CHAPTER 36 #2
“I already do,” Silvia said, but not dismissively.
“We were each other’s firsts.” The memory of how sweet he had been in that moment, and how understanding he’d been afterwards, was a bridge back to him emotionally.
“But I wouldn’t mind a little more.” She’d rather meet his inevitable enthusiasm for the dance instead of dampening it with disappointment, no matter how inconvenient it was for her.
She only had one lingering doubt. “Can you help me pick out a dress? I’m terrible at this sort of thing. ”
“So am I,” Sharon said while unbuckling her seatbelt. “But between the two of us, I’m sure we can manage.”
— — —
They gathered outside Cameron’s house in the early morning light.
Anthony hung back, wishing they could be alone.
Then again, over the past few months, they’d stolen every moment they could.
Including last night. They had shared Anthony’s bed, and the shower in the morning, unwilling to part for one second longer than necessary. Now that time had come.
Anthony watched Mindy, in tears, throw her arms around Cameron. Ricky stood nearby, his eyes just as wet. That he had feelings for him was a poorly kept secret. Anthony didn’t begrudge anyone for loving Cameron. He did wonder, however, how Ricky’s boyfriend felt about it all.
“Stop staring at me,” Diego grumbled.
“I can’t help it. You really know how to fill out a T-shirt.”
“Your boyfriend isn’t even over state lines yet and you’re already shopping around?”
Anthony shook his head. “Nobody could take his place. Believe me.”
“For real,” Diego said, his tone softening. “This sucks.”
He walked away to comfort Ricky, who was weeping openly now.
Anthony watched the way he wrapped an arm around his boyfriend’s neck to pull him close.
Ricky clung to him, Diego’s hand moving up and down his back.
He didn’t seem jealous or possessive. The openly expressed affection was almost surreal.
So much had changed since he had parted ways with his former friend.
They’d all done some growing up. And found people to love.
In more than one way. Diego clasped hands with Cameron.
“I sure am going to miss that boy,” Keisha said when ambling over.
“I feel like I can’t breathe,” Anthony replied.
“Don’t worry, I’m sure he’ll give you CPR before he goes.”
He managed a laugh while watching Whitney pretend to cast a spell on Cameron. David stood at her side, smoothing down his mustache.
“I’m glad so many people came to say goodbye to him.”
“He’s an easy man to love,” Keisha replied.
“That’s true, but I could’ve used more time. Just to make sure I got it right.”
“You have a rough ride ahead of you, hon. Heartbreak is a bitch.”
“Yeah. It is. Sorry about Hope.”
“So am I,” Keisha said. “I’m done chasing. The next woman will have to throw herself at me.”
“I’m not that proud,” he replied. “If I’m ever ready to date again, I’ll literally fling myself at the guy. I might even take a running start.”
Keisha laughed. “I could spin you around like a shot put so you really gain momentum.”
She took his hands and began swinging him in a circle. And it worked! Sort of.
“Whoa!” Omar said, catching him by the shoulders so he wouldn’t collide with Silvia. “Maybe you should have taken dance lessons from me instead of your boyfriend.”
Anthony’s stomach lurched, and it had nothing to do with momentum. “He what?”
“You have such a big mouth,” Silvia chided.
Anthony’s chin quivered. “He was going to dance with me?”
“Maybe you could go to prom with someone else,” Omar said, clearly trying to do damage control. He glanced around, desperately seeking a new suitor. “Uh… Galen! He’s cool.”
And straight. Anthony wasn’t interested in moving on anyway. But he did regret that he wouldn’t get to wear his dress.
“I’m not doing anything on Saturday,” Keisha said, “if you want someone to hang out and commiserate with.”
“That would be nice,” he replied.
“You guys could go to the dance together!” Omar suggested. “You’ve got tickets already, right?”
“While it’s true that we’re both gay,” Keisha drawled, “there’s one little flaw in your plan.”
“I get that,” Omar replied, “but if you’re going to be together on prom night anyway, why not go? That way we can all hang out.”
Keisha exchanged a glance with Silvia. “I wouldn’t want to impose.”
“I’d love it!” Anthony said.
Keisha perked up. “Then consider it official.”
“Sweet!” Omar bumped elbows with him.
The mood instantly became more somber when Cameron approached with his mother. Anthony’s friends wished them well before joining the others, giving them space.
“I’m so sorry about this whole mess!” Brenda said when hugging him.
“It’s fine,” Anthony assured her. “Just don’t be surprised if I show up on your doorstep next week.”
She smiled. “You’re more than welcome. Thank your parents again for the hospitality.”
Anthony had come up with the idea after the movers took away all their furniture. Brenda had stayed in his brother’s old room. They’d all had dinner together, making it easy to pretend that he and Cameron had gotten married. For one night, they’d been one big happy family.
“I’ll wait in the car,” Brenda said. “Take your time, boys.”
They watched her retreat, unwilling to make eye contact, because when they did… Everything they felt for each other was right there on the surface.
“I guess this is it,” Cameron said.
Anthony’s throat constricted. “I don’t want it to be.”
“We could always change the plan.” His blue eyes were searching. “But I also want you to be free.”
“It’s what I need,” Anthony said, his voice strained.
“But not what I want. Shit.” He rubbed at his eyes, thinking that it would at least smear his makeup in the way he preferred, before he remembered he wasn’t wearing any.
School was his next destination. This time he wouldn’t feel as powerful when walking the halls.
“I will always love you,” Cameron said, as if reading these thoughts. “No matter how much time and distance comes between us.”
Anthony was at a loss for words. He threw himself into those strong arms and sobbed, barely managing to get out the word he most needed to speak. “Always.”
Cameron kissed him like it was the last time, Anthony’s heart aching with the realization that it was. They would never be these same people again. Yes, the memories would remain with them the rest of their lives, but that’s all they would be. A reflection of the past.
“Don’t go!”
Anthony didn’t say these words aloud, because he knew it wouldn’t be fair. He wanted to fall to his knees and beg for him to stay. Instead he took a step back, watching as his fingers slid off Cameron’s chest before finally breaking contact. And just like that, it was over.
“Drive safe.”
“I will.” Cameron eyed him a moment longer. Then he turned and walked away.
Anthony joined the others as they stood next to the driveway and watched a station wagon pull away. Cameron, incredibly handsome, endearingly sweet, raised a hand in parting. Anthony did the same. Then he was gone.
“You all right, man?” Omar asked, shielding him from view. Which was good, because of course everyone was looking in his direction.
Anthony considered the empty house where Cameron had once lived. Already it all seemed like a dream. How fortunate he was to have been the dreamer.
“I’ll be okay,” he said, which seemed like the fairest answer, because it didn’t betray his current state. He was a mess inside. But if anyone was worth the ache he felt, it was Cameron.