Chapter 13 Elizabeth
Elizabeth
After a week of seeing Mr Darcy during public events rather than calls at Gracechurch Street, Elizabeth was eager for a tête-a-tête.
She decided she would ask him to accompany her on one of her morning walks.
Obviously, she would still be chaperoned as well, but chaperones in the park often remained out of hearing range.
She hoped they could manage such a visit before long.
She was very pleased about two results from their evening outings:
First, men did indeed stop calling on her as word of her courtship spread and as she and Mr Darcy were mentioned every single day in the newspapers.
Second, Miss Alice Cartwright called on her, and they had a delightful time becoming better acquainted.
The first time she called, Grace and Julia were already there, and it was nice to see that they already knew and enjoyed one another.
The second time Alice called, Elizabeth was alone, and they spent an hour discussing everything from novels to the Darcy and Fitzwilliam families.
Alice admitted she thought Colonel Fitzwilliam was wonderful company and very handsome.
“Not,” she said, laughing a bit breathlessly, “as tall nor as classically handsome as your Mr Darcy, of course, but the colonel is still very attractive.”
Elizabeth agreed that the colonel was good looking, although finding the colonel’s person attractive was an exercise in assessing a checklist of attributes of attractive men…
whereas finding Mr Darcy attractive was more like a colossal wave of emotions and sensations, with her entire body involved in extreme responses to his dark eyes, his curling hair, his dimples, the perfect shape of his hands, his confident posture and lengthy stride, the way his mouth curled up just at the corners, at times, but also his brighter smiles… .
Elizabeth startled back to the present at the sound of a chuckle.
Alice laughed at Elizabeth. “Where did you go just then?” she asked.
She smiled knowingly, and Elizabeth wondered if Alice, too, had experienced being in love.
She blushed as she responded, “I just cannot believe that I find myself meditating on Mr Darcy’s hands for several minutes at a time.
It is absurd that I so enjoy thinking about his long fingers and squarish nails, and remembering how warm his hand feels, even through gloves and sleeves. ”
“Oh, my, you are very definitely in love, Elizabeth.”
“I am. But I feel blessed to have fallen in love with someone who loves me back.”
“I agree. And you are lucky to have fallen in love with someone you can actually wed. Imagine if Mr Darcy were a stablehand.”
“I am not certain that I can imagine that. Even before I knew whether he was a master of an estate or a fifth son about to ship off in the navy, I already thought that Mr Darcy looked very dignified, very confident. I have never seen that noble sort of bearing in a stable hand.”
Alice agreed, and the ladies turned the conversation to events they would attend that week.
That evening, Mr Darcy escorted Elizabeth and Aunt Maddie to a lecture on chemistry.
Sir Humphrey Davy demonstrated what he termed a potassium volcano; he dropped a piece of potassium into water, and it ignited with a purple flame and an explosion.
With the careful choreography of Sir Humphrey and his assistants, the demonstration looked almost like a piece of theatre, but the drama came from the reaction of the elements involved.
“That was shocking,” Aunt Maddie said as they returned to Gracechurch Street.
“And fascinating,” Mr Darcy added.
“I dearly loved it,” Elizabeth said. “Thank you, sir, for the thoughtful suggestion.”
Mr Darcy’s eyes expressed his happiness that she had enjoyed the lecture, and he brought up her hand to kiss as well. There were many times when he became a man of few words, but she read volumes in his expressions and gestures.
Aunt Maddie allowed Elizabeth a few minutes of private conversation at the door, before Mr Darcy left, and Elizabeth used that time to invite him to walk with her the next morning. She pointed to the little park. “I long to have more privacy to speak, sir.”
“I dearly wish I could, Elizabeth,” Mr Darcy replied. “But unfortunately I have back-to-back appointments that will take all morning. Could I accompany you the following morning?”
“That would be wonderful, Mr Darcy.”
“Then, tomorrow, I will call in the afternoon, and the next day we will walk. And later that evening we will attend the Stoddards’ ball.”
“I look forward to all of it.”
“I dearly love spending time with you, Miss Bennet, and I look forward to spending all of my time with you, someday.”
Ready for a walk alone, the next morning, Elizabeth tied the ribbons of her bonnet, put on her gloves and strode out the door with as long a stride as her stature afforded her.
Of course, Elizabeth was not totally alone.
Roberts, a footman, accompanied her, keeping several steps behind.
He had no difficulty keeping up with her, that was certain, but he found it hard not to chuckle every time she teased him about how much he must wish that she was like other London ladies, who strolled slowly in the park, twirling their parasols and pausing to pose fetchingly every time a young man rode by.
When she paused to tease Roberts a bit on their fourth circuit of the park, she was astonished to see the colonel.
Her first thought was that something bad had happened to Mr Darcy. But she told herself not to invent troubles.
“Colonel Fitzwilliam,” she said. “I have not seen you in Cheapside for a long time. I hope everything and everyone is well?
He replied abruptly, “Darcy is well, if that is what you are asking.”
The colonel looked…a bit strange. He had not shaved recently, and his uniform looked as if he had slept in it. “I asked after everyone,” Elizabeth said. “And it looks as if you have had a poor night, for whatever reason…?”
Roberts had retreated out of hearing range at this point, and the Colonel stopped walking and put his hand up as if imploring her to stop as well, as he said, “Elizabeth Bennet, my feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.”
Elizabeth could not have felt more shocked, but more than that, she was livid. She felt the unfamiliar sensation of being crushingly disappointed in someone she had counted as a friend. She beckoned to Roberts, and since she had no idea what to say, she decided to say everything all at once:
“Colonel! I dearly hope you are joking, but such a jest as this would be poor manners indeed. I cannot believe that you would betray your cousin and impose on me! And the absolutely charming Miss Cartwright had liked you so very well—but you apparently do not return her regard! I deeply love Mr Darcy, who is your cousin and supposedly your best friend. I had assumed you were exactly as you had presented yourself, and I am most disappointed that you are not. Also, please recall that you told me very clearly, before I even met Mr Darcy, that you could never marry me, and certainly you cannot mean to insult me now by suggesting some other arrangement! I am horrified and wish I did not know you!”
Roberts had arrived by that time and began to ask if Elizabeth was well, but she spun on her heel, took Roberts’ arm, and strode across the lawn, ignoring the gravel paths.
The colonel followed, saying, “I tried to keep it inside, and I did not mean to fall in love with you, given your circumstances, but I have found it impossible to repress my feelings. They seemed ready to burst out during a ball or something, and I thought perhaps it would be better to tell you honestly how I felt in a deserted location like this park.”
Was the park really deserted? Elizabeth hoped so; it had not even occurred to her, she was so angry, that they might be overheard. She darted her eyes over the entirety of the park and was relieved to see that nobody else was there that early in the morning.
The colonel would not stop talking; he said, “And I thought, if I told you honestly how I felt, you never know, you might like me better?”
“Better than Mr Darcy? You surely must be joking this time.” Elizabeth made a scoffing sound, liked how rude it was, and did it again. She was beside herself that the colonel would not stop following her and would not stop speaking!
“Should I insist that he stop?” Roberts asked.
Elizabeth looked into the young man’s pale, anxious face, and she immediately felt that he might not fare too well attempting to fight the colonel. She calmed down enough to soothe him.
At that moment, a beloved voice called her by her Christian name for the very first time. “Elizabeth! Are you well? Richard? Good Lord, what has happened?”
She looked up, saw Mr Darcy’s concerned face, and flung herself into his arms; she promptly burst into tears.