14. Columbine – Meaning Courage Strength （Red） Resolved to Win （Purple） Anxious Trembling
14
COLUMBINE
(LION’S HERB)
MEANING: COURAGE; STRENGTH; (RED): RESOLVED TO WIN; (PURPLE): ANXIOUS; TREMBLING
OCEAN
________
G eneva was a dream come true. As someone who worked in events, she was the kind of person I loved to collaborate with. Hell, she already had a binder and a schedule, a breakdown of everything we needed, and a checklist of whether I wanted to make the decision or leave it to her.
I might be a little in love with her.
Or at least her planning style.
Now, as we walked into one of the biggest bridal salons in Sunset City, I loved that she was here. Because of the hour drive, Trinity and Isolde couldn’t make it on such short notice. Laura was here because she insisted, and I already knew how that was going to go. She made sure I was in the corset before we left.
Geneva placed a hand on my shoulder after she waved to one of the shop attendants. “Before we head into the dresses, come with me. Mrs. McCabe, Ashley here will show you over to where we’ll be trying things on.”
“I’ll stay with Ocean.”
“No,” she said firmly. “We’ll be right back. Ocean’s fiancés have something for her privately.”
Laura kept her face in check, but it was only because we were in public. Geneva sent a glare at her as she guided me away. “Say the word, Ocean, and I’ll have her removed from the store.”
I sighed. “I’m not sure that would make it better. We drove together.” And making the hour trip home with her seething wasn’t on my list of priorities.
“I’m sure the DuPonts would be happy to have a driver take you home.”
Smiling, I looked at her. “And what would happen once I got home?” Her shoulders fell, and I held out a hand. “Thank you. I appreciate it. And I’m really grateful you’re here.”
“I’ll do my best to keep her at bay.”
“I appreciate that.” I sat in the chair she led me to. “What are we doing here?”
“A couple of things. Here’s the sample of the wedding invitation. We don’t need, but your fiancés thought it would be good to have a few.”
She handed me a crisp invitation made of cardstock. There were flowing ripples in silver over the white paper that looked like water. Almost like an ocean. I smiled and shook my head. Of course they would pick something that reflected my name.
Seeing my name along with theirs sent my heart into my throat.
“Do you like them?” Geneva asked.
“I do,” I told her honestly. “The style and the decorations. But not the color.”
“Noted. We’ll change it to something that matches your colors? Not white.”
I nodded and handed it back to her. “I like the silver.”
“Perfect.” She typed a couple of notes into her tablet. “Now, Mr. Westbrook mentioned you hadn’t told them your priorities for rings. Since you were already going to be here in Sunset City, I had their preferred jeweler bring over some samples for you.”
I hadn’t even noticed the man standing in the corner with what looked like a giant briefcase. He came over and placed it on the low table in front of me, opening it. It was like a movie, jewels sparkling under the lights as they were revealed. Way too many rings and way too many diamonds . Holy shit.
“If you like any of these, perfect. If not, tell me anything you like about them and we’ll go from there.”
My stomach hollowed out. This wasn’t real. The marriage was going to last a year. It might be better to get a ring that didn’t cost someone’s yearly salary when it was going to be taken off so soon.
“I—” Nothing came out. Like my voice had decided to vacate the premises entirely.
Geneva smiled. “I know it’s overwhelming.”
“Yeah. I have big fingers. Most rings don’t fit me.”
“It won’t be a problem,” she promised.
Everything shone so bright and was so large, I shied away from them. My jewelry taste had always been simpler. Less on the gaudy side and more on the filigree. “Do you think they’ll be offended if I don’t want a diamond?” I asked.
“That depends. Do you not want the diamond because of cost? Or simply because you like something else better?”
I already knew they wouldn’t care about the cost. The fact that I was sitting here with a literal briefcase of gems in front of me was proof enough of that. Oh, and the fact that Trinity had said they were actual billionaires.
“Something else better.”
“Then no,” she said with a smile. “I don’t think they’ll be offended at all.”
Taking a shaky breath, I pointed to a stone that was a bluish purple. “I’ve always loved stones like this. The color is gorgeous.”
Geneva wrote notes on her tablet. “Perfect. That will look lovely with your skin tone as well.”
I smiled, but my breath was tight. Damn corset. “These are all a little…” I glanced at the man who’d brought the briefcase. “Much? For me. I love swirls. Filigree. Simpler. I don’t really love circular or square stones.”
“Metal?” Geneva asked.
“White gold.”
“That is perfect. We can definitely work with that.” She glanced at the man. “I’m sending a copy of the notes over to you. Thank you.”
The briefcase was closed, and he was gone in what felt like seconds. “They can make a ring in this kind of timeframe?”
Geneva led me back into the main section of the salon. “Darling, with enough money, you can do almost anything. Now, I’ve already had them pull some dresses for you based on what we talked about at lunch. But we can go from there.”
We’d met Geneva early to talk through things, including colors. I didn’t want to do my own flowers, but I wanted a hand in picking them, and their meanings, but I didn’t say the second part out loud in front of Laura. The last thing I needed was her looking into the meanings of all the flowers I’d ever done for her and Frank.
But the colors were similar to the ring I’d requested. A lovely bluish purple. Periwinkle. And white, with black accents.
Holy fuck, I was getting married. And nothing solidified that fact like walking into a room full of frothy white dresses.
“They own this place, right?”
“Yes, the DuPonts own Caesura . It goes hand in hand with Cheria . Their lingerie brand. But don’t worry. They don’t get to see the dress until you walk down the aisle. Even if they’re paying for it.”
The thought of them seeing me for the first time in a dress like these made butterflies whirl in my stomach. It shouldn’t. But I couldn’t seem to wipe the smile off my face.
Until I saw Laura sitting on a white couch with her arms crossed and a sour look on her face, clearly pissed at being set aside, even though there was a glass of champagne sitting on the end table next to her.
Well… too bad.
The woman who’d brought her over here extended a hand to me. “I’m Ashley. I’m going to help you today.”
“Hi—”
“I’ve already told her you need a dress that’s corseted. And one that’s not too form fitting.”
Ashley’s smile froze on her face, and she blinked a couple of times. It always amazed me how clueless Laura was about how people perceived her, and was then shocked when people didn’t react well to her rudeness.
“I have some picked out for you. Why don’t you come with me?”
“Thanks.”
We walked out of sight, and I glanced back just in time to see Geneva glaring at my aunt. Part of me wished I could see that showdown.
The dressing room was bright and cozy, with several dresses already hanging on the walls. “Now that we’re here. I do have several corseted dresses in your selections. But because they lined up with what Geneva told me you wanted, and not because of your aunt’s requirement.”
“If that’s all she’s going to push for, then that’s fine,” I said. “If it will keep her happy, do it.”
“Well, if that’s what you want. But I’m here to make you happy. So let’s start with one and see how you feel, okay?”
“Okay.”
I hated the first dress. It was a poofy mess of tulle and lace that made me look like a cross between a marshmallow and the abominable snowman. I didn’t even bother going out into the salon with it on, because I knew I wouldn’t wear it, and I didn’t need to hear the comments.
“This is already better,” Ashley said, clipping me into the sample of the next dress. At my size, they didn’t have the dresses available, so they put you in something smaller and used various clips and ties to keep it in place so you could see what it looked like.
And it was better. This one was silky, with bell sleeves that flowed down nearly to the floor.
It was pretty, but it wasn’t the one. “Is it normal to just know ?”
“Yeah,” she said. “I swear it’s a primal experience like nothing else. Because you just have this feeling in your bones, and once you have it, you can’t get the dress out of your mind.”
“Will you take a picture for my friends? They couldn’t come today.” I promised Rin and Isolde I’d include them, but even they didn’t get to see me in the snowman dress.
“Of course.”
I held up the train and made my way to the mirrors where Ashley and Geneva waited. My wedding planner looked me up and down. “That’s pretty.”
“But it’s not the one. The first one wasn’t it either.”
“Too form fitting anyway,” Laura said.
Closing my eyes for a moment, I turned and faced her. “Despite what you might like, I won’t be wearing a circus tent to my own wedding, Laura. I’m already allowing you to push the corset on me. But I am fat. No amount of fabric is going to make me not fat by Friday. So please, for once in your life, keep it to yourself.”
Her mouth dropped open in shock. Then she stood and approached. “You will watch how you speak to me.”
“Or what?”
Even Laura wouldn’t do something as brazen as hit me in front of witnesses. And it felt good to stare her down and let her feel a fucking shred of the helplessness I’d felt for years.
Rage flared in her eyes, and she settled back on the couch with her arms crossed, glaring. And I glared right the fuck back. For once. Ashley and Geneva hid their smiles as I stepped off the pedestal and went back to the dressing room for dress number three.
Number three wasn’t it either. A cinderella ballgown that flared out from my hips and made me feel like I was in some kind of film. But I felt awkward and couldn’t imagine staying in it for long, let alone sitting down. Or dancing.
Number four was strapless, satin, and simple. Whereas the abominable snowman dress was too much, this one was far too little. Next.
Number five had me wilting, because no one told you how exhausting trying on dresses like this was. Especially when it was hard to breathe. The corset in this dress was a touch sheer, the rest of the dress filmy and floating. It was gorgeous. Just not on me. Everyone agreed, even Trinity and Rin.
“I know I need to find something,” I said as I peeled off the dress and let Ashley help me. “But I don’t know how many more I have in me.”
She looked at me carefully, like she was analyzing me. “When I pull dresses for a bride, all I can do is guess based on preferences. But now that I’ve met you…” Her eyes suddenly sparkled. “I think I have the one for you.”
“Really?”
“Really.” She disappeared out of the dressing room, leaving me in nothing but my corset and underwear. I had no idea how long she would take, so I video chatted the girls.
“Did you find one?” Isolde asked.
“No, and I’m exhausted. But my girl just went to get one she thinks is it. Part of me wishes they just picked one and got it over with. It doesn’t really matter.”
Trinity made a low, growling noise. “The hell it doesn’t.”
I glanced behind me to make sure Ashley wasn’t about to come in. “It’s a dress for my fake marriage,” I whispered. “Other than the photos they need for the press, it doesn’t matter.”
“Respectfully, bullshit.” Isolde popped a piece of popcorn in her mouth. “You’re the one who pushed me forward when I was hesitant, O. And now you’re going to do the same. Now keep us on the phone so we can see the dress.”
“Fine.” I propped up the phone on a nearby chair.
Isolde ate more popcorn. “You look hot, by the way.”
I rolled my eyes. “Me and my too-tight corset.”
“Well, if you loosened it up so you felt good, I fully support this look. And I’m sure your soon-to-be husbands will as well.”
Would they? They said they wanted a real marriage, but it was hard to believe Alphas like them could ever want someone like me. Of course, having sex with the woman they were marrying was convenient, so it made sense. But the rest of it?
I shook my head. Usually, I could resist those kinds of self-deprecating thoughts. But with trying on clothes, the pain in my sides from the boning, and Laura’s attitude, I was worn down.
Ashley pushed open the door with a new bundle of fabric in her arms. “So there’s two pieces to this dress, but I don’t want you to see the second piece yet.”
“Okay,” I laughed. “Ashley, my best friends are on the phone right there, just so you know.”
“Hello, ladies. Let’s get you into this.” She rubbed her hands together with glee.
I laughed again. “You really think it’s the one?”
“I do. I feel it in my bones. That doesn’t mean you should tell me you like it if you don’t. But I’ve got a good feeling.”
“Then let’s give it a go.”
She helped me into the dress, and it was a different silhouette than the others I’d tried on. Almost a mermaid style, with the white skirt flaring from my knees. The top was entirely lace, with a structured, corseted top, an off the shoulder neckline, and lace sleeves that went down to my wrists, only interrupted by a puff at the elbow.
It wasn’t a dress I would have ever picked for myself. But I couldn’t stop staring at my own reflection. Even though I was fat, I still had a waist, and the structured corset hit me exactly where it was, emphasizing the curves in my shape to nearly an hourglass. The bottom, flaring skirt balanced out the shape so I didn’t look stuffed into the dress, and the neckline didn’t feel scandalous, it felt… pretty.
“Holy shit, Ocean,” Trinity whispered. “You look…”
Ashley was right. This was the one. Because nothing had ever made me feel like I did wearing this dress. All the other thoughts in my brain fell away, and all I could focus on was how lovely it was. How good it felt. What they would think when they saw me.
“Now, close your eyes,” Ashley said. “I think this will make it even better.”
I obeyed, and I heard my friends gasp when she revealed whatever it was. Fabric brushed my shoulders, and Ashley pulled my arms through holes, before arranging something on top of my hair.
“Okay. Open.”
My reflection looked like a fairytale. Ashley had added a cloak entirely made of lace over the dress. It fanned out behind me in a train, the hood balancing on my hair in place of the veil. It was perfect.
Tears blurred my eyes, and I had to blink them away. “Wow.”
“You like it?”
“I love it.”
Ashley jumped up and down and clapped her hands. “I knew it. I knew it. Do you want to go and show?”
I shook my head. “No. She won’t like it, and I don’t care. This is what I want.”
“Fuck yes.” Trinity nodded her approval. “Don’t give that bitch the satisfaction.”
“She’ll give me hell either way.”
“At least this way you’ll be happy.”
Grinning at my friends, I picked up the phone. “Fine. You’re right. I surrender. Now I’m hanging up so I can get measured and get the hell out of here.”
Isolde stuck out her tongue. “ BYE .”
After taking a couple of pictures, Ashley helped me out of the dress and took my measurements. “Thursday we’ll do a final fitting. I’ll make sure Geneva knows where and when.”
“That’s perfect, thank you.”
Laura was staring at her phone when I came out, and she frowned when I looked up. “Took you long enough. Why aren’t you dressed?”
“Oh, we found the right one, and I didn’t need extra opinions on it. Ashley’s taking care of the order.”
Her frown grew deeper. “I want to see it.”
“You will. When I wear it.”
“I—”
“I’m not putting it back on. I can show you the picture later.”
Geneva, who was on the phone in the corner, hung up. “I’m glad you found something. While you’re here, would you like to look at some things for after the wedding?” Her grin told us exactly what she meant. “We have plenty of options here from Cheria .”
Laura snorted. It was under her breath, but we both still heard it. Geneva went to say something, and I stopped her. “Ashley is the one who found the dress. I don’t know how she picked it, but it was perfect. And she now has my measurements. So if she wants to pick some things for me, I’m fine with that.”
Her mouth was a firm line, but she nodded. “All right. As far as everything else, I’ll be in touch tomorrow. Let me know what you choose for the flowers as soon as you can.”
“I will. And thank you for everything.”
Laura was already on her way out of the salon, and I jogged to keep up. “Was she consoling you because I tell you the truth?” She sneered when I caught her at the doors.
I stared at my aunt. “I don’t understand.”
“What don’t you understand, Ocean?”
“Why you do this. Why you act like this. Why you treat me like this. What did I ever do to you other than have my parents die too fucking early? You act like I’m some kind of poison.”
She narrowed her eyes. “You didn’t have to do anything.”
“Then why?” Emotion was rising, as it did when I was tired and stressed. And after this, I just needed to know.
“Frank and I have worked for everything we have,” she said. “And we worked hard. You’re going to get everything fucking handed to you, just like your mother, and you’re already lazy as it is.” Her eyes ran over my body at that last remark. My aunt didn’t understand the concept of genetics and the possibility that some people were simply bigger than others. To her, if you were fat, it was a moral failing and always your fault.
Always.
“Did your mother give anything to us in the will? No. She gave everything to you. I’m her sister, and she didn’t give me a fucking cent while also declaring me the guardian of her daughter. Because I couldn’t have a child of my own, she gave me hers like it was a gift and not an utter slap in the face.”
“You have full access to the entire estate,” I said. “The accounts that aren’t my trust. That’s not nothing.”
“Only until you have it. Then what? Then we’re out on our asses and you get to flit around my house and play with your flowers and never do anything valuable with your life?” Her mouth twisted into an ugly sneer. “So if you want to know, that’s why. You’ve managed to take everything from me over and over again, while your very existence reminds me of the thing I was never able to have. So forgive me for not worshipping the ground that the last remaining Caldwell walks on.”
Pushing the door open, she stopped and looked back. “And I heard what you said to Geneva. Don’t bother buying anything for after the wedding. Because the idea that these men want you for any other reason than that you’re disposable is laughable. Get in the fucking car.”
It took me a few seconds to be able to move. Hurt pulsed in my chest. I never knew why, and now that I knew, it still didn’t make sense. But with the kind of hatred she threw at me every day, it was never going to make sense. There was nothing I could do to make it better or make me like her more. Frank was the same, though he wasn’t as vicious.
My chest lifted. All this time I thought it was something I’d done. But… no. There was nothing. And that in itself made me feel better. I didn’t do anything to deserve it, and no amount of trying was going to make it change.
Good to know.
I followed her to the car and put in my headphones, ready to ignore her on the long ride back to Clarity.