16. Carter
Chapter sixteen
Carter
T he quiet I used to love in the morning suddenly feels depressing.
Last week, it represented a moment of peace. A calm before the trials of the resort officially landed in my lap for the day. Today, it represents isolation. Loneliness . Odd how that happened so quickly.
It only took one time, waking up to the sound of Sloan breathing quietly next to me, to get hooked. Now, I’m craving the sweet echo of the shower down the hall as I cook breakfast. The soft padding of his footsteps as he makes his way to the kitchen. The grateful mmm as the scent of bacon and eggs hits his nose. Instead, all I hear is the sizzle of the pan in front of me.
If I could go back and relive that moment, or better yet repeat it like Groundhog Day, I’d do it in a heartbeat, so I never have to wake up alone again.
I can’t even remember the last time I shared a morning with another person. It must’ve been a teammate or a coach during a race, but even that hasn’t happened in years. Not since I was a minor, some ten years ago. And never with a sexual partner, since sleepovers can give the wrong idea .
It’s not that I never wanted a relationship, I just had so many other things I wanted to do first. Plus, in my world people tend to see dollar signs or status, or both, before they see the man, so I was careful not to give anyone the impression I was interested in more than some physical relief. For years, I found that satisfying. Now…
I plate my eggs and collapse into a seat at the counter, taking bites I don’t even taste.
How is it possible my lifestyle feels meaningless after just one night with Sloan? Wait, that’s not right. It started to feel meaningless the moment we started talking. Until then, I hadn’t had any conversations that didn’t revolve around business for well over a year. Before that it was all about skiing. I thought that meant I was focused. Destined to succeed.
As it turns out, it probably means I’m more like my dad than I want to admit. Obsessed with work to the point I’ve forgotten there’s more to life than my job.
Growing up, I always hated the amount of time he spent working. I had everything I ever wanted since he was so successful, but even before I left to live with my ski team, it felt like I barely knew the guy. Sporting events, vacations, anything that might represent family time was also a networking opportunity. And that’s one of the many reasons I didn’t want to follow in his footsteps. I didn’t want my life to revolve around work, yet somehow, I walked right into that lifestyle without noticing that I was going down the same slippery slope.
Whether it’s because I don’t have a family to balance with work, or I so desperately want to avoid working for the family business, I’ve justified isolating myself in the name of success. I like to say it’s because I feel pressure to save this town, which is true to an extent, but it’s probably more accurate to say I want to be able to show him, and everyone else, that I can do it. That I might not have had the skiing career I wanted, but I still made my mark.
A few weeks ago, I saw no flaw in that motivation. Now I wonder if it makes me no better than him, especially since my actions have left me with a reputation so questionable that Sloan isn’t sure he wants people to know about us.
True, the workplace overlap is his primary concern, and part of that comes from his own moral code about hard work. But if I’d been more accessible over the past year maybe people would trust that I’m not the type of person to let my personal life interfere with someone’s career. That I don’t let sex dictate someone’s worth in the organization.
My only saving grace is I’m confident Sloan knows that, even if he’s not ready to admit it publicly. Until he is, I’m willing to keep this between us. Hell, in a lot of ways that works in my favor since dear old Dad wouldn’t approve, and I don’t want to give him a reason to question my work ethic or my plans for the future. I have to admit though, I don’t love the idea of sneaking around. It implies we’re doing something wrong, which couldn’t be further from the truth, in my opinion. The optics don’t work in our favor though, and until they do I guess we’ll keep quiet.
If only there was a way to meet in the middle. Something that gives us the privacy he wants without the secrecy he thinks we need. If only he didn’t live with his sister, so much of this… if only he didn’t live with his sister.
My fork falls to the plate with a clatter.
I can do something about that. Employee housing might be full, but I own the whole resort. I’ll just give him a room here. He can stay with me or in his own place, but either way, we’ll be in the same building, and he won’t have to answer to his sister or Finn if he’s out late or doesn’t go home. It’s the perfect option .
Once I’m at my desk, I open the reservation program and check the available rooms. There’s a junior suite that’s been blocked off while we fixed a minor leak in the bathroom. It looks like the work is done, but the room hasn’t been released yet. Perfect . I put a permanent block on the room and send Sloan a text asking him to meet me in my office.
***
“You asked for me?” He closes the door behind him and crosses the room, rounding the desk to take the hand I have extended. As soon as I have his fingers in mine, I give them a firm tug, so he falls into my lap.
“Carter,” he gasps, eyes darting to the door as if he’s expecting to be caught in a compromising position. “What are you doing?”
“I have something for you.” I drop his hand to wrap my arm around his waist and give him a slow, sweet kiss.
“You called me up here for a kiss?” His cheeks flush as my fingers draw circles on his hip.
“Not specifically, but since you’re here.” I lift my shoulder.
He playfully rolls those pretty green eyes and swats at my chest. “What do you really want?”
“I called you up to give you this.” I reach for the inside pocket of my suit jacket as Sloan holds out his palm, frowning as I place the card in it. Holding it up with two fingers, he flips it over to study each side. “I don’t understand. You already gave me a key to your room the first time…,” he trails off.
“That was for my room. This is for yours .”
“Mine?” He leans back to study my face .
“I put you in a junior suite. It’s a studio with a kitchenette and a living room. A small apartment really.”
“This keycard is for this building. Isn’t employee housing in a different one?” His eyes narrow as he turns the card over in his hand, almost as if he’s hoping to find a difference between this key and the one he has for my room.
“It is, but like you said there isn’t any space there. Besides, the junior suite is much nicer.” I lean in to plant a soft kiss right behind where his earlobe meets his neck.
“Do any other employees have rooms here?” He pulls away from my touch.
I shake my head no.
He holds the key out, a silent request for me to take it back. “I told you I don’t want special treatment.”
Flexing my fingers on his waist, I grit my teeth. “I’m not giving you special treatment. I’m solving our privacy dilemma.”
“I didn’t know we had a dilemma.”
“When I have to see you between shifts and you won’t spend the night without making excuses to your sister, we have a dilemma. That goes away if you have your own place.”
“I can’t afford my own place.” He waves the key card in front of me, another silent command to take it back.
My hands stay planted on his waist. “That’s why I’m giving you one.”
“First you try to help advance my career, now this. Do you always buy people?” He cocks his head to the side, eyes barely bigger than little slits.
“Do you always assume you’re being bought when people do things on your behalf? I’m trying to do something nice for you. For us. Not buy your affection. ”
He turns his head away from me, looking almost disappointed. “You know I’d rather earn my own way. I don’t take handouts.”
“And I’d rather not spend every night alone because you don’t want your sister to know about me.” I lift him off my lap and stand to move toward the window, where I can see the resort spread out in front of me. Usually, this view is inspiring, but right now it represents one more thing that separates us.
“I don’t want her to know about you yet . It’ll take more than one meeting with Finn for them to feel like his job is safe, and until they do, they’ll see this as a betrayal.” I see his reflection gesturing between the two of us in the window, and as much as I resent that statement, I can’t ignore it.
“The last thing I want is to come between you and your family—” I turn to face him “—but I also don’t want to lie and sneak around behind their backs like a couple of teenagers. If you aren’t living with them your schedule is your own. No lying necessary.”
Sloan gnaws on his bottom lip as he leans his hip against my desk, eyes focused on the floor. I know this offer goes against his desire to prove what he’s capable of, but it also gives us a chance to really explore this thing between us, something I think he wants as much as I do.
“This is about us, not your career, Sloan. I’d like to see more of you, but you make that damn hard to do. Having a room here can change that.”
“And when people find out about said room? That you gave me a place in the hotel instead of employee housing? What will they think?” His green eyes are cloudy with uncertainty when he lifts them to mine, and while I hate how my actions have put that expression on his face, I hate even more that I still don’t fully understand why he defaults to finding flaws in my gestures .
“Why are you so worried people will accuse you of getting special treatment?” My voice is soft, the only way I can think of to press for information without angering him.
He takes a deep breath and lets it out on a shuddering exhale. “My dad worked hard all his life, the model employee. He didn’t go to the right school, marry the boss’ daughter, or count the owner as a family friend. He got passed up for several promotions because of that, though when he finally got his turn, it was because he earned it, and he proved to be better at the job than any of those people who had it handed to them. He was proud of that, and we were proud of him, so if I take shortcuts instead of working my own way, how can I ever expect him to be proud of me?”
Until this moment I had no idea we’re both so driven by desire for our fathers’ approval, yet even in that, we’re seemingly at odds. The things I’ve done to earn my father’s respect are the same things that would cause Sloan’s father to disrespect him. No wonder we struggle to find common ground when it comes to opportunities versus handouts.
I only hope this distinction doesn’t stand in the way of us.
Moving to stand in front of him, I cup his chin in my fingers so he can’t look at the floor. “You’re incredible. Stubborn as hell, but incredible. If it means that much to you, I’ll drop it. We’ll just take advantage of whatever stolen moments we can get. Although,” I add, “I won’t lie. If anyone puts me on the spot, especially Finn, I’ll tell him the truth. He’s already skeptical about me, and I don’t want to make it worse.”
Sloan pulls away and closes his eyes, rubbing his temples with his fingertips. “I don’t want stolen moments either, but how do I accept a perk you aren’t offering to anyone else? I mean, doing this for me has to violate some rule, right? Interfere with your profitability? ”
“Being the owner gives me a certain amount of freedom to do what I want.” I give a half-hearted shrug, hoping my admission gets me points for honesty instead of more skepticism. “Besides, it’s just one room. It won’t make much of a dent to the bottom line.”
“And your dad? What would he say?” He traps his lips between his teeth and holds his breath as he studies me.
“What he doesn’t know won’t hurt him… Look, Sloan—” I take his hand in mine “—maybe I should’ve thought through the business side of things before suggesting this, but you— we —were my only consideration. I wanted to give us more time together. Time we don’t have to cover up with a lie. If it’s not the right solution, I’ll look for another one, but please trust me when I say this is less about special treatment for you than it is doing something selfish for me. I want to see more of you, that’s my only driving factor.”
Sloan rubs his thumb over the back of my hand and looks up at me with a heavy sigh. “I want to see more of you, too, and deep down I know your intentions aren’t to interfere with my career. But even this is a selfish arrangement, it’s only available to me, because of who I am to you, and—”
“Right,” I cut him off. “Who you are to me . That’s what this is about. Not my career, or yours. Us . Having more together to see where this goes, without anyone else’s opinions or expectations getting in the way.”
“When you put it like that.” He cracks a timid smile. “Can I think about it?”
I cup the back of his neck with my free hand and kiss his swollen lips, raw from worrying them between his teeth. “That’s all I ask.”