.”
“How the fuck do you know that?” Julian snaps.
He shrugs, his eyes alight with happiness. “He’s here, isn’t he? He obviously heard I was back in town and wanted to see me. I knew he wouldn’t be able to forget me.”
He moves to the door, and I say, “Wait.” I need to ask him one more question, even though I’m not sure I want to know the answer. But it seems important to know. “Did he take you to Paris?”
Something crosses his face, but it’s gone before I can work out what it is. “Yes.” He meets my gaze, tilting his head as though curious about my response.
I’d hoped I’d masked my wince, but Brandon’s mouth curves into a half smile. There’s a cruel cast to his expression now, as if he’s suddenly enjoying this.
“Thank you.” I carefully lean back against the counter. I don’t want him to notice that he’s upset me. I have my pride.
For a moment, I’m sure he’s going to say something else but he only nods a goodbye and then leaves the room, the door silently closing behind him.
I take a few deep breaths, grateful for Julian’s silence.
Finally, he asks, “What the hell were you thanking him for?”
“Because he’s opened my eyes, which I obviously needed.”
“Maybe we should give him a medal for shit-stirring, too, while we’re at it.”
I sigh. My eyes are hot, and I have a horrible feeling that I’m about to cry. I feel silly and very young all of a sudden. I’m obviously not built for this club. Nothing is what it seems. It’s a place that flaunts honesty but they’re all telling lies.
My heart is beating so fast I feel like the world has stopped and turned the other way. Maybe it has. It’s dizzying and I rub at my chest with my fist. “I’m such a stupid twat, Julian.”
“Don’t say that,” he says fiercely.
“But I am. I thought I was special to Mac—that he’d never treated a man like this before. Repeat visits and attention. The flat. The holiday. And now I find out he had the same arrangement with the man he’d kept before me. I’m the latest. And I’m sure I won’t be the last.”
He pats my hand, and at another time, I’d smile because he’s absolute crap at offering comfort, and it’s obviously panicking him.
“I can’t believe he had a long-term arrangement with Brandon.
That must have been after he attended the first time and didn’t come back for ages.
No one said anything. Even Fox didn’t know. ”
My smile is humourless. “Well, Mac does like his privacy.”
“I’m not sure you should take Brandon’s word for anything. There was something really off about him. Didn’t you notice?” I shake my head. “Maybe you should talk to Mac and?—”
“No. I don’t think that would go well.”
I bite my lip hard. The pain settles me a little and I’ve abruptly had enough.
I don’t want to see the sympathy in Julian’s eyes.
I just want to be alone where I can process all that I’ve learned tonight and start to come to terms with the end of the hopes that I’d very stupidly had.
I pat his hand and tip my head towards the door.
“I’ll meet you outside. I just need a minute or two alone in here to get my breath back. ”
He hesitates and then nods. “We’ll talk later?”
“I’ll look forward to it.”
He rolls his eyes and hovers briefly before nodding and leaving the room.
I turn to look at myself in the mirror and groan, my entire body deflating.
Earlier, I’d been curious to see how I’d changed since the last time I was at this club.
Well, now I can see the evidence missing earlier.
My hair looks like I’ve tugged at it a thousand times, my cheeks are pale, and my eyes are red-rimmed and hot.
“You are a fucking idiot,” I say out loud, watching my reflection mouth the words. “An absolute idiot ,” I repeat.
My cheeks sear with shame and embarrassment and pain tears at my insides like Brandon took a hook to my intestines and heart. Did Mac know I’d started to have feelings for him? That I’d been harbouring hope for more?
I watch my reflection grimace. Of course, he did.
Maybe that’s why he’s brought me here. He’s not an unkind man but he’d probably felt the need to show me where things stood between us, and he’s definitely done that.
I think of the inane, silly questions I asked him in Paris, and my face only gets hotter.
I imagined I was being charming while he must have just thought I was a naive prat.
I run the cold tap and stick my wrists under the flow. I look at my reflection again. “Go out there and behave,” I say out loud. “Don’t let anyone see you’re hurt. You can get through this.”
The door opening startles me, and I turn to see Ian Harris step into the room. I offer him a thin smile, but it slips away as he lowers his hand and flicks the lock on the outer door.