Chapter 5 #4
“Very well…then let us go back to last April. This is the part that Jane already knows…”
An hour later, rain was falling angrily, and wind blew against the windows, but Elizabeth’s heart was light and her spirits again high. Countless questions, exclamations, and expressions of disbelief from her astonished sister and aunt accompanied her tormented story.
She spoke without restraint, confessing the storm of feelings she endured.
She blamed herself, accused Darcy, and then found excuses for him and more blame for herself.
The only part left out was Miss Darcy’s attempted elopement.
But all the details of Wickham’s deceptive character and the compensation he had received from Darcy, as well as her own foolishness in trusting such an undeserving man, were openly discussed.
Jane was astounded to discover Darcy’s involvement in Lydia’s situation, and Mrs Gardiner told them again of her embarrassment that they were to receive gratitude they did not deserve while being unable to disclose their real saviour.
“But dear Lizzy, why does Mr Darcy want to keep such complete secrecy, at least from Papa?” Jane inquired. “He must allow us to reward him with our deepest thanks at least.”
“I spoke to him…we met in the woods when I went for a walk…he was riding…I asked him, and he said it was his fault that he did not expose Wickham earlier…and that it was his duty to settle the situation…”
“It is unfair for him to take such a burden on himself,” Jane cried.
“I agree, but he refused to accept any other opinion. He said our gratitude was neither needed nor wanted…”
“Lizzy, would you like to know what I believe?” Mrs Gardiner intervened.
“Of course…”
“I am certain that Mr Darcy did not want you to know because he feared you would feel obliged to him. Gratitude is not what he hoped to hear from you. I do not doubt his generosity and sense of duty, but I strongly believe everything he did for us at Pemberley and for Lydia in London was done for your sake.”
“Aunt is right, Lizzy. I believe the same. Oh, dearest Lizzy, he must love you still! He must wish to marry you, despite everything. That is why he has frequently declared his admiration for you in so many ways.”
“I admit that I have hope. I think of little else but that. I know he would be my chance of happiness. It is not his fortune or his situation. It is…him. I never thought this could be so powerful, so painful, so tormenting…thinking of him, I mean. And when he held my hand…I have had my hand touched many times before, but I have never sensed anything like this. Am I ridiculous? You may laugh at me if you want…”
“You are not ridiculous, my dearest, you are just in love,” Mrs Gardiner answered.
“And that makes me so happy, Lizzy, as I know he is the man you deserve and the only one who could make you truly happy. At Pemberley, both your uncle and I quickly guessed Mr Darcy’s admiration for you.
It was obvious, and he never attempted to conceal it.
But we were uncertain of your opinion. We know how much you disliked him in the past, and we feared you could not return his affection.
And I was so sad. I feared you might lose a man so perfectly matched to you or—even worse—that you might guess his feelings and be tempted to encourage an attachment for all the wrong reasons.
It pleases me so much to see your distress, your sweet tears of love… ”
“I am glad my torment makes someone happy, Aunt.” Elizabeth laughed, wiping her eyes. “I feel like a fool, but I am not ashamed of it anymore. I hope your confidence will prove correct.”
“But Lizzy, how can you still have doubts?” Jane asked. “Above all the other proofs, he asked you for the first set at the ball. His intentions are clear to me. Did he not say anything when you were alone?”
Elizabeth’s eyes moistened with tears again—tears of joy.
“I think he wanted to say something…he started, but Mr Bingley arrived at that very moment and interrupted us. And we have had no chance since then to finish our discussion. But now that I have spoken with you, I see that you must be right. After misjudging him so, perhaps it is time to have faith and patience. Dear aunt, how can I thank you for your understanding and care? If you could only know how grateful I am to you for always comforting us when we need you.”
Mrs Gardiner smiled and caressed her hair. “My darling, just like Mr Darcy, I do not want your gratitude.”
“Oh, Lizzy, just imagine when I am married to Charles and you are married to Mr Darcy. It is more than I would ever have hoped. This happiness is just too much. I feel I might cry now…” Jane whispered.
“Jane, let us not hurry. You are the one who will soon open the road to blissful marriage. Mr Darcy and I shall hopefully learn from you.” Elizabeth embraced her sister.
“I only hope Mama will not suspect anything about Mr Darcy. She has already asked me about him, and I succeeded in calming her a little.”
“You should forget about that wish, my dear. Everybody in attendance will suspect something when they see you dance the first set.” Mrs Gardiner laughed affectionately. “But hopefully, you will have some news to share by then.”