Chapter 8 #2
‘Uncle Eddy!’ Greer exclaims, like he’s a present she’s just unwrapped. Seb’s stomach plummets as Eddy shuffles forward in his tennis gear, holding a box of chocolates and offering the room a little wave. ‘Hi, everyone.’
Seb stares at Eddy, watching as he wraps his arms around Eva. ‘I had to come and give the birthday girl a kiss!’ Eddy hands Eva the chocolates.
‘Edward!’ Her palm against his face, just like she does to Seb. ‘You look tired!’
‘I always look tired, Mrs K. I think I was just born this way,’ he replies, which makes Eva pat his cheek, laugh and tut all at the same time.
Eddy briefly hugs each of the kids before he slaps Seb on the back, and Seb feels the eyes of his children, his mother, his wife on him and so he pats Eddy’s back in return.
‘You want some food, Edward?’ Eva asks, already half standing, holding the edge of the table for support, to make him a plate.
Eddy stops her and shakes his head while next to him Heath says, ‘No, Granny, he just wants cake and ice cream. Don’t you, Uncle Eddy?’
Heath always treats Eddy like he’s one of the kids.
But Eddy’s still shaking his head, running his hand over his beard, keeping his eyes on Seb as he says, ‘Actually, guys, my own dinner is waiting for me at home, so I just came by really quickly to say happy birthday but also to ask your dad something.’
‘Is it because he’s head teacher?’ Greer asks Eddy, her expression serious.
Eddy smiles at her and lies, so easily, ‘Yes. Yes, it is.’
Greer nods, satisfied, before looking down at her bowl and crying out in outrage, ‘Heath! You gave me a tiny bit!’
The inevitable battle over ice-cream portions ensues and Eddy beckons Seb, who mouths, ‘Sorry,’ to his mum as they back into the hall, Eddy waving them all a quick goodbye.
Eddy opens the front door, steps outside, and Seb has an urge to slam the door behind him, to leave Eddy in the chilled air, alone. But he resists and stands opposite Eddy, who nods, breathes out. ‘Look, mate, I’ve been feeling pretty weird since our chat last week.’
Everyone Seb loves is just a wall away and stupid Eddy is too entranced by his own feelings; he hasn’t even considered how precarious this is for Seb.
Eddy knows too much, he must be placated, so Seb closes the door behind them and gestures for Eddy to move down the path a few paces away from the house.
They stand and face each other just outside Seb and Rosie’s front gate, where Seb asks, ‘What’s going on, Eddy?’
Eddy swallows, glances over Seb’s shoulder back at the house and says, ‘You have to tell Rosie before tomorrow night.’
‘What?’ Seb feels his face twist.
‘I know it won’t be easy but it’s not right, Seb, Rosie not knowing. You must see that.’
‘Eddy, you don’t get to come and tell me what to do in my marriage.’
‘Anything else, anything else I’d agree with you, but she’s my friend too…’
‘I trusted you.’ Seb hears his own voice, too loud, too dangerous, too close to everything he loves.
He forces himself to quieten, moves closer to Eddy as he says, ‘I trusted you with my biggest secret. I’m not proud of what I did, you know I’m not, but it’s up to me to figure out what to do, what’s best for my family. Not you.’
‘It’s Abi isn’t it? Abigail Matthews.’
Everything around Seb– the whistling birch trees, Eddy, the cool autumn air– seems to slow and blur.
The shock of her name makes Seb forget what his face is doing and as Eddy slowly comes back into focus opposite him, he knows he’s given himself away, knows there’s no denying what Eddy now knows to be true.
Eddy shakes his head. ‘Shit, Seb. What a bloody mess you’ve made. ’
‘How did you …?’
Now Eddy can’t meet Seb’s eye and Seb knows, of course, knows immediately that it was Anna who figured it out, and for some reason this makes Seb laugh, hard and joyless.
‘Anna,’ Seb says, her name like a claw in his throat. ‘You told Anna. How fucking dare you, Eddy…’
Eddy freezes; there’s heat rising in his cheeks, too.
’You betrayed me. Betrayed my trust. All these years of promising me that I could tell you anything…’
‘Listen to yourself, Seb.’ Eddy’s shaking his head, eyes wide, appalled by the stranger in front of him.
‘That’s not the betrayal here, the betrayal is that you cheated on your wife– our friend, Anna’s best friend– and you’re not coming clean.
Frankly, I don’t give a shit what you think about me; it’s Rosie I’m thinking about.
She’s the reason I’m here. We won’t let you humiliate her… ’
‘Your hypocrisy is unbelievable.’
‘Seb, what I did was a momentary lapse of judgement. I was so drunk I could hardly stand, it was…’
‘So that makes it OK, does it?’
‘No. Of course not, but at least I didn’t shop around online, at least I didn’t plan it, and at least I had the balls to tell Anna as soon as I could—’
‘Yeah, Eddy, you’re a real saint…’ Seb interrupts but Eddy ignores him, ploughing on to his headline point.
‘… Which is why I’m here to ask you to please tell Rosie before tomorrow, because if you don’t then Anna will and, trust me, it’ll be…’
‘Fine. Fine. Yes. I’ll tell her. OK? I’ll tell her…’
‘What are you two plotting?’ Seb spins around; Rosie is standing in the doorway. She’s staring directly at Seb, her head to one side, her voice light, but she’s frowning. She’s too far away; she can’t have heard anything.
‘Tennis,’ Eddy says, unconvincingly. ‘We’re talking about our last tennis match.’
Rosie moves forward, towards them, her hands resting on the gate between them. ‘Was one of you cheating again?’
Seb stares at his beautiful, smiling wife and he feels the first wash of tears as Eddy says, ‘Something like that, but it’s all sorted now.’
‘Oh, good. You two are both such bad losers.’ Then she turns to Eddy and asks, ‘Ed, can you please convince him to stop being an arse about tomorrow night? He keeps saying he won’t come and…’
‘Ro, please stop. I’ll be there.’
She raises her eyebrows before immediately wrinkling her forehead. ‘Good.’
They say goodbye quickly and Seb keeps his hand on Rosie’s back as he guides her gently inside.
That night, Seb lies sleepless in bed next to Rosie. He wants to stay there, next to her, as close as she’ll allow, but she must feel his buzzing mind because one of her eyes cranks half open and her voice is heavy with sleep as she slurs, ‘Get up if you can’t sleep.’
He does as he’s told. Pulls on tracksuit bottoms and a T-shirt and pads barefoot through the kitchen into the garden.
He lifts his face to the clear sky, to the stars and the moon; the air smells rich, of distant bonfires.
He used to do this, stand in the garden alone at night, when he was just a kid.
It started when his dad got his cancer diagnosis, and they’d had no idea how long he’d survive.
His dad had asked him to be good, to help Eva, not to cause any problems. And that’s what he’d done.
He’d tried so hard for so long to keep himself neat, to do the right thing, and now all that effort is dissolving, revealing Seb for who he really is, a mess of wants and desires.
His mind keeps playing forward to tomorrow, to the opening of the restaurant.
He can’t go, but he also can’t risk Rosie going without him.
Eddy will be there, licking his lips, ready to tell Rosie he cheated.
But he only knows half the story– what if Abi reveals the other more shameful half tomorrow night?
At least if Seb is there, he can try to protect Rosie from Eddy and Anna.
And what about Anna and Eddy knowing it was Abi?
She’ll assume it was Seb who broke their agreement, Seb who told them.
She’ll have no reason to protect him and, more importantly, no reason to protect Rosie.
She won’t go quietly; she promised him that.
There is, of course, the other way. A cleaner way. He could tell Rosie tonight, as he promised Eddy he would. He could tell her. He could open himself up, tell her everything, pluck out his deceitful, broken heart and let her do what she will with it. He can do no more. He’s done.
The house is quiet. He takes the stairs three at a time; he needs to move quickly, outpace his fear, his doubt. It’ll be over soon.
In their bedroom, Rosie is fast asleep, but while Seb’s been gone, Greer’s taken his space.
They’re like two apostrophes in the bed facing each other, their arms entwined, beautiful.
He tries to move Greer away, but she moans and clings tighter to her mum.
He can’t wake either of them without waking the other.
He can’t ruin Rosie’s life without also destroying his daughter’s.
He leaves them to sleep as he collapses on the floor, next to the bed, and he holds his disgusting head in his hands as he feels himself break.