Chapter 28
ASH
W ar puts me in charge of chopping vegetables after taking my hand and kissing it roughly as he says, “Don’t cut yourself.”
This sweetness from him, I love.
While slicing mushrooms, I tell him about the chaos my family was in after my dad’s murder.
A time when my mom popped sleeping pills and stayed in bed twenty hours a day.
How my sister Kat had to hide out in Ireland because of a stalker.
And Scott would come home from staying at my uncle’s to find me living like a raccoon with knotted hair and filthy pajamas, eating dry cereal I’d scattered all over the floor while tearing open boxes.
“I was only three, so I don’t remember it.
” Shaking my head, I blow out a breath and pour the mushrooms into a bowl.
“Scott doesn’t talk to me about that time, but he told his wife Laurelyn I was always so happy to see him when he came home that I was the only bright spot for him during that whole time.
I’m sure I was glad to see him, after being kind of on my own, since my mom had lost herself completely.
Plus, Scott was a really great brother. He took care of me and played with me.
I remember that much. Anyway, we made it through.
And for me at least, I don’t think there were any bad effects.
In my distorted kid’s view, it was a happy childhood. ”
While slicing shallots, I tell him about how I was the least cool and most naive of the three of us.
And how I almost got myself kidnapped at thirteen by a guy pretending to be a photographer.
I was supposed to keep it a secret that I was going to a mall parking lot to meet him, but of course, I couldn’t keep my mouth shut and told my sister Kat.
“She called me an idiot and forbid me from going. I promptly ignored her, totally convinced I was going to be a supermodel and the envy of all my friends.” I roll my eyes.
“Cut to me going to this parking lot, and the guy has a beater car and he’s got me by the arm with a knife against my ribs, ushering me to the back of it, totally planning to shove me in the trunk and drive away with me. Rape and murder to follow, no doubt.”
War turns from the pan where he’s sear-frying the steaks. “Are you fucking with me?”
“No. Scott and this family friend, Liam, who’s Irish Mafia, came out of nowhere and stuck a gun in the guy’s back, which is when he let go of my arm.
And my sister drives up, and Scott hustles me into the car with her.
Hours later, Scotty gave me such an angry lecture about not listening to Kat when she knows so much more than I do and is always looking out for me.
And I was all sad. And upset that she told him.
But honestly, I have no idea if Kat, who’s like a hundred and ten pounds, would’ve been able to save me on her own.
Probably not. It was smart of her to tell Scotty, of course. ”
“The guy’s dead?”
“I’m sure. At the time, I asked what happened to him, believe me, and they told me never to mention him again, especially to anyone else.
” I shake my head. “And here’s me arguing that it wasn’t crazy for me to think someone might’ve discovered me at the mall.
It can happen. And didn’t they think I was pretty enough to be a model?
Kat said no. I was an ordinary kind of pretty, not interesting-looking enough to be a model.
Which infuriated me. But Scotty said, of course, I was pretty enough, but if they’d wanted me to be a famous model, they’d have taken me to a legitimate agency themselves.
Not let some asshole they’d never heard of get involved.
It was like our dad always said, Scott told me.
Kat and I are ‘ too pretty .’ Strange men couldn’t be trusted around us.
And Scott said he didn’t have time to be my bodyguard right then because of being busy with work.
So, I couldn’t become a famous model at thirteen.
It would have to wait until I was older.
” I laugh and shake my head again. “So that appeased me. Scott always knows what to say to make me feel better. Even when I’m being a complete idiot.
Kat has no patience for my nonsense at all.
I think if Scott had been out of the country, she would probably have run over that guy with her car and then taken me with her to a pub to get drunk.
Kat’s a big believer in Irish whiskey as the solution when life gets out of hand. ”
“I don’t disagree.” He studies me. “So, seems like you’ve always been a hellion who’s one second away from being abducted.”
I blow out a breath. “I mean… looking at my life as a whole, pretty much seems that way. But these were isolated incidents in a mostly mundane existence. Kat and Scott had way more adventures than me. My sister traveled all over the world and had affairs, including one with this sophisticated French girl who, according to Kat, is a beautiful ‘heartbreaker’ and ‘monumental pain in the arse.’ Meanwhile, Scott and his buddies built an infamous, badass empire. Unbelievably flush with cash and power. When he showed up in our neighborhood, people treated him like a rock star. Seriously. And me? I was just this hyper little golden retriever puppy in girl form.” I laugh, shaking my head at myself again.
“From fourteen to seventeen, I kind of turned inward with my circle of friends. Painted a lot. Played video games. Only went to places like concerts in a big group of friends. I became babysitter to Sasha and Rachel’s cute little baby.
And Sasha put me on retainer. Like their high-priced lawyers.
” My laugh is deep-throated and bottomless because I know my life is absurd in its extremes.
“I get paid a ridiculous amount of money, so I’m always obligated to babysit for Sasha first. Scott got really mad about it when he found out, but Scotty has a lot of other people he can count on.
His in-laws are so nice. They watch his little boys all the time.
Totally free of charge. Scott and Laurelyn hardly ever need me.
But I’m super close to all those kids. You’re not used to being around small kids, I take it? ”
“No.”
“You’re like my sister Kat. She’s not really into kids.
I think they’re great. Yes, they can be messy and gross and noisy.
But they’re also so cute and funny and love people unconditionally and get excited about the simplest things.
And you get to see them grow into such interesting little people.
I love it. I could see myself as an elementary school teacher and then maybe a school principal or something.
Scott’s tried to steer me toward finance or international banking because I’m good with numbers—not a super genius like him—but top five.
If I did do a career in finance, it would be a safe way for me to work with him, which we’d both enjoy. ”
Moving to the stove, I dip a finger in the port wine sauce. It’s absolutely delicious.
“I took a gap year and wanted to take another, but Scott shut that down. I think he was afraid if he let me fool around too long, I wouldn’t go back.
He’s not wrong to wonder. Unfortunately, even though I’m smart, I’m not as ambitious as he and Kat are.
They would work around the clock if they could, just eating snacks while standing at the kitchen counter and having a couple of cocktails and games of pool in between. They’re crazy.”
“Top five? ”
“Um, I scored in the 95th percentile for math on the SAT. So, top 5 to 6 percent in the country.”
“Is Kat a math god, too?”
“Oh, no. Kat’s average for math. She’s top at verbal.
I always try to trick her into rewriting my papers by giving them to her to ‘look over.’ She’ll say up front she’s not going to edit.
She’s only going to give me advice on what to change to make it better.
But then she’s such a perfectionist, she can’t resist marking it all up and rewording it.
She’ll be like, ‘This was bloody awful. Did you even go over this once?’ And I’ll be like, sniff, ‘yes, I’m just such a bad writer.
’” I laugh. “But of course, I don’t go over it more than once.
Why would I? I could never in a million years get it to be as good as Kat can.
Total waste of my time if she’s going to review it.
Not that she always will. Sometimes she’s too busy.
She’s not as fast as Scotty. When I was little, I would send him my math homework at like three in the morning and say I couldn’t figure it out.
He’d totally be drunk and stoned and would send it back to me all finished to copy and turn in.
And he’d say he was too tired to explain it right then but would come home on the weekend to teach me how to do it.
” Smiling at the memory, I pop a piece of blue cheese in my mouth.
“And did he?”
“Oh, yeah. And I would pretend I hadn’t figured it out on my own by then, because I liked to hang out with him. Both of them are really cool and charismatic. I’m not.”
“Bullshit.”
“No, really. I became popular in high school by imitating my siblings. I would literally slip sometimes and use an Irish accent because I was reciting things Kat said word for word.”
“How about now? Still imitating them?”
“No, not intentionally. Not at GU. Imitating them is a lot of work, and honestly, I’m too lazy to do it.
I don’t care about being popular at school anymore.
Also, I think I’ve kind of morphed a bit into one of the cool Patrick kids just from pretending for so long.
” I exhale, shocked that I would tell him that.
I never admit it to anyone. I eye him, trying to decide whether I’ve made a mistake.
“So, now you know I’m only fake cool. If that.
Still want me? Or do you need to return me for being a knockoff? ”