Chapter 17
Chapter Seventeen
Ryder
S hame, bitterness, and irritation swept through me as I walked into the kitchen with Mom, Slash, and Caden right on my heels. I tried walking up to my bedroom, but Marco appeared in front of me, blocking my path.
“No more running, Ry. Come and sit down so we can talk,” he said calmly, his eyes studying me as he tried to figure out what I’d fucked myself up on this time. I felt pretty damn sober right now.
“I’m not in the mood,” I growled, trying to walk past him but failing. “I said move!”
“No. How long ago did you relapse? What have you been taking?”
“None of your business.”
Mom appeared beside us, her voice quiet but firm. “You need to tell us.”
“Can we talk later? Please? I want a shower, a cigarette, and not to be interrogated,” I scowled, her eyes sliding to Marco’s before she nodded.
“Alright. But, Ry? You’re not leaving this house until we have that talk.”
I didn’t reply before pushing past them and taking the steps two at a time, locking myself in my room and trying to savor the peace. It was hard when my thoughts were being so damn loud.
I showered, paced my bedroom, and tried hard to calm myself down from the fit of rage I was trying not to let out. I had it handled, just a few lines and pills to take the edge off, so they didn’t need to railroad me into this interrogation.
I was fine.
They acted like they didn’t smoke weed or snort a line when they felt like it.
The annoyance and irritation didn’t ease after an hour of being alone. If anything, it only got worse. I needed a joint or something.
I started rummaging through my drawers, hoping to find something I’d stashed and forgotten about, hesitating when I found a baggie wedged in the back behind my socks. I pulled it out, sighing when I noticed it was crystal.
How long had that been in there for?
I put it back, not wanting to get that kind of high, but when my search for weed was unlucky, I found myself pulling the crystal back out. It wasn’t a lot, and I still had an ice pipe stashed in the closet.
I could smoke it in here and no one would know since it didn’t have a smell.
“Fuck it,” I muttered, turning to my closet to find the pipe, deciding to lock myself in the bathroom so I at least had warning if someone managed to get into my room.
Injecting gave me a better high, but there was no way in hell I was going to leave obvious marks on my arms right now.
I dropped the little crystals into the rounded end of the pipe, digging my lighter from my pocket and starting to heat it. After a moment, they started liquifying and vaporizing, and I brought the pipe to my mouth and drew it into my lungs.
The instant wave of calmness was a relief, my mind finally going silent, and I continued to smoke until it had all disappeared, catching my reflection in the mirror.
I looked brighter, the stress gone from my face as the irritation vanished, and I felt like I could breathe again.
There was a knock on my bedroom door and I paused before opening the bathroom door. “Yeah?”
“I need to drop off some supplies at a few houses. Stay home,” Mom said sternly, making me roll my eyes. We owned so many properties just to put other people’s kids in.
I was glad we didn’t need to talk right now, but it was typical of her to run off to help random kids when apparently her own were falling apart.
She didn’t give a fuck. It was all about appearances.
“Yeah, whatever.”
“Ry—”
“Go. I’ll probably go for a swim or something,” I grunted, shutting the bathroom door so I couldn’t hear her response.
After a few minutes, I figured she’d left, so I headed back into my room to hide the pipe and empty baggie before grabbing my cigarettes and wandering downstairs.
Caden eyed me as I walked past him in the hallway, his sweat towel over his shoulder.
“Want to work out with me?” he called, but I kept walking.
“No, I’m going to sit outside.”
“Don’t leave.”
I didn't reply, deciding to sit in the backyard in one of the pool chairs to get comfortable, lighting a cigarette and closing my eyes. Not that I was alone for long.
“Hey.”
I cracked my eyes open, finding Noah in front of me. “What do you want?”
“I was just going to sit with you. Are you in the doghouse? Everyone's been stomping around since they dragged you home.”
“Shouldn’t you be at school?”
“It’s Saturday,” he chuckled, sitting in a chair without being invited. “What did you do?”
“Spent the week being a typical junkie,” I snorted, dragging on my cigarette before tossing him the packet. “Help yourself. I’ve already pissed everyone off today so I might as well get yelled at for encouraging underage smoking.”
He happily accepted it, sparking up and lying back like me.
“I thought you wanted to be clean?” he said, continuing the conversation, much to my annoyance.
“Sometimes we don’t get what we want.”
“Are you fucked up right now?”
“If you want to get personal with me, are you going to tell me what adult fucked you up? Apparently, you have issues with authority because of some asshole,” I said bluntly, not caring if I triggered him since he didn’t seem to care about boundaries. “Were you another one of Mom’s sexual assault kids? We get a lot of those here.”
“No,” he scoffed, amusement lining his tone. “I joined some guy’s gang for a sense of family and got in over my head. Lincoln was a prick. He tried to get me to kill my foster brother and rape his girlfriend.”
“You don’t seem the murderous, rapey type.”
“I’m not. It was awful,” he sighed, his voice going quiet. “My foster brother, Ethan, was so nice about everything. Obviously, he doesn’t like me near his girlfriend, but he made sure Cruz found me somewhere nice to live. I expected a little more fun though. Your mom’s scary, dude.”
That made me laugh as I looked over at him. “She’s not. It’s not like she’d kill you.”
“She somehow made the school apologize to me after I set Mr. Forehead’s car on fire. Only scary people hold that kind of power.”
“No, people with money hold that kind of power. Then again, she might murder them, but you’re safe until you turn eighteen and are classified as an adult,” I grinned, sitting up and turning to face him. “Have you gone to any of the academy parties yet?”
“No. Your mom’s a tyrant,” he grumbled as he sat up and mirrored my position.
“You need to come to the track or something. It’s totally fun. Maybe Jett could take you around the track for a race.”
“Why Jett?”
“He’s probably the only one that would want to do it, and who Mom wouldn’t murder for it. I’d take you, but then we’d both get shot,” I laughed, dragging on my cigarette. “Maybe you can even find some girls. There’s a lot around here. You’re not a virgin, right? No shame if you are.”
“No. I lost that after gym class my freshman year of high school,” he smirked, flicking the ash off his cigarette and chuckling to himself. “Amira Marshall. Pretty sure she got knocked up last year and dropped out of school. I’m not surprised, everyone in the damn school had fucked her.”
“I like girls who get around. They know what they’re doing,” I replied as I stretched my legs out.
“I hear lots of things about some girl you fuck. Tempest?”
“She’s my girlfriend.” It still felt weird saying that, but it was growing on me. “She knows what she’s doing for sure.”
His eyes widened, nerves flitting across his face. “Uh, dude. I hate to tell you, but she’s cheating on you. Some guy at school said his brother hooked up with her recently at a party.”
I could’ve made him sweat, but I decided not to. The kid wasn’t too bad.
“The relationship is new but we’re not exclusive. Hell, I know at least five other guys fucked her last night.”
“You’re okay with that?”
“It’s just sex,” I shrugged. “Besides, I like watching her get railed.”
“I haven’t been with more than one person at a time. Everyone said you have orgies.”
“Well, sort of. I personally don’t fuck with guys, but some of the guys at parties are into that. A lot of the time we just gangbang Tempest,” I snickered, my phone buzzing with a message. I glanced at it, finding a video from Tempest. “Speak of the devil.”
I didn’t turn the volume down as I pressed play, her moaning filling the quiet yard, and I grinned as she moved the camera down the length of her body, turning the phone for Noah to see. His eyes almost fell out of his fucking head.
“That’s your girlfriend?”
“Yeah, she’s fucking hot, right?”
“I’ve seen photos of her before,” he said lightly, clearing his throat. “Yeah, she’s hot.”
I took it away before the poor kid busted in his pants, replying to her.
Ryder: I want more videos like that tonight. Tell Mase to send me the cream pie finale.
She didn’t reply straight away, and I went to put my phone away when she finally answered.
Tempest: I’m staying at the hotel. The guys aren’t answering.
Ryder: I’ll try to track them down.
Tempest: Or you could sneak out and come cream pie me yourself. The hotel’s paid for until morning anyway.
I chuckled, putting the phone away. “Girls are nothing but trouble, but I like trouble. Seriously, there’s plenty of good pussy around here. I have no idea what the academy produces these days, but it was good when I was there.”
“You’re a legend there. You all kind of are, it’s a little daunting going there when people know I live with you guys.”
“Bet you made friends easily because of it too,” I sighed. “Don’t trust anyone, man. Take it from me. They only want you for the money they think you have.”
“I know. I have a couple of friends, but everyone else just wants to know if I’m throwing parties and stuff. It’s kind of annoying,” he said and scrunched his nose, tossing his cigarette butt on the ground. “How did you deal with it?”
“Easily. I threw parties, fucked all the pussy that let me, and didn’t believe for a second that any of them gave a fuck about me. Girls are gold diggers and guys are status chasers.”
“It’s not like I have money.”
“No, but if you stick around, it kind of comes with the territory. Jett ended up being fostered by my parents as a kid, and look at him now. A house and car that’s paid for, a bank account, and he gets to fuck my sister without dying,” I said dryly, glancing over my shoulder as someone called my name.
Diesel walked towards us, his eyes fixed on me as he spoke. “Noah, inside.”
“Aw, man. We were just talking,” Noah scowled, and I frowned.
“I didn’t do shit. Can’t I talk to the kid?” I jerked back as he firmly grabbed my chin, silently staring at me for a moment before stepping towards Noah to do the same. “What? You think I got him fucking high?”
“It wouldn’t surprise me,” he said bluntly, releasing Noah. “Inside. Now. Don’t think I didn’t see you smoking out here either.”
“See? Fucking tyrants,” Noah huffed at me as he stalked off, leaving me with Diesel, who gave me a dirty look.
“Are you going to tell me what you’re on or try to avoid it like you did earlier with your mom and the guys?”
“Why? You want some?” I grinned, getting to my feet and stretching.
“Ryder, this isn’t a joke. You were doing so good. What happened? People relapse, it sucks, but it happens. We can put you back on the right path if you let us though.”
“You’re not blaming Tempest?” I bit out.
“No. Tempest is bad for you to be around, but you chose to get back on it. Weak moments happen, I know. I relapsed multiple times when I was younger, so I know how easy it is on the bad days to give into it. Sit, tell me what happened,” he said gently, and I hesitated before sitting back down. He sat beside me, my eyes flicking to his.
“I had my drink spiked at a party. Just with party pills or something. I was rolling pretty good since it had been months since I’d touched anything, so I got cocky and did some lines. I got twitchy again after that, and it went downhill from there.”
“Who spiked your drink and where?”
“I don’t know. I was at Mason’s. Channing’s furious about it.”
“Channing Blackwater? Are those boys where you’re getting your shit from?”
“Dad, don’t threaten them to cut me off. I’m an adult.”
“I wasn’t going to. I’m just trying to figure out who the fuck is selling to you. You sure they wouldn’t spike your drink for fun to get you back as a regular client?” he asked slowly, and I shook my head.
“No. Channing was pissed. He doesn’t tolerate that kind of shit at his parties,” I said, standing up to pace. “I didn’t go near too many people I don’t trust. We usually end up in one of the guys’ bedrooms or the pool house to fuck.”
“We?” he asked casually.
“Yeah, me and the guys usually spend most of the time fucking Temp,” I said with a grin.
“Are you being safe about it?”
“I’ve never wrapped it up with Temp. I don’t think I’ve bought condoms since high school, to be honest.”
“Jesus, Ry. She’s sleeping with multiple other people in the same night and it sounds like you do the same.”
“What’s a little bit of chlamydia among friends?”
He rubbed his temples, obviously sick of my shit. “You need a health check.”
“It’s like roulette.”
“Ryder, enough,” he warned, moving to stand in front of me. “What have you taken today?”
“Tipped my room upside down and found some crystal. I forgot how good this shit is, I haven’t had it since before I went to rehab.”
He stared at me in silence for a second before grabbing my elbow to start dragging me inside. “I fucking told them you’d gotten back on the hard shit.”
“Fuck off, it’s not like I have more,” I scowled, trying to pull away but failing.
“What else have you been taking?” he demanded as he continued dragging me.
“Today? Do you mean since I woke up or since midnight? The answer will vary depending on the time frame. If you mean since I woke up, then it was just champagne.”
“And since midnight?”
“I was rolling on molly just before midnight, and I think we did lines after that. No! The other way around. I think. I don’t remember,” I said with a frown.
“You’re going to fucking OD. You’re mixing too much, and you’re drunk on top of it,” he snapped, his fingers tightening as we got into the house and I tried to pull away again. “Ryder, stop it.”
“Fuck off!” I barked, making him stumble as I shoved him off me in the kitchen, Noah appearing in the doorway and making Diesel point at him.
“You need to go to your room until you’re told otherwise.”
“You think I’m going to beat up a kid or something?” I laughed, motioning to Noah. “We’re buddies, right?”
“Yeah. We can hang out if you want?” Noah offered, but Caden materialized beside him.
“Noah, go. Now isn’t the time,” Caden warned, and I just laughed again.
“There’s never the right time to hang out with me, dude. I’m always too much of a mess for them to let that happen. At least it seems they care about one of us, am I right?”
“What's going on?” Mom asked as she walked into the room, putting her keys and bag on the counter. “I wasn’t gone that long, was I?”
“Convenient timing,” I snorted. “Are they all fed and tucked into bed, Mom?”
Mom seemed puzzled by my question, her gaze locking on mine suddenly. “You told me you weren’t on anything.”
“I wasn’t, but now I am,” I smirked, pointing at Diesel with a wink. “Couldn’t fool Diesel though. It’s like he has a sixth sense for it.”
“You found drugs in this house?” she bit out and turned her attention to Diesel for answers, making him sigh.
“He trashed his room and found some crystal he’d stashed before rehab. I went outside to get Noah because they were smoking cigarettes together, and that’s when I realized Ry was high.”
“Did you offer anything else to him?” she asked me calmly, but I could tell she was ready to blow the fuck up.
“Absolutely not. That was my meth, the little fucker can find his own,” I answered, the smile falling from my face when she replied.
“I hope you enjoyed it then. Your credit cards have been canceled.”
“Wait, what?” I snapped, pushing Diesel back when he tried to stop me from getting in Mom’s face. As usual, she stared me down, despite me standing over her.
“I’m so glad you and Tempest had a fun week having parties and shopping sprees, but I’ve had enough. Everything you need you can ask me for directly. Your car will be tracked, you can eat here with us every night, and when you need things like cigarettes or clothes, you can ask me, and I’ll get them for you. I’m not punishing you, I’m just taking control of your money like I should have a long time ago. Anything you need, you can still have, but only because you ask me for it. Understand?”
“Are you fucking joking?”
“Am I laughing?” she asked, fury ripping through me. This wasn’t because of me. This was because she wanted the money for her new kids. The ones she could try not to fuck up with this time.
“You think you can fix me?” I shouted, my chest bumping against hers, but she didn’t move an inch. “I wouldn’t need fixing if you hadn’t fucked me up! Where is everyone, hmm? Beckett and Maddox are in fucking jail. Marla literally ran away to get the fuck away from this family, and I’m an addict! Riley’s a fucking psycho with a bat, Mikey and Angel only hang around for gossip or work, and Lloyd probably crashed his fucking car and died on purpose to get the fuck away from you!”
“Ryder!” Diesel bit out, but Mom put her hand up to stop him.
“Let him get it out.”
“You want me to keep talking? My memories are filled with family members being shot at or in prison. We all stick together out of family loyalty, but it’s just a facade. This family is bullshit. You know that though, don’t you? That’s why you keep bringing in new kids to try and start again. You don’t care about us now that we’re adults, and we all know you never wanted kids to begin with. Good role modeling, Mom. Teaching us to just do what other people want so they’ll stay. You’re the worst fucking Mom.”
My words stung. She was hiding it, but not completely.
“Are you done?” she asked.
“Fix my fucking cards.”
“No.”
“Fix them!” I shouted in her face, but she still didn’t budge.
“You need a reality check and another visit in rehab. Until I start seeing progress, no, I won’t fix your credit cards.”
Everyone seemed to move at once.
My fist swung out and caught her cheek. Someone stepped between us, and someone else yanked me back to restrain me. All I felt was violence, spiteful words spilling from my mouth as I struggled against whoever held me.
“Touch your mother again, I dare you,” Caden spat in my ear, tightening his hold on me. I kicked at him to try and escape, but he didn’t let go. “Stop it!”
Diesel was inspecting Mom’s cheek, but she just stared at me blankly. I couldn’t tell if she was pissed or upset.
“Fuck you,” I said sharply, glaring at her. “Don’t bother crying about it when all your kids end up dead by either their own hand or the enemy’s. We all will, and you know it. Fuck you.”
“Enough,” Caden warned, starting to drag me back and making me realize we had a bigger audience than I thought.
Slash walked right past me to check on Mom, Jensen and Lukas stood back eyeing me, and Marco shook his head and walked out. Probably to stop himself from punching me and making it worse.
“If I let you go, will you walk quietly up to your bedroom?” Caden asked sternly, waiting for me to nod before releasing his grip. I stepped away from him, a bitter laugh leaving me.
“I love how you guys spend all your time and effort on other people’s kids but aren’t home enough to look after your own. You want to take in more? Tough shit. No one’s going to give you kids to look after when one of your own is a loose cannon. Next time you bring kids here, I’ll make sure you don’t get the opportunity to do it again. Now, fix my fucking money.” I stalked upstairs, almost running into Noah as he tried retreating back to his room unseen. “Hey, Noah! Enjoy the cushy bullshit while you can, man! You’ll be gone before you know it!”
He darted inside and locked the door as if that would keep me out if I wanted to get in, and I shut myself in my own room, slamming the door behind me.
And then I tipped my bedroom upside down again until the rage subsided and I was a sweaty mess, sitting on the floor with my head in my hands.
Rory
It felt like my world had fallen apart a million times before, but only one thing had hurt this badly before. Losing Lloyd had destroyed me, no parent should bury their child.
I wouldn’t survive if I had to bury another.
“Let me look,” Caden murmured as he cupped my chin gently to tilt my head, running his eyes over my cheek where Ryder had hit me.
I’d always struggled to believe I was a good mom, my childhood trauma from my own upbringing playing such a huge part in it, but I’d convinced myself we could raise our kids better.
To this day, it was fucking hard, and they tested me daily with their disobedience and defiance that they definitely got from me and their fathers.
Part of me was proud of how strong they were, but another part wished they could’ve just been children and grown up like normal kids without criminals as parents and the world watching their every move.
“Hey,” Caden said softly, snapping me out of my thoughts as he wiped a tear from my cheek that I hadn’t realized I’d let escape. “We’ll get him back into rehab. He’ll be okay.”
“Do you believe that?” I croaked, glancing at Diesel. “We did everything right last time. What went wrong?”
Diesel sighed, pressing a kiss to my temple. “It wasn’t his fault. Someone spiked his drink at a party, and it kickstarted things.”
The pit in my stomach filled with pure anger as I stared at him. “Someone had the fucking balls to drug our son?”
“That’s what he said. He has no idea who did it, only that it was a party pill.”
Caden stepped back, glancing at Lukas and Jensen. “We need a plan. That wasn’t just a mood swing, that was pure out of control violence. He’s never acted like that before.”
“Can we take him back to rehab today?” Lukas asked, wincing slightly. “We can’t have him acting like that. Even without the violence, he’s bringing drugs into the house. Kids like Noah need to be away from that shit, they’re easily influenced.”
Ryder was destroying his bedroom, I could hear him yelling at himself and throwing things around, making my heart hurt.
How did we let it get so bad before noticing? I thought he’d been fine and was just feeling confined to the house, or I never would’ve let him go to Kingslake with Tempest for some space.
“Maybe we need to do to him what Arch and Lex did to Tempest,” I suggested, the words tasting bitter in my mouth.
Slash scoffed. “That didn’t do anything. She’s just running riot.”
“Yeah, because Ry was funding her things. Now that both of them are broke, maybe they’ll want to change?”
“What are you saying? Kick him out?”
“Of this house, yes. We’ll put him in one of our other houses. No rent, food is delivered weekly, no bills. He has everything he needs to live but nothing else,” I explained, burying my face in Caden’s neck. “I wish the guys were here. I thought we were doing okay without them.”
Having Skeeter, Tyler, and Hunter in jail was making things difficult, but having Beckett and Maddox in there too was really stressing me out. I’d been so focused on trying to get them out while juggling the foster kids and running two crews, that I didn’t look closely enough at my kids that were right in front of me.
It was like years’ worth of emotion hit me all at once, and I couldn’t contain it anymore as I sobbed into Caden’s shoulder while he held me.
To have Ryder physically hit me wasn’t something I’d seen coming or ever wanted to emotionally experience again, let alone his venomous words.
This year had tested us as a family, but right now, I had no idea if we’d make it through together.
Would Beckett and Maddox get released, or were they stuck in jail? Would my guys get out?
Was Ryder right, and someone else would come along and start taking them all out one by one?
I’d spent years blaming myself for Lloyd’s death, so Ryder’s words had hit me right where it hurt.
Was I going to lose him too?