Chapter 31 #2
The pads of my fingers feather over his jaw, mesmerized by how beautiful he looks in this moment. Every muscle in his body contracts as he pours his release into me, laying himself bare in the light of day.
I burn the image to memory, saving it somewhere I’ll never forget.
He catches me staring and reaches down, warm fingers stroking my face.
When he looks at me like I’m the only thing that exists for him, it triggers another swell of emotion. He recognizes it, but neither one of us addresses it, because we aren’t ready to face it.
Instead, he stays inside me, touching and kissing me, giving me everything I ever needed from him.
We spend the rest of the afternoon doing more of the same, getting lost in each other between periods of dozing off.
When I wake again, I don’t know what time it is.
Romeo’s room is dark, lit only by a lamp on his desk that casts a soft glow over the space. I’m sprawled across his chest, using him like a pillow, and I’m surprised to find that he’s actually asleep. He looks so peaceful, and for a while, I just watch him, letting it all sink in.
There are still so many questions about where we go from here. I’m not sure what he wants from me, and that uncertainty terrifies me. I remember how much it hurt to lose him the first time. Now, I can’t even imagine what it would feel like to let him go.
I’m in love with him…but I have to force that feeling down and lock it away inside my heart.
Something tells me I need to protect myself because I can’t forget his warnings. He told me repeatedly that he wasn’t good for me, and I know he believes it. He believed it so much, he pushed me away for years.
The fragile sense of safety I felt with him fractures as a thousand questions spiral through my thoughts.
Did he ever intend to reveal his true identity? Would he have let me marry Riccardo if he hadn’t killed him today? Which version of him is real—Romeo or Eros? Were the things he said just part of the game?
Anxiety creeps in, suffocating the air from my lungs.
I quietly extricate myself from the bed, pulling my clothes back on before I pad to the bathroom.
Taking a few moments to collect myself, I stare at my reflection in the mirror and swallow the pain in my throat. It hasn’t gone away just because I learned the truth.
Whether or not he thought it was the right thing to do, Romeo crushed my heart. He made me believe he hated me, and that wound hasn’t healed. I can forgive him, but I can’t let my guard down when I don’t know what this is to him.
I won’t open myself up to that kind of pain again.
I can’t.
When I head back into his bedroom, he’s still asleep, and I stand there for a moment, unsure of what to do.
As I’m weighing my options, Romeo stirs and lifts his gaze to mine, concern shadowing his features when he sees my face.
“Hey, come here,” he says.
“Do you have cameras in the penthouse?”
I’m not sure why that’s the first thing I ask, but it feels like as good a place as any to start.
I don’t know if he’ll even be honest with me, but whatever he sees in my expression seems to decide it.
“Yes. But not in your room.”
I sit with that for a minute, even though it doesn’t come as much of a surprise. He knew too much about my life not to have some kind of surveillance. Maybe that should freak me out, but in the grand scheme of things, it’s the least of my concerns.
“Did you set up that inspection at my apartment so I had to move out?”
“Yes.”
“And you replaced my guard with Julian?”
He nods, not verbally acknowledging it, but admitting it nonetheless.
“Why?” I ask.
“Why what?”
“Why did you do all this?”
He doesn’t answer, and the wound inside me throbs, warning me not to go down this path. But I can’t stop myself.
“Was this some kind of game to you? Do you think this is what I deserve?”
“No, Gabi.” His voice comes out raw, and he sits up straighter. “It wasn’t a game. I’m not trying to punish you.”
He doesn’t offer any other explanation, and it frustrates me.
“Did you plan to keep your identity hidden until you decided to end whatever this is?”
He scrapes a hand over his face, giving me no other response.
“What was this to you? Was it just sex?”
“No.” He forces the word out. “It wasn’t about that.”
“But you don’t want to be with me,” I supply, somehow knowing that’s not a question, but a fact. “Do you still think you’re going to hurt me? Is that it?”
A flash of agony flickers across his face, betraying him.
“You’ve spent countless hours with me,” I argue. “We were alone together almost every night, and you never once hurt me.”
“But I could.” He swallows.
“You came out of it that night at the dock so you could help me,” I remind him. “And in the ballroom—”
“We got lucky.” He closes his eyes, shuttering his emotions. “But eventually, luck always runs out.”
“So that’s it?” My voice falters. “You get to decide for both of us, and I don’t have a say?”
Again, he doesn’t answer.
“All this time you kept telling me to speak my mind, but what was the point? You won’t even listen to me.”
“I don’t want to hurt you.” The words are barely audible, but unmistakably final.
“You already have, Romeo. You’re hurting me right now.”
“I’m sorry.” His throat works. “I know I’ve fucked this up. I keep fucking it up, and you never deserved any of the pain I’ve caused you. I’m broken…and I can’t give you the things you need.”
“You can,” I choke out. “But you won’t.”
A long stretch of silence passes until I have no choice but to accept the reality of the situation. He’s not in a place to talk about this, and even if he were, it’s clear he’s not willing to change his mind.
“You can’t have me halfway.” The words scrape past the tightness in my throat.
He looks up at me, and the devastation on his face wrecks me. But this isn’t something I can bend on.
“You broke my heart.” Tears leak from the edges of my eyes. “I still haven’t recovered, and I can’t go through that again.”
“Gabi—”
“I don’t want another apology. Either come find me when you figure this out…or let me move on.”