CHAPTER 34 #2
He thought of the way that Diego had attacked Graham and the others—how suspect the timing was.
Diego hadn’t done so shortly after Anthony had been assaulted, or after Graham had gotten him and Ricky into trouble.
Only once Diego had ached with the loss of a father he never knew did he finally lash out.
Anthony was certain that wouldn’t be the end of it.
Graham and the others would get their revenge.
Or maybe they had already taken out their anger on some undeserving target, who would in turn do something terrible to another.
“In other words,” Mr. Finnegan said gravely, “a vicious cycle. The solution to this crisis can be found in what we choose to do with our pain. Take for instance a woman who escapes an abusive relationship. She might then volunteer her time to helping other victims of domestic violence. You’re right that these things tend to cascade, creating a chain of cruelty, but all it takes is one strong link to change the narrative.
Even if you can’t help your so-called worst enemy, you can ensure hostility goes no further by redirecting the negativity into something positive.
Creation and destruction, much like love and hate, are two sides of the same coin. You must simply flip the script.”
Anthony made a face. “Easy as that?”
Mr. Finnegan’s smile was patient. “I never said it would be easy. Now if you don’t mind circling back around to the beginning of this conversation, I really would like to know… Are you okay?”
Anthony thought about it and nodded, no longer feeling helpless.
He had the potential to become the golden link in a rusted chain.
How that would manifest he wasn’t sure. Perhaps in a multitude of ways.
From now on, he promised himself to no longer perpetuate pain, but instead to find a way to redirect it into the healing that so many people needed. Including himself.
— — —
Lights were flashing from all directions, accompanied by the sound of digitized roars and explosions, but none of it could capture Cameron’s attention.
Not like his boyfriend did. They had begun the evening at Turing’s Tokens, the local arcade where they’d had their first date, which they intended to recreate.
Almost as if they hoped to avoid the swiftly approaching conclusion of their relationship by circling back around to the beginning, creating an infinite loop.
Anthony gave one last roll on a Skee-Ball machine before turning toward him with a questioning expression.
Blonde hair framed his delicate features.
He was so pretty. The word suited him, even now, when he wasn’t wearing makeup.
Cameron kept resisting the urge to tell him it was all right, that he should do whatever made him happy, but he understood this was a gift.
And perhaps, another nod to those early days.
“Where did we go next?” Anthony asked. “Out to eat?”
“Yeah. At the vegetarian place. And then we went to the movies.”
Anthony studied him, his green eyes lingering on Cameron’s lips. “Can we skip to the part where we had our first kiss?”
“You’re not hungry?”
Anthony merely smiled.
That was all the answer he needed. On their way out, they gave the tickets they had accumulated to a random kid, just as they had done before. Then they began the walk back to their neighborhood, Cameron craning his neck theatrically.
Anthony caught on and laughed. “You are not looking for another junk pile!”
“You need a second nightstand to make it a pair. I was hoping to get lucky again.”
“Oh, I can guarantee that,” Anthony said ruefully. “Unless you make us go dumpster diving.”
Cameron sighed in mock frustration. They laughed over old memories, their locked hands swinging gleefully, like children on a playground. They had known each other’s touch for well over a year now. And yet, that still wasn’t enough. Cameron never wanted it to end.
“Can we stop by your place on the way?” Anthony asked. “I should have used the restroom before we left.”
“Sure. I have to go too, and I don’t remember peeing under the willow tree together on our first date.”
They turned the corner. Cameron’s stomach sank, like it always did when he saw the “sold” sign in his yard.
His mother had found them a new place to live in Lewiston, a small house with a shed out back that he could use as his shop.
She assured him that they’d be very happy in their new life.
He didn’t see how that was possible, but he would try. For her.
Once inside, Anthony darted up the stairs.
Cameron headed for the guest bathroom on the ground floor, making a detour when he heard a sound in the kitchen.
He found his mother sitting at the table with her back to him, her fingers woven through the brown hair on either side of her head.
Cameron went rigid when he noticed the bottle of wine.
“Mom! What are you doing?”
“Oh!” She twisted around to face him. “You’re back already?”
“We just popped in for a bathroom break,” he said, walking over to look down at a half-empty wine glass. “How many have you had?”
“Oh stop.”
“Have you been crying?”
Brenda raised a shaky finger. “Don’t start with me! I’m under a lot of pressure! Or maybe I’m celebrating. I don’t know anymore.”
He slid down into a chair. “What are you talking about?”
She took a deep breath. “I got a new job.”
“That’s great!” he said. “With a real estate agency?”
“Sort of.” His mother shook her head, as if overwhelmed. “I aimed high. Just like I did when pricing this house. I figured it couldn’t do any harm, but somehow they decided to hire me, of all people. I’m going to be a city economic development officer.”
Cameron scrunched up his face. “What’s that?”
“I’m supposed to revitalize Lewiston.” His mother grimaced.
“You know how most of the textile mills there have closed? What if they were repurposed as business studios, or trendy lofts? I thought it would be nice if one was used as a local history museum. They seemed especially impressed by that idea. How I would make any of that actually happen is a mystery to me. I’m in over my head, Cameron. ”
“You’ve got this,” he assured her. “I’m always a little spooked when I start a new project. You just have to keep going and feel things out along the way. You’re going to be amazing.”
“I hope you’re right. The pay is good. The only catch is—” She placed a hand over his. “Don’t panic, but they want me to start on Monday.”
“In two days?” he asked in disbelief.
“No. Next week, on the sixteenth. That means the movers will be here on Wednesday—”
“I’m not done packing yet!”
She nodded. “The packers are coming before then. With my new salary, we can afford them now.”
“What about prom?”
“You can still go,” she assured him. “You just need to find a friend to stay with. I’ll drive up to Maine on my own. I leave on Thursday morning.” His mother reached for her glass.
Cameron was quicker. “I don’t think that’s going to help.”
“I won’t be drinking on the way up!”
“I mean at all!”
She sighed. “You have no idea how hard it is to start a new life at my age.”
“You have no idea how hard it is at mine!”
They glowered at each other, neither of them truly angry. But he was concerned. “Please, Mom. You’ve done so good. I know you’re going through a lot, but we’ll face it together. Okay? You don’t need to drink.”
“You’re right.” She sighed, leaning back. “Take it away.”
He walked the bottle to the sink.
“Don’t pour it out!” she said when realizing what he intended. “That was expensive. Share it with Anthony.”
He blinked. “Really?”
“Why not? Hey, do you think his parents would let you stay with them until the end of the school year? We can always fly you up when you’re ready.”
“They might,” he said. “Are you sure you can make the drive on your own? It’s a long one.”
She waved a hand dismissively. “I’ll be fine.”
“Why don’t you fly to Maine? I’ll drive instead.”
Brenda shook her head. “There’s too much I need to take with me. An entire wardrobe. Oh, I’m so nervous! Why did I do this to myself?”
Because she wanted more than a broken marriage and the same job in a different town.
“I’m proud of you, Mom.”
“Thanks, hon.”
They heard the stairs creak. Anthony was on his way down. “Enjoy your evening.”
“I will.”
He grabbed two glasses and met Anthony in the entryway, who noticed what he was carrying.
“What’s that?”
“A treat.”
Anthony waited until they were back outside before pointing out the obvious. “The bottle is already open.”
“You’ve gotta let it breathe,” Cameron replied, playing it down. Or at least he tried to.
“Was your mom drinking?”
“Yeah.”
“Is everything okay?”
“I don’t know.”
Anthony didn’t press the subject. They walked in silence to a willow tree that was sacred to them both. Cameron handed Anthony the bottle and glasses. “Be right back. I forgot to pee.”
“How could you forget?”
Cameron didn’t offer an explanation. He walked deeper into the field, his mind racing as he took care of business.
The drive to Maine was one thing. His mother would be under a lot of pressure once she got there.
Just like tonight, she would be tempted to drink.
And if that cost her the new job, he doubted it would be a wake-up call.
Failure was more likely to push her over the brink.
Cameron returned to the willow tree with a heavy heart, parting the curtain of leaves with his arm and sitting next to Anthony with their backs to the trunk. “Here,” he said, reaching for the bottle. “I’ll pour.”
“Why don’t we talk first?” Anthony suggested, setting it and the glasses aside.
Cameron exhaled. “I’m worried about my mom.” He explained everything as best he could, not holding back, his boyfriend’s face becoming increasingly drawn. “I’m sure she’ll be fine,” he said at the end, wanting it to be true.
Anthony nodded in understanding, but not in agreement, as it turned out. “Go ahead and say it. I won’t be mad.”
“She needs me,” Cameron croaked in apology.
“I know.”
“You must hate me.”
Anthony shook his head. “This is why I love you.”
Cameron searched his eyes, seeing that it was true. “But you know what this means. Prom—”
“—isn’t as important as making sure that your mom is okay.”
Cameron felt a surge of gratitude. And an ache of realization. The end was even closer now. He wrapped himself possessively around Anthony’s arm, not wanting to ever give him up, a sob breaking free.
“So this is it?” he asked.
“I don’t think it’ll ever be over,” Anthony replied. “Not inside our hearts.”
Cameron shifted to kiss him, leaves shivering as the branches around them swayed. Anthony was right. Part of him would always be here, in this sanctuary, reliving this moment again and again for an eternity of love.