Chapter 18
eighteen
The hall’s atmosphere is intense from the corridor where I’m standing, with periods of silence followed by thunderous applause that sounds like it’s lifting the roof. I pull the sleeves down on my gown for the umpteenth time and step from one foot to the other.
“Stop fidgeting.”
I turn to Julian, who looks as put together as is humanly possible. His hair shines, and his cap sits at the perfect level—tilted but not so far down that he looks like a drunken sailor. At that thought, I push my own cap back up again.
He tsks. “Come here.”
“What are you holding?”
“Grips, knobhead. Stay still.”
“Ow! Did you mean to stick that one in my scalp?”
“Maybe, and it’s your uncertainty about it that adds the joy to the day.”
“Not graduating?”
He waves a careless hand. “That was always going to happen.”
I edge close to the curtain. A student standing there smiles at me and moves so I can peep into the hall.
It’s cavernous, with a huge, vaulted roof.
Family and friends are sitting in tiered rows, their clothing bright splashes of colour against the black gowns and caps of the students.
I run my eyes over them, searching, searching.
My body goes tight as I finally see them.
Cath is sitting in a flowered dress beside Robert, who is wearing a suit and a smile.
But my attention is drawn as it always will be to him .
Mac sits ramrod straight as usual in a navy suit, white shirt, and blue tie.
His hair is sleek and brushed back from his distinctive face.
He’s watching the events on the stage with serious concentration as if the graduation of complete strangers is incredibly important to him.
His head turns my direction, as if he feels my eyes on him.
I know he can’t see me, but I still duck back behind the curtain, feeling stupidly shy.
“Good grief,” Julian observes.
“Shut up.”
“No, really. It’s like watching the mating habits of a drunken gerbil.”
“Have you seen many of them?”
He rolls his eyes and pokes his own head around the curtain. “He came, then.”
“You knew he would.”
“I didn’t, but you did. Maybe you should ask why that is.”
“He’s always been there for me.”
“And why is that?”
“Erm, because he’s kind.”
“Hmm.”
“What does that mean?” He stays silent, and I sneak a look at him. “Could your family not make it?” I say hesitantly. My heart hurts at the idea that he’s alone on this special day.
His lip quirks. “Nice try.”
“Oh, for once, just answer the question.”
He turns to me. “No, my family couldn’t come. I wouldn’t want them here even if they could. But I’m not alone.”
“Why?”
He takes my arm and pulls me to the curtain again.
He points to the rows of people, and my eyes travel down the row he’s indicating.
A family. A couple with a small child. A man in a dark grey suit, his red hair gleaming in the lights.
My gaze screeches to a stop. Backs up. I turn to Julian, who’s observing me with twinkling eyes.
“Fox Walker came to your graduation?”
He flicks a piece of lint off his sleeve. “Of course.”
“There’s no of course about it. Why is the owner of Jack’s here? The Wickedest Man in London.”
“Because he’s also my family.” Someone calls our group, and he gives me a wicked smile. “Oh my. No time to answer your questions. What a shame .”
The next few minutes are a blur of impressions—the serious tones of the dean as he reads out our names, the feel of the wooden floorboards under my feet, and the swish of my gown as I stride towards him, the dryness of his hand as he gives me my degree, and, when I turn, the sight of Mac, Cath, and Robert getting to their feet and applauding.
My eyes lock with Mac’s, and everything suddenly slows down.
On his face, I see pride and something else.
Something I can’t name, but that makes my heart pound.
It seems to take hours, but finally, I’m free and stepping outside the hall. I raise my face to the sun, feeling the breeze on my skin. All around me are loud conversations, squeals, and the click of cameras. It feels unreal. All those years of work, and here I am, an accountant.
I’m alone in the crowd. Julian vanished to find Fox and said he’d see me back at the flat at some point. Hearing my name, I turn and smile as Cath throws herself into my arms. “You did it. I’m so proud of you, Wes.”
I hug her tightly. “Thank you for coming.”
“Are you joking? I wouldn’t have missed this for the world. Stand still. I need a photo for Tyler.”
I oblige, and she clicks away until she has a photo she’s happy with. It takes a while because she always has to take every angle until her subject dies of either hunger or boredom.
“Lovely,” she finally says. “I’ll send it to him. He won’t see it yet, but it’ll be waiting for him when he’s ready.”
“Like you?”
She cocks her head. “Yeah, I rather think I will.”
“Despite everything?”
She shrugs. “I love him, and we took vows that might have mentioned it was through the rough and the smooth.”
I hug her again. “Let’s hope for a hell of a lot of the smooth from now on.”
“Hear, hear.” She pulls back. “Cormac and Robert have gone to get the car, but I think they really just wanted to give us a few minutes together.” She nudges me. “Jesus, he’s gorgeous, Wes. Well done, you.”
I snort. “I didn’t have much to do with that. It’s his genetics.”
“He’s a beautiful man. Those eyes and that serious face. The only time I saw him smile was when he saw you.” My stomach clenches from too many butterflies, and something must show on my face because she kisses my cheek. “And I think you had everything to do with that smile.”
“Maybe. I can hope anyway.”
And I realise suddenly that I do hope. I haven’t seen him since that day in the park, because he’s been away on business, but he’s texted me every morning and evening with funny stories.
We haven’t spoken, and it’s strange, but despite knowing each other’s bodies every way you possibly can, those little texts have felt almost more intimate.
It’s as if he’s showing me a slice of his life that he denied me before.
Did he do the same for Brandon? I remember the look they exchanged and determinedly push the thought away.
“Shall we go and find them?” I say, crooking my elbow.
She slides her arm in and smiles at me. “Let’s do that. I want a photo of the two of you.”
“Oh my god, don’t start.”
She laughs, and we edge through the crowd towards the car park.
I see him as we move past a group of people, and my heart starts to beat hard.
He’s talking to Robert, his face creased in amusement.
As if sensing my gaze, he turns, and our eyes lock.
The intensity of the connection is not new, but it still manages to take my breath away.
“Jesus, he’s potent,” Cath says, fanning her face with her programme.
“Oh, do be quiet.”
She snorts, and we come up next to the two men.
“It seems we have a graduate in the house,” Robert says, clapping me on the shoulder. “Well done, Wes.”
I smile at him. “Thank you.”
He nods and turns to Cath. “May I give you a lift home, Mrs Archer?”
“Are you sure? That would be lovely if you could drop me off. I’ve got to get ready for work, and that’ll knock some time off.”
“I’ll do more than that. Mr Reilly has put me at your disposal, so I’ll wait and take you to work.”
“Really?” She turns to Mac. “Thank you.” He nods, and she holds her hand out. “It was very nice to meet you, Cormac.”
He takes her hand. “The pleasure was all mine.”
“ Really ?”
His mouth ticks up. “Well, I happen to enjoy a good interrogation, so, yes.”
“What?” I say urgently, but they ignore me, watching each other instead.
Then her face softens, and she squeezes his hand. “You’ll do. See you soon, Cormac.” She dimples at him and then climbs into the car. It pulls away, leaving Mac and me facing each other.
He cocks his head. “Happy?”
I consider that. “More relieved, to be honest. At some points over the years, finishing seemed very far off.”
“Ah, that’s university for you.”
I gesture between us. “So, I can’t help noticing that you’ve been left without a car.”
His mouth quirks. “It’s heartening to see that your usual superior powers of observation are still on point.”
“Fancy a ride on the tube?”
He stares at me. “To go where?”
“Who knows? Isn’t that the fun of it? You can help me celebrate,” I say, feeling suddenly bold.
“I might have a better idea.”
“Oh yes?” My breath catches at the wide smile he gives me. It’s warm and somehow innocent, and I feel a powerful wave of protectiveness flow over me. He should always smile like that.
He nods and gestures to a nearby car. “How about we take this one?” It’s an old dark green Jaguar E-Type with its top down.
My eyes narrow. “And is that your car, or are you inviting me on a crime spree? Because I don’t wish to celebrate my degree behind bars.”
He throws his head back, laughing, and I stare at him, my heart in my mouth at how beautiful he is. The laughter softens his whole face, his eyes crinkling in amusement. Then he sobers. “And if it is a crime spree? What then?”
I shrug. “I’d still do it if it meant spending any time with you.”
His laughter dies, and he steps towards me, but to my disappointment, he stops before touching me. “Well, luckily for you, this is my car.”
I gape at him. “You drive?” I drift closer to the car, trailing my fingers over the shiny paintwork. “It’s gorgeous.”
“It was my father’s.” I sneak a glance at him, but he’s looking at the car. His smile has lost a bit of its power. “I’ve kept it, and I do drive. Life didn’t always gift me with Robert.”
“One day, you’ll have to tell me about your father.” I bite my lip, regretting I’ve voiced an assumption that we’ll still be speaking one day.
“I will.” He hesitates, his gaze flicking from me to the car in a way that almost looks nervous. “I thought I would take you away to celebrate, Wes.”
“What?”