Chapter 14
ROMEO
> Variable: her gaze exceeded baseline by five seconds.
> Status: encryption disintegrating.
> Rewriting code to accommodate deviation.
> Risk level: escalating.
> Action: postpone patch. Increase proximity.
It’s been a while since my body has hijacked me to this degree, but it’s not completely unexpected. I never get complacent during the good stretches, because there will always be bad ones.
I haven’t done myself any favors, getting even less sleep than usual lately. Between forcing myself to stay awake when I’m in Gabi’s bed and checking in with Julian every hour she’s at school, I’ve only been managing a few hours a day.
I knew it would catch up with me, but right now, I don’t have a better alternative.
Until I know she’s safe from any lingering fallout with Imperium, I can’t let my guard down.
The same goes for sleeping next to her. Being unconscious is too much of a risk when I can’t control all the potential variables that could trigger an episode.
The logical thing to do would be to leave at night and sleep in my own bed, but my instincts resist that idea with every fiber of my being.
Realistically, I don’t know how much longer I can keep this charade up. Every time I’m near her, it feeds my obsession.
I won’t let her marry Riccardo, or anyone else for that matter. But I have nothing more to offer her than this highly controlled existence that still doesn’t solve the underlying problem.
I’m not safe for her.
Yet, here I am, pushing every fucking limit I set for myself.
If I had an ounce of decency in me, I would have gone home this week and let my brothers watch over her.
I wouldn’t be fucking with her head by ghosting her as Eros, and inserting myself into her life as the man who’s tormented her for so many years.
I sure as fuck don’t deserve a second chance, but the animal in me wants one.
That part of me liked it far too much when she fell asleep on me last night. She looked entirely too comfortable with the wolf at her back, entertaining dark thoughts as she lay there, completely vulnerable to me.
I wanted to strip her bare and fuck her while she looked me in the eyes.
That fantasy has been rattling around my head all day, a welcome distraction from the dark thoughts circling the drain in my mind.
During weeks like this, when the pain shooting through my body escalates to unbearable levels, death would be a welcome reprieve.
The demon inside me offers up the usual buffet of intrusive thoughts and violent impulses to self-destruct.
I’ve learned to cohabitate with the beast, and how to tune him out most of the time. But on days like this, he’s so goddamned loud it’s impossible.
When he bares his teeth, we go to war with each other, and these days, I always win—no matter how bad things get.
Today, they’re pretty fucking bad.
Everything is blindingly bright, and I’ve had a low hum in my skull that I can’t shake. My energy is zapped, and even breathing hurts.
Collapsing on Gabi’s bed for a nap isn’t the best idea I’ve ever had, but moving would require a moral compass, which I don’t possess.
When she gets home from school, I hear the elevator open down the hall, and Rafe greets her.
He’s currently parked on the lounge, probably losing his mind from boredom.
He might annoy the fuck out of me when he flirts with Gabi to get under my skin, but he’s loyal to a fault. When I asked him to be here this week, just in case he needed to murder me if anything goes sideways, he didn’t hesitate.
After a brief exchange, Gabi pads down the hall with Beppe trailing after her, his nails tapping over the floor.
When she enters the room and sees me sprawled across her bed, she shoots me a glare.
“Have you ever heard of boundaries?” she huffs.
“Can’t say that I care much for them.”
Despite the bite in her tone, she stares at me for a long moment, her gaze roaming the length of my body before she shakes herself out of it.
“Why are you in here, Romeo?”
“I thought I should see if there was something wrong with the bed. Or is there another reason you preferred sleeping on me last night?”
“Do you make it your life’s mission to torture me?”
The emotion clogging her throat bothers me, and my amusement dries up when I see the tears hovering at the edges of her eyes. She’s upset, and it isn’t just over this conversation.
“What’s wrong?” I ask, frustrated that I don’t already know.
“Nothing,” she rasps.
“Gabi, tell me why you’re upset.”
“Yeah, so you can use it against me later?” She sighs. “I don’t have the energy to fight with you today. Can you please just leave?”
Tension bleeds through my muscles as I clamp my jaw shut, biting back my words.
If I were in the mask right now, I’d tell her to get her ass over here and crawl into bed with me so I could take care of her. She would do it, because she trusts him.
But she doesn’t trust me.
I force myself upright, static crackling through my ears as electricity pulses through my skull. A flush crawls over my skin as I blink through the blinding white, muttering a low curse.
Not right now.
I can see the vague outline of the doorway, and I know from past experience I have seconds, if that, to get the fuck out of here.
My vision swims as I try to move, and everything feels like it’s underwater as Gabi says something that doesn’t register.
I’m halfway to the door when pain explodes behind my eyes, and I reach for the back of my head.
White-hot agony pierces through me as I lose control, and my knees buckle.
I collapse forward, bracing for the impact of the floor, but something catches my face, softening the blow.
My heartbeat thrashes as the pain reaches its peak, and a piercing sound rings in my ears. My body goes rigid, and for a few blissful seconds, blackness sinks in before the land of the living starts dragging me back.
Shallow breaths heave from my lungs as the arteries in my temples pulse, and something warm touches my skin.
I force my eyes open to find Gabi’s blurry silhouette sobbing above me as she props my body against hers.
The realization that she tried to catch me, and I fell on her, fucks me up.
I want to crawl into a dark hole and never come back out. But I still can’t get my limbs to cooperate, and I know it will be a while before I even have the strength to stand up.
“Let’s put him in my bed,” Gabi chokes out, presumably to the other shadow hovering above me.
It takes me a minute to distinguish some of Rafe’s features, and I try to tell him to fuck off as he drags my limp body up off the floor.
“Quit being so goddamned stubborn,” he grunts. “Just relax.”
I don’t have a choice, and it only irritates me more.
I don’t like Gabi seeing me this way, and I have every intention of leaving the minute I can get my useless body back in order.
The pain is still too intense, even though the pressure in my skull is slowly subsiding. It can last minutes, or sometimes an hour—but the aftermath will drain me for the entire day.
Rafe and Gabi manage to get me on the bed, shifting me around until they’re satisfied.
The fog weighs me down for a few more minutes before I can open my eyes again. When I do, Gabi’s sitting cross-legged, cradling my head in her lap.
Our gazes meet, and she lets out another sob as tears track down her cheeks.
“Don’t cry for me,” I rasp. “I’m having a great time.”
“Romeo.” Her lip trembles as she fights a smile. “Do not make me laugh right now.”
“I’ll be right back,” Rafe says.
“Can you get him a cool cloth?” Gabi calls after him.
My brother nods and disappears, and Gabi massages my temples as her gaze lingers on mine. It’s a painfully long moment of eye contact for her, but she doesn’t sever it until Rafe returns and nudges a pill against my lips.
“Here.” He presses a bottle of water to my mouth, and I force the pill down.
With that out of the way, he hands Gabi the cold cloth, and she drapes it over my forehead.
Rafe glances out at the city skyline before he looks at me.
“Storm’s coming,” I bite out.
“Your head is more accurate than the weather most of the time,” he says.
Gabi stiffens beneath me, and I recall what she said about being terrified of storms.
In the years since I returned to the island, I’ve never been with her during bad weather. The one and only time she saw another migraine episode, I made my brothers take me to my wing and holed up there for the rest of the day.
I had every intention of leaving this room as soon as I could, but now, the thought of her being alone when she’s scared isn’t one I can live with.
It doesn’t help that she’s touching me all over, dragging her fingers over my scalp to dissolve the tension there.
“I’ll be in the living room if you need anything.” Rafe glances between us, a smirk playing across his lips. “Looks like you have a much better nurse than me on the job.”
“Nurse Gabi to the rescue,” I murmur, my words slurring from exhaustion.
The combination of her gentle hands, the medication, and the crash I always experience is making it difficult to keep my eyes open.
“It’s okay,” she whispers. “You can rest.”
I want to argue, because sleep isn’t a good idea when I’m so close to her. I’ve managed to avoid it up until now, but today, all my defenses are down, and I can’t fight it. I don’t think I even manage to get a word out before the void takes me.
I’m not sure how long I’m out before the rolling sound of thunder outside the windows drags me back.
Exhaustion still has me in a chokehold, but the pain has subsided.
When I open my eyes, Gabi still hasn’t moved, but tension has crept through her body as the storm rages outside.
The rain comes down sideways, and with every crack across the sky, her breath catches. She drags her lip across her teeth, hands trembling as they slide through my hair.
She’s so deep in her thoughts, she hasn’t noticed I’m awake, and when I reach up and touch her face, it startles her.
“Hey. Come here.”
“What?” She blinks at me.
“Come lie down.”