33. Summer
A big fatrain drop hit my face, and I grinned, looking up at the grey sky.
I’d always loved the rain. In fact, it was something I”d always remembered loving.
It probably had to do with the fact that my mom and I used to dance in it when I was a kid. We”d rush out as soon as it would hit, holding hands and laughing, no matter how we were dressed. Jumping in puddles and swinging our hips to the side, our faces raised to the sky, tongues out to catch the cool liquid.
Now, a few pelted my cupped palms, small drops of happiness and memories.
I felt Rook”s eyes, watching me.
Ever since the lawyer”s office, he”d been moody and sulky.
”Look Rook,” I teased, tilting his chin upwards, ”it”s the gods, crying.”
“Why?” Despite the question, he closed his eyes, taking in the moment, his shoulders relaxing.
”Because they”re happy.”
“They’re so happy, they cry?”
“Haven’t you ever done that?” I asked.
“No,” he said, shaking his head. “But maybe I’m a god,” his face lowered, his gaze burning into me, ”because when I look at you, I want to weep with the misery of wanting something so beautiful,” he pressed a palm to my chest, right over my pounding heart, ”but not able to possess it.”
My throat was thick. “Maybe, one day, you could.”
He shook his head, sadness filling his gaze. A few drops had hit his face, and they slid down his cheeks like tears. ”We don”t possess people, Summer. They possess us.”
Something passed between us, a strange sensation, a yearning, a terrible longing.
My heart ached—ached for the beautiful man who’d been so worn down by life that he’d only ever showed his true self to the precious few.
It made these moments between us intimate in a way I’d never felt before.
I wanted to capture them in the palm of my hand, like the rain.
To eat his words and let them settle in my belly until I was full of him. His words, his gazes. The way his eyes trickled over me, checking to make sure I was okay. The way his fingers possessively brushed over my hips. The way he prowled as we walked, like an animal watching for any signs of danger.
This man was so soulful, so beautiful, I wanted to cry. My chest ached with the sensation.
If only... if only the world could see what I saw.
He wasn”t the shell of a man that he presented to the world, but full of kindness and a big heart. The kind of man who didn’t belong in this world—because it had swallowed him up, forcing him into the hardened creature he”d become.
Others didn’t, but I saw. I saw the true him, the man he hid from the world. And I wanted to protect it forever.
As the rain grew heavier, Rook hauled me towards an awning. And the sound of rain pelting overhead, the smell of fresh rain hitting asphalt, and Rook”s warmth as he pressed me to the glass window made my heart race.
I”d never felt this way before.
I was falling in deep, too deep, too quickly.
He wrapped an arm around my neck, cementing me in place between his hard body and the window. Bending forward, he inhaled a deep breath, then it fanned over the top of my head, pouring over me like liquid silk.
”I wanted to rip his eyes out for looking at you like that.”
I didn”t have to ask whom he was talking about—the lawyer.
I smiled, pressing a soft, hidden kiss against his chest, “It worked, didn”t it? Wasn”t that what you wanted?”
”I wanted to rip his balls off and feed them to him.” He shook his head, chuckling darkly, almost as if laughing at himself. “You don’t know what I would do for you. Especially when you’re a good girl for me.”
“What does that mean exactly?”
“I’ll teach you.”
I couldn”t stop smiling, and the heat that had been stirring in me all day slowly unfurled as his mouth pressed in my hair, down my side, to my neck.
”How do you feel about pierced nipples?”
My mind stuttered. “Wha-what?”
”I”m obsessed with your tits. I see them when I close my eyes,” he murmured against the shell of my ear. ”I want to pierce them. Attach a chain to the piercings so I can tug on them just to see your pupils blown out. Will you let me?”
“Seriously?” I chuckled against his chest, silently admitting to myself that it would probably be hot. And he wanted to do that to me?
”No?” His fingers were sliding up my thighs, bringing my dress with them. ”How about your clit then?” He groaned, “God, that would be sexy.”
”No!” I was laughing now but growing wet in my panties as his fingers slid even higher.
“Tell me,” he demanded, his voice a deep growl, “are you as obsessed with me as I am with you? You must know by now.”
“You’re not,” I protested, “You’re lying.’
“I never lie, Summer. Not to you. Surely you can tell?”
“I had no idea,” I admitted in surprise.
He pulled back, his expression serious. “I have boundaries for a reason, Summer. They keep me sane. Within the lines. In control. Because if I want something, I become relentless. It turns into an insatiable hunger that drives away all reason. So I follow strict rules to keep myself in check. I don’t bend them for anything.” His eyes traced over my face, his gaze burning with a fierce look of possession. “But now…I’m losing control. Letting go of my restraint. Ditching the rules. And my new fixation,” his throat bobbed, “is you. With each step towards this cliff, I surrender that control.”
“But,” I could only stare in shock—the intensity pulsing between us. “You’ve avoided me every moment you could these past few weeks.”
“That’s because I’m too old for you.” Groaning, he buried his face in the crook of my neck, his fingers sliding to palm my ass, squeezing it harshly. “I shouldn”t be touching you like this. Wanting you like this.”
”It”s okay,” I tried to reassure him, distracted by his hands on me, making me buzz with heat.
”It”s not okay. God what would your father think?”
“My father”s not here.” I sassed, annoyed that my father was still dictating my life, “Besides, when did we backtrack to the eighteen-hundreds? Even if he were here, what say would he have in my love life?”
“You don’t mean that,” he argued. ”You loved your father.”
“You haven’t been around for a while,” I argued.
”I know much more than you think,” he said simply, and I realized that his fingers had stopped stroking my skin. He lowered my dress, taking a step away to put some distance between us.
Scowling, I gripped his chin, forcing his eyes on me. “Let me tell you something,” I said, trying to keep the anger from my voice, ”I have a mind of my own. It”s not like you”re forcing me to be with you.”
”No, just the Magnolia.”
“It”s not just them.”
“If it wasn”t for them, you never would’ve come to me. They destroyed your home. Threatened Callie.” At the lawyer’s, we’d discovered the truth that yes, they were the ones who petitioned custody for Callie.
Once my contract was signed, they didn’t bother to hide it. Though it still took some convincing to get the lawyer to admit it—he was clearly afraid of them.
”Rook, you”re not forcing?—“
”Rook?” A woman’s voice interrupted us. “Is dat you?”
Turning my head, there was an elderly black lady peering from the doorway of the shop.
“Mama Bondo,” Rook answered, jumping away from me.
”Well, if it isn”t you.” The elderly, grey-haired lady reached out, and Rook immediately rushed to her, grasping her hand. “I thought you might be stoppin” by.”
I gave Rook a confused look, but he only shook his head.
”I see you brought me someone else,” she said.
Her pale green eyes were covered by a white-ish film. Using both Rook’s guidance and a wooden walking stick carved with runes, she came towards me. Her eyebrows furrowed with worry. ”Oh dear.”
I caught her grip with my hands, holding her steady. ”Hello. I’m?—“
”Oh, I know who you are, dear,” she cut me off. “You”re de Duvall girl. De older one.”
“How”d you know? Did someone—Lux—tell you I would be with him?” I tried to get any clues from Rook but he gave me nothing.
”Lux? Oh no, she didn”t say nothin” of de sort. She knows better.” Her hands moved over the top of my head, then down my shoulders. ”I”d recognize dat storm cloud anywhere. Ever since your ma died, God rest her soul.”
I stilled, my heart picking up. “My mom? What do you know about her?”
Threading bony fingers through mine, she insistently pulled me towards the shop. ”Come wid me. I need ta read you.”
Rook”s lips pursed in disapproval but he opened the door, holding it for us. I stared up at him, my stomach churning. Suddenly wondering if he’d pressed me against this shop on purpose. Remembering Lux’s words—Rook is dangerous.
Who was this person? Could I trust her? Could I trust them both?
I was falling for Rook. And, so far, he’d taken such good care of both Callie and me. And yet, that didn’t mean that he wasn’t playing a game. Seducing me for his own means.
He, himself, had told me not to trust people. That he wasn’t a good person.
There were too many men in my life who’d only wanted to use me. Was Rook one of those men? I still didn’t know for sure.
But, she’d mentioned mom. Maybe I could find out more about what exactly had happened to her.
Determined to find out the truth, I stepped forward, passing under Rook’s outstretched arm. His gaze followed me, a small smirk to his upper lip, as if he’d sensed my inner struggle—and my decision to trust him.
Swallowing hard, I entered the shop, hoping I wouldn’t regret it.
* * *
A warm,honied smell filled my nose, and soft, earthy tones met my eyes. Rows and rows of jars filled with herbs. Beautiful piles of spices in wooden bowls. Colorful shelves of candles, their inventive names written in calligraphy. Reggae music played softly over the speakers.
‘Inzu ya Apothecary’ was written on the back wall in gold foil, and I relaxed when I realized what kind of store this was: a shop dedicated to all things xudoo—the mystical religion still practiced by some of the Gullah.
The woman had taken Rook’s hand, holding it as he carefully guided her around tables of displays, even though she didn”t seem to need it. I followed behind them, noting that she was surprisingly nimble for someone who had to be in her late eighties to early nineties, and skinny as a rail.
Too skinny, sickly skinny.
“De people here, dey know me as Mama Bondo, but you call me Kuru. Know who else calls me Kuru?” she asked me.
“No.”
“De woman you mentioned. She’s my granbaby.”
“Lux?” I suddenly remembered Lux mentioning her sick grandmother.
“Mmhmm,” she hummed.
“Hello, Mr. Craven,” a cashier stood behind the wooden counter. I’d noticed her eyes had glued onto Rook the minute we’d entered.
“Greetings,” Rook responded stiffly.
She tossed long twisted braids over her shoulder, her expression eager and practically glowing. “Can I help you with something?”
“No, no,” Kuru waved her off. “We got business in de back.”
Eyes lingered on Rook for a minute longer before they, hesitatingly, moved to me. Then they slightly widened. “You.”
I blinked at her in surprise, uncertain and unsure what was going on.
She put down the candle she was boxing up. ”I”ve been waiting for you.”
”Now, Harmony,” Kuru said, shaking a finger at her, though there was a small smile on her lips, ”you know we don”t need you on dis one. I”m goin” ta handle it.”
“You sure?”
“Mmhmm.”
Harmony sighed in resignation, though her eyes were still on me, tracking every step down the long, hardwood flooring space, and towards a large and flowy white curtain.
”You heard me!” Kuru jut a finger upright indignantly but playfully, ”don”t come interruptin” us, neither, la. We don”t be needin” you ta find some excuse ta put your nose in her business.”
“Yes, ma’am.” Harmony gave me a chagrined smile, humming as she made her way to a shelf with a cardboard box in her hands. She began to refill a cubby with purple candles, her eyes sliding back to Rook just as we passed through the curtain.
“Sit child,” Kuru gestured towards a small and worn looking sofa.
“What’s this about?” I asked, pausing.
“You already know de answer, you’z just asking the wrong questions.” Her hand still stretched outward, she gave me a firm shake of her head. “Sit.”
I sat.
The couch was surprisingly comfortable, and I waited patiently as Rook helped her in a chair across from me. She pulled a deck of tarot cards from the pocket of her floral dress and placed them on the coffee table between us.
There was a sudden whoosh of tension inside me, twisting and turning in my gut, and I sat back, swallowing the knot in my throat. The weight of Rook’s hand on my knee was comforting.
“”Now, I need ta teach you sometin”.”
“Okay.”
“De universe has a rhythm.” Ignoring the cards, Kuru drew a plus sign on the table with her finger, tapping each square to emphasize her point, “Conception, birth, maturity, and death. De sun, it wake up in de mornin’, move across de sky. Den it set, and we have de night. And all creatures live to de beat of dis rhythm, includin” yous and me.”
She paused, checking to make sure I was following. I gave her a small nod, though I wasn’t sure how well she could see me.
“Change is good,” she continued. “Sometimes, change is de only thing we got in dis world. And de point where de lines cross between one stage to de other, is the most powerful point of dem all. Because dat is when our whole life changes. And honey, you at dis point now. Only you can decide what happens den. You understan’ me?”
“Yes,” I nodded, my heart in my throat.
She shuffled the cards, then asked me to slide out three cards, keeping them laying face down on the table.
”Dis is what”s called a three card stack. Dey represent de past, de present, and de future.” A bony finger protruded from her hand, pointing to each of the cards. Then hovered over the last card, not touching it.
”But de future is never permanent, ya? You get dat? Dere are many futures in dis world, and each and every decision we make changes every single second of our future. We do not control it, ya? But we influence it through our present. You understand dis, girl?”
“Okay.” I met her filmy eyes, taking in a deep breath.
She didn’t continue, letting the silence fill between us. There was a solemnness of her intense gaze on me, the air in the room was charged with an electric vibe, despite Rook”s obvious disbelief in the reading. There was a soft breeze from the fan in the corner, and Harmony”s humming drifted in from the other room.
She held my gaze, then finally nodded, continuing.
”Now child, we cannot escape our present until we look into de past.” She leaned forward, her voice strained with urgency. ”De past holds all our secrets, girl.”
My heart pounded—did she somehow know my secret? The one I’d kept for so long? Mother killer. The nickname long forgotten blazed through my mind.
“De only way to live our life, is to look our past straight in de eyes.” She thrust two fingers at me, ”We barrel down on it without flinching. And we say to it, you no longer control me.” She straightened, lifting her chin, ”I is who I be, and I will not let you determine who that is today.”
I could barely breathe, my chest was so tight. My thoughts were swirling, churning. It had been a long time since I’d opened the door to my past. But, with each step in my present, it was becoming more and more obvious that I would not escape it for too much longer.
Like the veneer Rook spoke about—the edges of my carefully constructed facade were beginning to peel. I wasn’t sure I could hide it any longer—the terrible creature I’d once been.
Rook was right. He was always right.
We were all just wild, savage animals hiding behind our masks. The raw truth was unraveling before my very eyes, in front of every one to see.
I wasn’t a sweet bunny, but a horrible, selfish animal.
”Give me your hand, child.” Kuru’s voice had grown loud and demanding, her hand clutching onto mine and pulling me closer to her. ”I knew your ma, chile. Did you know dat?”
”No.”
”Yes,” she said matter-of-factly. ”She was good to me, dat one. Got me out of big trouble. I may not see well, but I see you, Summer Duvall.” Fear shot through me. She knew my secret. Somehow, she knew. She pulled me so close, we were almost touching. Rook”s hand on my thigh squeezed tight. “De others, dey won”t see it, but I do.”
A heavy pressure on my chest. Someone squeezing it tight. The room spinning. Lightheaded, as if the ground might disappear beneath me. My hands began to tremble, my body wracking with shivers.
“Miss Bondo,” Rook’s dark voice broke through the crackling air. An overprotective warning in it.
“No.” Her eyes flashed like lightning. She pointed at the card. “You need to face de past. Straight in de eyes. Do you got de guts to look at it?”
”You don”t have to,” Rook said, with a challenging tone. ”This is your decision, Summer. You don”t have to believe every word she says. She”s a mystic, nothing more.”
Kuru leaned back, a smile to her face, untouched by his words. ”He”s protective of you, dat one.” Her gaze shifted towards him, ”you know you don”t deserve her, yes?”
“That”s none of your business,” he growled, and Kuru just laughed, nodding her head.
”Yes. Dat boy loves you, no doubt about it.”
I could only stare between them, taking deep breaths, trying to control the emotions filling me.
”Regardless,” she continued, “he”s right. Dis your choice—only you can determine if you’re ready. You can walk away from here and I will be happy for you, no matter what. You are always welcome in my shop, you understand? You decide. Turn over de card. Or not. It”s up to you.”
She leaned back, her hands folded in her lap, and began to sway, humming. Not pressuring me into a decision.
Rook took my hand and pulled it up to his lips, kissing the back of it, saying nothing but giving me a look that said he would be happy with whatever I chose.
I closed my eyes, refocusing inward, using the soft humming to ground me.
It”s just a card, I tried to reassure myself, nothing more. It won”t change my life. And yet, I somehow knew I was lying to myself. There were…things…I’d pushed down, suppressed, and for the past few days, they”d been leaking out.
Nightmares of flames and screaming. Night sweats. Sudden heart pounding. Only Rook’s arms around me grounded me.
Being home was bringing my past back to the surface.
I could choose to ignore it, or choose to face my demons, as Kuru said, and live life on my terms.
I inhaled a deep breath and stared down at the cards. The ”past” one seemed to call to me, like the low beat of a tribal drum. It was hypnotizing and yet, there was also a nervous, frenetic energy to it.
Yes, I decided.
Like Rook said, you had to take control of your own life. I was going to fucking do this.
Determination settling over me, I turned the card over, and saw a trickle of a smile on Mama Bondo”s face.
The picture on the card was of a moon with a skeletal face.
Kuru didn’t look at the card, but nodded with certainty. ”De moon, yes?”
“How did you know?” I asked.
”I see tings dat dose wid eyes do not. When we stop lookin” wid our eyes, we feel tings as dey were meant ta be felt.” She reached down, her hand spreading out across it, still not looking at it. ”And dese cards, I”s done had dem all my life. Dey’s been in de family for a long time. My grandmama hand-painted dem herself. And she passed dem down to my mama. And now, dey belongs to me. I knows dem more dan I knows myself. I can feel dem.” She patted it lovingly, like an old friend, “Now, de most important ting about dis card is dis.”
She paused and I couldn’t help but lean in towards her, listening carefully, as she placed her hand over her chest. ”How do you feel about dis card?”
I took in a sharp inhalation of breath, not knowing until this very moment that there was a cutting sensation across my midriff. The warmth of a gushing sensation, as if my innards were spilling outwards.
I couldn”t speak. Only feel.
”Say de words, child.”
”Guilt,” the words sounded acerbic on my tongue, burned in my throat. Hot. Sharp. ”Shame.”
She nodded, ”Yes,” her gaze softened and her finger crooked. “Come here, chile. Come to me.”
I, hesitatingly, awkwardly, got to my feet and came to stand next to her.
”Now,” she took my hand, pulling me down and, following her motion, got to my knees so that we were face to face. She cupped my cheeks, staring intently into my eyes. It wasn”t strange to look into her white eyes anymore. It felt almost more...intimate. As if only looking at the diseased part, was I truly seeing life for what it was. “Sometin you must understand. It was not your fault.”
Tears sprang to my eyes, followed by a burning sensation.
“It”s all an illusion. Tings ain”t what dey seem. You need to uncover de truth to heal.”
“But I..” I tried to argue, because… because it was my fault. She didn’t understand.
“Dese things were beyond your control.” Her voice was firm. ”Not. your. fault.”
I was choking on the guilt that was pouring from me. Mother killer. Mother killer.
Kuru’s fingers tightened on my cheekbones. “You”ve got to find a way to see de truth, girl. It”s locked up inside here,” she tapped on my forehead, ”and if you don”t unlock it, you done never goin to be happy. Trust me, I knows.”
There was a sadness to her that was suddenly overwhelming and overpowering, and she released me, shaking her head. ”I knows. Now, Rook, come take her.”
Rook pulled me up and into his lap, cradling me in his arms. His fingers soothed over me, my hair, my face, my shoulders, murmuring softly, “It’s okay. Everything will be okay. I’ll make sure of it.”
We sat like that for a long moment, neither one of them rushing me as my mind raged, my breath trembled, jagged echoes from my own guilt wrapping around me—a suffocating storm in the dim room. I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to keep the memories down.
“Shhh,” Rook comforted me, his fingertips soft and sweet and gentle, brushing across my skin. “We’ll work this out. It’ll be okay.”
Would he really stick with me? If he knew the truth?
His calm assurance became a lifeline, pulling me from the edge. The storm in my chest relented, guilt”s grip slowly loosening.
After a long while, Kuru stood. ”Wait here. I needs to give you something.”
She easily passed through the curtain, showing that she did, indeed, not need any help getting around.
”Are you okay?” Rook’s concerned gaze was on me.
”I just...” I tried to put my feelings into words, ”I haven”t thought about it in a long time. And now I…I…”
“That”s okay,” Cupping my cheeks, he kissed me, slow, soft and sweet. ”We”ll work it out.”
I nodded, leaning into his touch, loving the warmth billowing inside me. “Thank you.”
The curtain parted again, and Kuru returned with something small in her hand. She held it out to me. ”Now, dis is for you.” It looked similar to a voodoo doll. ”Dis not bad,” she explained, shaking both her head and her finger, ”dis good. It”s a poppet. Jibber babber.”
My back straightened with the words, my whole body suddenly alert. “What did you say?”
“De poppet?—”
“No,” I explained, interrupting her, “did you say jibber babber?”
“Why, child?”
“That’s a word my mom taught me.”
A smile lit up her face, and she pat my cheek. “Dis a chant of protection.” She placed the doll in my palms, folding my fingers over it. “Just like the poppet. Jibber babber, a blessing of love and shelter. It keep de evil spirits at bay. A shield for those you love.”
My lip trembled, warmth washing through me. I bent my head to the poppet and inhaled deep, remembering the soft words of my mom. Jibber babber, Jibber babber, cried the river as it overflowed….
As an adult, I’d thought the words of the nursery rhyme to be gloomy, that the swamp was a dangerous entity, threatening to steal souls and take them to hell.
But now I understood. They weren’t hurting the souls, they were whispering words of protection as the spirits moved from the earthly sphere to the afterlife.
It was a symbol, something she taught me because she wanted to protect me. And now, holding the poppet in my hands, it was like she was here once more, watching over me.
“Bury it somewhere you trust,” Kuru kissed my cheek.
”Thank you,” I said, humbled by her thoughtfulness. “I?—”
“Mama Bondo,” Harmony came bounding in, the air in the room suddenly charged with her energy. “He’s here.”
“Who’s here?” Kuru asked.
“The Sheriff.”
Rook stood, easily picking me up in his arms. “Which sheriff? What does he want?”
“Now now, Rook. Dis is not for you to handle,” Kuru waved him off.
“I disagree,” he growled, and I wiggled out from his embrace, though it took a moment because his hands only tightened on me.
”You think you can protect us all, but I don’t need your protection, chile,” Kuru declared, her eyes piercing through the shadows. Then she chuckled. “Now, get on you two. I gots things to do.”
She waved her hands, ushering us out.
Rook scowled but allowed her to push us towards the curtain, ”How much do we owe you?”
”Boy! You insult me!” Kuru suddenly became alive and animated, ”You get outta here wid that.” We passed through the curtain, coming face to face with three men in uniform.
Ignoring them, Kuru herded us away quickly, after Rook shot them a dark glare, grumbling as she pushed us towards the front door, “Ca”t believe you just tried to pay me. Think that money is everything, dat man.” Shaking her head and tutting her lips in disgust.
Stepping through the front door, the rain had subsided, and sunlight peeked through the clouds.
As Rook held it open for me, I gave Kuru a hug and kissed her on the cheek. ”Thank you.”
She pinched my cheek, smiling. ”You call on me any time, daughter. Maybe I tell you more stories about your ma.”
“I would love that.”
She waited in the doorway, watching after us as we began our walk down the road, hand in hand.
”Rook,” she called out, a strange deepness to her voice.
We turned and I froze in surprise.
She had a sudden, solemn look on her face. The white in her eyes had disappeared, leaving them black, a twisted center to them. Blue veins climbed from her chest up her neck.
My pulse sped up, my heart beating like a drum, and a chill shot up my spine.
“I seen your future, son. You”ve got darkness widin you, a demon dat leeches off your soul.” Rook tensed, going still and stiff.
It was so strange—as if she”d transformed into a different person. A true witch of the south.
“It bleeds de only goodness you’ve got in dere. And if you don’t change, dere will be nothin” left. Is it worth what you will give up?” Shaking her head, she didn’t stop to let Rook answer, “Only you can determine dat.”
She didn”t offer more, and Rook and her had a stare off, neither of them moving. Then, as the sun broke away from the clouds, it lit up her face. She blinked, the white again returning to them. She grinned. “What you doin jus standin’ dere? Get outta here.” She made a shooing motion with her hands, “Go on, young loves.” She laughed—a cackling sound—then, turning away, she disappeared back into her shop.