24. The Horrors Persist
Ishould probably move.
My hair drifted, floating around my shoulders in the now lukewarm water of the second bath I’d taken that night. God knew what time it was. I’d been exhausted for long enough that I could no longer trust my body’s internal clock, but my many candles had burnt low, and the window beside the crystal tub was velvet black, the moon glowing like a fat pearl beyond. The combined candle and moonlight was enough to drive any traces of darkness from the cavernous bathroom, leaving no shadowy corners for shades. Not that I cared. Let them take me. Much use I’d be. When it came down to it, when it really mattered, I was useless. Besides, I’d probably have a better chance of escaping Maelgwyn than I did the witches.
Tonight should have been a triumph. I should have been giddy with relief and excitement, and I should have fallen into bed with a groan, glad my days of camping were well and truly over and anticipating my imminent return home. I shouldn’t have taken two baths, the first to scrub myself raw, ridding my skin of any trace of Hyacinth’s death, the second to soak away my shame. My clothes shouldn’t be dumped in a grimy, blood-stained pile in the corner of the bathroom. My friend shouldn’t be sobbing into her pillow, somewhere in the depths of the castle.
Everything was wrong.
I had failed.
I sank beneath the surface, blowing out a sigh in a stream of bubbles. The soft beat of power coming from the huge crystal bowl seemed stronger under here, thrumming through the water in a peaceful, barely discernible pulse. My eyes grew heavy, stinging slightly in the soapy water. I should get out. Go to bed. If not sleep, I needed rest, at least.
Before I could change my mind, I emerged from the water with a slosh and dried myself off with a fluffy towel. I was squeezing my hair when I heard a muffled knock coming from the corridor.
Pansy.
Had she come to talk? To cry? I threw on my robe and dashed into the bedroom and to the door, wrenching it open.
Anwir lurked in the hall, looking sheepishly back at me.
Oh. A warm flush spread over my scandalously attired body. I thought of my thick, fluffy dressing gown at home. Not as stylish, but certainly less revealing than the thin, elegant material I’d haphazardly draped myself in.
“I apologise for disturbing you at this hour.” Anwir’s voice was hushed and soft. A night-time voice, something a secret lover might use upon scaling the trellis and climbing through the window. “I’d hoped we might talk.”
Did I want to talk? No, not after his earlier request. I wanted him and the witches as far away from me as possible, on the other side of a rift, in fact. Maybe he’d come to apologise. Maybe he’d try to convince me that he’d make a perfect husband. I wasn’t willing to be swayed, but if he wanted to try, if he wanted to show me exactly what kind of husband he could be… It had been a while since I’d been with a man. Anwir might be exactly the kind of relief I needed. A good, angry fuck might send me to sleep when all else failed. I wasn’t convinced I could wrangle my tongue into forming words, but I nodded, stepping back to let him in.
He surveyed the dark room.
“I was just getting out of the bath,” I said needlessly, considering my wet hair and floral scent, not to mention my convenient state of undress. “Sit down.”
The prince sank into a chair before the empty grate. “Thank you. This can wait until tomorrow, if you’re tired?”
“It’s fine.” And besides, I’d never sleep a wink after such a statement, even at the best of times. I’d spend the night chewing over every possible scenario, anything and everything he might have to say. I plonked down into the chair opposite, arranging my robe carefully over my thighs. “What did you want to talk about?”
“You. Us.” He swallowed, leaning forward and bracing his elbows on his knees. The glow of the candles brought out the golden tones in his eyes, making them almost yellow. “I wanted to explain myself.”
I doubted I’d hear a single word he said when he had the audacity to look so sickeningly perfect, but I nodded. An apology was the least I would accept before, well… anything else. “Okay. Explain.”
“I like you, Aliza. I like you a lot.”
Well, that was a promising start. I shifted in my chair, hyper aware of just how naked I was beneath my robe.
“And yes, I assumed you’d want to marry me. After you woke me, the witches explained what had happened since my uncle’s betrayal. How the humans flocked to break the curse because of the promise of a marriage. Becoming my queen. I assumed you’d come for the same reason. I know now I was wrong.”
“Yes,” I said, trying to sound firm despite the hoarseness of my voice. “You were. I came here by mistake. I didn’t even know this place existed. I didn’t believe in... Creatures. Fairies and witches and fae and v—” I stopped short, remembering how Jacques had avoided contact with other species. “It was just an accident, and everything I’ve done has been so I can get home to my family.”
“Tell me how it happened. How you came to be here.”
I heaved a sigh. My tumble in the cave seemed like forever ago, and my bump to the head had made things hazy, but I told Anwir about the Fairy Glen, about how I hadn’t wanted to go into the cave at all, how, for whatever stupid reason, I’d wandered deeper than my friends, losing myself in the dark. How I’d slipped, and the next thing I’d known, I was here, in Neath. Lost and alone, with no way back.
“Then… your family…” Anwir began hesitantly.
I pressed my lips together in a cheerless smile. “They probably think I’m dead. That’s why I have to get back, Anwir. I can’t leave them like that. I can’t just disappear and leave them without answers.”
“You love them.”
“Of course I do. It”s just me, Mum and Dad now. My grandparents are all gone, and my auntie lives abroad. I’m an only child, and my parents gave up everything to have me. I have to get back to them.”
“What do you mean, gave up everything?”
“Well, they couldn’t have kids naturally, so they had to pay for IVF.” Anwir’s brow knotted in a questioning frown. “Oh, it’s a medical thing. They take the egg and the, um, sperm” — God, how had I got into this? Why was I talking about sperm with a gorgeous, rich, immortal prince but not falling into bed with him? — “and they basically make a foetus in a little glass tube, and then transfer it into the mother. Anyway, it didn’t work the first few times, but they desperately wanted a child. They ended up selling their house and spending every penny they had on this treatment, until they got me.”
“You are a baby from a tube?”
“Yep. A miracle, according to my mum and dad.”
Anwir’s lips quirked in a smile. “I would have to agree with them. That you made it here, against all odds, that you woke Idris and I… The fact that you did all that without intending to be here… I would call that a miracle.”
My ears began to burn. I ruffled my damp hair, shifting it so the wet clumps fell over my ears, hiding them from view.
“Just a girl, trying to get home.”
Anwir’s smile dropped. “About that. Aliza, I know you want to leave. I know you will leave, and I understand. I do. But I must beg you. Please, consider staying a while longer. I expect nothing of you, and you’ve already given more than I deserve, but my people are in danger, and without you, I cannot save them. Will you hear me out?”
No. Absolutely not. I wanted to clap my hands over my ears and scream at the top of my lungs. This late-night tryst wasn’t playing out as I’d expected. I didn’t want to be roped into another scheme that had absolutely nothing to do with me. And besides, what use could I be? I’d already saved the princes, and now I was expected to save the kingdom? Nope, nope, nope.
“Okay,” I said.
What? What? No! Anwir’s tragic expression crumpled with relief, and he dragged a hand down his exquisite face as it broke into a smile. More guilt dolloped on top of everything I was already wrestling with. Letting the prince down would be nothing compared to the burdens I’d shouldered tonight, but I didn’t relish the thought of doing so, especially now I’d stupidly given him a shred of hope. I should have said no. I should never have allowed him to believe there was even the slightest chance I’d agree to whatever he was about to say.
“It’s nothing awful, or dangerous, I promise you that,” he insisted, maybe glimpsing my dismay. “I will allow no harm to come to you. All I want is for you to attend a few events. Balls, parades, that sort of thing. I want people to see you at my side. I want them to believe us united.”
“Balls? Why? What difference will that make?” I was no expert, but it didn’t seem like the most direct route to taking back a kingdom.
“It will bring them hope, Aliza. For millennia, we have heard whispers of the Human Queen who will rid this world of evil, a promise derived from a prophecy made by our first queen, sixteen thousand years ago. The Human Queen would rid my bloodline of evil. We tell our children bedtime tales about her. She has always been a part of who we are, a symbol of hope. When my uncle betrayed me and cast his curse, I’m certain he believed it an amusing quip to name a fragile, mortal human woman as the only one who could break the curse. An impossible caveat. He made it impossible by driving out your kind, slaughtering them until none remained. The day I fell asleep, it was in a thriving kingdom, brimming with all kinds of people, humans included. Your kind were as much a part of this world as mine. Then I wake to find hundreds of years have passed, and the humans are long gone. And yet, here you are. You came, just as we’ve always believed you would. You’ve already begun to fight the evil by breaking my uncle’s curse. Don’t you see? After all these years, glimpsing a human at my side, one who woke me, no less, will convince my people that redemption is at hand, that my uncle’s downfall has come at last. The prophecy has come to pass. The Human Queen has arrived.”
“So… You want me to be your mascot?”
“My rallying cry.” He leaned closer, skewering me with his golden-green stare. “Dance with me. Sit at my side. Smile. If you act as though you love me, my people will love me too. They will rise for me, fight for me. Fight for themselves. They have lived too long without hope of a better world. I can give it to them, but only if they believe in me. If they believe in us.”
Dancing at a royal ball didn’t sound that bad.
“And if you wish it,” Anwir continued, “when this is over, I will escort you back to the human world myself. You will go with my blessing and, I hope, my lasting friendship and… gratitude.”
I did wish it. More than anything. I had no hope of surviving my journey to the rift alone. “How long will I have to stay?”
“Not long at all. How about this? One ball. We’ll throw one ball, right here in Nairsgarth, a week from now. You and I attend together, a chance for the free fae to come and see us with their own eyes. We’ll dance and laugh and eat, and we’ll see it as nothing more than a celebration of the curse being broken. A chance to have fun. You can give me your answer after that.”
“And if I want to go home after that ball?”
Anwir reached out, taking my hand in his own. The warmth of his skin sent a jolt through me, and I squirmed in my seat. “Then I will be sorry to see you go.”
It wasn’t an unreasonable request, and when would I ever have a chance to attend a proper ball, if not here and now? I might not be in the mood for dancing, but I could pretend. A week wasn’t that long. Mum and Dad would understand. Saving the world was pretty important. More important than me or even them. It would be selfish of me to refuse such a simple yet important task.
“One ball,” I said sternly. “I can’t promise more than that.”
The prince smiled, a wide, glorious smile. It was real and raw, the most genuine gesture I’d seen from him. For a moment I glimpsed a lonely, desperate male beneath the smooth veneer of a prince. A male who, for the first time in God knew how long, had found hope.
He slid out of his chair, kneeling at my bare feet, and lifted my hand, pressing it to his lips. His eyes slipped closed, and he held my knuckles to his mouth far longer than he had any cause to. My heart skittered about my chest like a dizzy butterfly, and as for breathing, it seemed I’d forgotten how. But I couldn’t sleep with him now, not after agreeing to stay a while. He’d take it completely the wrong way. He’d think there was hope of a more permanent solution. He’d be wrong. Handsome or not, he wouldn’t be sharing my bed tonight.
At last, but far too soon, Anwir pulled back, only enough to allow himself to speak. His breath brushed my fingers as he said, “Thank you, Aliza. You truly are a miracle.”
I couldn’t find my words as he rose gracefully to his feet. He dropped my hand, only to touch his fingertips to my cheeks. “Rest. We’ll talk more tomorrow.”
With a slow blink and one last smile, he departed, leaving me staring at the door he’d disappeared through, my skin still tingling from his touch.
The witches wasted no time.
I was summoned from my bed at midday, having finally managed to doze off as the sun was rising. A witch I didn’t recognise hovered at my bedside, an apologetic look on her face.
“I’m sorry to disturb you, Your Majesty, but the funeral will take place in one hour at the cove. Your presence has been requested.”
“An hour?” I parroted, the words wading through the grogginess of sleep deprivation. How could a funeral be arranged in only a few hours? The witches must have worked through the night while I floated in my bathtub. While Hyacinth’s body cooled.
How had Pansy spent her night? Sleep must have proven impossible.
“Yes,” the witch said, heading for the door. “I’ve left a small breakfast on the table.”
Had it only been yesterday that I’d been starving, or a hundred years ago? Alone in my room, I padded from the bed to examine the meal. My stomach soured at the sight of scrambled eggs and buttered toast. The thought of eating when only a few hours ago Hyacinth’s heart had beat its last beneath my hands…
I dashed to the bathroom, plunging my hands into the sink. The blood had been washed away, but I could still smell it, still sense it coating my skin. Tears plopped into the water as I soaped up my hands, the evening’s events playing on a loop in my head. I couldn’t block it out, couldn’t stop questioning myself or my actions.
What if there’d been a way? What if I’d missed it? What if I’d never gone into that fucking cave?
Only when my skin was stinging did I rinse the soap and splash my tears away with a handful of water. I had to get it together. I had to be strong for Pansy. She had no father and now, no mother. I was no substitute, but at least I could be her friend for another week. The silver lining to agreeing to Anwir’s request.
Taking deep, soothing breaths, I left the bathroom and peered into my sparse wardrobe. The lilac dress was too cheery for such an occasion, but I couldn’t show up in clothes drenched in Hyacinth’s blood. Thinking longingly of the high-necked, form-fitting black dress hanging in my bedroom back home, I donned my shorts and t-shirt, shrugging Jacques’ jacket over the top. At least it was black. With my hair brushed and my feet stuffed back into my wretched, filthy hiking boots, I made my way down through the castle.
I’d never been to the beach before, but I had no problem finding my way thanks to the steady stream of forlorn witches, all dressed in muted colours, leading the way out into the grounds. I followed them past the neat lawn and toward the wilder clifftops, where tall, whip-like grass swayed, and enormous daisies were buffeted by the brisk wind. The choppy sea stretched as far as the eye could see, glittering in the afternoon sunlight, breaking through the grey clouds. It might have been beautiful any other day. A dirt track led the way down a steep slope, zigzagging back and forth, and at the bottom, a small beach of golden sand waited. Plentiful white rocks scattered the shoreline, some slick and green with seaweed, others as smooth as eggs. Nestled amongst them, laid out on the sand, was a muslin-wrapped body. Pansy huddled at her mother’s side, shoulders hunched and head bowed. She clutched a candle in her hands, her body turned to protect the flame from the wind. Sage waited at her side, her face smoothed of any emotion, and clinging to her arm, leaning heavily on her stick, was Granny.
How the old witch had made it down the slope, I had no idea, and I certainly couldn’t imagine how she’d make it back up, but at least she’d come. As High Priestess, would she conduct the ceremony?
I accepted a candle from a group of witches handing them out and picked my way between the rocks to Pansy’s side. She lifted her wet, red-rimmed eyes to me and attempted a smile, but her lip quivered, and she dropped her gaze, tears splashing down her front. My own eyes pricked with moisture and my throat tightened. I couldn’t find any words, and wouldn’t have trusted myself to speak regardless, so I took Pansy’s hand and squeezed. She returned the gesture.
Before long, the princes appeared, taking their places opposite me, with Hyacinth laid between us. Anwir gave me a small, close-lipped smile, but Idris stared down at the wrapped body, his face paler than usual. Was he plagued by guilt too? Had he spent his night wondering if things might have somehow been different if only he’d pulled the belt tighter? Though placations would have done nothing to lessen my own guilt, I longed to tell him that he’d been brilliant. Unexpectedly so. That nothing he could have done would have changed the outcome. That he should be proud of himself for trying, but with the crowd around us building, and with his red-rimmed eyes firmly downcast, I had no opportunity to relay my empty comforts.
A shadow passed over the beach, and I glanced up at the gathering clouds, greyer than they had been on the walk down. Rain seemed appropriate for a funeral, somehow, but for Pansy’s sake, I hoped it held off. Maintaining candles in a downpour might be problematic.
When the last witch had taken her place, Granny hobbled forward to stand at Hyacinth’s head, refusing Sage’s offer of support.
“My sisters,” she said in her thin, reedy voice, her eyes making a slow sweep of the assembled crowd before pausing on the princes, then me. “Honoured friends. We have come together today to say our final farewells to two of our own.
“Sisters Meadow and Hyacinth bravely gave their lives for a cause we can all consider our own, and though Hyacinth leaves behind her much-loved daughter, Pansy, both our sisters will live on through the continuation of our work, which would not have been possible without their sacrifice.”
Her voice faded as a buzzing filled my head. Whatever pretty words she found to explain it, the deaths were pointless. The curse had already been broken when the barghests attacked. Both witches should be alive and well, spending today relaxing and recuperating, preparing for a celebration, not beginning their eternal rest.
Idris seemed to be struggling to accept it too. His shoulders rose and fell in deep, sharp breaths. Beside him, Anwir was the very picture of respectful sorrow. Calm, collected, yet mournful. I didn’t dare look at Pansy, who clung to my hand as though, if she let go, she might be forever lost.
When Granny had finished her rambling, she called Pansy forward. The witch extricated her hand from mine and stepped to her mother’s side. She looked much smaller than usual. Even her bun drooped under the weight of her sorrow. Pansy muttered something, too quiet for me to catch over the wind, then placed her candle at Hyacinth’s side.
Sage went next, her eyes fixed on the body. “You were a true friend when I needed one.” She placed her candle beside Pansy’s.
Anwir stepped forward. “Thank you for your sacrifice, Hyacinth. It will never be forgotten.” He laid his candle, returning to his place.
Distant thunder rumbled, and a drop of cool rain burst on my forehead. I ignored it, too transfixed by Idris, who followed his brother’s lead, his jaw clenched. The little flame wavered as his hands shook. “I’m sorry.” His voice cracked on the simple words, and when he placed his candle down beside Anwir’s, he was clumsier than I’d ever seen him. He’d really taken the death badly, worse even than I had.
“Aliza, would you like to say a few words?”
I startled at Granny’s voice, pulled from the puzzle Idris had presented, and lurched to Hyacinth’s side.
What to say? I hadn’t thought I’d be called upon like this. I hadn’t had time to prepare. If the rolls had been reversed, Hyacinth would have known exactly the right words. She’d have been ready, just like she’d readied me to break the curse.
“Thank you for lighting my way,” I said. If not for her lantern, I’d never have made it to the princes at all. They’d still be sleeping, and I’d be dead in the tunnels. Hyacinth would be alive and well.
The injustice of it threatened to engulf me as I crouched to tuck my candle into the forming cluster. The wetness of my eyes blurred the flames into one dancing light, not unlike that which had protected me on my journey to the tower.
As I stood, I dashed my tears away, resuming my place in the crowd.
One by one, the entire coven spoke their final words to their sister, until the sea of candles grew, forcing us to step back. By some miracle, though the wind tugged and dragged the flames, they all remained lit. Even the threatening rain held off. After the last witch had paid her respects, the crowd began to disperse.
“I think I’ll stay for a while,” Pansy whispered at my side.
“Do you want company?”
She shook her head, setting more tears loose. “No. No, I think… I need to be alone.”
My face threatened to crumple under the weight of my pity. Instead, I pulled Pansy into a hug, squeezing her tight. “You know where I’ll be if you change your mind.”
She sniffed, nodding, and patted my arm. I took it as my signal to leave, joining the crowd filtering onto the narrow path.
Something dark caught my attention on the far side of the cove. Idris, sneaking off alone.
I hesitated. Maybe he wanted to be alone too, or maybe he was up to something. Though I no longer suspected him as a traitor, he certainly had a shifty habit of sneaking away. It was none of my business, as he’d undoubtedly remind me if I asked him where he was off to, but the thought of returning to my room, of stewing over my guilt and misery, was intolerable.
Before I could talk myself out of it, I abandoned the queue for the path and set off after the prince.