Chapter 35 #3
Malek took Caspar’s hand and led him to one of the benches facing away from the memorial. The smell of roses, along with the faint smell of smoke, lingered in the air. Malek wondered if this was what love smelled like. He made a mental note to ask Twigs.
Once sitting, Malek linked their hands and traced his thumb around the soft parts of Caspar’s hand.
Some people lingered on the sidewalks and wandered in and out of stores, but they were mostly alone.
When Caspar’s eyes met his, Malek kissed him.
The embrace grew in intensity much faster than Malek had anticipated, and when Caspar pulled away, Malek caressed Caspar’s hand tenderly.
“You okay?”
“I am. I’m just thinking about love, honestly,” Caspar said, then quickly added, “The women in the family. You know? I can’t imagine being torn away from a family like that and forced to start anew.”
“Except you can,” Malek said. When Caspar nodded, understanding the parallel to his prison sentence, Malek nodded too.
“I used to think growing up with sisters made me identify with women more. The power that men had in my family always made me uncomfortable. I didn’t want to be a patriarch—let alone be ruled by one. ”
“But that’s not the case now.”
“No. It’s not.”
They were both quiet for a moment. It surprised Malek when Caspar was the first to speak.
“You know, when I was a kid, Anthony was my best friend. He and I did everything together. We were each other’s firsts, too.
I loved him and thought I’d be with him forever.
Like my mom and dad.” Caspar laughed bitterly.
“What happened?”
“What always happens when you’re a teenager?
We were both working on getting volunteer hours, and then our first jobs.
I was at my parents’ grocery store, getting ready for university, and it was like everything changed.
One night, we were watching movies, and we fucked around a lot, more than we usually did.
I guess it scared him, because I found him in the basement red-faced in the morning.
And then…” Caspar blinked, touched his chest, and shook his head.
“I don’t know. We were together like that once, then never again.
We stopped fitting together even as friends and started hating each other.
We never fought fist-to-fist, but it was like we had.
It hurt. I tried to ask him what had happened, but he said nothing.
So I lashed out. Drank, gambled, smoked.
Anything and everything. I wanted us to be in love like my parents so badly, to be the perfect union or whatever, but I was always chasing something that was missing. ”
“I understand,” Malek added. Without prompt, he found himself telling Caspar about seeing the painting in Odafin’s office about the perfect couple together, realizing he was gay, and then about Abe in greater detail than before.
When Caspar realized the significance of the area, he seemed a little spooked at first, but soon nodded.
“Man, life’s shitty sometimes,” Caspar said.
“But sometimes really shitty things end up making something good. Anthony and I hadn’t talked in years, but after what happened, even with the Ghoul rumours, he was there, with his dad, helping in my defense.
We became close after that, like we used to be, but without the conjugal visits. And now—he’s given my eulogy.”
“I know I mentioned you couldn’t call him,” Malek said. “But I can get Jocasta to give him a message.”
Caspar seemed to think for a long time before he shook his head. “Sometimes it’s better when people stay dead. You can move on that way, you know? I think he and I should be put to rest, even though it’s not quite the happiest of endings.”
Malek nodded. His heart had ached for Abe for years after his death, so much so that he’d missed the new developments in his own family. He’d not paid attention. He was always running—but now, he was determined to stop.
“I took you here for another reason,” Malek confessed.
“Oh yeah? Not just to stop and smell the roses?”
“No.” Malek pointed to a shop with a blue awning across from the bench. “There’s another Bluebeard’s store here. One of the last ones not bought out by George Cosner. How about we go and get you a guitar so you can start practicing?”
Caspar let out a loud laugh, but soon nodded. “You know, that sounds good. I doubt we’ll have much time beyond this afternoon to practice, but I like looking toward the future.”
“Me too.” Malek linked hands with Caspar as they walked across the street. An hour later, they came out of the store with an acoustic guitar with stickers for a bunch of indie bands on the sides. It needed new strings, which they also bought, and some tuning—but it fit perfectly in Caspar’s hands.
“We still need to get suits,” Caspar said. “But for now, I think this has been a busy enough day.”
Malek nodded, and another idea came to him. “You know, I still have some Breeze. We should relax tonight. Not think about anything else.”
“You should let me kiss you this time.”
“You know what, I think that’s exactly what I need.”