27. Chrysanthemum – Meaning A heart left to desolation
27
CHRYSANTHEMUM
(MUMS, FLOWER OF LIFE)
MEANING: A HEART LEFT TO DESOLATION
OCEAN
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S oft comfort clung to me as I woke. The ridiculously butter-soft blankets on Cameron’s bed. Somehow I hadn’t yet managed to spend the night in my own bed, but if they weren’t this kind of blanket we were switching them out with this kind because I could burrow into these and live here forever.
I curled a little deeper and heard a distinct crinkle .
Pulling the blanket down from over my head, I blinked away the morning light. I was alone in bed, but there was a note resting next to me.
Come to the kitchen for breakfast when you’re ready. Take your time. We might have to go to the office, but we’re the bosses. We’ll wait for you first.
My whole body turned pink, and I buried myself beneath the blankets again, giving into the instinct to kick my feet and just wiggle with happiness.
There was too much of it, and it just had to come out until I flopped back on the pillows with a smile so big it hurt.
Everett had taken me entirely differently. Steady and slowly, but with brutal intention. It might have been slow, but it wasn’t soft. Every thrust of that piercing had fireworks flashing in my mind, and now every girl I’d ever listened to rave about dick piercings made total sense.
By that time I was tired enough to sleep. They woke me up to eat at some point before Micah fucked me back to sleep again. I was sore, but in a good way. Like I’d spent all day moving plants around in the greenhouse.
I needed something to wear. The nightgown wasn’t on the bathroom floor anymore, and I still wasn’t confident enough to walk through the whole house naked yet. On top of the fact that I didn’t know if there was staff here today. Was Ruby here?
The blanket was too big to take with me. But… there . Across the room there was a chair with a throw blanket. Good enough. I wrapped it beneath my arms like a towel and nearly bumped into Cameron on my way out the door.
He smiled, catching me by the shoulders. “Morning.” When he kissed me, he tasted like mint.
“Morning. I’ll give your blanket back. Promise.”
“I want it back for you to use it like this. It looks far better on you than it ever did on my chair. But you could have borrowed one of my shirts. Or let us see you naked.”
I tightened the blanket. “I didn’t want to terrify the staff, and none of your shirts would fit me.”
“Hmm. I’ll be rectifying that. I want you to have something with my scent.”
Desire and longing flashed through me like lightning. I wanted that so much . To be on a phone call with my friends and have their hoodies wrapped around me like it was nothing. To have them want their scent on my skin as much as I wanted it there.
Cam leaned down and kissed me. “Based on your perfume, you like the idea.”
“Like would be a bit of an understatement.”
“Then you’ll have it. Soon.” He winked. “And I’ll make sure the staff are never home when we are, if it means you walking around naked, wife.”
I screwed up my face trying not to smile and failed completely. “I don’t know if I’m ready for that, but I will take it under advisement, husband.”
“Call me husband again and you’re never making it to breakfast.”
Hitching the blanket up under my arms, I sprinted down the hall toward my room, followed by his laughter.
Ruby had done an amazing job in the closet. Even the things that weren’t hanging were easy to find. I didn’t think I was going anywhere today, so I kept myself comfortable. But I still avoided my more ratty lounge clothes. And it had absolutely nothing to do with the fact that I wanted to look cute for the Alphas I would see in the kitchen.
Not a single thing.
I grabbed my phone, noting that I had far too many messages. Then again, I hadn’t even thought about looking for the past couple of days. They would keep for a bit longer. After everyone left for work, I’d have more than enough time to answer messages and explore the house.
The kitchen was bright and welcoming in the morning light. The windows over the side of the estate showed more magnolia trees that painted shadows on the floor, moving with the summer breeze.
Cameron was already back from his room, sitting at the large booth-like table in the breakfast nook. It wasn’t really fair for him to look that good. He could be in a coffee ad, sitting like that with a tablet in front of him and a suit that fit him like a glove.
“There’s hot water on the stove if you’d like some tea, coffee in the machine, and all of that.” He gestured to the baskets on the island, full of fruit, muffins, and other things like croissants. There was a whole rack of different tea bags, sugar and honey, and a quick peek in the fridge showed creamer.
Tea sounded perfect this morning.
Spotting a blueberry muffin, I grabbed it. My favorite. I sat at the small table in the breakfast nook overlooking the trees and beyond. I could just barely see the beach from this angle. I liked this space. It seemed far too casual for this grand house. And peaceful.
Cameron reached across the table and squeezed my hand while he read whatever was on his tablet.
Everett came into the kitchen and smiled at me. In his work suit, he was so much sharper than the Alpha he turned into with me. I very much understood what he said yesterday. People would be afraid of him, and I liked that. There was something entrancing about being the one who could tame the beast and calm the monster.
“Morning,” I murmured.
“Morning, wife.” That little smile that was only for me appeared.
He poured coffee and made himself some toast before he grabbed a pear. It was interesting to see them fending for themselves. I assumed men as rich as them wouldn’t do anything as simple as cooking, but I hadn’t seen any staff in the house so far.
I nearly moaned at the first bite of the blueberry muffin. Holy shit, it was incredible. So far, all the food here was.
Everett didn’t bother to sit, standing at the island with his coffee and toast. It seemed strange, the easy domestic feeling. As if this were all normal. Like we did it every day.
Warmth spread through my chest at that thought. I was going to make every morning and domestic moment count this year.
Micah strode in and went straight to the coffee machine. He sighed. “I’m sorry I can’t stay. I wasn’t planning on going in until our meeting with Frank, but Gregory seemed to think his thoughts on the designs for the new men’s line couldn’t wait till the afternoon, and I’d rather not spend the day getting yelled at, so off I go.”
Cameron chuckled. “Good luck with that.”
With a growl, Micah looked up. “Which one of you assholes took the last blueberry muffin? You know how I feel about that.”
Cold dread swept through me, and I wasn’t hearing the Alphas in front of me. I was hearing Frank’s voice. We’ve had this discussion, Ocean. You don’t take something if there’s nothing left of it for anyone else. It’s selfish, rude, and you don’t need it anyway.
I should have thought about that. This was their house first, and I needed to make sure they had what they needed. But I also didn’t want to lie. “Um, it wasn’t them. It was me.”
Cameron gave me a wink. “He’ll punish you for it later.”
I couldn’t feel my fingers, and my heart pounded in my ears. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know. It won’t happen again.” I pushed the muffin to the edge of the table. “I only took one bite.” I twisted my hands together in my lap, focusing on a knot in the wood of the table.
This wasn’t the reaction I wanted to have. Somewhere outside of myself I knew that I was currently trapped in my own mind, but it didn’t make it any easier to get out.
My whole focus narrowed to the steam rising from my tea. A shadow from the blowing branches of the magnolia tree outside. The small chip in the nail polish on my thumb.
The silence around me was deafening. I was being crushed beneath it. “I should have asked. I’m sorry.”
A presence suddenly stood beside me, and the scent of chocolate and caramel. The darker part of his scent was strong, the caramel smelling like someone had left it cooking too long. Nearly burned. “Ocean?” Micah asked quietly.
I couldn’t look at him and see the anger there. “I know you’re running late. Take it, please.”
“I don’t give a damn if I’m running late. Nothing takes precedence over my wife.”
I did look up at him then, and there was no anger on his face. At least none that was directed toward me. He crouched down next to me and took my twisted hands in one of his. Loosened them. Relaxed them.
“I’m sorry I frightened you,” he said softly. “These assholes, much as I love them, have a habit of stealing the last muffins I like because they know it winds me up. They’ve been doing it for years.” Lifting his other hand, he brushed a hair back behind my ear and let his hand linger, thumb brushing along my jaw. “You don’t have to ask permission to eat anything here. Ever. And despite what Cam said, we would never punish you for this. Not unless it was a game—something we all agreed to and enjoyed.
“We would never punish you for anything, princess. You’re our wife, not something we own.”
I gripped his hand, unable to let go of the fear lodged in my chest. Micah leaned in and kissed my forehead, squeezing my hands back. “Come on. Take a breath with me, all right?”
He inhaled deeply, and I followed him. When I let it out, I felt a little bit better. Barely. He smiled. “I’m glad I know you like them. I’ll have an ally against these two.”
I couldn’t quite laugh, but I managed a small smile.
“Can I hug you?” he asked.
After I nodded, he pulled me up out of the seat and into his arms. He wrapped me up so tightly, one hand holding my head against his chest and his purr, that I couldn’t help but relax. “I’m sorry,” I whispered, my mouth dry. “I know you wouldn’t. I swear I know. I don’t think that.”
Micah kissed my hair. “I’m glad you know. I’m sorry I can’t stay. And I’m so sorry you’ve ever had to feel like this.”
I said nothing more, my mind unable to stray from thoughts I didn’t want, shame overwhelming me. After last night and breaking through that anxiety, I felt like I’d just stumbled back ten steps. But the way Micah held me, his purr vibrating beneath my ear, had me breathing deeper and my shoulders relaxing.
He kissed my hair again. “You mentioned you might work on your hybrids today? If Sally can bring them to you?” I nodded into his shirt. “When I get home, I’d love to see them if they’re here.” Pulling back, he kissed me—for real this time. “Eat that entire muffin, wife. It makes you taste like blueberries. And I’ll be thinking about you the whole day.”
Then he was gone with his to-go coffee out the door, leaving me reeling.
Cam leaned across the table and moved my tea closer to him, and then the muffin. He tilted his head next to him, silently asking me to come next to him. I did, heart still pounding from the sudden adrenaline.
As soon as I sat down he put his arm around me and pulled me to him. I leaned my head on his shoulder because it felt natural to do it. Like my head was made to rest there as he purred and scrolled through what looked like emails with his other hand.
“Will you tell us what caused that?”
I shrugged. “They didn’t like when I took anything that was the last thing.”
“ They? ” Everett asked.
Keeping my head on Cam’s shoulder, I turned to see Rett where he leaned heavily on the kitchen island. “You can’t kill him. We still need him.”
His smile sent chills down my spine in the best way. “Killing him isn’t the only thing I can do. And I’ll be damned if he and Laura get away with treating you like this for so long with no consequences.”
“I shouldn’t like it when you say things like that.”
“Oh?” He came around the island and stood beside the bench, looking down at me. “And why not?”
“I don’t want to hurt anyone.”
Everett held out a hand, and I took it, letting him lift me to my feet. In another movement he spun me and pressed me back into the island. His eyes were dark as he brushed his lips over mine. “You don’t have to hurt anyone, little nymph. That’s my job.”
“Don’t do it on my account.”
“I protect what’s mine,” he growled. “And I absolutely will if I have to.”
Until now, I never knew how much I needed those words. To feel protected. To feel like I was worth protecting. It was another realization—how unsafe I’d felt even though I hadn’t consciously understood it.
My husband cupped my face and kissed me. “I promise not to kill him… today. And I promise not to do anything that will jeopardize your agreement with him. But I don’t promise not to hurt him if I can. Because hurting you ? It’s fucking unacceptable.”
All I could do was stare at him. What could I possibly say to that?
Cameron stood and gathered his tablet. “We should probably go and make sure Micah doesn’t lose his mind before we have to sign these papers.” He moved Everett aside to kiss me quickly. “The people from Nestled will be here at noon to build the nest. You don’t have to deal with them at all if you don’t want to. Marcela, the housekeeper, already knows everything. The wedding pictures should be published today too, so if you need anything, you call us, okay?”
“Okay.”
With a sigh, Everett took another step back from me. “I don’t want to leave you after that.”
“I’ll be fine,” I said with a smile. And I would. Because of them and the way they did made me feel safe.
“Even if you don’t need us, you can call us,” Cam whispered. “We’ll be back as soon as we can.”
I watched them leave the kitchen, and Cameron turned back at the last second. “Don’t forget to eat your muffin. Make yourself sweeter, so later we can eat yours.”
They were gone before they saw my mouth drop open and my face flush red with embarrassment and arousal. But I ate every crumb of that fucking muffin.