Chapter 20
Nightmare
GREER
Something’s definitely different this morning. I’m turned on and practically panting when I wake up. When I open my eyes, the room is dark, and I have no idea what’s happening to me. Hands hold down my thighs and a tongue licks my clit.
I freeze, trapped in a nightmare, knowing he’ll push me over the edge. He always does, and all I feel is shame. I shouldn’t be here, but he’ll punish me if I lock my door. I can’t escape him.
“No.” It comes out guttural as I try to inch away from him, but I run into another body. He’ll ignore my pleas to stop. He always does. My sleep-soaked brain can’t make sense of what’s happening. “No, don’t. Please stop.”
“Fuck.” That’s not his voice.
“Greer?” That’s not his voice either. “What’s wrong?”
The light comes on and I’m huddled against the headboard, staring at Aiden and Roarke. The spidery tendrils of my nightmare unravel, releasing me. I suck in a breath, my lungs starved for air. I’m shaking so badly, my teeth clatter together.
My arms wrap around my legs, making myself as small as possible as I rock back and forth.
“Hey, poppet, I’m sorry.” Roarke reaches out for me, but I don’t want to be touched. I curl into myself. “Fuck,” he mutters. “I didn’t know.”
“Greer.” Aiden’s tone is gentle. “You’re safe. No one’s going to do anything to you. I’m going to hand you a blanket.”
I open my eyes and grab the offered blanket to wrap around myself. I’m so cold. Every inch of me trembles. He’s not here. I count to ten and back down again. I’m not there.
I’m safe. Breathe.
I’m safe. Breathe.
I’m safe. Breathe.
The last bit of the terror that clung to me falls away.
My breathing calms down and I open my eyes. Aiden’s blue eyes are filled with concern, while Roarke’s are sad and ashamed. I want to go to them and tell them it’s my fault, but I’m bare from the waist down.
My reaction will cause problems. It always does.
“Can I have my panties?” My voice shakes, but I ignore that. I’ll feel more comfortable when I’m covered.
Aiden looks around the bed and finds them. He holds them out to me, careful not to invade my space. I quickly slide them on under the blanket, feeling ridiculous after yesterday.
“Thank you,” I whisper, but I can’t meet their eyes. My brain processes what happened. Roarke went down on me while I was asleep. Memories assaulted me until I was back there, trapped in my room with him.
It wasn’t Roarke giving me pleasure, but him taking it.
“I didn’t think…” Roarke shakes his head, looking so lost. “I didn’t know…”
I lift my gaze to meet Roarke’s. I need to reassure him. My insides feel icky right now, but that’s not his fault. “It’s a new place. It brings the nightmares to the surface, and sometimes they bleed into reality.”
“But I knew—” He stops himself and releases his breath. Not saying what I don’t want to acknowledge. Straightening, he moves to the edge of the bed to sit upright. His shoulders hunch as he puts his hands on his knees. “I’m sorry, Greer.”
My insides tighten and a wave of regret hits me. My trauma isn’t his trauma. I can’t let him leave like this after all he’s done for me in the last few days. Fighting off the need to retreat, I jerk forward and wrap my arms around him from behind.
“Don’t say that,” I whisper against his back. My throat closes and I squeeze my eyes shut. Don’t leave me.
His hand falls over mine and his head drops. “Poppet.”
When I open my eyes, he turns his head to face me. His blue eyes search mine.
“Can I hold you?” His voice is gentle. “Please.”
Tears press at the back of my eyes, but I nod. No one has needed me for comfort. He draws me around him until I’m straddling his lap. One hand presses in the center of my back while the other cradles my head against his bare chest. Tears fall unchecked down my cheeks.
Aiden moves up next to Roarke on the side of the bed. “Is it okay if I put my hand on your back?”
I open my eyes. Aiden gives me a sad smile. Nodding, I reach out a hand toward him. When he takes it, my eyes slide shut. His other hand joins Roarke’s on my back. I sink into their warmth, letting them comfort me.
My heart settles as everyone just holds me. Fuck, how long has it been since someone just held me? Before I got here? Before I met these men?
“Do you want to talk about it, poppet?” Roarke murmurs against my hair. He’s solid and warm beneath me. He could crush me if he wanted to, but he holds me like I’m breakable. Fragile.
My eyes squeeze shut tighter and I shake my head. Maybe being with all of them triggered it, but I loved every minute of them touching me. I enjoy being touched and crave these men.
But the darkness brings the nightmares. I can’t think about that time without falling into the broken girl I was. So I don’t think about it. I don’t allow it into my life. I don’t want to go there again.
Drawing in a breath, I prepare myself for their withdrawal and whisper, “I’m good now. You don’t have to keep holding me.”
“I’m not ready to let go yet, poppet,” Roarke whispers, and his fingers press against me gently. My heart skips a little. “I know you’re not ready to talk about it, but sometimes it helps. Whatever it is, I won’t judge you. It won’t change how I feel about you right now. It won’t change that I want you. I just want to protect you. Even if it’s from the ghosts of your past.”
I lift my head, worried they’re just lines. Just words he feels he has to say to make me feel better. But his eyes are clear and open to me. I can see all the way into his soul. He searches my eyes as his thumbs wipe away the tears flowing down my cheeks.
“What can we do, little warrior?” Aiden’s words are soft, but his nickname for me reminds me that I’m stronger now. I have some agency over my own life now. Maybe I’m still reliant on other people, but the guys will help me find a new path. They’ll help me find a way to be free.
I release a breath.
“For now? Make sure I’m awake before starting anything.” I cup Roarke’s jaw and meet his eyes. I give him what I can. “The darkness and being held down while asleep, even by covers, makes me uncomfortable.”
“Okay, poppet.” He leans in but stops before his lips touch mine. “May I kiss you?”
Flowers bloom in my chest at his request. At his patience. I close the distance and press my lips to his. Aiden squeezes my hand and I squeeze his back. When Roarke deepens the kiss, the desire I woke with reignites inside. He draws back and presses his forehead to mine.
“I’ll do my best to stay outside your lines, poppet. But I hope someday you’ll trust me enough with your story.” His eyes hold me captivated. I don’t know what I see in his depths, but it’s not something I’m familiar with. At least not that I’m aware of.
I draw in a breath and relax against him, suddenly so fucking tired.
I’m vaguely aware of being shifted around until I’m lying down with warm bodies on either side of me and being held as I fall back into oblivion.
#
Even though we slept more, I’ve felt off all morning. I’m not hiding anything from them. I just can’t share that part of me with anyone. It’s shameful, and I can’t let it in or it will haunt me again.
Aiden swims laps in the pool. Wyatt and Mason are working in their offices, both in the basement. Roarke had to go to a fitting of some kind. I’m hoping soaking in the sun will chase away the lingering darkness.
Earlier, Mason took my phone and installed a bunch of things on it. I’m flipping through the apps to get acquainted with them. That stack of papers remains on the island, but no one’s asked me to go through them yet.
Maybe I should just take a peek through them to see what they like and start answering some of the questions. I pretty much gave them my answer to will I or won’t I last night, but I’m still worried they’ll realize they don’t want me.
I’m also worried that even if something is on that page that I don’t want to do, that I will because they want it. That I won’t be able to hold my own boundaries with them.
That they’ll reject me and toss me out like everyone else does. I should be used to it by now. It hurts less when I know it’s coming, and it’s always coming.
“We should go in.” Aiden rises out of the water like a god.
My mouth waters as I take in every inch of him, dripping wet. No one’s initiated anything today. Roarke kissed me a few times, but they were almost respectful compared to the sinful kisses he gave me yesterday. My stomach twists.
I glance down at my phone. “What are we doing today?”
His hand reaches out for me, and I squint up at him against the sun.
“Come on. I need a shower and want some company.”
My insides tingle and I rise to join him, taking his hand.
“Talking company?” I ask hesitantly. I don’t want to push at Aiden’s boundaries, but this morning pushed at mine. They didn’t run away or turn their backs on me. But I’m worried they’ll handle me like I could break at any moment.
The thing is I’m already broken and glued back together. But I’m strong enough to take whatever they want to give me. I’m not strong enough to be turned away so soon, though. I may be able to weather rejection better now, but it still hurts.
He steps in closer and his finger tips up my chin. “We won’t have much time alone during the weekend. Tonight is a dinner party to celebrate the beginning of filming. The guys will all be less busy with other things during the weekend. So their focus will be on you.”
Fire rises inside me at the heat in his eyes. Anticipation of that focus has me pressing my thighs together against the ache.
“While I enjoy sharing you, I’d like a moment alone if that’s okay.” His thumb traces my jawline, lighting sparks in my blood.
“I’d like that.” I return his smile, and he tugs me into the house.
The air cools around us, out of the sunlight. No one is on the main level as we hurry to the stairs. Quietly, we make our way upstairs and into Aiden’s bedroom.
As soon as the door closes, Aiden presses me back against the door. His mouth finds my neck and his hands undo my shorts. My pulse throbs as flames scorch through me.
“I want to kiss you so badly,” he murmurs against my skin. “Fuck, I want to be inside you.”
My heart pounds as arousal pulses within. “I want that too. But we can wait.”
I don’t want to wait as he slips my shorts down my legs along with my panties. He cups my pussy and we both hiss out a breath. His fingers gently pulse against me as my heart throbs in time with it.
“That first day, I could smell your arousal while I searched you.” He presses his forehead against my shoulder as he just holds his hand there, cupping me, barely touching me. “I wanted you. I want you.”
He turns his head and sucks on my neck as his fingers press against me, into my folds, seeking my wetness. I suck in a breath as he grips under my knee and lifts my leg to open me for him.
“So fucking hot and wet, little warrior.” He strokes his long fingers over my pussy.
Explosions of heat rock through me as he rubs my clit and circles my entrance. His mouth, tongue, and teeth work on the cord of my neck, sucking, licking, biting, sending jolts of need straight to my pussy. My head thumps back on the door as need fills me.
“Aiden,” I whisper. I struggle to remember why we shouldn’t do this, why it’s a bad idea, when everything inside me whispers yes, now, please.
“So fucking soft.” His finger slides back to my entrance and pushes inside. My fingers tighten on his shoulders as I hold on for dear life.
“Oh fuck.” Having him inside me pushes me even higher. My breath shudders in and out. His finger is deep inside me, filling me as I clutch around it. His body hunches over mine, holding me open to his touch.
“So fucking tight, little warrior.” He groans against my shoulder. “I shouldn’t. Fuck. I just want to push you over the edge once. I just need to feel you shatter around me once. It will be enough.”
He lifts his head and his darkened blue eyes meet mine. The desperation, the need, the longing swirls in them as he hovers over me. I’m not sure if he’s convincing me or himself, but I want him. I need him. I ache for him. My pussy tightens around his finger.
“Tell me you want me,” he demands.
“I want you.” I don’t hesitate.
His finger draws out, and he presses two fingers back inside.
I gasp at the stretch as my gaze holds his.
“Tell me you need me.” He thrusts his fingers slowly in and out. A moan escapes me.
“Aiden, I need you.” I hold onto his shoulders as everything burns inside me for this man.
“Tell me you’re mine.” His thumb circles my clit with every thrust. His blue eyes search mine for the truth. I’m an open book to this man. His fingers push me higher and higher.
“I’m yours, Aiden. Oh fuck.” I arch against him as my release tightens everything inside me. I cry out as he works me through it, pushing me higher again until I’m falling and falling and falling. But he has me.
“Beautiful,” he whispers, still watching me, still buried inside me as little aftershocks ripple around his fingers. I tremble against him.
Every breath feels like a chore and a gift. I search his blue eyes and see the frustrated need inside them.
I slide my hand down his chest until I reach his cock, palming it through his swim trunks. His eyes flare with heat.
“Please, Aiden.” I lick my lips. “Please let me take you in my mouth.”
His gaze drops to my lips. My breath hitches, longing for him to kiss me. He lowers my leg and draws his fingers out of my pussy.
“Down on your knees, little warrior.” His voice is firm and commanding, sending a thrill up my spine.
I lower to my knees and gaze up at him.
He cups my chin and smiles. “Yeah, that’s not going to work with the height difference.”
I reach up and drag down his shorts, releasing his cock. As I stroke him, I meet his eyes. “We can make it work.”
“Fuck, Greer.” He lowers to his knees in front of me and grabs the hem of the T-shirt I’m wearing, drawing it off over my head. “I need to see all of you.”
I reach behind me and undo my bra. He draws it off and we’re both naked on the floor together. Dangerous territory, but I couldn’t stop if I wanted to. We won’t go too far. Just enough to relieve this aching need.
His hand ghosts over my breast, making my nipple harden painfully. I suck in a breath, but he doesn’t touch me.
“Four months is going to be difficult.” His gaze rises to mine.
The temptation to straddle him and take him inside me rides me. Four months, fuck. Leaning over, I take his cock into my mouth. He gathers my hair to the side, holding it loosely so he can watch me.
“Are you wet for me, little warrior?”
I moan my response, taking him deeper until my gag reflex triggers, but wanting him inside me desperately, I push him deeper into my throat. My pussy throbs in need.
“Do you want my cock in your tight little pussy?”
Ah, fuck, my clit pulses. I want that so fucking bad. Groaning, I suck on him, hollowing out my cheeks and sliding my tongue along the underside of his cock. He tastes like the salt water of the pool and Aiden.
“Slide your fingers into your pussy for me.” His words are soft.
I suck on his tip as I slip my hand between my legs and thrust three fingers inside me. I moan, but I can’t go as deep as he can. It’s a poor substitute for the thick, hard cock in my mouth, but it will get me there.
“Fuck,” he whispers. “Cup your breast for me. Show me how you want me to touch you.”
I take him down my throat as I thrust inside my pussy with my hand and use my other hand to cup my breast. Wetness drips down the side of my hand.
“That’s it, little warrior. Take me deep inside you. I want to slide my cock so deep inside your pussy that the only cock you dream about is mine.” He thrusts his hips, making me take his cock deeper into my throat.
Gagging a little, I swallow around him. I want that too. I don’t want to think about the time before this house anymore. I want to let this time with them wash me clean and renew me to figure out what I can be instead of what I was.
He doesn’t control my head, but his hips move with my mouth. Feeling him inside me makes me so fucking wet. I work my pussy in time with his thrusts until I can’t distinguish what I’m doing and what he’s doing. Until it feels like it’s all him.
He’s the one pushing me over the edge. It’s him that I’m tightening around as I moan my release around his cock. His hand tightens in my hair as he takes control of me, holding my head still as he thrusts in and out until his cock swells and his salty cum fills my mouth.
An aftershock ripples through me as I swallow him down, licking him clean while my fingers remain in my convulsing pussy. I suck on his tip because I don’t want the taste of him to leave me so soon.
He draws me off his cock and lifts my face to his. Our lips hover so close, I can feel his breath. My eyes open to his. The heat in them stirs the embers of my lust.
“I’m not going to kiss you, little warrior, until I can fuck you. Because once I start, I know I won’t be able to stop.” It feels like he’s already inside me.
“I want you, Aiden.” I draw in his citrus scent and know he’s right. He could become an addiction for me. We definitely need time to come to terms with this attraction, because part of me really just wants to give in and fuck the consequences.
His forehead rests against mine. “Come talk to me while I shower, little warrior. I want to see what I can’t have. Yet.”