Chapter 3 #2
“Bingley, the mere fact that one has an inclination towards a person, does not imply that a person must respond and reciprocate it. I am not as easily attracted to people as you are–ladies or men.”
“I understand that; I am not a simpleton. Please do not lecture me; come with me if you want; I will see you at the stables.”
Half an hour later they were galloping across Netherfield’s grounds. The weather was cold and cloudy; a soft but chill wind was blowing, brushing their faces.
Bingley took a path through the wood that Darcy immediately recognised as the one leading to Oakham Mount; in a heartbeat, Elizabeth’s image filled his mind and he even glanced around for her.
She was not there, but he could sense her presence even in her absence.
The notion sent chills down his spine, while his stallion raced along.
What was happening to him? He did not recognise his own feelings and feared he could not control them.
That was disturbing, shattering his comfort.
He had always been in control of his feelings, behaviours and even his thoughts.
His reason was always stronger than his wishes, even when he was a child.
He knew what was expected from him and never stepped over the line.
Suddenly, in the wilds of Hertfordshire, a revelation startled him. The only thing that had always been missing from his life was feelings; that inclination that made Bingley smile so much and act silly at times. That sense that gripped one’s stomach and disturbed one’s sleep and tranquillity.
He had read about it, heard it talked of by his eldest cousins, even by his parents.
But he had never experienced it and was certain he never would.
But then, why did he delay doing the only thing that was still expected of him–entering into a marriage appropriate for his family name and situation, with a lady worthy of the position of Mrs Darcy?
There were many ladies he could have chosen, including his cousin Anne.
Why had he silently opposed taking that step for so long?
What was he expecting? What was he missing and what did he wish to have?
And could all those secret desires come together and overwhelm him now, in the person of a country girl, who by anyone’s judgment was so far below any other woman he knew?
She was the most enchanting person that he had ever met.
And he had only spoken to her a handful of times, he had barely had time to judge her, to be certain of her character.
And he did not even need that; he was simply charmed.
Defeated. It was a trap set by his self-imposed reserve, hidden weakness and concealed wishes, and he had already fallen into it. .
He needed to depart from the object of his torment more than Bingley needed to do so.
To Bingley, Miss Bennet’s shortcomings were less powerful than her strengths.
To him, Miss Elizabeth’s wit, beauty, and liveliness meant little compared to her family’s lack of manners, situation and connections.
Bingley might choose to even marry Miss Jane Bennet.
It would be his decision, his mistake, his misfortune.
Darcy was forbidden by his duty and his responsibilities to even think of marrying Miss Elizabeth Bennet.
He had no choice but to remove himself as far from her as possible.
“Darcy, do you believe Miss Bennet has no affection for me?” Bingley unexpectedly drew him out of his musing.
“Bingley, I have no intention to pain you but my affection and consideration for you demand I speak openly and honestly. I have not observed any particular inclination from Miss Bennet towards any man of our acquaintance, and I have seen no sign that she holds you in special regard.”
“You did not hear her speaking to me, nor did you feel how she held my hand,” Bingley responded sadly.
Darcy was not indifferent to his friend’s distress.
“True. Which is why you must understand this is only my perception and my opinion. I cannot claim to be in possession of the absolute truth. However, the lack of decorum in some of the Bennets' behaviour can hardly be argued.”
“I shall not contradict the obvious, Darcy. But she is flawless.”
“I agree. And perhaps you should base your evaluation on your own judgement. This way you will have nobody else to blame, regardless of what decision you might take.”
“You are right. But I have rarely been right when I have argued with you. This is why I value your opinion. However, I am sure you are wrong about Miss Bennet.”
“If I gather more information to prove me wrong, I will readily admit it.”
“Very well. You will see I am right if you meet them more often. Mr Bennet is a very peculiar gentleman. He seems well-read and well-educated. And very much inclined to tease people and to make sport at their expense–which makes him dangerous at times.”
Darcy laughed at his friend’s deep sigh.
“I have barely spoken to Mr Bennet at all, but your description sounds intriguing. I should make an effort to become better acquainted with the gentleman–and his eldest daughter.”
“Well, you seem to favour Miss Elizabeth. Am I wrong in my observation?” Bingley asked daringly.
Darcy struggled to sound light. “You are not. And based on your description, I might say Miss Elizabeth resembles her father in some aspects. So I might favour him too.”
“Luckily she does not resemble him in appearance,” Bingley responded and Darcy concealed his laughter. “But I am quite sure you will appreciate Mr Bennet’s company. He has a small library, yet neat and rich in books from what I noticed.”
They rode along until Longbourn appeared in their sights. Bingley glanced at Darcy undecidedly, then at Longbourn, then at his friend again.
“We may call on the Bennets if you wish,” Darcy heard himself telling Bingley, who happily approved.
“Of course I wish; and I hope you will enjoy yourself too,” Bingley replied, spurring on his horse.
Darcy followed his eager friend, torn between his reasoning and the impulse of his heart. Under the sound of the horses’ hooves and the blowing wind, he realised that any resolution he took regarding Miss Elizabeth Bennet lasted no longer than a breath.
∞∞∞
Longbourn was already animated when the two gentlemen arrived and asked for Mr Bennet. Bingley’s arrival caused Jane to blush, while Darcy’s presence distressed Elizabeth without her understanding why.
His dark gaze stirred her and his usual aloof countenance made her uncomfortable. During their short greeting, he seemed to stare at her and she instantly wondered what was wrong with her appearance. Even if it was nothing, he would surely find something with which to reproach her.
And then, as before, a small smile appeared, crushed between his lips and a dimple brightened his face.
She felt her cheeks and neck burning and grew angry with herself for her silliness.
Never before had she felt so clumsy and so uneasy in a man’s presence; she knew she must dislike him, but the feeling was so strong and so strange that it troubled her every time they met.
“We apologise for intruding. We were taking a ride and Darcy suggested we briefly call and greet you. We will not stay long,” Bingley said.
“Mr Darcy suggested?” Mrs Bennet cried. “He is all politeness, I must admit. Please do come in, Mr Bennet will be happy to see you. He is in the library; I will send for him.”
“I hope we will not disturb him.” Darcy said, glancing at Elizabeth. She blushed again and averted her eyes, then replied, “Not at all, I am sure.”
Her annoyance with herself grew along with her strange uneasiness in Darcy’s presence.
“Indeed, he will welcome your visit,” Mrs Bennet interjected. “He is speaking to his cousin who arrived a few days ago. Mr Collins, a clergyman in Hunsford. But I am sure Mr Bennet has had enough of talking to him.”
“Hunsford? That is very close to Darcy’s aunt’s estate, Rosings, is it not, Darcy? He must know Lady Catherine,” Bingley replied, attempting to advance the conversation while taking a seat in the drawing room.
At this, Mrs Bennet became increasingly animated. “Lady Catherine is your aunt? Dear Lord, he spoke of her the entire evening and morning. He seems truly in awe of the woman. I am sure she is an extraordinary lady. We already know everything about her and her daughter.”
“I am sorry to hear that,” Darcy responded and Elizabeth looked at him in surprise. He noticed and added, “I am sorry Mr Collins monopolised the conversation with only one subject. I have not had the pleasure of meeting him.”
“I am sure you will soon, but do not anticipate any enjoyment from the meeting,” Mrs Bennet mumbled, loud enough for her daughters to blush in embarrassment and for Darcy to show another smile.
“Mr Bingley, Jane has just received an invitation to tea from Miss Bingley,” Mrs Bennet said moments later.
“Yes, my sister informed me she planned to invite Miss Bennet,” Bingley replied, his eyes meeting Jane’s distressed expression. “I hope you will have a pleasant time.”
“I am sure I will,” Jane replied.
The sound of footsteps and voices approaching drove their attention to the open door.
“Mr Collins, are you sure your business allows you such a long absence?” Mr Bennet was asking his guest.
“My dear Mr Bennet, I assure you that I am very honoured by your reception and I have no reason to be hasty with my return. Lady Catherine specifically mentioned that I should stay as long as needed to accomplish my purpose,” Mr Collins spoke breathlessly from the effort of walking.
Laying eyes on the guests, he stopped, while Mr Bennet moved forward, showing more pleasure than on any previous visit.
“Mr Bingley, Mr Darcy! How fortunate that you called,” their host said with an unexpected burst of joy.