CHAPTER 4 #2
Cameron seemed to take it all in stride. Maybe because of their pending separation. Even if they attempted the long-distance thing, they wouldn’t have ordinary moments like these anymore. Anthony treasured them.
His boyfriend seemed to be having similar thoughts. “It’s nice to have some alone time,” Cameron said wistfully. “Nothing against Omar,” he added hurriedly. “It’s just… I haven’t seen much of you lately.”
“What? We see each other every day!”
“Yeah, but only at school. I understand that you’ve wanted to be there for him, but even before Mamani died… I can’t remember the last time we spent a weekend together. I’m not complaining. I just want to understand. Are you avoiding me?”
Anthony pressed his lips together. He hadn’t intentionally been avoiding Cameron, but as he’d learned over the past couple of years, his mind could be a very mysterious place.
So he posed the same question to himself internally, the answer swiftly surfacing.
The weekends were the only opportunity to be himself.
That meant wearing makeup and nail polish.
The sort of things that Cameron didn’t find attractive, no matter how supportive he might be.
School days were different. Thanks to Troy and Principal Preckwinkle, the options for self-expression were limited, so at the moment, Anthony looked very much the way he had when they’d first met.
Like a boy. He didn’t have to worry what Cameron thought about his appearance.
The choice had been taken from him. And that made things easier. For their relationship, at least.
Anthony slowed at a stop sign, and when he didn’t see any cars behind him in the rear-view mirror, kept his foot on the brake. He didn’t want to get into complicated explanations or delve into difficult terrain. He simply wanted to be together. “Let’s skip first period.”
Cameron blinked. “And do what?”
“My parents aren’t home. And you aren’t student council president anymore. So who cares if we get in trouble for being late?”
Cameron grinned. “Let’s skip the whole day.”
Anthony grimaced. That level of freedom would make him want to fully decompress, which meant being his true self. Still wanting to avoid complications, he chose a lesser reason. “Mr. Finnegan will notice if I’m not there second period, and I don’t want to let him down.”
“Or make him feel like we’re taking advantage of his friendship,” Cameron said with a nod of understanding. “In that case, we better hurry, because I want every second with you I can get.”
Anthony smiled and took two right turns. Once he had parked in his driveway, Cameron began kissing him, as if they were going to do it right there in the car. Maybe they would have, if the chilly weather hadn’t seeped in.
“Let’s go inside,” Cameron suggested. “I wanna see you naked.”
Anthony felt a jolt of anxiety. Why couldn’t this be easy?
Cameron adjusted himself before getting out of the car.
Never mind! His motivation had returned.
Anthony would simply focus on his boyfriend instead of on himself.
They chased each other inside. Cameron began climbing the stairs. Anthony yanked on his hand to stop him.
“My parents aren’t home,” he repeated.
Cameron glanced at the living room. Then he grinned. “Kinky!”
Anthony led him to the couch, undid Cameron’s jeans, and pushed him back so he would sit. Then he got on his knees. He would have been happy to remain there, if not for his boyfriend’s reciprocal interest. What he wouldn’t give for a one-sided relationship!
Cameron stood and began stripping off his clothes, nodding at him while he did so. “You too.”
Anthony undressed while refusing to glance down at himself, focusing instead on his boyfriend’s reaction, because the way Cameron looked at him made Anthony feel beautiful.
A moment later, as his fingers wove through thick brown hair, he lost himself in pleasure while keeping his eyes closed.
He only opened them again when he felt lips touch his own.
“It’s been a while,” Cameron said meaningfully. “Do you think we can…”
“Yes!” Anthony breathed. “Um… Just give me a second.”
He ran upstairs to the bathroom he no longer had to share with his brothers, now that they had both moved away, and got himself ready.
Anthony avoided the mirror, grateful that he only had to view the world from the inside out.
As he descended the stairs, Cameron stood up from the couch with a look of awe, reminding Anthony of all those hokey prom-themed episodes of his favorite television shows.
He imagined himself wearing a beautiful gown, mostly for his own amusement, although it also gave him a thrill.
He wanted to be taken like a woman, so he threw himself on the couch and reached for Cameron, who had to toss some cushions aside to make room. But once he had…
Love.
If only things could stay this way. As much as he longed for his freedom, he adored his boyfriend just as much. Anthony wanted to continue both journeys, seeing them through to completion. Love for himself, and love for another, unbound.
His thoughts became abstract as physical sensations dominated. Cameron collapsed on top of him eventually, his chest still heaving when he pushed himself up again to look him in the eye with a frenzied intensity.
“We can make this work,” he said, sounding desperate.
Anthony wasn’t sure if he meant the weekends or the upcoming move, but he nodded anyway, because in either case, he needed it to be true.