CHAPTER 15 #2
“You can’t bail now!” she cried, letting go of his hand in shock. “We need you! No matter who your real dad is, your friends are still your friends. Don’t turn your back on them. Let us be there for you! That’s the one thing you can control.”
Diego grabbed his helmet and put it on. He got back on the bike, but he didn’t reach for the handlebars. He simply sat there, the concern on Mindy’s face reflected in the helmet’s visor.
“Everything is fucked up now,” he said, his voice muffled.
“I still love you,” she said matter-of-factly. “That hasn’t changed.”
He flipped up the visor, a wet trail beneath each eye. Then he looked down at his fists, flexing them experimentally. “Thanks,” he said. “You’d make a good doctor.”
“You know where to find me,” she said, fighting against tears of her own.
Diego studied her a moment longer. Then he flipped down the visor, kicked the engine into life, and tore out of the parking lot. Mindy watched him go, wishing more than anything that she could be the one to take away his pain.
— — —
Ricky poked at his plate, devoid of appetite.
His parents were talking about work. All he could think about was how he’d hurt the person he loved most. Not intentionally.
He’d foolishly thought that he’d earn Diego’s gratitude, as if being the bearer of bad tidings would somehow make him indispensable. And now…
Everything was ruined. That’s how it felt anyway.
His mother noticed his despondence and asked about his day at school.
Why did adults ever expect that to be a welcome subject?
If she wanted to engage with him, she should’ve asked why his heart had been crushed like an aluminum can.
Not that he wanted to talk about that either.
Ricky mumbled a few things about his least boring classes.
Just enough to satisfy her. Then he went back to torturing a piece of cauliflower.
—boom, boom, boom—
The sound was slow and intentional, like someone hitting the butt of their fist against the door.
Ricky leapt up from the table.
“I’ll get it!”
He dashed for the front door and threw it open. Diego stood there, a finger looped through the plastic rings of a six-pack. As in beer. He wasn’t even trying to hide it!
“What are you doing?” Ricky asked in panic, swiftly stepping outside and shutting the door behind him.
“I need my car keys back.”
“So you can drink and drive? No way.” He threw his arms around Diego’s torso and clung to him. “You aren’t going anywhere.”
Big arms failed to wrap around him in response. Ricky squeezed tighter, unwilling to give up so easily.
“What if I promise not to drive?”
Ricky pulled back to look him in the eye. “Do you mean it?”
“Do I ever lie?”
“No. Um…” Ricky glanced toward the house. “We’re having dinner. Have you eaten yet?”
Diego grimaced. “I’ll come back some other time.”
“No! Just…” He glanced at the six-pack. If his mother came to the door and saw it, all hell would break loose. “The car is parked on the corner. I’ll meet you there.”
Diego shrugged and trudged in that direction.
Ricky darted inside, ran upstairs to get the keys, then returned to the dining room to rattle off a quick explanation.
His parents seemed relieved by his departure.
He supposed a moody teenager wasn’t the best company.
For them anyway. He was desperate to spend time with one!
Ricky hustled down the street to where he’d parked Diego’s car. His parents did not know that he had been driving Frankenstein around, and he intended to keep it that way.
“The keys,” Diego said, gesturing with his free hand.
Ricky tossed them to him. “Okay, but you promised.”
“Technically I only asked if that would be enough.”
“I will literally slash your tires,” Ricky said, brandishing his claws.
“Down, kitty,” Diego said while unlocking the door.
Ricky went around to the passenger side, unwilling to let him escape. To his relief, Diego reached over to unlock the door from the inside. What pleased him less was when his boyfriend cracked open a beer.
“What are you doing?”
“Relax,” Diego said. “I’m home for the night.”
He was wearing the same clothes as yesterday, which had a few implications. Ricky watched the strong neck convulse as Diego chugged half the beer down. He waited for those cinnamon eyes to seek him out, but Diego’s attention remained on the world beyond the windshield.
“Are you mad at me?” Ricky asked with a swallow.
Diego thought about it before replying. “Nah.”
“Then how come you’ve been avoiding me?”
“I don’t know. Maybe because I feel…” Diego shook his head. “Self-conscious, I guess.”
“About what?”
“Everything! My entire fucking identity is wrapped up in a lie! The car I drive? The business I’ve busted my ass running?
Even that stupid jacket I used to wear. All of it was to keep my father’s legacy alive.
Point me out at school. Ask anyone who I am.
They’ll tell you I’m the guy whose dad blew his brains out.
Except that isn’t true anymore. I feel like a fraud, and I hate fake people.
So it’s weird being around you now, because whatever you saw in me, it’s all bullshit. ”
“I didn’t fall in love with you because of your dad,” Ricky responded.
“You sure about that?” Diego challenged. “You’re just one in a long line of people who got off on the idea of fixing me.”
“Then it’s my lucky day,” Ricky shot back, “because now you’re even more broken than before. I’m rock hard right now!”
Diego finally looked at him. Then he laughed.
Ricky did too. “I don’t love you because I have rescuer’s syndrome or anything like that.
It’s mostly because you’re super-hot, and fortunately, that hasn’t changed.
” He scooted closer. “I also like your sense of integrity, the way you see the world, and all the cool stuff you can do, like repairing cars. And for the record, loving someone means wanting to help them when they’re down.
Even if that did somehow draw me to you in the first place, I refuse to feel bad, because what’s wrong with caring about other people? ”
“Nothing,” Diego said, his voice raw. “That’s one of the reasons I fell in love with you.”
“So we’re okay,” Ricky stated. He slid his hand beneath Diego’s, mindful of his injuries. Mindy had told him everything. So had Cameron. Nobody was in competition with each other. They all wanted the best for him. “Now talk to me so I don’t have to pester you with questions.”
“I haven’t figured much out,” Diego said after taking another swig. “I’m done with my mom. That’s for sure. After everything she put me through when I was growing up… This was the final straw. I never want to see her again.”
“Where will you live?”
Diego shook his head. “I don’t know. The garage makes me think of my dad.
” He gritted his teeth. “That’s gonna be a hard habit to break.
Anyway, the auto shop and the apartment above it…
those things belonged to Lorenzo. So did this car.
It’s like I can’t get away from him.” He rested a wrist on top of the steering wheel, clutching a sweating can.
“Maybe I’ll trade it in for a van. That’ll kill two birds with one stone.
I’ll have a fresh set of wheels that don’t make me think of him and a place to live. ”
“But I love this car!” Ricky said before he could stop himself.
“Yeah,” Diego replied with a heavy sigh. “I do too.”
“Are you going to give me a ride to school tomorrow?”
“If you want.”
“And are you actually going to go?”
“What would be the point?”
Ricky shrugged. “Maybe it’ll help you figure things out.”
Diego scoffed. “I don’t think there’s a class that teaches you what to do when you find out you’re illegitimate.”
“Nothing has to change.”
“Yeah it does.” Diego spat. “My mom is as good as dead to me now. And I’m sure as hell not moving to El Paso to open a shop in my fake dad’s name. That would be pathetic.”
“He did love you though.”
“I guess.”
“And you loved him.”
“Sure, but you know what always confused me?” Diego shifted to face him, the shadows heavy on his features.
“I could never figure out why my dad did this to us. What could be so bad that he’d be willing to kill himself, leaving his wife and kid behind to suffer?
That’s why I always wanted to see the note, to make sense of it all, because if he did love me, and I loved him back enough, then he sure as fuck should have found the strength to stick around.
Well, now I know why he didn’t. His wife was a cheating bitch and his son was the bastard child of a brother he hated for some reason.
So yeah, I loved him, but fuck that guy!
I hope he rots in hell. That’s what I told him last night when I took a piss on his grave! ”
Diego opened another beer and chugged it down.
Ricky didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t imagine his own mother or father ever abandoning him.
Unless they had to give their lives to save his.
He suddenly wished he was still sitting at the dinner table with them.
He wouldn’t be annoyed when they showed an interest in his life.
In fact, he would welcome the intrusion.
“Maybe my parents can adopt you,” he blurted out.
Diego considered him. “That would make us brothers.”
“Sounds kinky!”
“Sounds gross. Besides, losing myself in someone else’s family won’t help. I need to figure out who I am.” Diego snorted. “Seventeen years old and I’m having a goddamn identity crisis.”
“You should talk to Dr. Sharma,” Ricky suggested. “She’s great at this sort of thing.”
“I don’t like shrinks.”
“Or maybe you do,” Ricky said. “Who knows? You’re having an identity crisis.”
Diego laughed. “You’re a mischievous little shit.”
“That’s right. You taught me everything I know.”
Ricky glanced over his shoulder, worried that his mother would come to investigate. If she did and smelled the booze on Diego’s breath, it wouldn’t go down well.
“I better get inside. Do you promise not to drive while you’re drunk? For real this time.”
“I promise,” Diego said. “I’ll still be here in the morning.”
“You can’t sleep in your car! I’ll sneak you up to my room.”
Diego shook his head. “Bad idea. I’m a mess. Do you really wanna explain to your parents, in the middle of the night, why some drunk psychopath is punching holes in your drywall? I don’t trust myself right now.”
Ricky pressed his lips together. “Then maybe you should give me your keys.”
Diego sighed and handed them over.
Ricky smooched him. “We’ll get through this. Together. Okay?”
Diego didn’t look convinced.
“Are you hungry?”
“I just wanna crash. I’m so damn tired.”
Ricky went back inside the house but was unable to relax. The mental image of Diego sleeping in his car made him sad. So he decided to do something about it.
An hour later, he ambled down the sidewalk again, his arms loaded up with blankets and pillows.
Diego rolled down the window. “Are those for me?”
Ricky shook his head. “They’re for us.”
“Your mom will freak if she notices that your bed is empty.”
“She already knows. I asked her if it would be okay. It’s no different than wanting to camp in the backyard, really. She said it would be fine if you stayed the night, if you’d prefer that instead. Either way, you’re stuck with me.”
Diego glanced toward the house. Then he tilted his head toward the passenger-side door. “Get in.”
He scurried around the car while clutching the bedding and felt a burst of relief that almost made him cry. Diego wouldn’t be alone tonight. Neither would he. Ricky couldn’t offer any solutions, but at least they’d have each other.