Chapter 49
Shit. I force my breath to stay steady by tensing every muscle in my core and chest. My whole body is rigid, even though I’m trying to exude ease. No sudden movements, not one crack in my composure.
Scanning over the five golden cards, I cross and make it a point to examine them further. Kaelis watches me with an expression as cold as ice. Is he searching for some evidence of my deception?
Does he know? He can’t know. Not now. Not when I finally reached a place where I’m ready to try to build something real with him. Give me a chance to make it right, I beg fate.
“What exactly are you talking about?” I keep my question measured.
Kaelis doesn’t move. He continues to steep in that air of arrogance and indifference that he wears so well. Finally, he straightens, pushing off the cushions and tapping the table.
“One of these cards,” he says quietly, not indicating which, though I get the sense he already knows, “is a lie.”
“What?” I gasp the word and sit on the sofa opposite, as if to get a better look.
“Can’t you tell?”
I furrow my brow. “May I touch them?”
“By all means.” He gestures toward them, leaning back. I scoop them up one by one, already knowing which one is the fake. I made it, after all.
I’ve more to gain than to lose by pointing out the right one.
Either he doesn’t actually know which it is, and I help him.
Or he does, and I prove I can figure it out as well.
He knows my skills; it’d be more suspicious if I couldn’t when he could.
And, hopefully, it will remove some doubt from my own person.
After all, someone who had dared to lie to him wouldn’t be so bold as to point out their deception, would they?
No…more than any of that, I want to be honest with him.
“It’s this one, isn’t it?” I point to Death.
He nods.
“How…” I let the question hang. There’s several that word could be the start of.
“I took them to the font of the World.” He grips the back of the sofa, knuckles white, only the tiniest crack in his otherwise calm facade.
“You took them there? Even though you are still missing a card to summon the World?” There’s no way he got Arina to ink her card yet. Not in her state. He doesn’t even know where she is. “Why?”
“I wanted to be sure, and now I’m glad I did. They all shone when laid in their spot on the font…save for one.” His eyes narrow.
The room is suddenly much, much smaller. It’s just him and me. Everything else falls away. I’m still straining against the tightness in my chest for each thin breath.
“I’m surprised you didn’t notice the forgery when you stole them,” he says, tone completely unreadable.
“It was a bit of a chaotic night.”
“True.” His jaw clenches, and then he relaxes with a sigh, shaking his head and pushing away from the sofa opposite me. “Whoever made this forgery knew what they were doing. I admit, I was fooled. But I suppose it’s obvious to your eye.”
“It’s very good,” I agree cautiously.
Kaelis removes all doubt as he comes to sit next to me, the sofa sagging between us. “I suspect it was the Magician.”
I nearly turn into a puddle as every muscle in my body relaxes at once. The fact that he didn’t even consider me makes my lies all the more unbearable. “Do you think there’s someone else trying to get the cards?”
“No…I think my father is paranoid, and my brother is in his ear.”
“Ravin?”
“Who else? Certainly not my younger brother.” Kaelis lets out a brief and humorless laugh.
But I think about seeing Naethor and the youngest prince in the castle.
The king spoke to that young man more like an heir than the second spare…
“Ravin’s been helping my father with the oversight of the Majors for years—at least beyond the academy.
He would tell my father to keep a forgery among the real ones.
To divide them up for safety. It makes so much sense; I’m a fool for not seeing it sooner. ”
“And seeing that the card is Death…it would make sense for Ravin to be involved in a forgery.” The words are bitter. I can’t believe I’m consoling Kaelis through my treachery.
Tell him. That same voice I heard weeks ago as I concealed the reversed card in my pocket returns.
But what will telling him do beyond dredging up a reminder of how little I trusted him?
What good is emphasizing my deceit when it no longer matters and I might be able to find a way to fix it without him knowing?
“So, do you think Ravin has the real Death?” I ask instead, my cowardice winning out. I need him to arrive at certain conclusions to maneuver my way out of this without damaging this trust we’ve built—trust I want to keep.
“Maybe…But we’ll have to proceed with caution. He’s hunting you, so any movements made will need to be from me—not you. I will not risk him getting close to you.”
“If it’s too risky for me, then it’s also too risky for you.” I keep calm. “Let me ask the Worldkeepers to search for it.”
“You trust them now?” His brows lift.
I can’t believe it’s not a lie when I say, “I do. They’ve earned it.”
Kaelis glances away. The idea of trusting them makes him visibly uncomfortable. My hand rests on his knee, and I tilt my head to catch his eyes.
“I’m still skeptical of them in many ways, but I also trust them.”
A sound somewhere between a scoff and an incredulous laugh escapes him as he works not to look at me. “Much like how you feel about me?”
“I trust you.” That brings his eyes to mine. “I trust you,” I repeat, for emphasis. It’s easy to say, easier than I would’ve otherwise imagined. “We are in this fight together, and we are going to win.”
He nods slightly and says nothing. I wonder if I’ve shocked him into silence with the admission.
“And I also trust the Worldkeepers. With their help, Gregor has already infiltrated more than one of Ravin’s strongholds as he’s been searching for Silas’s family—I’ll go to him if you’re skeptical of the Worldkeepers. If Ravin has the golden Death card, Gregor will find it, I’m sure.”
Kaelis sighs softly. “All right, then.”
I squeeze his knee and don’t bother to hide my relief.
“Good. I’ll tell them, and we’ll sort this.
Before you know it, I’ll be bringing you the real card.
” Gregor will cover for me if it ever came to that.
Then it will be like this never happened at all.
I can fix my error before it’s ever a problem.
“Good. Now that is settled…” Kaelis tucks a strand of hair behind my ear and caresses my cheek. “Tell me, why were you so invested in Liam at the soiree?” The way he asks has me wondering if this was another significant reason for him summoning me.
“I was helping Luren.” Is he jealous? It’s very nearly adorable.
“Why?”
“I can’t just want to help a student and former friend?”
“You can, but I know the look you get in your eye when you’re scheming.”
“Fair.” I lean into his touch and allow my eyelids to grow heavy for a moment. “You know me too well.”
“Yet getting to know you even better is my singular obsession,” he murmurs.
My eyes flutter open, and, for a breath, I savor the way he looks at me, knowing the moment is about to be ruined. I’ve lied to this man enough; beyond fixing my mistakes, I’m not going to dodge the truth from here on, even if it’s uncomfortable. “Liam knows my true name.”
“What?” Kaelis sucks in a breath, gaze hardening. He leans away ever so slightly.
“I’ve reason to believe he still is in possession of letters or notes that might have it written upon them,” I explain. “Given that Ravin knows Liam and I were once entangled, I deemed it too dangerous to be left dangling. I’m sending Luren to find them—though she doesn’t know their significance.”
“I can just go to Clan Star, kill him, and then rummage through his things until I find anything of yours he’d dare keep,” Kaelis says simply, almost tenderly.
“Kaelis—”
“There is only one way to truly silence a person, and you will not be safe unless—”
“We need him alive,” I interrupt firmly, stopping him with a glare. “He knows where the letters are. Luren needs to use him to find them.”
“After, then.”
“He wouldn’t have any reason to tell anyone. He doesn’t know the importance of my true name.”
“You said it yourself, Ravin knows he was close to you. If Ravin has any reason to believe Liam knows your name, my brother will stop at nothing to squeeze it out of him.”
I tighten my grip on his knee again, trying to ground him with my touch. “I have this under control. It’s all right.”
“You should tell me your true name.”
My breath hitches. A thorny silence hangs in the air between us. Probing. Prodding.
“Why?” Is it jealousy that has him asking? There’s a glint in Kaelis’s eyes that would almost make me think that’s the case. Not just a playful wound of me talking with Liam at the party, a genuine jealousy.
“If I know your name, then I know what to look and listen for. If I find out Ravin knows it—or anyone knows it beyond Liam—I’ll handle them.”
“By going on a deadly rampage?”
“I have more finesse than that.” He scoffs.
“You can’t just kill everyone that’s inconvenient to you.”
“Said the woman who went off to kill the Hierophant.” He arches his brows.
I look away, pursing my lips, then muttering, “But I didn’t kill him.”
Kaelis leans forward slightly, drawing my attention back to him. He cups my cheek. “Tell me your name, entrust me with it.”
I trust him, I do…
But how do I go against everything I’ve ever known? Keeping my true name secret was the first lesson I ever learned and the last of my mother’s commands that I’ve honored when all others seem to be shattered around me.
“Tell me yours first.”
“You already know my true name.”
“Were you Kaelis Revisan? Or did your mother call you something else?”
He doesn’t answer. Instead, at the mention of his birth mother, he stands, crossing to the hearth, and stares into the fire. With a few steps he’s a world away—in a different time and place entirely. Is this my answer? His name is Kaelis Revisan.