Chapter 4 #3
“I know. To be honest, I thought carefully about what you said yesterday, Darcy. I might be lacking the courage to make my own decisions. I wish to change that, and I must gather more proof. Therefore, I need to spend more time with Miss Bennet… To be sure a ball grants one no privacy, but it does provide many opportunities to see one’s preference. Would you not agree?”
“I do agree. Bingley. I hope you will be pleased with the outcome and will make the right decision for your future happiness.”
“I am surprised to hear that. Caroline told me you intended to convince me against a relationship with Miss Bennet. Is it true?”
The answer came with no hesitation.
“It is true. I already admitted as much to you. I thought it would be in your best interest. But your anger made me reconsider. If you ask my opinion, I will readily give it. If not, I shall keep it to myself.”
“Darcy, I am always interested in your opinion and your advice. I was upset because I thought you were being unfair. You do not have enough information to make a sound judgement.”
“I have no means to contradict you. Therefore, I will say no more on the subject. Just let me know if I can help you in any way.”
“Your support is greatly appreciated. I know how much you disapprove of the Bennet family, and it means a lot to me that you put your own feelings beneath my wishes.”
“Bingley, I fear I have misled you and others with my unfriendly manners into believing my feelings to be stronger than they actually are. I do not either like or dislike the Bennet family more than any other new acquaintance. And I am sure they dislike me just as much as any other person who has met me recently. I know I am not pleasant company.”
“You did fool me by plotting with my sister against Miss Bennet, and by offending Miss Elizabeth when you first met her,” Bingley laughed.
“I am glad to see your disposition improving, Bingley. I did not plot against Miss Bennet, I only expressed my genuine opinion; I have always been honest with you, and I shall not explain or apologise about this matter again.”
“I know you would not deceive me with dishonest observations, Darcy. And no, there is no need for any more apologies. I also noticed your meeting with Miss Elizabeth went reasonably well.”
“It did; things have changed since that rude and unfair remark at the assembly. But it was not even directed at her. I was tired and irritated, and you were quite bothersome, insisting that I dance. I would have refused to dance with any woman. I only asked your sisters to fulfil my duty to you as my host.”
“Yes, I know that. And Miss Elizabeth was just an innocent victim of your poor mood,” Bingley smiled. “Very ungentlemanlike of you, Darcy.”
“I admit it. As I said, I cannot compete with you in amiability and I have no wish to do so. But Miss Elizabeth and I have met enough times now to become accustomed to each other. I confess I have come to admire her charm and wit. She is surely one of the most intriguing women I have met.”
“She is; and very beautiful too. But she looks too strong for my taste. I mean too self-confident. And she sounds very clever, she speaks so decidedly about anything. I do admire her, but I feel somehow intimidated by her. Even when she smiles, I am not sure if she is simply amused, or whether I have said something stupid and she is mocking me. I do admire her, but I could never fall in love with someone like her. I would not have the courage to spend my life with someone like that. Unlike Jane, whose smiles are… soft and heartwarming.”
It was Darcy’s turn to smile–half to his friend, half to himself. Everything Bingley said about Elizabeth was true. However, it was not intimidating, but enchanting. Delightful. Alluring. Dangerous for his heart and for his sanity.
A painful thought darkened his mind although he was reluctant to accept it.
He was not being completely honest with his friend.
He did confess his opposition to Miss Bennet.
But what he did not say and what made him feel shame and guilt was his desire to avoid any connection that might bring Elizabeth near to him in the future.
“I hope she has forgiven you for offending her that night,” Bingley said. “I intend to call on the Bennets rather often, and I hope you will join me.”
Darcy’s smile widened.
“I also hope she has forgiven me. But I cannot be certain. As you know, I asked her to dance again and she refused me. But I trust she will not oppose me calling on her father with you. I enjoyed Mr Bennet’s company very much.”
“Good. Good. I am glad we talked, Darcy.”
“So am I. But Bingley… I might not stay long at Netherfield. I will have to return to town soon.”
Bingley startled. “Return to town? When? Not before the ball, I hope!”
“No, not before the ball. But I must be with Georgiana for Christmas.”
“That I understand. Is she well, I hope?”
“She is; we keep a regular correspondence. Mrs Annesley is a reliable companion. I am very satisfied with her. But I do miss my sister.”
“I imagine you do. I will be sorry to see you leave, but I feel privileged that I have had your help and your company during the last couple of months.”
“Likewise, Bingley. Now–you should make a list of everything you think you need for the ball and find the right people to assign the tasks to. I am afraid you cannot count much on me for that.”