Chapter 14
He’s being super fidgety tonight.
I cross my arms harder against the slight chill in the air. I should’ve worn a jacket after I saw my balcony lights on. But I just ran right out of the house and to our spot.
It’s been a few months since he told me he was considering exploring something with another guy. Fucking Carter Hayes.
We’ve hung out a lot since then, but I’ve never brought it back up, and neither did he. I figured that if he wanted to talk more about it, he would.
Maybe I got lucky and he decided not to pursue anything with him.
In the meantime, I’ve been slowly dying thinking about my best friend, who I have a hideously intense crush on, hooking up with someone who isn’t me.
I’ve also been subjected to his random musings throughout the day since I gave him my phone number.
“This kid in Anatomy class smells like cheese.”
“I’m hungry.”
“Did you know wombats poop cubes?!”
“I miss you.”
It’s fucking torture being his best friend and being in love with him. But I can’t seem to let go of either of those things.
“We hooked up,” he blurts.
My stomach clenches and the most uncomfortable, sharp feeling stabs at my brain as those words settle.
He’s got his hands clasped in front of him, sitting on the log with his head pointed at the ground, but when I stay silent for too long, he looks up at me next to him.
I try to snap out of it, putting some neutral expression on my face. “Um. With Carter?”
Say no. Say no. Say no.
“Yeah.”
Fucking perfect.
But I can’t possibly be surprised right now, who else would he have been talking about?
And I don’t really have anything against Carter. Well, besides the fact that he’s also a football player. Javi is really the only decent one on the team. The rest are a bunch of asswads.
Carter is just so… different than me.
He’s built a lot like Javi. Tall. Masculine. Muscular. A jock through and through.
If that’s the kind of guy that Javi is into…
I glance down at myself for a moment. I’m skinny and pale. Everything about me is soft. My face. My hair. No type of muscle definition. I would say I have the core strength of a blanket.
We couldn’t be any more unalike.
He interrupts my thoughts. “Something’s missing.”
I hold my same face, staying quiet for him to continue.
“I mean, I liked it enough. But it was—I don’t know—less than I thought it would be.”
“You mean his dick?”
He laughs, and it’s nice to see around all the nerves. “No. It wasn’t… earth-shattering.”
I shrug and try to tamp down my happiness at this news, because that’s rude as fuck. I need to be the supportive best friend right now. “Well, maybe you don’t feel exactly what you thought.” I think carefully while choosing my next words. “Maybe you need more of a connection.”
He looks back down at the ground, before starting to absently pick his nails. “Yeah. Maybe. We didn’t even kiss.”
“Did you want to?”
He looks up at me and our eyes lock. His face is so vulnerable. So lost. “I guess.”
We don’t look away from each other. He seems so close right now. Did we start this close to each other? Did I move?
Something changes in the air. Or maybe it’s just me. But it gets hard to breathe. Each inhale is a struggle.
He reaches for me, brushing a piece of my hair out of my eyes.
“I like your hair color,” he says, his eyes roaming over the lavender color of my hair.
“Yeah?” I ask dumbly.
His eyes pull back to mine and he smiles. “Yeah. It’s pretty. It goes so well with your… just everything.” There’s a pause between us. It’s probably only a second, but it feels like it goes on forever. “Mi munequito.”
Something warm and cozy fills my veins, and when he keeps looking at me, I start to think I should make a move.
Fucking kiss him.
I take a breath, preparing myself to lean in when he looks away from me. “Well, it’s getting late. I don’t want Scott to be on my ass about where I’ve been.”
It’s like a bucket of ice water is poured over me. I pull my lips into a smile, but it feels fake as fuck. I hope he can’t tell.
“Of course,” I mumble standing up and brushing any dirt from the log off my butt. “Listen. You—uh—you don’t have to figure everything out right now. You can take your time.”
He nods thoughtfully. “Yeah, you’re right. We can just keep hooking up. He told me he really wants to again. And I’ll see if anything changes.”
My smile stretches into something manic around the gut punch I’ve just taken.
“Sounds fucking great.”