Chapter 19
Lady Catherine’s departure threw Longbourn back into a state of utter distress. In their respective rooms, Elizabeth, Darcy and Georgiana each suffered from shame for themselves and worry for the others.
Dr. Cooper retired to his chamber with a glass of brandy, distraught over the embarrassing confrontation.
The Bennets and Mr Bingley, gathered in the drawing room, discussed the extraordinary news. Even if some had noticed the growing friendship between Darcy and Elizabeth, nobody suspected such a turn of events. After a brief deliberation, it was agreed that everybody was delighted for them.
Surprisingly, Mrs Bennet was the one who spoke less than usual and less than everyone else.
She appeared unable to recover and took little part in the conversation.
The notion of a marriage between her second daughter–whose unguarded behaviour and outspoken, stubborn character seemed an obstacle to any marriage at all–and the haughty, reserved Mr Darcy, who had refused to dance with her, was impossible to comprehend.
Mrs Bennet feared to allow herself to believe such an extraordinary outcome since she was still uncertain of it.
A while later, in the middle of the heated discussion, Stevens appeared and conveyed his master’s kind request for a private interview with Mr and Mrs Bennet.
Their meeting, so shortly after the scandal and the startling revelation, put together three equally abashed, utterly different people, who had barely started to know each other, having Elizabeth as their only common interest.
Darcy was the first one to speak with carefully chosen words and a hesitant voice.
“There is little that can be said in such moments, except that I am begging for your forgiveness. I have abused your generosity so utterly that I cannot imagine how I will ever compensate you for it. Until now, your care and kindness have been repaid only with offence and abuse. I have been unfair to all of you since the beginning of our acquaintance and you rewarded my rudeness by adjusting your daily life to accommodate my illness. Nobody else would have done that. I cannot apologise nor thank you sincerely enough.”
“Mr Darcy, rest assured that you have no reason for concern on this subject,” Mr Bennet answered.
“I am at a loss as to how to proceed further, since I am confined to my bed and I have no indication of when I shall leave it,” Darcy continued.
“But the matter that was so abruptly brought up by my aunt cannot be delayed since it already affects your family and I suspect rumours have already reached Meryton.”
“Well, in this respect we do have reasons to worry,” Mr Bennet agreed.
“So…do you have an agreement with Lizzy?” Mrs Bennet finally spoke.
“I do not. If I had, I would have certainly asked for your blessing. Miss Bennet and I have not approached this subject beyond acknowledging that our relationship has improved significantly over the last few weeks and that we both are willing to take it further,” Darcy confessed hesitantly.
He paused a moment, gathering his composure, then spoke further.
“I have been a private man all my life, and I rarely share my thoughts or intentions even with my closest relatives. But now I am in your house, still wounded, trying to mend a situation for which I feel guilty but over which I have no control. Everything happened so fast that I was overwhelmed, and I can barely imagine how all this seems to you. And even more so to Miss Bennet, who was put in such distressing circumstances because of me.”
“Mr Darcy, what can we do now? What do you want us to do now?” Mr Bennet asked bluntly.
Darcy looked directly at them both, speaking with honesty.
“I have admired Miss Elizabeth for a long while, but only recently have I allowed myself to imagine bonding my future and my felicity to hers. For some time, I tried to observe if her wishes were in any way similar to mine. Now I have great confidence that such desires may be fulfilled and I am asking for your approval to try to pursue it as well as I can, in my present situation.”
“So…you and Lizzy?” Mrs Bennet asked, dumbfounded.
“Yes. If Miss Elizabeth will do me the honour of having me,” Darcy replied in earnest.
Mrs Bennet’s jaw dropped in disbelief.
“Do you want me to ask her?” the lady offered.
Darcy smiled. “No, I would rather speak to her privately, if you approve of it.”
“Then go to it. Or rather do not go anywhere, I will send her here,” Mr Bennet mocked him. “I am glad we have cleared up this confusing matter. I only hope that the decision you make will not be unfair to your cousin Anne. Neither you nor Lizzy would be happy knowing of another’s unhappiness.”
“Mr Bennet, my engagement to Anne is something that only exists in my aunt’s mind.
Since I was very young, I have heard from Aunt Catherine about my mother’s desire for such a marriage.
While my duty and my affection will always induce me to take care of all my relatives, I never intended to marry Anne, and I had declared that repeatedly, long before I even met Miss Elizabeth. ”
“Well then, this is a relief. Gather your strength, and I will send Lizzy to talk to you.”
“Thank you, Mr Bennet…Mrs Bennet.”
Darcy bowed as ceremoniously as he could from his sitting position, rubbing his hands in anxious anticipation.
Part of his distress was gone; he did not expect any true opposition from Elizabeth’s parents, but he feared they might feel upset and offended.
Lady Catherine’s accusations were equally ridiculous and harmful, and any less generous people would respond with equal harshness.
He was aware that for the Bennets, the prospect of their daughter marrying someone so far above their circle and expectations was a blessing.
But he also knew that Mr Bennet and Elizabeth would never hesitate to reject a marriage proposal from someone–be he as rich as could be–who was unworthy of their admiration.
A shy knock at the door startled him and the excitement gave him chills as if he were a young boy. She was here.
“Please come in,” he said, surprised by the tremble in his own voice. Elizabeth stepped in and stood by the fireplace. Darcy could see her troubled face and the shadow in her eyes.
“Miss Bennet, please…Please sit down. I hope you do not mind my boldness in asking to talk to you.”
“No…of course not. I wish to tell you that Miss Darcy is waiting to speak to you too. She looks very ill. Should I fetch her?”
“No…Not yet. Please…I only beg for a few moments of your time.” Elizabeth finally sat on a chair, to the right of the bed, at a safe distance from him.
“I am struggling for the best way of starting this important and difficult conversation.”
“Mr Darcy,” she interjected decidedly. “You are still unwell, still very weak, you still suffer from a serious wound and Dr. Cooper says you are still fighting the cold that might have affected your lungs. Let us postpone any conversation that might affect your life and your future in ways that you cannot anticipate clearly enough. I know you are affected by the last days’ events and perhaps feel gratitude to my family and to me.
We should not–and I will not–take advantage of your weakness and bewilderment to make decisions that you might regret later on.
I do not intend to take any step that would harm you or Miss Darcy, or would destroy your connection with your family. ”
Elizabeth’s interruption disconcerted and disappointed Darcy, as it threatened him with a refusal to the question he had not even asked yet.
Then, as she spoke further, his heart swelled with pride and joy at the integrity and morals of the young woman who seemed to value his well-being more than her own.
She seemed worried that his affection for her was not sound and that marrying her would harm his family.
At that, Darcy smiled with his entire being, as he well knew she could not have been more wrong. And suddenly, the words came easily and eloquently, from the depths of his heart, enhanced both by his reason and by his feelings.
“I cannot tell you the precise moment when I fell in love with you, because I was in the middle of it before I knew it. But it must have been very early in our acquaintance because for a long while, I have struggled in vain to keep my love hidden in a corner of my soul. As foolishly as my aunt, I believed that, despite all your excellent qualities, it was my duty to choose a wife with a better situation in life, with better connections, with a more powerful name perhaps, to fulfil the position of Mrs Darcy. I had been a fool for some time, but my love only grew along with my struggle. The more I knew you, the more I realised that it was not about you being worthy of becoming my wife, but about me being able to please a woman that deserved to be pleased.”
Elizabeth listened to him incredulously, mesmerised, wondering how much was real and how much was in her imagination.
She did not reply, so he stretched out his hand to her.
She slowly rose from the chair and hesitantly stepped towards the bed.
She sat on the edge, as she had so many times before, his hands captured hers, and his gaze deepened into her eyes as he continued his confession.
“When we were in the cottage, my opposition was almost gone. At the ball, my thoughts were filled with you only. I decided to travel to London, to talk to Georgiana about you, then to return. For you. While I was lying unconscious, in those few moments of clarity, it was only you. You were my light, my strength, my reason to stay alert. Every time I felt you near me, my mind struggled to recover, so I could speak to you and tell you how much I love and admire you.”